


the slytherin princess

by luculentus



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Angst, Draco Malfoy - Freeform, Drama, Drama & Romance, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Enemy Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Sex, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Smut, Swearing, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:13:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 52
Words: 134,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26428426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luculentus/pseuds/luculentus
Summary: you and draco malfoy are not only in the same year at hogwarts, you're in the same house. and on top of both of those, you hate each other with a burning passion.you do hate each other, don't you?
Relationships: Cedric Diggory/Reader, Cedric Diggory/You, Cho Chang/Cedric Diggory, Draco Malfoy/Reader, Draco Malfoy/You, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 229
Kudos: 635





	1. Prologue

You were starry-eyed, walking into the giant castle for the first time. You could barely process the wonder of it all, from running onto platform 9¾, to riding the Hogwarts Express, to staring right up at the stony-faced witch in long red robes inside the entrance of Hogwarts.

“Welcome, first-years,” she said curtly, her mouth barely moving. You knew without a doubt that this woman was not one you wanted to cross.

“I am Professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor House. Before our feast this evening, you will sit through the Sorting Ceremony,” she explained, not unkindly. “We will call out your name, the Sorting Hat will be placed on your head, and you will be sorted into the house the hat deems best for you. Then we will be able to eat.”

Looking through the faces of your fellow first-years, you expected to hear whispers of excitement, hopeful wishes for Ravenclaw, or Gryffindor. Instead you only heard repetitions of what was said on the train—Harry Potter was here. The Boy Who Lived, they called him. You really couldn’t care less. You didn’t dislike the boy, but you weren’t going to treat him like a celebrity.

You followed the sea of fifteen-year-olds through the door, barely making it through as a white-blonde boy pushed past you.

“Watch where you’re going,” he spit back, his cold grey eyes flashing with anger.

You rolled your eyes. “Maybe watch where _you’re_ going,” you said in response, quickening your pace to shove up ahead of him again.

He made a move that was obviously meant to knock you backwards again, but seeing McGonagall’s eyes focused directly on him, he froze and didn’t follow through.

With a snicker, you found a seat at one of the long tables in the Great Hall. A tall, old man with a long white beard stood up and clapped his hands to silence the many children gathering in the hall.

“Welcome to Hogwarts!” he boasted proudly, his voice loud and cheerful. “Settle down, settle down! The Sorting Ceremony is about to begin!”

And begin it did. The hat went through multiple names, sending the ever-beloved Harry Potter to Gryffindor, and it didn’t even have to touch the hair of the white-blond boy (whose name you learned was Draco) to scream “SLYTHERIN!”

You had gotten yourself lost in the throng of cheers when you heard your own name called, and you had to shake yourself out of the reverie long enough to stumble up and have the Hat placed on your own head.

“Ah, y/n,” the Hat mumbled. “You’re an interesting one. You would thrive in more than one house, it would seem…what do you pride yourself in most, child?”

“ _Not taking other people’s crap_ ,” you thought.

“Hmm…well, despite that bravery, you really wouldn’t fit as well in Gryffindor…so I suppose that means you have to be SLYTHERIN!”

You were surprised, but not unpleasantly so. Your mother had been a Ravenclaw and your father a Slytherin, so it wasn’t entirely unexpected that you were following in his footsteps.

You smiled at your new housemates as you ran down the stairs, the trimmings of your robe turning green as you did so.

They welcomed you with open arms—well, most of them did, anyway. Draco Malfoy sat stony-faced on the bench, his eyes angry.

You didn’t understand why he didn’t like you, but at that moment you didn’t care.

It was only later that that would matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **in this story, students start at hogwarts at 15! this way it's more like starting high school (or secondary school) for them. this also means that after the time jump in the next chapter, the main characters are all nineteen. :)**


	2. quidditch positions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been four years since you arrived at Hogwarts. You and your roommate decide to take a Saturday trip to Hogsmeade, where you run into your mortal enemy, Draco Malfoy.

FOUR YEARS LATER

“Y/N, wake _up_!” you heard your roommate yell again. Seconds later a pillow hit your head, and you groaned as you finally rolled over and sat up.

“Could you shut the fuck up for once?” you said playfully, glaring at your roommate Juniper. “It’s literally Saturday.”

“The first Saturday that Hogsmeade is open!” she hollered in response, her blue hair flying everywhere. The professors hated that Juniper had found a way to change her hair color with a spell, but since she was still in school and there wasn’t an official rule against it, there was nothing they could do.

“Yeah, and I was out until nearly one in the morning at stupid Quidditch practice!” you said, throwing her pillow right back at her face.

“It’s not my fault Arlie doesn’t give y’all mercy,” she teased, pulling her hair back.

“He’s your boyfriend,” you argued. “Maybe you should ask him to go easy on us for once.”

“And leave him with that much pent-up frustration when I sneak into his dorm later? No thanks, I don’t like it that rough,” she said, pulling on a silver sweater and black leggings.

You rolled your eyes.

“Besides, if you and Malfoy got along, he might be more willing to let up,” she mused. “He gets so pissy because you two won’t be team players—no pun intended!”

You rolled your eyes again. “He’s just mad that Arlie switched our positions. It’d be fine if he could just be a Keeper and not try to undermine me while I’m chasing the Snitch. It’s his fault we lost to fucking Hufflepuff last week.”

You pulled open your wardrobe, unsure of what to wear. There was certainly a chill in the air, but you still wanted to draw eyes.

Pulling out a deep red sweater and black leggings, you held them out for Juniper’s approval.

She nodded vigorously, her smile wide. “Malfoy’s not gonna be able to keep his eyes off you with that on,” she said cheekily.

“Like I care about what he thinks,” you said with a scoff. “Let’s get this over with, I’m gonna need a nap before Quidditch practice tonight.”

Juniper squealed in delight, pulling you out the door with barely a chance to even grab your wand.

Your wand and your broomstick were your two most prized possessions. Your wand, cedar wood with a Dragon Heartstring core stood at a whopping 13 inches, longer than nearly anyone you’d met. You carried it with you nearly everywhere—even during the summer, when you weren’t really even allowed to use it.

And your broomstick? It was the most expensive on the market—and the highest of quality. The Thunderbolt Twelve. You’d spent months slaving away at your uncle’s candy shop to save up the Galleons to get it—and you couldn’t help but feel a little smug when all Malfoy was able to use to buy his way onto the Quidditch team was Nimbus 2001s.

You tucked your wand into your boot as Juniper dragged you into Hogsmeade, shaking off the nostalgic thoughts and instead breathing in the crisp fall air swirling around you.

Juniper found Arlie pretty quickly—sometimes you swore she had a tracking chip on him.

“Babeeee,” she drawled as she hung onto him. “Y/N says you’re pushing them too hard at Quidditch practice.” 

“Is she now?” Arlie said with a smirk, nudging your shoulder. “Sounds like I’ll have to go harder this evening.”

“Shut the entire fuck up,” you said with a laugh. “Out of context that sounds so bad.”

Arlie laughed loudly, the sound contagiously happy. All too soon, though, they disappeared, leaving you alone to wander Hogsmeade. You ran into your best friend Marin soon after that, though. You were grateful for the Hufflepuff, even though a lot of people teased you for having a Hufflepuff friend. You found her company much more fun than constantly being a third wheel to your roommate and her boyfriend.

“Don’t look now, but Malfoy and his goons just walked in,” she whispered, and you cringed into your Butterbeer glass. You tried to ignore him, but unfortunately, he spotted you.

“Look who it is,” he said with a sneer, tugging on a lock of your hair. “Miss Seeker.”

“For the last time, Malfoy, I didn’t ask for the position. Arlie gave it to me because I’m better at it than you are. We would’ve beaten Hufflepuff if you’d kept your nose on your face and off of my broom last weekend.”

Draco’s lip curled, and his grey eyes flashed with anger. “You should learn to keep your fucking mouth shut, y/n,” he said more quietly. “Bad things happen to little girls that don’t listen.”

“You’re going to threaten me because I called you out on your shitty behavior over losing your _Quidditch position_?” you said louder, attracting more attention.

Draco shot a glare over your shoulder at Harry Potter and his two friends, who all three stood up to move out of the tavern at his mean mugging.

“Christ, Malfoy, you’re a pussy,” you grumbled, downing the rest of your drink, and leaving the mug on the table. “Come on, Marin, I’ve had enough of Hogsmeade.”

Draco grabbed your arm as you went to move around him, leaning in close so only you could hear what he had to say.

“I mean it, y/n, keep your mouth shut.”

You yanked your arm out of his grasp, grabbing his shirt and bringing him closer to you than he’d pulled you to him.

“You don’t fucking tell me what to do,” you snarled, your voice low. “I answer to my professors, Snape, and Dumbledore. Not a pussy-bitch fourth year with daddy issues who can’t even handle moving positions on a Quidditch team.”

You let go of his shirt after that, and you and Marin were gone.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Later that evening, after Quidditch practice was over, you were busy putting your broom back into its case when Draco entered the tent where the rest of your teammates were getting ready to head back to the dorms.

You ignored him at first, though you could feel his eyes on the back of your neck the entire time.

One of your teammates walked up to you right before Draco opened his fat mouth, and you almost didn’t hide your sigh of relief when he closed it right back up.

“You ready to face Gryffindor again this weekend?” Silver asked, a smile on his face.

“Man, I hope so,” you said as you shouldered your bag. “Potter’s gotten crazy good on that broom of his.”

“I could take him if I were Seeker,” Draco butted in. “Nothing I haven’t done before.”

You rolled your eyes, ignoring his remark. You walked out with Silver, back towards the castle.

“You know he’s, like, insanely in love with you, right?” he asked quietly, looking back like Draco could hear the two of you.

You laughed loudly, unable to comprehend the words. Silver might as well have spoken Parseltongue.

“Silver, Draco being in love with me is about as likely as me getting sent to Azkaban,” you joked, pulling your hair out of the ponytail you’d had it in for practice.

“Nah, man, I’m not kidding. I’ve heard him talking to Crabbe and Goyle—he’s obsessed with you.”

“Man, he sure does a good job of showing it,” you laughed. “Thanks for walking me back to the castle, though. It’s kind of eerie out here at night.”

“Hey, anytime,” Silver said with a smile. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you when Malfoy asks you to the Yule Ball, though.”

You shook your head as you parted ways with him to head up to the girls’ dormitory. Juniper was already fast asleep, her blue hair sprawled out across the pillow.

You yawned as you peeled off your Quidditch clothes, making a mental note to charm them clean in the morning. You were in and out of the shower in minutes, barely keeping yourself awake long enough to hit the pillow.

There was no way Draco felt anything for you beyond hate, you told yourself. You two had hated each other since you’d first arrived.

That was how it had always been, nothing needed to change now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is actually a story i started years ago when i was at the peak of my harry potter obsession. obviously i've edited these chapters so they're better written now (and so i can finish the story), but i've been thrown back into my draco malfoy obsession specifically because of draco tiktok. i'm obsessed. i am a simp for tom felton and i will not apologize for it.
> 
> anyway, hope y'all enjoy!


	3. cold shoulder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you sit next to draco in potions class, and this particular class session does not go very well for you.

The weekend ended way too quickly for your liking, and Monday morning found you bright and early—and in Potions class at Draco’s table.

You’d been his partner all year, so Potions class was always miserable, but you hated having to be in such close proximity with him. He was always such a prick to you, and today wasn’t any better.

“Y/N, just so you know, the book says counterclockwise, so if I see you stir it clockwise I’ll clock you in the head.”

“Do it then, pussy,” you muttered under your breath.

Snape was still walking around the room, watching as the other students brewed their memory-enhancing potions. “Remember, students,” he drawled, “eighteen stirs precisely counterclockwise. Then add the crushed bitterroot. If you don’t stir it enough it will turn black and likely ruin your cauldron.”

You were grateful, at least, that you didn’t share a cauldron with Draco. Which meant that when he inevitably ruined his cauldron, it wouldn’t be on your pocket to eradicate the issue.

“Y/N, is it coming along?” Snape asked lowly, coming around to watch your stirring process.

“Yes, sir,” you said quickly, pulling the spoon out of the cauldron as you watched the blue mixture continue to swirl. You ground the bitterroot up in the bowl you had brought to the table, sprinkling it in bit by bit and watching as it began to sparkle.

Snape nodded approvingly—or at least, what you assumed was approvingly—and walked over to Draco.

You hadn’t looked at him in a few moments, but the joy you felt at seeing the black smudge oozing out of his cauldron was inexplicable.

“Ten points from Slytherin, Malfoy,” Snape said angrily, rushing the cauldron to the drain on the other side of the room. “I specifically said eighteen stirs precisely.”

You snickered a bit as you waved your wand over your own potion, and Draco shoved you harshly in response. You fell hard, and you felt your shoulder pop as you did so.

You cried out in pain, tears springing to your eyes as you sat up.

“Y/N! Whatever is the matter?” Snape said, rushing back to you.

“I—” you started, looking up at Draco. He still looked angry, but you saw the fear flash through his eyes. He wasn’t even good enough to hide that.

“Spit it out, child,” Snape snapped, pulling you up. You yelped again, your shoulder searing in pain. Snape recoiled a bit, but his hand didn't leave your arm. "I--I fell, sir," you said meekly. "It was an accident, my robe caught on my foot and I fell."

Snape took one look at your arm and pointed to the door. “Nurse’s office,” he said lowly. “That looks dislocated.”

You felt queasy at the thought. 

“Class, continue with the potion recipe, I’ll return after I escort Miss Everglade to the nurse’s office.”

You were ushered in and left pretty quickly, and only started crying when Madam Pomfrey came over to assess you.

“Darling, it’s just dislocated,” she said softly, before popping it back into place unexpectedly.

You let out a cry of pain and shock, but before you could react further, she cast a healing charm on your shoulder and the pain disappeared.

“Make sure it doesn’t swell up again,” she said kindly. “If it does, you’ll need to come back. Maybe stay out of Quidditch practice for the next few days, you still need to rest it. I’ll let your captain know.”

You nodded, tears still streaming down your face.

“You go on back to your room and lay down, dear,” she said, “I’ll make sure your teachers know you’ve been excused for the rest of the day.”

You gave her a quiet “thank you” and left to go back to your room.

It felt like minutes later when Juniper burst into your room, her eyes wide.

“Did Draco actually dislocate your shoulder?” she cried.

“Damn, news really does travel quickly,” you mumbled. “But yes. Madam Pomfrey fixed it, but I have to rest it for the next few days.”

“Arlie’s not going to be happy,” she quipped, and you rolled your eyes. “Have him tell that to Draco,” you snapped. “It’s not like I threw myself off the stool.”

“Word through the grapevine is he feels really bad, though,” she said slowly. 

You scoffed. “Sure. He can apologize himself if he really feels that bad,” you said, rolling back over. “I’m going back to sleep. Bring me back some butternut squash soup from the Great Hall.”

You fell asleep so quickly, you didn’t even hear Juniper’s response.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

You moved through your classes very slowly the next day. Draco didn’t meet your eyes in Potions, and you were grateful that for once he didn’t say anything to you.

You ate lunch with Marin and Silver, who both hounded you with questions about your injury.

“I’m gonna be fine to play this weekend, Madam Pomfrey said two days out of practice. As long as it doesn’t swell up again, I’m fine,” you insisted. Silver sagged in visible relief.

“Well, that’s good,” he said slowly. “Arlie asked if Draco would be willing to be a backup Seeker last night, and he said no.”

“What? Why?” You were shocked. You assumed Draco would’ve jumped at the chance to have his old position back.

“Something about how you would definitely be fine to play and that we shouldn’t jump to replace you, or something,” he said with a shrug, turning back to his plate full of chicken.

You couldn’t believe your ears. Draco had defended you?

“He was super fidgety in Herbology,” Marin piped up. “Professor Sprout kept asking him what was wrong, and he looked super guilty. He wouldn’t answer her.”

You sat and stared down at your grilled cheese sandwich. Why was he acting like this? He’d been such a dick in Hogsmeade just three days ago—not to mention he’d literally caused you to dislocate your shoulder—so what was causing this sudden mood swing?

The rest of your day was uneventful—though you wished it could’ve been more exciting than having three essays to write, each of them at least four feet of parchment long. You scrubbed at your eyes as you struggled to continue writing, before finally standing up and grabbing your parchment roll to head down to the Common Room. You needed a change of scenery, and you knew that curling up by the fire in the Common Room would help.

Your optimistic mood fell flat when you saw Draco sitting on the long couch by the fire, staring blankly into it. You chose to refrain from speaking to him, instead pulling up a seat right beside the crackling furnace.

“Y/N,” Draco breathed when he saw you, almost like he didn’t believe you were there.

“Malfoy,” you said curtly, tucking your legs underneath you as you continued to write about the history of the mighty griffin. Care of Magical Creatures was easily your favorite class, and not just because it was a class you didn’t share with Draco.

“I—how’s your shoulder?” he asked tentatively, although he was afraid you would snap.

“Perfectly fine, no thanks to you,” you responded. “Now if you don’t mind, I’ve got two feet of parchment left to fill.”

“You’re going to be back to Quidditch practice tomorrow, right?” he asked again.

You sighed heavily, laying your quill down. “What’s it to you?” you snarked.

“N-nothing,” he said, his eyes averting your gaze. “Arlie just, was wondering.”

“And Arlie couldn’t ask me because..?” You had to admit, you enjoyed seeing Draco so lost for words, much unlike his usual motus operandi of throwing as many insults at you as he could fit in one sentence.

“You were in your dorm all day,” Draco snipped. Just like that, his flustered façade was gone. You knew it had to be fake, you’d never once seen Draco act in any other way besides stony and cold—or downright mean.

“I’m so sorry,” you said sarcastically, turning back to your parchment. “It’s not like I’m roommates with Arlie’s girlfriend or anything—oh, wait!”

Draco rolled his eyes. “All you had to do was say you’d be back tomorrow,” he griped. “You don’t have to be a bitch about it.”

You scoffed. “You’re the one who dislocated my shoulder,” you snapped. “And instead of apologizing you’re in here bugging me to get back to Quidditch practice. If you want my position this weekend you can have it, I doubt Arlie will even let me play after missing so much practice.”

“It won’t be the same without you,” Draco blurted, and your eyes widened as he clamped his mouth shut.

“What did you say?” you asked incredulously.

“We won’t be a full team without you,” Draco said, stumbling over his words. “That’s what I meant. We can’t play unless you’re present—otherwise we forfeit.”

You shrugged. “C’est la vie.”

Draco opened his mouth like he was going to say something else—then turned on his heel and headed up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory instead.

You turned back to your parchment, but you were only able to write down a few more sentences. Your mind kept wandering to what Draco had said moments before—that playing Quidditch wouldn’t be the same without you.

Silver’s words about Draco’s supposed feelings for you played through your head again, but you shook your head quickly to rid yourself of the thought. You wouldn’t entertain that your long-standing enemy had suddenly fallen for you—how cliché would that be?

But as you returned to your dorm only a little while later, your parchment still three feet from being finished, you couldn’t get Draco’s words—or Silver’s—out of your head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i write like sixteen chapters of this in one sitting? yes. am i going to post them all at once? i'm going to say i won't, because then i'll have nothing to post in the years it'll take me to write more chapters after a streak like this, lol. but it is what it is.
> 
> anyway, hope y'all enjoy this one!
> 
> **edit: your last name in this story is Everglade. i figured last names like mine or my fiance's wouldn't sound very wizard-like, so i used a wizard name generator to find something a bit cooler, lol. hope that's okay :)**


	4. slytherin vs. gryffindor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> your quidditch game rolls around, and doesn't really go super great. it ends better than it could've, at least.

The rest of the week flew by. Arlie begrudgingly agreed to let you play, but only after the rest of the team agreed to extend all the practices before the game by an hour.

The day of the game finally arrived, and you hurried to pull on your Slytherin Quidditch robes, gathering your bearings in the tent before you got to the field.

Grabbing your broom, you turned quickly, bumping hard into none other than Draco.

“Get out to the field, Malfoy,” you jeered, although you wore a smile. “Gryffindor isn’t going to beat themselves.”

Draco rolled his eyes, pulling on his helmet. “Maybe watch where you’re going in the meantime,” he growled.

You stopped, a bit surprised by his anger. He was usually tolerable on game days, due to his excitement at getting to play overwhelming his hatred for you.

“You were the one in my way,” you snapped back. “You should’ve already been good to go.”

Draco opened his mouth to respond, but Arlie poked his head into the tent before he could.

“If your lovers’ spat is quite finished, we could use you on the field,” he snipped, clearly irritated.

You refused to look at Draco again, instead muttering a quick apology to Arlie and following him out to the Quidditch field.

You made it out with just enough time to climb on your broom and take to the skies, watching as the Beaters, Quaffle, and Snitch were released.

Your keen eyes caught the Gryffindor Seeker, none other than Harry Potter, zooming across the field as the other Gryffindors in the stands cheered him on. The glint of the golden Snitch caught your eye as he did so, and you kicked your feet up to fly after it.

You dodged two Beaters on your way, hearing the announcer call out a goal for Slytherin.

You were now 10 to 0 against Gryffindor, but their players were very obviously going hard on the offensive.

Your goalie expertly batted the Quaffle away from the Slytherin hoops twice, and Silver managed to grab it, running it all the way across the field to score yet another goal for Slytherin.

Although you had been momentarily distracted by your team’s absolute domination of the Quidditch field, your quick eyes once again caught the Snitch, and you rapidly dove to grab it.

You heard what you thought was Harry on your tail, so you attempted a barrel roll to shake him off on your way down towards the Snitch.

The golden ball zipped up again, its tiny wings moving impossibly fast. You soared up after it, reaching out a hand to grab it, and realizing a second too late that it wasn’t Harry that was after you—it was a Bludger.

The Bludger slammed into you before you had time to react, and since you already only had one hand on your broom, you lost your grip and tumbled off your broom, towards the ground below.

You shrieked in horror as the wind rushed past your ears in a high-pitched scream, and you closed your eyes tightly as you braced yourself for the impact.

Instead, you felt something slam into your side, and you felt an arm wrapping around your middle and pulling you in tightly.

You grabbed onto whatever you could find, keeping your eyes closed as you begged whoever had grabbed you to take you down to the ground.

Your legs were shaky as your feet hit the ground, and you barely kept your knees from buckling as you held out your hand and quickly summoned your broom back.

You looked up to finally thank your savior, and you were sure the shock was evident on your face as your eyes met Draco’s. He didn’t even bother to hide his smirk as you tried to mask your own expression.

“You can thank me later,” he said smugly as he took back off on his own broom, but you shook your head.

“No, you can thank _me_ ,” you said as you situated yourself and took back to the skies.

Making your way into the view of the announcer, you proudly held up your fist to show the Snitch that you had never let go of, the golden ball glinting in the sun.

“Y/N has caught the Snitch!” the announcer bellowed. “Slytherin wins, 170 to 20!”

You managed to land again safely, still shaken up by your fall.

You barely had time to breathe before Silver ran up to you, his eyes full of concern.

“Y/N, you fell!” he cried. “Are my eyes lying, or did _Draco_ save you?”

“Yeah, no, he is the one that caught me,” you admitted.

“You realize he was nowhere near you, right?” Silver pressed. “We all heard you shriek, and Draco practically Apparated to you, he was there so quickly.”

You were grateful the chilly wind had already made your face red, otherwise you were sure Silver would have noticed the blush you felt heating your face, despite the fact that you were far more confused by Draco’s actions than flustered by them.

“I’m telling you, y/n,” Silver continued, “that boy is into you.”

You threw your hands up. “Why doesn’t he act like it, then?” you demanded.

The most confusing part, though, was how you felt about the entire situation. You wanted to be annoyed—angry, even, but instead you almost wished it were true.

You shook your head, trying to get rid of those ridiculous fantasies.

You and Draco hated each other. 

Didn’t you?

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Dinner in the Great Hall that evening was good, albeit awkward. Dumbledore gave Draco forty House Points for essentially saving your life, but the white-haired boy yet again refused to meet your eyes.

You hated to admit it, but you almost missed the “good days” with Draco. Sure, you hated the kid, but you’d take swapping insults any day over whatever the hell was going on between the two of you right now.

“Y/N, he’s staring,” Silver whispered, but you refused to look up from your plate.

“Silver, I’m not repeating myself,” you said pointedly. “He talks to me himself, or nothing happens. I’m not going to keep listening to secondhand word-of-mouth.”

Silver sighed but said nothing in response. You continued to pick at the food still on your plate before pushing back from the table and left for your dormitory.

Your shower was long and hot, and you wanted to stay in your room, but the idea of studying by the fire in the Common Room once again appealed to you much more.

You pulled on a simple t-shirt and pajama pants, leaving your hair down instead of pulling it up into your usual topknot. 

You grabbed your Herbology study materials, slightly annoyed about having to study for your least favorite class. You could put it off, but you knew you’d be more annoyed about it if you put it off, so you trudged on down to the Common Room, spreading your stuff across a table and getting to work.

You had been down there all of forty-five minutes when the door to the Common Room swung open and Draco entered, flanked by his best (and probably only) friends, Crabbe and Goyle. You didn’t bother looking up at him, but it didn’t matter, as he pulled up a chair on the other side of the table you were at anyway.

“Why’re you even bothering to study for that ruddy Herbology test?” he snarked, chuckling. “You know you’ll pass without even trying.”

That caused you to look up, cocking an eyebrow at the boy. “What?”

Drago shrugged. “That’s the easiest class at Hogwarts,” he said dismissively. “It’s rather rubbish, if you ask me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Except I didn’t ask,” you quipped. “Besides, I need to keep my grades up if I ever intend to shoot for Head Girl. And studying for tests will help me do that.”

Draco looked at you incredulously. “Since when were you aiming for Head Girl?”

You scoffed. “Since our second year? I want to be a Potioneer, Malfoy. My resume will need eye-catching achievements.”

Draco’s eyes were full of wonder. “I never knew that about you.”

You sighed heavily, closing your Herbology book. “We aren’t exactly friends, Draco. You don’t have any interest in my dreams, beyond maybe crushing them.”

Draco’s eyes flashed with an emotion you didn’t have time to decipher, but you paid it no mind as you continued to gather your belongings.

“Where are you going?” he asked suddenly, as if he was just now noticing that you’d cleared the table.

“To bed, Draco,” you responded rather impatiently. “I’m exhausted.”

You shouldered your bag and turned to head to the girls’ dormitories, but Draco suddenly called out, “Wait!”

You turned back to him, a bit startled by the boy’s outburst. A blush flitted across his face, turning his normally pale skin bright pink.

“I, um—I wanted to apologize for shoving you in Potions,” he stammered. “I’d had a rough day and I fucked up my potion and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I didn’t mean to actually hurt you that badly.”

You stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say. Draco Malfoy had never apologized for anything he’d said or done to you. You half-expected Crabbe and Goyle to hop out from behind the couch and yell “PRANKED!”

“I, uh—thanks, I guess,” you finally blurted out. “Sorry your potion got fucked up.”

Draco chuckled. “It wasn’t your fault, y/n.”

You shook your head, still confused by this weird change in Draco’s personality and in the way he acted towards you. You weren’t sure how to interpret it, but Silver’s words about Draco having feelings for you were repeating themselves in your head.

You nodded, turning to walk back up the stairs, feeling Draco’s eyes bore into your back as you did so. You felt so awkward with him now—like you didn’t even know how to respond to things he said to you.

You hated that. For the last three years you’d been so quick-witted when it came to returning the pale Slytherin boy’s insults—why was it difficult to even look at him now?

You opened your dormitory door to find Juniper sprawled on the floor, her book opened underneath her as she read.

“Juniper, how do you know if you have a crush on someone?” you asked as you closed the door behind you.

Her eyes snapped up to you, her eyes lighting up. “Oh my god, does the infamously single y/n finally have a crush on someone?” She squealed. “Let me guess—is it that adorable guy from the Quidditch team? Silver?”

“No, Juniper, we’re just friends. Besides, I just asked how to know if I have a crush on someone, which means I don’t even know how I feel about this person.”

“If you’re not sure if you like them or not, you probably don’t,” Juniper said, though her face showed plain confusion. “But that doesn’t mean feelings aren’t developing. If you aren’t sure now, you might be catching feelings.”

You sighed. “Gross.”

Juniper squealed again, squeezing your arm. “Who is it? Who is it?”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m absolutely not telling you. Not before I’m sure.”

Juniper folded her arms and pouted. “Fine. But I better be the first person to find out.”

“Sure, June,” you said with a smile as you crawled into bed. “If I even tell anyone.”

She huffed, lighting her wand with a quiet “ _Lumos!_ ” to light a candle to continue studying, while you fell fast asleep within minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i literally wrote two more chapters (5,300 words total) for this shit last night. so don't worry about regular updates apparently this story has been waiting to flow out of me lmaoooo
> 
> anyway i hope you guys enjoy this chapter! i'm obsessed with writing it and i'm obsessed with draco malfoy. i will be shifting into my desired hogwarts reality where draco is my goth slytherin bf effective immediately.
> 
> see you again soon!


	5. detention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and draco get stuck in detention together. you also miss dinner, so you have to go find food together.

You hated Charms class only slightly less than you hated Potions. You hated Charms since you also had to share that class with Draco, but the silver lining of Charms class was that you didn’t have to sit next to the boy. Just a row in front of him. You were able to ignore him for the most part, but today seemed to be a day when he didn’t want to be ignored.

“Y/N,” he whispered. You didn’t respond, instead continuing to listen to Professor Flitwick’s lecture on the problems the Asciendo charm would cause if you didn’t properly flick your wand to lower yourself safely.

“Psst, y/n!” came Draco’s whisper, louder this time. You still refused to acknowledge him. You were legitimately trying to listen to the lecture, you figured you could use this spell the next time a Beater knocked you off your broom.

You felt a piece of paper hit the back of your head, and it then flew around your shoulder to land on your open book in front of you.

You let out a huff as you opened the note, Draco’s chicken scratch scrawled across the small piece of paper.

_Meet me after class, I have a question for you._

You scowled. He could’ve just stopped you after class.

_Yeah, but you wouldn’t have stopped,_ your subconscious reminded you. 

Rolling your eyes, you went to crumple up the paper, but Flitwick stopped in front of you just as you picked it up.

“Passing notes in class, are we?” Flitwick asked. His tone was jovial, but his eyes were stern. You flushed bright red, shaking your head vigorously.

“The paper in your hand seems to say otherwise, Miss Everglade,” he reprimanded, holding his hand out. “I’m afraid that’s five points from Slytherin and detention for you after class.”

You sighed, knowing there was no way out of this. Draco laughed out loud behind you, and you dropped your head onto your book in embarrassment.

“Oh, I didn’t realize that was a joke to you, Mr. Malfoy,” Flitwick said, crossing his arms. “Let’s hope you find detention with Miss Everglade just as entertaining.”

You didn’t even lift your head from your book. First you’d gotten detention for something you hadn’t even done, and now you had to spend that detention with Draco fucking Malfoy.

“I hate Charms class,” you muttered, and luckily, Flitwick didn’t overhear that.

Once class was finally over, you and Draco met Professor Flitwick in the empty Charms classroom, and he looked at the both of you very disapprovingly.

“Y/N didn’t pass any notes,” Draco blurted, shocking you. “I’m the one that threw the paper at her head.”

Flitwick gave Draco a once-over, nodding. “Thank you for your honesty, Mr. Malfoy. I will reinstate the House Points I took from Miss Everglade for that. However, the both of you were still quite disruptive in class today, so I’m afraid I can’t take away your detention.”

You sighed, nodding in acceptance. “Thanks anyway, Professor Flitwick.”

He smiled. “You’re a good kid, Y/N. Both of you are, really. I have faith in the two of you.”

He then leaned back in his chair, gesturing to the room around you. “Your task is to clean my classroom today. You can leave either when you’re finished or at the end of two hours, whichever comes first. Stack any books in stacks of no more than 7 and arrange them in alphabetical order if you would. You are permitted to use magic only to clean any dust off of the rafters and clean the floors and chalkboards. Am I understood?”

“Yes, sir,” you said quickly, but Malfoy was already surveying the room, likely to figure out how much he was going to have to do.

“Alright. Do a good job, you two. I might award House Points if it exceeds my expectations.”

With a smile and a wink, Flitwick was gone.

“You definitely aren’t supposed to get House Points for doing detention shit,” Malfoy muttered.

“I’m not going to complain, we’re kind of in third place right now as it is,” you responded, walking over to the chalkboard to clean it off.

“ _Aguamenti_!” you declared, watching as a small stream of water sprayed out of your wand onto the chalkboard. You cleaned them off fairly quickly, using a towel the professor had left behind to dry them off.

“Why are you actually doing work?” Draco asked from behind you, and you looked over at him to see all the books neatly stacked in stacks of seven, and, upon closer inspection, in alphabetical order as well.

“Because we were explicitly told to not use magic?” you said, making it sound more like a question than a statement. “I’d rather not get in more trouble if it’s all the same to you.”

He shrugged. “I just don’t think it’s worth it, really. If we get the House Points then it’s whatever.”

“But if we’re caught using magic we’ll lose even more Points,” you pointed out angrily. “Besides, detention is supposed to be a punishment. I’m going to consider myself lucky as long as this shit doesn’t hurt my record.”

“Please, like one detention’s going to ruin your perfect grades and squeaky clean history,” Draco said mockingly. “You’ve never even been out past curfew, who are you kidding?”

You straightened your back as you turned to face Draco again. “Yes, I have.”

Draco laughed. “When?”

“It was last year, during that fling I had with Emerson Albatross,” you said quietly.

“ _Emerson Albatross_?” Draco said incredulously. “As in, the fifth-year Slytherin Prefect Emerson Albatross? You had a fling with a 20-year-old?”

“It was at the beginning of the year, he was 19,” you said defensively. “Besides, I was already 17, it’s not like it was that big a deal.”

Draco’s body tensed. “I can’t fucking believe you fucked Emerson Albatross.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, he fucked three other girls while we were together,” you said flippantly, though the reminder made your skin crawl.

“He—what? He cheated on you?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know if I can call it cheating, I’m not sure we were ever exclusive.”

Draco rolled his eyes, though his expression was still angry. “If I were fucking someone like you, I sure as hell wouldn’t screw it up like that.”

All the blood in your body rushed into your face at those words. “I—what?”

Draco froze, almost as if he realized he’d spoken out loud. “Emerson’s a dick,” he spat, “that’s all I meant. Now help me organize these papers.”

“Sure, as long as you do it without magic,” I said indignantly.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “Just help me out.”

You had no idea how much time had passed when the two of you finished. All you knew was that you were _totally_ getting those House Points. 

You pulled open the door of the classroom to see the clock on the wall across the hall—reading 8:30.

“Fuck,” Draco growled. “We were in there for four hours _and_ we missed dinner."

Your stomach rumbled at the mention of dinner, and you groaned slightly. “Well, we’ve got two and a half hours until curfew,” you said.

“Yeah, so?”

“So, I’m going to Hogsmeade,” you retorted. “I’m hungry.”

“Well, then I’m coming,” Draco said matter-of-factly, following behind you.

“Oh, really? You sure you can put up with me for that long?”

“Fuck off,” he spat, though his eyes were light.

There weren’t very many people milling about the corridors still, but the ones who were definitely cast glances at the two of you, two people who were known to be enemies and nothing close to friends. Draco trailed behind you as you continued through the grounds to Hogsmeade, and you had half a mind to take the shortcut you’d found ages ago and leave him behind. However, you knew that if he found out about this shortcut he’d certainly rat you out, and you didn’t want to risk losing your shortcut and your favorite hidey-hole.

You finally made it to Hogsmeade, stopping in at the small restaurant known best for its Butterbeers. Smiling at the small woman behind the counter, you quickly ordered two plates of cheeseburgers and fries.

“And two mugs of Butterbeer, if you don’t mind,” you added as she disappeared into the kitchen.

“Hope you like cheeseburgers,” you said indifferently as you sat down at the table Draco had squeezed him down into.

“I’m hungry enough to eat anything,” he mumbled as he fidgeted with the ends of his sleeves.

You nudged his shin with your foot to get a rise out of him, and it worked a little too quickly as he responded with a sharp kick to your ankle.

“Shit, dude, I didn’t even kick _you_ ,” you said as you pulled your leg up to your chest, holding your ankle as it throbbed in pain.

Draco laughed, the happiest sound you’d ever heard from the Slytherin Prince. “Don’t mess with my bad leg, then,” he responded with a smug grin.

“Your bad leg? Since when do you have a bad leg?”

“Since I landed on it weird while I was saving _your_ life.”

Your smile vanished, realizing he had, in fact, saved your life. “Right, I forgot about that. I never did thank you for doing that.”

Draco’s grin vanished, too, the air between you replaced with an awkward silence.

“I mean, you know. Thanks, for that. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t made it to me in time.”

“I—don’t mention it,” he said, shrugging. “Don’t waste your time wondering about the what-ifs, anyway.”

Your food arrived just a few moments later, and you were grateful for an excuse to not speak to Draco as you dug into your meal.

“Besides,” Draco said after a few beats of silence, “I sort of owed you after the stunt I pulled in Potions. You didn’t have to cover for me, but you did. I don’t know how Snape didn’t figure things out after pretty much the entire rest of the class was off to spread the news once class was over.”

You shrugged. “I just know how much I want my record to be as spotless as possible, so to turn around and botch someone else’s up would be pretty shitty.”

“You wouldn’t have fucked it up,” Draco insisted. “I’m the one that shoved you.”

You shrugged, swirling your fry around in the ketchup the waitress had brought you. “It just wouldn’t have been worth it.”

Draco sat back in his seat, his plate empty. “I wouldn’t have blamed you for ratting me out, though. That’s all.”

You glanced at the clock on the wall before doing a double-take. It was 10:41, and curfew was only 19 minutes away.

“Shit, Draco, it’s almost a quarter ‘til curfew,” you said, beginning to panic. You hailed down the waitress, left her with more than enough Galleons to satisfy the check, and hauled ass out of the diner.

“Y/N, we’re never going to make it in time,” Draco yelled after you as he followed you out of the diner.

You stopped in your tracks, knowing he was right. If the two of you didn’t take the shortcut, you’d certainly both get in trouble for missing curfew. And more trouble was the last thing you needed right now.

You turned back to him, a shiver going through your body as the cold night wind whipped around you. 

“You have to swear on your life, right now, that you won’t tell anyone about what we’re about to do,” you said, poking a finger in his chest.

His face was confused, then contorted into a smirk. One of the things you hated most about his stupid face. “Y/N, kissing me isn’t going to get you to Hogwarts any faster,” he said mockingly.

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “Believe you me, you’re the last person I’d ever consider kissing,” you said, watching as the smirk faded. “I’m telling you to swear on your life that you won’t snitch about the shortcut I’m about to show you.”

Eyes wide, Draco nodded. But that wasn’t good enough for you.

“Say it,” you demanded. Heaving a sigh, Draco nodded again. “I swear on my life I won’t tell anyone about the shortcut you’re about to show me,” he said slowly.

You nodded then, before grabbing his wrist and pulling him to an alley behind the restaurant you had just been in.

“You’re about to murder me, aren’t you?” he asked jokingly.

“Shut up,” you said by way of comeback. He chuckled lightly behind you, but you paid him no mind.

He followed closely behind you as you ducked under a large tree branch and finally made your way out onto a semi-straight, rocky forest path.

“There’s no way we’re allowed to be here,” Draco breathed as he followed you down the path back to Hogwarts.

“You’re exactly right,” you said in agreeance. “That’s why you aren’t going to tell anyone that you know this is here.”

“Unless, I guess, we’re stuck in Hogsmeade right before curfew without enough time to get back by going the regular way,” Draco teased.

You ignored that remark, your teeth chattering too hard for you to formulate a good response.

“I can hear your teeth chattering, y/n,” Draco pointed out, as you quickened your pace even more.

“I’m so fucking sorry, D-Draco,” you stuttered. “By the time I realized I’d left my robe in the Charms classroom, we were already i-in Hogsmeade.”

Draco huffed. “Fucking stop moving for three seconds, then.”

You obeyed his command before you realized what you were doing. “Wait, why?”

He didn’t respond to you, instead, taking off his own robe and throwing it around your shoulders. The faint smell of peppermint wafted up into your nose, and you were grateful that the moonlight shining through the tree branches wasn’t bright enough to show the ferocious blush that had splashed itself across your face.

“Come on now, get moving, we likely only have a few minutes left,” Draco said, absentmindedly grabbing your hand and jogging down the forest path.

Just a few moments later you burst out into the courtyard of Hogwarts, looking all around for anyone who might be patrolling the castle yards. Seeing nobody, Draco pulled you up through the courtyard, into the back doors of the castle just as the clock right inside the wall hit eleven on the dot.

“Quick, now we have to get back to the Common Room before anyone sees us,” Draco whispered, pulling on you again.

“Wait, I can’t leave my robe in the Charms class!” you whispered back, pulling out your wand.

“I never realize just how big your wand is until you pull it out,” Draco said, his voice quiet with awe.

“Thirteen inches, this bad boy is,” you said, waving it around just a smidge. What could you say? You were proud of it.

“Accio Robes!” you whispered into the dark, and just a few moments later, your Slytherin robes flew into your outstretched hand. You grinned proudly at the spell you were worried you hadn’t mastered, before pulling Draco’s robes off of your body to hand back to the boy.

“You know, you look better in these anyway,” Draco said as he pulled the robe back on.

“Don’t you have better things to do than give fake compliments?” you joked as you hurried down the corridors towards the Slytherin Common Room.

“Who said they were fake?” Draco asked as the two of you barely made it into the Common Room.

You stopped and turned back to him, a questioning look on your face. “Don’t play dumb, Malfoy. You hate me and I hate you. We’ve been enemies since you tried to shove me on our way in here for the first time ever.”

“I never hated you,” Draco said indignantly. “You were just easy to pick on.”

“How was I easy?” you asked, your voice getting louder. “You never once gave me an insult that I didn’t have a comeback for.”

Draco shrugged, but you swore you could practically hear his walls sliding back up. You felt dumb for thinking he’d stay as friendly as he’d been all evening.

“Thanks for dinner,” he said flippantly. “Let’s never do this again.”

“What, get detention together?” you said with a forced laugh. “Maybe don’t throw shit at me in class and we wouldn’t have this issue.”

Draco shook his head angrily, running a hand through his white-blond hair. “You’re fucking unbelievable.”

“I’m unbelievable?” you asked. “You’re the one who threw a note at the back of my head. You’re the one who laughed when I got in trouble for it. You’re the one who then tried to do the one thing we were told not to do during detention. None of this is my fault.”

Draco huffed again, turning on his heel. “I’m not dealing with this shit,” he said angrily, heading up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory.

And despite the fact that he made you angrier than any other person on the planet, you couldn’t say his departure didn’t make you feel a little hollow on the inside.

You climbed up the stairs to your own room, collapsing on the bed without even taking your uniform off.

Tomorrow will be a better day, you told yourself.

And as you drifted off, still in your school uniform, you hoped with everything in you that that was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i literally just keep getting chapters typed up and i don't even intend for them to be almost 3,000 words apiece, they just end up like that. you and draco just have too much to say LMAO
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this one. i literally can't explain how happy it makes me to see new comments and kudos. also if you guys have ideas, please give them to me! if i can incorporate them into chapters i'll 100% give you credit!! (i'm not running out of ideas i just would love to hear what you guys might wanna see!)
> 
> see you again soon!


	6. angry conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and draco get into a spat after quidditch practice again. but the team captain has had quite enough of your arguing.

Classes the next day absolutely flew by for you, since Draco didn’t say a word to you, and you were able to actually listen to the lecture.

Quidditch practice, however, was a slightly different story.

It seemed like all Draco was able to do was yell at you for everything you did, even though Arlie wasn’t saying you were screwing up.

As the team landed after practice, you angrily threw your broom back into its bag, whirling around as Draco entered the tent.

“What the absolute _fuck_ , Malfoy!?” you cried, surprising him and the other teammates still getting their things together to leave.

“What are you talking about?” he asked dismissively, his expression too cool for your liking.

“What do you mean what am I talking about?” you yelled. “Arlie was out there telling me what to do, but for whatever fucking reason, you think you have the authority to tell me everything _Arlie told me to do_ is wrong?”

“Because you were doing everything wrong,” he said passively, igniting a fury in you that you hadn’t previously realized was possible to feel.

“You aren’t the team captain!” you shouted. “You’re not even the Seeker anymore! Maybe if _you_ had listened to Arlie, _you’d_ still be Seeker!”

Draco’s eyes darkened, and he stepped closer to you. You refused to back down, only standing taller as he towered over you.

“And maybe if you weren’t such a pretentious bitch who whines every time things don’t go her way, you could’ve earned the spot with actual talent and not just badgering Arlie until he gave in to shut you the fuck up!”

You stepped back just a bit, tears stinging the back your eyes. You’d never cried at anything Draco had said to you before. Why was this time different?

The other teammates had long since left the tent, clearly eager to get away from whatever latest argument the two of you were about to have. Arlie entered the tent right as you pulled back your fist to hit Draco in the face, and Arlie ran up to grab your arms and pull them back before you had the chance to swing.

“Arlie, let go of me!” you shouted, but he only held you tighter.

“Until the two of you can figure out how to get along, you’re both suspended from the team!” he shouted, and you went limp in his grasp.

He let go of you, and you stumbled to catch yourself before you fell over. “Arlie, no, please,” you begged, but Arlie shook his head. “Y/N, I’m serious. This is getting way out of hand and we can’t focus on actually playing Quidditch because you two can’t even speak to each other without arguing or throwing insults or yelling.”

Your mind flashed to the night before, when Draco had given you his robe to keep you warm and had held your hand to get the both of you in before curfew, and the stinging of your eyes only intensified.

“Don’t kick us off,” Draco cut in, his tone worried. “Quidditch is like, the only fun thing I have to do outside of classes.”

Arlie sighed. “You two have one week. That’s it. Understand? You have one week to prove to me that the two of you can get along. I don’t care if you rip each other to shreds outside of practice and game time, but when it’s time to get out on that field and play Quidditch, you two have to put your differences aside.”

You nodded vigorously, opening your mouth to respond, but Arlie held his hand up.

“I’m serious. Anything beyond playful banter—and I _mean_ playful—and both of you are gone. For the rest of the season.”

Your mouth dropped, but Draco held up his hand. “Wizards’ honor, sir,” he said, and Arlie shook his head.

“One week,” he repeated. “Now out of the tent, Ravenclaw has next practice slot.”

Your thoughts were swirling as you left the tent, Draco by your side. You had always prided yourself on being able to ignore Draco—why did you have to give into your anger this time?

“You think you’ll be able to control yourself for a week?” Draco asked smugly.

You huffed. “Maybe, if you stop being such a royal prick all the time.”

“How am I a prick?” he asked with a laugh. “None of this would be a problem if you didn’t respond to the shit I said.”

You looked at him incredulously, though neither of your paces slowed. “I’m sorry, I don’t recall any times where I threw shit at you in class. Or any times when I shoved you so hard you fell over and dislocated your shoulder. Or any times when I got you in trouble and sent to detention because I couldn’t wait twenty minutes to stop you outside of class to ask me a question.”

Draco rolled his eyes. “Because I knew you wouldn’t stop if I tried to stop you outside of class,” he snarked. “You always act like you have some quest that you can’t be stopped on your way to completing. It’s infuriating, and it’s no wonder you barely have any friends because you have to rely on the people who don’t get tired of only seeing you on the weekends.”

You barely heard what he’d said, though, because your mind had already stopped functioning to remind you that you had never even heard the question that Draco had said he had for you.

You stopped in the courtyard, grabbing onto Draco’s wrist. He whirled around, his eyes plainly showing annoyance, but you ignored it. “What was the question?” you asked. Seeing his confusion, you continued. “On the note. You said you had a question for me after class. What was the question?”

Draco’s eyes searched yours for a few seconds, before lighting up in recognition. “Oh,” he said simply, heaving a giant sigh and deciding to look quite literally anywhere other than you. “I, um…”

You crossed your arms, exhaling heavily. “Today, junior, we both have classes in the morning.”

“Ineedtutoringinpotions,” he blurted out, and you blinked a couple of times in surprise.

“What?” you asked, and he scrubbed at his face impatiently.

“I need tutoring in potions,” he said again, only slightly slower. “And since you’ve never messed up a potion that I’ve seen…I was thinking it’d be convenient to have you help me. Since we’re partners, and all.”

You stared at him, knowing full well your disbelief showed plainly on your face. “I—well, what’s in it for me?” you asked, not caring that that was probably the rudest question you could’ve asked. You knew Draco was struggling in Potions—it had been evident all year—but you could barely stand the kid, you needed some sort of incentive.

“I don’t know,” he said, his tone annoyed. “We can figure something out. My dad will probably pay you or something—or I can pay for all the Butterbeers from now on or whatever.”

You smiled despite yourself—you’d never seen the Slytherin Prince this uncomfortable. You wished it could last forever—but you were also exhausted.

“Fine, Malfoy. We’ll figure something out. But this means you have to cooperate with me. You know, treat me with basic human decency and all that.”

Draco opened his mouth quickly, and you waited for the inevitable insult—but it didn’t come. He took a breath and nodded. “I’ll try to be less of a dick,” he said earnestly, running a hand through his hair again. “Can we meet tomorrow? After classes?”

“After Quidditch practice,” you reminded him, and he nodded. “Right,” he said. “You can come up to my room?”

You didn’t want to be alone with this boy in his room, God only knew what he might try to say or do. But you also didn’t want to deal with questions from Silver, Marin, or Juniper if they saw the two of you studying together, so you clamped your mouth shut and nodded. “Sounds great. I’ll meet you in the Common Room after Quidditch practice tomorrow.”

His eyes lit up, and he almost smiled. “Great, I’ll see you then.”

And before you could even react, he was gone.

\----------------------------------------------

Dinner that evening was spent with Silver and Marin, and Silver wouldn’t shut up about Quidditch practice.

“Is there anything you can talk about besides Quidditch?” you asked. “Or me and Draco?”

“Considering Arlie said you almost punched the kid in the face, I think I’m allowed to keep talking about it,” Silver said. “Why did you almost punch him, anyway?”

“He was just being a prick, per usual,” you said with a shrug. “I just let it get to me more than I usually do.”

Silver shook his head. “I can’t believe how much of an idiot he is. Calling you out of your name like that. Claiming you didn’t earn your Quidditch position. Like, who does that to someone they’re in love with?”

“Silver, for the last fucking time, he is not in love with me!” you cried, causing quite a few stares. You didn’t even acknowledge any of them; instead, you shoved away from the table. “That man-child does not love me. If he did, he wouldn’t call me a pretentious bitch. He wouldn’t tell me that I didn’t earn or deserve my position on the Quidditch team. He wouldn’t shove me off a stool and dislocate my shoulder in the middle of class. He wouldn’t throw shit at me in class and then refuse to speak up when I got in trouble for it. People don’t do those kinds of things to people when they love them!”

You whirled around, nearly sprinting out of the Great Hall. You heard a voice call your name, but you ignored them. You made it to the Common Room only moments later, surprised you weren’t yet out of breath.

“Pompous lizard,” you said to the painting in front of your dorm, and it swung open to let you upstairs.

“Y/N, wait!” came the call again, and you could tell from the panic lacing the tone that it was Silver. You refused to listen, hauling up the stairs at an even faster speed instead.

Only when you made it to the safety of your room did you let tears start to fall.

You wanted to love Hogwarts. You really did. And you loved your classes. You loved your house. You loved learning magic, you loved learning to care for magical creatures, you loved learning about Muggles and their world. You loved studying for the career you one day hoped to have. You loved your friends.

But the one thing that made almost nothing seem worth it was Draco. How he bullied you nearly every day, how he had done so for years. How he insulted you and called you nearly every name in the book. How he would get pissy with you over the slightest of things and only be meaner to you as a result. 

Your shower was hot, and you allowed the burning feeling to envelop you as much as possible. You stayed in there until your fingers were wrinkly and your skin was lobster red, and you wrapped yourself in your favorite fluffy green bathrobe, throwing yourself on the bed after exiting the steaming bathroom.

Juniper laid on her own bed across the room, her books open in front of her. Her eyes met yours as you rolled over on your bed, but wisely, she said nothing about your current appearance.

Instead, she pointed to your bedside table. “Owl flew up with that in its talons,” she said simply. “It’s addressed to you. I don’t know who it’s from.”

You sighed, reaching out to grab it and peeling it open as you sat up on your bed.

_Y/N,_

_I know you probably won’t even give this letter a second glance once you see who it’s from but hear me out._

_I owe you an apology. Really, I owe you several apologies._

_Meet me in the Astronomy Tower at dusk. I’ve got a lot of things I want to talk to you about._

_-Draco_

He was right, you realized. He was, without a doubt, the last person you wanted to see right now. But you had an hour or so until dusk, so you decided the least you could do was make him regret ever being shitty to you.

You pulled on your favorite outfit, the one you only ever wore to Hogsmeade or to Quidditch matches you weren’t playing in. This was the outfit that had attracted Emerson Albatross, this was the outfit you had been wearing when you had made out with a random Gryffindor sixth-year below the Quidditch stands months before, and this was the outfit you had worn when you managed to get the substitute Divinations professor to bump up your test grade by just enough points to round up your final grade to another outstanding A.

Needless to say, this was your lucky outfit.

You admired yourself in the mirror, happy with how you looked even if you were dreading where you were going. 

The outfit in question was a striking emerald green sweater that made your eyes pop, paired with black jeans and sparkling silver shoes. Your wand was tucked safely inside your pants pocket, and you had blow-dried your hair to shiny, soft perfection.

Before you knew it, dusk was approaching, and Juniper whistled at you as you went to exit your room.

“Where are you going so close to curfew?” she asked knowingly. “And all dressed up like that?”

You smiled at her, despite the dread churning in your gut. “To meet someone who owes me an apology,” you said sweetly, kicking up your heel as you closed the door behind you.

Letting out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding, you began to descend the stairs to the Common Room, headed for the Astronomy Tower.

You wanted to get it over with, you told yourself. You wanted nothing more than to hear what Draco Malfoy possibly had to say and get back to your room to sleep the awful day away.

So why did you feel so excited to be going to see the stupid prick?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so STRESSED i am so OVER SCHOOLWORK
> 
> i'll be up until 10 or 11 doing homework and then i just stay up until 12 or 1 writing more of this story because it helps me calm down and destress. like i'm so freaking tired of school. and i'm only four weeks in.
> 
> help.
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter! again, i'm open to hearing ideas for scenes that you guys might wanna see played out! for maybe a filler chapter or something, lol.
> 
> see you again soon!


	7. butterbeer & shortcuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you meet draco at the astronomy tower. it goes a bit better than you expected.

The walk to the Astronomy Tower felt like it took forever. You were grateful that there weren’t a lot of students walking around to notice you in an outfit that was clearly meant to stand out. 

By the time you made it to the staircase that took you up to the tower, your heart was beating out of your chest. What could Draco possibly want that was so important you had to meet him alone, in a secluded tower, so close to curfew that as few students would be around as possible?

You took a deep breath as you ascended the stairs up to the top of the tower. You had half a mind to simply use the Ascendio charm, but you knew you hadn’t had nearly enough practice. With your luck, you’d smack yourself into the ceiling.

You got to the top of the tower just as the sun was disappearing over the horizon. You breathed a sigh of contentment at seeing the stars beginning to peek out through the black canvas that was the night sky, the darkness blending into the orange and pink colors that still surrounded the setting sun.

“Beautiful night, isn’t it?” came Draco’s voice, startling you out of your reverie.

You shrugged. “I didn’t really come here for the view. Not this time, anyway.”

Draco nodded, his face unreadable. You’d never seen him this uneasy before. You weren’t entirely sure how to respond to it.

“What did you need?” you asked, cutting right to the chase. You didn’t want to be up here with him, _alone_ , any longer than you had to be.

“First of all, why are you so dressed up?” Draco asked, giving you a very non-subtle once-over. That damn smirk appeared almost immediately. “Was someone excited to see me?”

You rolled your eyes. “More like I needed a confidence boost, in the event that you just wanted to insult me again.”

His smile faded, his grey eyes softening. “I didn’t call you up here just to insult you, y/n. I’m not that big of a dick.”

You folded your arms, gesturing with a hand for him to continue. “What did you need, then?” you asked. “If we can avoid breaking curfew, I’d like to.”

He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Neither of us want to get kicked off the Quidditch team,” he said finally. “Can we agree on that much?”

You nodded, still not entirely sure where he was going with this. 

“This means we have to attempt to be friends,” he continued, the tips of his ears beginning to turn red.

Realization hit you, even though you wished it hadn’t.

“So, what, you want to— _hang out_?” you asked, praying he’d say no.

“I feel like we should,” he said. “It was fine when we went to Hogsmeade together two nights ago. We just have to be like that all the time.”

“Draco, I’m already tutoring you,” you pointed out. 

Draco shrugged. “I’m not saying we have to hang out all the time,” he said, his tone implying that it should’ve been obvious. “I still have Crabbe and Goyle, and you still have…Juniper? Whoever.”

“I have Marin, Silver, Juniper, and Arlie,” you said indignantly.

“Sure, sure,” he said with a wave of his hand. “Just, I don’t know, maybe dinner at Hogsmeade once a week or something?”

You mulled it over, weighing as many pros and cons as your tired mind could pull up.

“I can do once a week,” you agreed finally. “Tutoring Mondays and Fridays, dinner on Wednesdays?” 

“Done,” Draco said, his smile bright.

You shook your head despite the smile on your own face. Things had never been like this with Draco. It had been three years of bickering, bantering, insult-swapping and shit-talking.

You had to admit, though, this change of pace was nice.

Draco pulled out his pocketwatch, checking the time before slipping the small clock back into his pocket. “We’ve got two hours before curfew,” he said. “Do you have any ideas on what you might wanna do?”

“Who said you were gonna be invited to those ideas?” you asked playfully.

“My new best friend,” Draco said, feigning hurt. “How could you betray me like this?”

You laughed. “Do I have to be the person to think of something, though?”

“Yes, absolutely, Hogsmeade every week was my idea.”

Your mind immediately went to your little hidey-hole in the middle of your secret shortcut, and against your better judgement, you opened your mouth.

“I might have an inkling,” you said, smiling mischievously.

Grabbing Draco’s wrist, you pulled him towards the staircase. “We just have to be quick, and we have to stay quiet.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------

You hurried Draco down to the giant tree branch covering the entrance to your shortcut.

“Y/N, you’ve already shown me your secret shortcut,” Draco said, but you cut him off.

“No, I’m showing you something _in_ the shortcut,” you said quickly, ushering him in before anyone could pop out to see the two of you.

"And before you ask, _yes_ , this is another thing you can't tell a _soul_ about," you said, putting a finger to your lips.

He looked confused, but followed you all the same.

Waving your wand around as you walked toward the spot you knew it was in, you dispersed the illusion spell that hid your little crevice from the rest of the world.

The hollowed-out trunk of the giant tree you were about to enter into came into view, and you watched as Draco’s eyes widened in awe. 

“Come on, I’m not getting any younger,” you exclaimed, dragging him into the little fort that you’d made into something like a tiny house.

Draco looked around, speechless still, as you lit your wand with a quiet “Lumos!” and lit a few of the candles you’d left stashed there.

You plopped yourself down on the blanket you’d purchased specifically for sitting purposes, and patted the spot next to you to signal Draco to sit down.

“Okay, so we’re friends now?” you said, the sentence sounding much more like a question. “What now?”

Draco shrugged. “I dunno, ask each other questions or something?” he asked, giving you a confused look.

You chuckled, the thought absurd. “I guess I don’t know how to be friends with you,” you said with a small smile on your face. “All I’ve known is us hating each other.”

“Yeah, but that hatred is about to get us kicked off the Quidditch team, and that’s the only thing I’ve really got going for me right now,” Draco admitted, fidgeting with his hands, and refusing to meet your eyes.

“What do you mean? You’ve got Crabbe and Goyle, and your grades aren’t that bad,” you insisted. “They can’t be, or you would’ve had a note sent home to your parents.”

“I had one sent home,” he admitted. “I’m failing Potions and I’m close to failing Divinations. The only classes I’m doing well in are Transfiguration, Charms, and Herbology. And I’m only doing well in Charms because I always read the books the summer before classes start. I like learning the hexes and stuff first. I like to duel Crabbe and Goyle sometimes.”

You couldn’t help it; you felt awful for the boy. He looked so small sitting there next to you, spilling his life’s troubles to someone he’d supposedly hated for almost four years now.

“Well, I’m here to help in Potions,” you reminded him, “and if you need help in Divinations, my friend Marin’s at the top of the class.”

“There’s no way she’d help me,” Draco grumbled. “Nobody likes me, I’m the Slytherin Prince. Nobody trusts the Prince of Snakes.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” you said, pushing his shoulder slightly. “When you aren’t being a total prick, you really aren’t that bad.”

“Gee, thanks,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“No, I mean it,” you insisted. “Like, yeah, you can be a real shit stain sometimes, and there have been times when you legitimately hurt my feelings, but when we went to Hogsmeade, or right now? You genuinely aren’t bad to be around. Not to mention you literally saved my life in our Quidditch game last weekend.”

“Wait—what do you mean I hurt your feelings?” Draco asked, his eyes wide with concern. “I know I’ve been mean to you but what have I said that’s actually hurt you?”

I shrugged. “There’s been a lot of times, I can’t really pick one out of the air.”

“Well, if you think of something, let me know so I don’t say it again,” he said earnestly, his eyes still sad.

You couldn’t believe your ears. Draco seemed almost apologetic, despite not knowing exactly what it was he had said to you.

“There was something Silver said that confused me, though,” you said slowly, not really wanting to bring it up but knowing that you needed to hear the truth from Draco himself—that he didn’t actually love you. Or like you.

“What?”

“He told me you’re in love with me,” you admitted. “The words he used were like, ‘obsessed with me’ and ‘totally into me’, things like that. I just couldn’t wrap my head around something as stupid as that. He wouldn’t shut up about it though.”

Draco stayed quiet, watching you as you finished speaking. You looked back up at him, waiting for his laughter at the absurdity of the concept.

“But you don’t like me, right?” you pressed. “You’re not in love with me or anything?”

“Oh, right,” Draco said, snapping back into himself. “Right. That’s incredibly dumb. I couldn’t ever be in love with you, I don’t even know what love is.”

You sighed in relief, leaning back against the tree trunk. “I thought I did,” you admitted quietly into the darkness. “When Emerson and I were together.”

“Didn’t he cheat on you?” Draco asked, his tone laced with venom.

“That’s not the point, dickhead,” you said, though you laughed. “The point is, that was the first time someone made me feel special, you know? That was the first time any boy had ever given me a second glance. I thought I loved him, but I was really just naïve. I was naïve for thinking I could be anything more than a fuckbuddy to a guy who was that much older than me.”

Draco sat in silence for a few moments, and even you were surprised you’d told him that. You hadn’t even really gone that deep when you’d told Marin about it.

“If it helps you feel any better, I thought I was in love with Pansy,” Draco said with a chuckle. “If that isn’t stupid, I don’t know what is.”

You couldn’t help it; you laughed. Pansy Parkinson was a girl who had used Draco simply to get awfully expensive presents from him for Christmas and had promptly broken up with him when she received an offer to attend the even more prestigious wizarding school of Beaubaxtons. You weren’t sure how she was going to find another spoiled rich kid boyfriend at an all-girls wizarding school, but you’d be lying if you said you were sad she’d left. Draco had been devastated; you remembered how upset he’d been for weeks. Those were some of the worst weeks for you and Draco, he’d been especially mean for a pretty long period of time.

“What do you think love is, anyway?” Draco asked quietly.

You hummed; you weren’t sure how to answer this question. You had thought love was a stomach full of butterflies, and a pair of eyes full of soft glances and sneaky winks. Your heart sank at the thought of how you’d received those from Emerson, and nobody else since.

“I don’t know,” you said after a few beats of silence. “I guess I’d have to experience real love to figure the answer to that question out.”

Draco nodded. “That makes sense.”

You yawned then, lying down on the blanket. “What time is it, anyway? We probably don’t have much time left before curfew.”

“Oh, about that,” Draco said sheepishly, “when I told you we had two hours, we actually only had twenty minutes. It’s almost one in the morning.”

“What??” you cried, shooting up. “Why did you lie like that??”

Draco shrugged, though even in the dim lighting you could see his smug face. “I guess I just wanted to hang out with you.”

You stood up off the ground, immensely annoyed. “If we get in trouble, I’m never hanging out with you again,” you threatened.

“You already promised to,” Draco pointed out, poking your arm. He only smirked at your furious expression. “Relax, princess. I know exactly how to sneak into the castle without getting caught. Nobody’s even going to know we were outside.”

You huffed angrily. “Don’t call me princess.”

“Sure thing, princess,” Draco said with a wink as he pulled you behind him, back down the winding path of your shortcut back to the castle.

You only barely had time to re-cast the illusion spell on your hideout, jogging slightly to keep up with Draco’s long legs and his subsequent quick pace.

“Slow down, Goliath, I’m not as tall as you are,” you grumbled, and he looked back at you apologetically as he slowed down per your request.

“Sorry, princess,” he said with a smirk, and your scowl only deepened upon hearing that stupid nickname again.

You wanted to hate it. He’d never called you that before. You knew he was only doing it to get a rise out of you. And you would never admit that it was working.

You would also never admit to the butterflies that took off in your stomach every time you heard the word fall from his dumb, stupid lips.

You absolutely, positively did not want Draco to be in love with you. You barely wanted him to be your friend.

So why, then, did you get the urge to name the butterflies in your stomach? 

Is it possible that, deep down, you knew those butterflies were gonna be sticking around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i got an 84% on my spanish composition, and considering the fact that i didn't study for it and pulled it out of my ass as we wrote it in class, i'm pretty proud of myself. i've just lost like, all motivation for classes and all i wanna do is write fanfiction LMAO. that's what the weekend is for, i guess.
> 
> speaking of, i'm probably not going to upload tomorrow or sunday. i wanna stay ahead of myself so i can post regularly for you guys, so i'm gonna take the weekends off to just write as much as i possibly can so i can upload as regularly as possible throughout the week.
> 
> i hope you like this chapter!! if you like slow build you'll love the ones coming up. and if you want them to just KISS ALREADY, well, just remain patient ;)


	8. draco's potions tutor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and draco go back to your hidey-hole. he's got a lot on his mind.

Quidditch practice the next day was awkward, to say the least. Draco refused to speak to you or even meet your eyes, which seemed to be becoming a pattern after a night where he’d done something either really terrible or you two had shared literally anything about each other.

Arlie, however, seemed surprised (and slightly pleased). He even came up to you after practice was over to commend you for it.

“I know it was probably awkward for you guys when I got mad at the two of you for being shitty to each other, so I want to apologize for blowing up. But I will still have to suspend you if you can’t prove you can get along.”

You glanced over at Draco, who was silently putting his things away in his bag. “Yeah,” you breathed by way of response. “I mean, we’re trying, I guess. I’ve agreed to tutor him in one of his classes, so we’ll kind of have to learn to not argue twenty-four-seven anyway.” 

Arlie smiled, his delight evident. “I like the sound of that. We’ll see you guys tomorrow. Don’t forget we’re playing Hufflepuff this weekend, so rest up and keep yourselves sharp.”

You nodded, and he turned around and left the tent.

“Y/N?” came a quiet voice from behind you.

You turned to see Draco, his eyes softer than you’d ever seen them.

“You okay?” you asked, though deep down you already knew the answer.

“I…it’s okay if the answer’s no, but could we go back to that little tree-hole we went to yesterday? I…I need someone to talk to and I feel like you won’t really judge me. E-even if you make fun of me, you know?”

You didn’t know how to respond, so you simply nodded. “Yeah, of course. Maybe bring your Potions work, we can start working on some of that.”

“But it’s Wednesday,” he argued, though his tone was weak. “It’s Hogsmeade day.”

You looked up at him, folding your arms. “Twice a week, and we didn’t do a thing on Monday,” you reminded him. “Just for this week, we’ll tutor today and Friday, and we can go to Hogsmeade for dinner.”

His eyes lit up then, and he nodded. 

“I’m going to shower first, also,” you remarked as the two of you exited the tent. “I feel disgusting.”

“Just meet me at my dorm, then?” he requested. “That way we can just walk there together.”

“You’re just scared you’ll get lost,” you joked as the two of you entered the Common Room. He chuckled. “Maybe. I’ll just see you in a bit,” he responded.

You nodded, still unsure about his attitude. You weren’t used to this level of calm from him, you were a tad worried it would end in him exploding.

Shaking that thought out of your head, you managed to get in and out of the shower in just under ten minutes.

You used your wand to make your hair style itself into a perfect knot on top of your head, and you pulled on a black shirt with the Slytherin crest on it, putting a white cardigan on top. Pairing it with your favorite pair of jeans, you slipped on some shoes and pulled a few baby hairs out of your bun to frame your face with. You grabbed your bag, which you’d filled with your Potions books, and took off to find Draco’s room.

You ran up the stairs to the boys’ dormitories, stopping to compose yourself before knocking on Draco’s door. A few moments passed before the boy opened the door, causing your breath to catch in your throat.

He held a towel around his waist, and his hair was still dripping wet. You couldn’t help but notice how His eyes widened at the sight of you, and he flushed red. “I—sorry,” he said quickly. “You can come in if you want.”

You were sure the blush on your own face was just as deep, but you took his invitation and walked on in. “I’ll turn away while you change and stuff,” you said. “I didn’t know you weren’t ready, I could’ve taken a bit longer.”

“No, it’s okay,” he said, still very obviously flustered. “I kind of took my time in the shower.”

“I understand,” you said, feeling more awkward as more time went by with you just staring at the door.

“Okay, you can, uh—turn around now,” he said after a few moments of nearly unbearable silence.

You turned around to see him, and you didn’t want to admit it, but you had never realized before how attractive the Slytherin Prince was. His hair was still wet, but he’d run a hand through it to sort of slick it back, but it was a sort of combination of messed-up slicked-back. Like if he’d had it slicked back normally but had messed it up.

You didn’t know. Your thoughts were sort of all over the place as he looked back at you. The most confusing part was how you genuinely felt about how he looked at you, standing right in front of you without saying anything. Your heart felt like it was about to beat out of your chest, and you had no idea why.

“Are you ready to go?” he asked, shouldering his bag. You could see it was full of books and papers, and you almost smiled at the fact that for once, he’d listened to you.

“If you are,” you said with a smile.

He followed you down to the Common Room and out of the castle, as you once again walked towards the giant tree branch that hid your secret walkway from the rest of the Hogwarts population.

You waved your wand to disperse the illusion spell from your tree and ducked to crawl in, Draco directly behind you.

Sitting down on the blanket, Draco threw his bag on the ground and dropped like a rock, sprawling out across the blanket you’d put out.

“Are you okay?” you asked, knowing the answer.

“No,” Draco huffed, scrubbing at his face. “My parents aren’t happy about the note Dumbledore sent home. They’re threatening to remove me from school if my grades don’t come up by Christmas.”

You sighed. You should’ve seen this coming. “Talk to Marin about Divinations, seriously,” you reminded him. “I can help with Potions, but I don’t have the time to do two classes worth of homework for two people. But she’s great at it.”

He sighed. “Maybe. I don’t know. I already don’t want to go home for Christmas. I don’t know what I’ll do if I have to go home for Christmas just to stay home permanently.”

“You won’t have to,” you said decidedly, settling yourself down beside his head. “I’m here to help you get your grades up.”

“I know. Thanks, y/n.”

You only smiled in response, pulling your Potions bag out of your bag. “Alright. Tell me what Amortentia does.”

Draco sighed, situating himself on the blanket until he was comfortable. His head rested against the tree trunk, and you weren’t entirely sure how that was comfortable. “It’s a love potion,” he said slowly. “It doesn’t create real love, though, just really bad obsession.”

“Good,” you said proudly, smiling brightly down at the messy-haired boy. “What about the Caxambu Style Borborygmus Potion?”

“That makes…doesn’t that cause headaches?” Draco said, squeezing his eyes shut.

“No, it causes your stomach to growl,” you said, pointing to the line in the book that proved you were right. “I should make you flashcards or something,” you said with a chuckle.

Draco shifted again, and you looked down at him. “Are you sure you’re comfortable?” you asked with a chuckle.

“I want to lay down, I’m tired, but the ground isn’t a very nice place to lay my head down,” he said with a grimace.

Before you even realized what you were doing, you patted your leg with the hand that wasn’t holding the Potions book open.

“What?” he asked, giving you a very confused look.

“Put your head on my lap, it’ll be more comfortable for you,” you suggested, though your heart began to beat much faster as you realized what you’d said.

He didn’t seem to pay much mind, though, scooting up and placing his head on top of your thigh. “This is much better, you were right,” he said with a smile. 

You sighed and closed the Potions book. “We’ll catch up more on Friday,” you said decisively, resting your head on the tree bark behind you. “You can just talk to me about what you’re upset about today.”

Draco took a deep breath, preparing himself to start speaking. “I guess I’m just stressed,” he admitted slowly. “I’m doing my best in Potions, but I can’t ever seem to get it right. I listen to Snape, I read the book’s instructions, but every time, it goes bad exactly the way Snape says it will. I don’t get it.”

You nodded. “You take things too quickly,” you said after a few beats of silence. “You want to seem like you knew exactly what to do, like you were a step ahead of everyone. But by rushing everything and not taking your time the way the book almost always says to do, you end up ruining the whole thing. At that point, it doesn’t matter whether you stirred precisely eighteen times or whether you added two pinches of bitterroot, if you’ve gone too fast your potion becomes junk.”

“Fuck,” Draco said simply, shutting his eyes. “I just wanted to get it done with, and that always ended up fucking the entire thing up.”

You nodded, though Draco couldn’t see you nodding. “It’s an art, in my opinion,” you said with a smile. “And art takes time.”

“What about Divinations, though?” he asked then. “That one should be so easy. All I have to do is make up bullshit predictions and Trelawney should be happy.”

“Well, how often do you reuse predictions?” you asked.

“I have four that I cycle through,” he admitted.

“She might be batshit insane, but her memory’s sharp,” you informed him. “She will get mad if she thinks you’re just trying to bullshit her, and she will fail you on that alone.”

Draco groaned. “So, what, then? What do I do?”

“Talk to Marin,” you said, tapping his nose. He opened his eyes to look up at you, a smile growing on his face. “She’s a lot better at bullshitting Trelawney than I am.”

“A Hufflepuff, better than a Slytherin at bullshitting?” Draco asked incredulously. “I’m appalled. You should be ashamed.”

“You only have four fake predictions, you have absolutely no room to talk,” you shot back with a laugh.

He rolled his eyes, but his smile was big. He shut his eyes again, letting out a content breath. “Your leg is really comfortable, y/n,” he said with a chuckle.

“My body is the best place to rest your head, I’m nothing but squish,” you said with a smile.

“Let’s test that, then,” Draco responded, grinning mischievously. “Lay down.”

“What?”

“I’m gonna lay my head on your stomach, see if it’s more comfortable than your leg,” Draco responded, like it should’ve been obvious.

You hoped he didn’t notice your blush as you did what he asked, lying down on the ground, and putting your arms behind your head.

He settled his head onto your stomach, shutting his eyes again. “This is very comfortable,” he admitted, and you could hear the smile in his voice. “Probably a nine out of ten.”

“What was my leg?” you asked. 

“Eight,” he said confidently. “You moved it too much.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m sorry, your highness.”

Draco laughed. The sound was loud and happy, and you relished in the contagious happiness it brought to you.

“When’s dinner?” you asked, feeling your stomach rumble even as you asked the question.

“Wanna just go now?” he asked, sitting up. “I’m pretty hungry myself.”

“That’d be great, actually,” you said, shoving your books back into the bag you’d brought them in. You hadn’t done hardly any actual studying, but you found that you didn’t mind. Being friends with Draco seemed to be a lot nicer than being enemies with him. 

So far, at least.

He hopped up, holding out a hand to help you up that you gratefully accepted. Shouldering his own book bag, he neglected to let go of your hand as the two of you exited the tree trunk. 

And you “neglected” to let him know.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two of you spent most of the evening at Hogwarts. You made it back with only moments to spare before curfew, but instead of going to your own room, you found yourself in Draco’s.

“Must be nice to not have a roommate,” you commented. You loved Juniper, but it was sometimes rough never having your own space.

“Yeah, my dad actually didn’t want me to have one,” he responded. “So, he paid, like, a bunch extra to make sure I got my own room. It wasn’t really my choice, but then again, I didn’t have a choice.”

“Does it ever get lonely?” you asked.

He shrugged. “I have Crabbe and Goyle up here a lot, so I guess not, but it’d be nice to have someone to talk to in the dark, you know?”

You nodded. “That makes sense, I guess.”

Draco didn’t really respond to that. Instead, he sat on his bed, opening up his Potions books. “Okay, so tell me how I fucked up the potion we did on Monday. The burn-healing one.”

“The one you turned black?” you asked, and he nodded.

“How many times did you stir it?”

“Eighteen.”

“Did you count?”

“I-in my head,” he stammered sheepishly.

You shook your head. “My guess is you lost count because you were in such a rush to get it done and one-up whoever you were trying to one-up, and you fucked yourself over in the process.”

“Is there any way we could do it again? Like, outside of Potions, so I could try to not fuck it up?”

“We could try, but we’d have to ask Professor Snape for permission to use the classroom after hours. And we’d have to come back after Quidditch practice to try again.”

“Could we do that Friday?” Draco asked, his eyes lighting up. You nodded. “Sure, if we get Snape’s permission.”

“He likes you,” Draco pointed out. “I’m sure he won’t tell you no, especially if you tell him you’re tutoring me.”

“He doesn’t dislike you,” you told him, but Draco made a face that made it evident he didn’t believe a word you’d just said. “Snape puts up with me because I’m a Malfoy,” he said begrudgingly. “If I were anyone else, he definitely would’ve tried to kick me out of Slytherin by now.”

“There’s no way,” you countered. “You couldn’t even bond over your shared hatred of Harry Potter?”

Draco rolled his eyes. “We don’t say that boy’s name in my room,” he said sarcastically, though the venom behind his tone was evident.

You shrugged. “Okay. Back to Potions, then.”

The two of you went over every failed potion Draco had tried over the last few weeks of class, and you wrote down a list of ingredients you would need for each one.

“We’re only going to try a couple during tutoring sessions,” you said finally. “We can’t try to recreate all six of these potions on Mondays and Fridays. I don’t want to deplete Snape’s ingredients.”

“He gets them from Sprout,” Draco responded. “It’s not like he’s got a super limited supply.”

“Still, it’s better to be considerate and be allowed to keep using the classroom,” you quipped, and Draco nodded. “That’s true.”

“So Friday, we’ll re-try the burn-healing paste and the brain elixir, and Monday we can re-try the Calming Draught and Pepperup Potion. Sound good?”

Draco nodded, yawning. “I don’t wanna go to classes tomorrow,” he half-whined. 

“You have to, Snape probably won’t want to let me use the classroom for you after hours if you can’t even show up to regular class,” you said, nudging his shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he mumbled, pulling off his Slytherin robes. “I just wanna go to bed.”

“Then go to bed, I’ll see you in Potions in the morning,” you said quietly, turning away as he pulled his shirt off and fell into bed.

“Can’t you stay?” he whined, holding out a hand. “It gets lonely in here.”

You hesitated, a fire igniting in your heart at his words. “Not tonight,” you hurried out. “If we get caught we’ll get detention again.”

He sighed, his eyes sad. “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning, then.”

“Bright and early,” you said, squeezing his shoulder as you slipped out of his room.

Juniper was still up and waiting for you when you returned.

“It is three in the morning,” you whisper-yelled at her, and she simply shrugged.

“It’s not every day we go meet Draco Malfoy in the Astronomy Tower by ourselves, and then stay out with him for five hours,” she shot back, though her eyes were wide with surprise. “Are you guys hooking up?”

You nearly choked. “Oh my god, no. I’m tutoring him in Potions, and all we did was go get food at Hogsmeade and we came back to study.”

“Oh, so it was just a study date,” Juniper said with a wink.

“That was _not_ a date!” you cried. “We’re barely friends, you know how big of a prick he is!”

“It sounds more like you’re trying to convince yourself of that, y/n,” Juniper replied knowingly. She yawned as she crawled into bed. “Just remember who you stayed out for last night when you can’t stay awake long enough to stir your potion properly.”

You stuck your tongue out at her as she rolled over in bed, but even as you turned the lights out, you knew she was right.

Were you simply setting yourself up for heartbreak?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am back, babey!
> 
> all the potions i write about in this chapter or this story are all taken from the harry potter potions wikipedia page. so if i'm wrong about them it's their fault.
> 
> thank you all so much for the understanding comments about me taking the weekend off. i got a lot of writing and homework done and i also spent some time with friends and finally fixed the problem with my truck whining really loudly every time i turned. it turned out to be a power steering fluid problem and if i hadn't gotten it fixed when i did my friend taylor told me i likely would've ended up losing control of my car and wrecking like within the week. so i now owe him my life and i will be his personal bodyguard for the rest of his life.
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter!! i'm excited for the upcoming angst ;))))))


	9. potions & cedric diggory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you have your first tutoring session with draco, and it goes remarkably well.

You barely had time to think before it was Friday. Although suspicious, Snape had agreed to allow you and Draco to use the Potions classroom for tutoring purposes. 

“The boy could use some help,” Snape had said as he gave you his permission. “Five points to Slytherin for you for stepping up to the plate.”

Quidditch practice had taken forever, also, because Arlie had made the team drill and drill and drill. 

“Hufflepuff is never going to let us live it down if they beat us two games in a row,” he had yelled by way of a post-practice ‘pep talk’. “Our focus this week is _teamwork_ and _aim_. Our scoring needs to improve, but for our team to improve, we have to work together.”

His glances at you and Draco as he emphasized “teamwork” and “work together” did not go unnoticed by either of you.

Draco beat you to the Potions classroom, which didn’t really surprise you. You had washed your hair in your post-practice shower, so it now laid down your back in big, shiny waves.

You handed the ingredient list for the brain elixir to Draco as you pulled out your cauldron. He wandered around grabbing the ingredients while you pulled out your Potions book, opening it to the right page.

He brought all the ingredients to the desk where you sat, the cauldron across from where you had the book open to the recipe.

“What happened when you messed this up the first time?” you asked, reading over the part of the book that told you what things caused what bad reactions.

“Um…it sort of gurgled, then it turned red and evaporated,” he said, staring into the empty cauldron.

You read through the book to find what that meant. “Okay, it looks like you stirred it completely before you added the hippogriff feather, and you were supposed to add the feather after you stirred six times.”

“So, I stir six times, then add the feather, then stir four more times to make it ten stirs?”

“That’s what it looks like,” you said. “I’m pretty sure that’s what Snape told us to do, anyway.”

Draco nodded. “I’ll get the water started for this, then.”

You agreed, looking through the ingredients he’d brought. “You have your wand, right?” 

He nodded again, pulling it out and handing it to you to set on the table. You were surprised at how sleek it looked, admiring it as you set it down too.

Once Draco had the water ready for the ingredients, you handed him the first one.

“Pour this one in slowly,” you said firmly, holding the book open in your arms. “Remember, Potions is about taking your time, not rushing to get it done as quickly as possible. The Polyjuice Potion takes a month to brew for a reason.”

Draco nodded, opening the vial, and pouring the ingredient in slowly, as ordered. He emptied it and placed it back on the desk, looking at you expectantly. 

“Here, you read the book,” you said, placing it down. “I can’t tell you how to do everything.”

He huffed slightly but didn’t argue. You stood by his side, watching as he read through the ingredients and added them one by one.

“Okay, now here’s the tricky part,” you said once he picked up the feather. “Stir six times first, remember?”

He nodded, beginning to stir. He counted to six, then pulled the spoon out. He looked at you nervously, and you nodded, handing him the feather back. “Just drop it in, and wait until it dissolves before you stir again,” you instructed.

He dropped it in, watching for a few seconds before picking up the spoon again.

“Four more stirs, and it should turn clear,” you said, reading the book over his shoulder.

He stirred four more times, and gasped slightly when the mixture did, indeed, turn clear.

“Now wave your wand over it and it should be done,” you said, feeling your chest swell with pride at the fact that you taught someone else something.

He waved his wand in a perfect figure eight over the cauldron, and with a spark from his wand, the potion was finished.

“You did it, Draco!” you said happily, holding up your hand for a high-five.

Instead Draco grabbed you and pulled you close for a hug, which was almost the exact opposite of what you had been expecting. You froze for a second before just giving in, and you wrapped your arms around the boy’s neck, holding him tightly to yourself before he pulled away.

“S-sorry, I just got excited,” he said sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“It’s okay, Draco, you should be proud of yourself. See how much good taking it slow can do?” you said, nudging him playfully.

“I’ll remember that,” he said with a wink, and suddenly your knees went weak.

You hoped he didn’t notice when you turned away to hide the blush on your face, but you were honestly shocked at your own reaction to what Draco had done.

You couldn’t rationalize the reaction you had just had, and you weren’t sure you wanted to. You knew Draco hadn’t meant anything by that wink, so you tried your best to shrug it off as you thumbed to the page for the Bitterroot Balm potion.

“Here, this is the one that nearly ruined your cauldron on Monday,” you pointed out, sliding the book over into Draco’s view. He looked down at it, nodding. “That sure is it,” he mumbled, his eyes glazing over as if he was replaying the incident in his head.

“Alright, now just remember, take your time and count your stirs,” you reminded him, pouring part of the elixir you had finished into a vial to show Snape later, and the rest of it down the drain. You rinsed the cauldron thoroughly and got more water into it before setting it back down in front of Draco.

He looked down at the book. “It says the first thing we need to put in is the paste from this aloe plant,” he said, holding the leaf oddly.

“Cut it open,” you advised, and he nodded. But then he looked at it more closely, squeezing it with his fingers before simply snapping it open.

“Well, that’s one way to do it,” you said with a chuckle as you helped him squeeze the paste from the plant into the cauldron.

“I mean, did you see a knife?” Draco asked, and you gave him a funny look as you pointed down to the small knife you had procured from Snape’s desk.

“Fuck, I guess I’m just blind,” Draco said with a laugh. 

You laughed. “I won’t argue that.”

“Hey, that’s rude.”

You attempted to wink back. “That’s my best quality,” you said jokingly, and Draco laughed—a real laugh—at that one.

The two of you continued working through the potion, and when this one came out just as successful as the elixir, you praised the Slytherin Prince once again. He didn’t hug you this time, but you hated that you found yourself wishing he would have.

You went your separate ways after cleaning up in Potions, the two vials clinking in your robe pocket to proudly show Snape come Monday.

\--------------------------------------------

You headed to the Great Hall for dinner, meeting with Marin and sitting across from her and Cedric Diggory, a Hufflepuff you knew fairly well but didn’t consider yourself super close to.

“Hi, Cedric,” you said with a smile as you sat down. Marin gave you a smug smile, and you returned it with a confused look.

“Y/N, we were just talking about you,” Marin said with a smile. “Cedric had something he wanted to ask you.” The brunette boy blushed furiously at Marin’s words, but you just smiled at him. “It’s okay, Cedric,” you said reassuringly, “I don’t bite.”

“I-I know we don’t know each other super well,” Cedric began, “but I’ve always thought you were extremely pretty. I was wondering if you would want to sit with me at the Quidditch match next weekend? It’s Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw, so you won’t be playing. I mean because you’re in Slytherin. I mean…you know?” he asked, blushing furiously as he stumbled through his last words.

You smiled at the Hufflepuff boy across the table from you. You hadn’t really noticed before how handsome he really was. Sure, you thought he was funny and charming, but he really was good-looking, too. 

“Sure, that sounds like a great idea,” you said brightly, and Cedric’s face lit up.

“Great! I’ll meet you in the courtyard an hour before the game, then?”

“Definitely. I’ll wear my best Gryffindor attire,” you said with a laugh.

“Good choice, you wouldn’t want to wear the losing team’s colors,” an older Gryffindor boy remarked from farther down the table, causing your whole group to burst into laughter.

Finishing your food, you stood and stretched. “I’ll see you guys later, I have to study,” you said begrudgingly. 

“You still have homework to finish?” Marin asked. “What have you been doing since Quidditch practice ended?”

“In the Potions classroom, tutoring Draco,” you replied.

“Draco Malfoy?” Marin asked, and you nodded. “He says he isn’t doing too well, and since I’m his partner in Potions, I can vouch for that. I’m just helping him redo potions and telling him where he’s screwing up, really. It’s probably the easiest job in the world.”

You then remembered how he said he was also struggling in Divinations, and you turned back to Marin as you went to leave. “Also, he told me he isn’t doing too well in Divinations, either. I told him to talk to you, but I doubt he’ll do that on his own accord. If he hasn’t spoken to you by Monday, please talk to him about it yourself. He said his parents are going to pull him from Hogwarts if his grades aren’t up by Christmas.”

Cedric’s brows furrowed together as Marin nodded in acknowledgement. “I didn’t realize you and Malfoy were so close lately,” Marin remarked, and Cedric nodded in agreement. You shrugged. “I wouldn’t call it close,” you said simply. “He’s just less of a dick. I wouldn’t even say we’re friends. He’s just desperate to stay at Hogwarts.”

“Which I can understand,” Cedric filled in.

You nodded. “I’ll see you guys later,” you said with a smile, waving at the two of them as you departed.

You Accio’d your books to yourself, heading into the library with everything you needed to study for your upcoming Divinations exam. You weren’t as smart as Marin when it came to Divinations, as she was much more skilled in the art of bullshittery when it came to just getting through Trelawney’s class. However, you weren’t failing. You just needed to come up with more predictions and possibly get yourself some House points while you were at it.

You’d been studying for quite a while when you heard someone fall into the chair next to you, scooting up awfully close.

Looking up, you saw none other than Draco pulling up beside you, his grey eyes light as he seemingly attempted to smile at you.

“What can I do for you, Malfoy?” you asked, your tone light. You weren’t unhappy that he was here, you just had no idea why. You could never be sure with the blond boy, his intentions were never readable or predictable.

“Came here to study, same as you,” he said with a shrug. “But then I saw you, so I figured I’d stay around and bother you awhile.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’ve got studying to do, maybe try that at the Quidditch game tomorrow,” you said, though you smiled at him to soften your words.

“Oh, come on, y/n, how long have you been in here? I haven’t seen you since we finished up in the Potions classroom.”

You glanced up at the clock, shocked to see that it was almost ten o’ clock. You had left dinner just after 6. Had you really been here almost four hours?

“Come on, let’s go do something fun,” Draco urged, pulling slightly on your robes. “It’s Friday, we have until midnight tonight.”

“I know, Draco, but I really have to get homework done. Plus, our Quidditch game is tomorrow. Our curfew will be midnight tomorrow night too, can we wait until then?”

Draco huffed. He flopped back down in the chair beside you, making a noise the librarian shot a deadly glare towards.

“ _Quiet_ ,” she hissed, and you gave her an apologetic smile even as Draco moved his lips to silently mock her words.

“Seriously, Draco, if you’re going to be a bother, maybe you shouldn’t be here.” 

His eyes flashed, pushing back from the table. “Sorry to disturb you, _your highness_ ,” he spat. “Fuck, next time I won’t even speak to you.”

You looked up at him, surprised at his sudden outburst. He’d been so much kinder to you all week—where was this sudden change coming from?

“Draco, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he snapped, turning to leave the library. “Guess I’ll see you Monday.”

“I—I mean, I guess. Do you not want to hang out tomorrow anymore?”

“No. I’ll see you on the field.”

You sat there, stinging from his harsh rejection. You hadn’t expected that from Draco. You expected him to be a little annoyed at you brushing him off so you could study—but you hadn’t been prepared for him to be that angry.

You tried to keep studying, but you were too distracted by that point. Sighing, you packed up your stuff to head up to your dorm, just as the clock hit 10:30.

You climbed up the stairs to your dorm room, still mulling over Draco’s latest episode.

It was all you could hope for that he would be back to being less hateful tomorrow, because you knew if either of you pulled anything, the both of you were off the Quidditch team for the rest of the school year.

You shivered at the thought of what that might mean for Draco’s future at Hogwarts, but you tried to push the thought out of your head as you pulled the covers of your bed up over your body.

Your sleep didn’t come easily, and it fought against staying, too. Your restless sleep was accompanied only by fitful dreams of pale, white-blond boys, lying on your lap and smiling up at you, despite their stormy grey eyes pleading for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't have ANY classes tomorrow so guess who's gonna do like no homework and just keep writing chapters for this all day? lmao ME, you're right!!!
> 
> also thank you guys so much for the kind comments. it really, 100% makes my day every time i see one. i try to respond to a lot of them, but just know i also see all of them and i love them. 
> 
> i hope you guys enjoy the chapter!!


	10. "we aren't friends"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the quidditch game comes and goes, but draco's mad at you. you're not sure why.

Saturday dawned far too early for you. You yawned as you crawled out of bed, wishing you had Vitamix Potion on you. You felt like you weighed about three thousand pounds as you dragged yourself around to pull your Quidditch uniform on.

You grabbed a quick breakfast and made it out onto the field with barely any time to spare, though you did, at least, feel a little more awake. You subconsciously searched the team for Draco, spotting the boy on the other end of the lineup, his broom in hand. Even from a distance, you could see the bags under the Slytherin Prince’s eyes, and you felt a tug of worry in your gut for him as he stood in line listening to Arlie’s pre-game pep talk.

“Your aim has improved, and your teamwork has taken great strides,” he called as he paced in front of your team. “I want to see that put into practice on the field! Am I understood?”

“Yes, Captain!” Arlie only wanted to hear “Yes, Captain” on game days. Every other day of the week, if you called him anything other than Arlie, he’d bench you for the rest of practice. 

“Alright, boys and girls, on your brooms!”

You happily obliged, more than ready to take to the skies again. Despite your deep hatred for how hard Arlie ran you and your teammates for practices, the rush of the Quidditch games and the crispness of the air around you as you flew for the Snitch made the grueling practices and horrid early mornings worth it.

You flew up to face across from Cedric Diggory as Madam Hooch dragged the chest of Quidditch balls out to the middle of the field below.

“You’ll still go out with me next weekend if we beat you, right, y/n?” he called over to you, a giant grin on his face.

“Even though you don’t have to worry about that, I’ll say yes to ease your worries,” you called back, your grin equally large.

“We’ll see about that, love,” he yelled as the balls were released and the game began. Your heart skipped a beat as you kicked your broom into gear, flying after the Hufflepuff Seeker and the Snitch you weren’t sure he was following.

You paid little attention to the rest of your team as you darted around the field that day. Either Cedric was on your tail or you were on his, both of you darting around Bludgers and spotting the Snitch—only to lose it seconds later.

Finally, you saw the Snitch—and you managed to find it again even after glancing up at the scoreboard—Slytherin 80, Hufflepuff 110. You quickly darted around Cedric to follow it, knowing you didn’t have very much of a head-start. You zipped around a Bludger headed straight for you as you followed the golden ball through its anything-but-straight course, and you scooted forward on your broom as you reached your hand out in order to grab it.

Your fingers grazed it slightly—and then it was in your hand.

“EVERGLADE CATCHES THE SNITCH!” the announcer howled, and your classmates in the stands went wild. “SLYTHERIN WINS, 230 TO 110!”

You landed safely, sliding off your broom into the arms of your teammates, all of them hauling you up and cheering for you—all except Draco.

Silver caught up to you as you left the tent after the game, nudging you with his elbow. “Nice catch there, Everglade.”

“Only the best for the Quidditch team,” you said with a laugh.

“Oi, y/n!” You turned back to see Arlie motioning for you to return to the tent.

“Come by my dorm once you’re done,” Silver said. “Marin’s gonna be there and she and I wanted to talk to you for a bit.”

You were confused, but you gave him a thumbs-up anyway. “Will do,” you said with a smile as you turned to jog back to the Quidditch tent.

Draco stood with Arlie as you reentered the tent, holding his hands behind his back and rocking on the balls of his feet.

“I wanted to thank the two of you for putting in so much effort to hate each other less, even if it was only for the sake of Quidditch,” Arlie said earnestly as he looked between the two of you. “I really, really didn’t want to suspend my two best players, but I needed you guys to understand how important it is to have teamwork on a, well, a team. It can’t work the way it’s supposed to work if the people in the team can’t even act civilly with each other. But you two did, and I’m proud of the both of you. I’ll see you guys at practice Monday. I’m giving the team tomorrow off.”

You could’ve jumped for joy.

You walked beside Draco as you restarted your trek back to the castle, but he remained silent. It was honestly too silent for your liking, not after you two had talked so much throughout the past week.

“On Monday we can show Snape your new Potions,” you said by way of starting a new conversation.

“Yeah,” he breathed in response.

You were irritated that he was being so short with you. “What’s the deal with you, Malfoy?” you demanded.

“Fuck off, y/n. Go run along and find your boyfriend Cedric, I’m sure he needs some cheering up after he got his ass handed to him by a girl.”

You stood frozen, dumbfounded by Draco’s response. You didn’t even know how he knew you’d agreed to go out with Cedric. You couldn’t even bring yourself to go after him. You simply ran the rest of the way to the castle, passing him up and refusing to stop until you made it to the Slytherin Common Room, many, many yards ahead of Draco.

You ran up to Silver’s room, knocking twice and getting ushered into the room before you could knock a third time.

Marin sat on Silver’s bed and Silver stood next to his bed, freshly showered, and dressed in regular clothing.

“What’s up, guys?” you asked, still unsure what was so important that they couldn’t talk to you about it in the Common Room.

“It’s Draco,” Silver rushed out, and Marin nodded. “We think he’s jealous of you agreeing to go out with Cedric.”

Annoyance filled your entire body, and you couldn’t help the rolling of your eyes. “Draco told me himself he doesn’t like me, could you guys lay off?” you snapped. “It’s hard enough figuring out his mood swings enough to get him to listen to me when I try to tutor him, I don’t need you guys adding to the confusion by trying to convince me Draco’s in love with me.”

“Then why’s he mad at you?” Marin asked, and Silver folded his arms, looking at you expectantly for a response.

“I don’t know!” you shouted. “But it doesn’t matter. We aren’t friends. I tutor him in Potions, and we go to Hogsmeade once a week, and that’s so we don’t slit each other’s throats and get kicked off the Quidditch team!”

Silver sighed heavily, opening his mouth to respond, but you cut him off. “And why do you keep pushing this issue so much? Why does it matter if I’m going out with Cedric? Do you guys want me to date Draco or some shit?”

Silver shrugged, but that gave you your answer.

“Why?” you cried. “He’s been nothing but a prick to me since we met! We’ve practically been enemies for my entire time at Hogwarts. Why in the absolute fuck would either of you want me to be with him?”

Silver opened his mouth again, but you held up a hand. “Save it. If I want to go out with Cedric, I’ll fucking go out with Cedric. If you guys can’t be happy for me, then you aren’t my real friends.”

You slammed Silver’s door on your way out, feeling the hot, angry tears rushing down your face as you ran to your own dorm room. You couldn’t understand why Silver and Marin kept pushing you to accept that Draco liked you. He’d told you himself that he didn’t. You tutored him in Potions, that was it. Cedric was far nicer than Draco anyway. Why did your so-called friends seem to want you with someone who had never done anything but bully you, get you in trouble for things that weren’t your fault, and fight with you over stupid, petty shit?

You jumped at the sight of the person sitting on your bed. The last person you wanted to see at that moment.

Draco fucking Malfoy.

“What are you doing in my room??” you demanded, but he was already off your bed, hands out to stop you from rushing at him.

“Please, y/n, just listen to me,” he begged. “Wait—are you crying?”

“No,” you said angrily, wiping your face off with your sweaty Quidditch uniform. “Get the fuck out. I want to shower and I’m not doing that with you in here.”

“Let me talk first, then I’ll leave,” he promised.

You crossed your arms, still not fully believing him. “Fine. You have two minutes.”

“I’m sorry,” he rushed out. “I’m sorry I was a dick after practice and I’m sorry I was a dick last night. I’m just stressed. I know that’s not an excuse, but I really am trying my best, and I really am sorry.”

You sighed, tears stinging at the back of your eyes again. “Draco, all you do lately is apologize for how you treat me,” you stated, your voice cracking. “Why don’t you try treating me better instead of thinking apologies will fix everything every time?”

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. You could tell he knew you were right and didn’t have an argument to refute it.

“I—I’m sorry. Are you still going to go to Hogsmeade with me on Wednesday?”

You nodded slightly, and his eyes lit up. “Okay, great. Th-thank you, I mean—thanks, y/n. I don’t deserve you.”

His eyes squeezed shut as he realized what he’d said, while your head snapped up to look him in the eye. 

“Neither of us deserve each other,” you stated. “We both kind of deserve better friends.”

Draco nodded, but his eyes didn’t leave your face. “Wait—are you saying we’re friends?” he asked, a smile appearing on his face.

You scrubbed a hand over your face, cursing yourself for the smile you felt growing. “Sure, if that’ll get you to shut up,” you said, shoving his shoulder playfully.

He smiled widely. “I’ll see you later,” he said as he left your room.

“Hope that’s not a promise,” you called over your shoulder as the door shut behind him.

You wanted to still be angry at him, but as the hot water of the shower ran over your sweaty skin, you felt all the malice you held for him dissolve along with the dirt covering your body.

You had no idea how you were going to keep handling the back-and-forth that you knew wasn’t going to end anytime soon.

\----------------------------------------------

You avoided Silver and Marin for the rest of the day, instead electing to curl up into a dark corner of the Library, finishing up two different parchments and continuing to study for the upcoming Potions exam. Potions exams were different than any of the other exams in the school. You had to memorize a potion recipe and make it in class, without notes, your book, or magical help outside of your wand’s finishing touches. You always dreaded them, even though you always passed with flying colors. Or, at least, Snape’s version of flying colors.

Other students came and went while you were in your little corner, poring over different books and texts, some to help you with your parchments, some to help you learn Charms that would strengthen your memory for the Potions exam.

You hardly noticed the sun setting, but you did notice Cedric pulling out the chair across from you at the table you were at and sitting down.

“You look busy,” he commented as you finally looked up from the book that had been in front of you for what felt like ten years.

You nodded, even though you were smiling at him. “I’ve been here pretty much all day,” you said with a sigh. “Ever since Quidditch practice ended.”

Cedric nodded slowly. Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked back up at you sheepishly. “Look, I didn’t mean to offend when I asked you to sit with me next weekend,” he rushed out. “If I had known you were involved with Draco I never would’ve said anything.”

You felt your stomach drop at Cedric’s words. “I—what? I’m not ‘involved’ with Draco,” you said quickly. “What are you talking about? All I’m doing is tutoring him in Potions.”

Cedric looked up at you, concern swirling in his eyes. “That’s not what I was told,” he said simply, holding up his hands. “I’m sorry, y/n, but I really don’t want to get in the middle of whatever is happening between you.”

You closed your book, standing up to run after Cedric as he began to walk away. “Cedric, please, wait,” you begged, grabbing his wrist. He looked back at you expectantly, and you fumbled your words, trying to figure out what to say.

“I don’t know what you were told or who told you, but I swear on my life there is nothing between me and Draco in any way beyond tutoring. I tutor him and we’re on the Slytherin Quidditch team and that’s entirely, totally it.”

Cedric sighed heavily, nodding finally. “Alright. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions, then.”

“Who told you I was involved with him?” you asked, though your sinking stomach had really already answered that question.

“Draco,” Cedric breathed in response. “It was more of a ‘fuck off and don’t touch her’ more than it was an ‘I’m involved with her and I want to be exclusive with her’, but I guess I took it that way.”

You huffed. “I’m sorry. He gets very possessive, even if it’s just over his friends.”

“But are you really even friends with him? He’s kind of a dick to you,” Cedric reminded you, and you nodded.

“I wouldn’t say I’m his friend. I just know how it feels to want to stay at Hogwarts so badly, and I didn’t want to ruin that for him, regardless of how much I dislike him.”

Cedric nodded again and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Alright. I’m sorry I got so worked up, then. I’ll see you for the game next weekend.”

You smiled brightly, glad your issue with Cedric was resolved. “I’ll see you then.”

As he turned to leave, you turned back to gather up your books.

Your issue with Cedric had been eradicated, but now you had a new bone to pick, with the self-proclaimed Prince of Slytherin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another day, another chapter! lol. anyway, i'm really feeling the cedric vibes if i'm being honest. he's just so cute and i cried when he died, both in the movie and in the books.
> 
> i am not going to kill cedric off in this story, please don't worry about that. i'm too much of a simp for cedric to do that lmaooo.
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter! working on the next ones as we speak :))))))


	11. personal problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you rush off to find draco, angry with him for trying to ruin your budding relationship with cedric. then, come monday, he's absent from everything.
> 
> CW: mentions of physical & emotional abuse. y/n talks about being abused by an ex in these ways.

The Common Room was empty when you burst back into it, but that didn’t discourage you. You had exactly four places to look for the boy you wanted to find, and there was no doubt in your mind that he was absolutely in one of those places.

With the Common Room crossed off your list, you stomped up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory, your irritation growing with every step.

You tried the knob on Draco’s door, and surprisingly, it opened without problem.

Walking into the room, you saw that it, too, was empty. Groaning in annoyance, you slammed the door shut on your way out.

You quickened your pace to get to the Astronomy Tower, cursing the white-blond male with every step you took.

Ascending the stairs, you noted the silence beyond your footsteps, drawing your own conclusion that he wasn’t there, either.

And you were right.

This meant he was in the last place you’d expected him to be. Sure, you’d put it on the list, but it was the last option for a reason.

You sneaked out of the castle, lighting your wand with a whispered “ _Lumos_!”

You vaulted over the branch this time, your adrenaline pumping too quickly for you to register exactly what you were doing.

Dispersing the illusion spell once more, you ducked into the hollow tree trunk to meet eyes with exactly the person you wanted to throttle.

“Y/N,” Draco breathed, sitting up from his position lying down as you took a seat on the ground with him. His expression told you he hadn’t expected you to find him at all, but he really should’ve known a lot better than that.

“Care to explain to me why you took it upon yourself to try and fuck up my date with Cedric?” you asked. 

You had no interest in small talk at this point. You were too angry.

Draco blanched, which was sort of amusing to witness, considering how pale he already was.

“And don’t lie to me. Cedric told me you talked to him.”

“I just, I—” he stuttered, trying to find his bearings. You crossed your arms, leaning back and awaiting his answer.

“I just don’t think he’s good for you,” he finally blurted out.

You laughed, a scornful, unhappy laugh. “Oh, like you know who my ideal boyfriend is?” you snapped. “You probably think you’re so much better for me than someone who’s never been mean to me?  
Someone who respects me and treats me with kindness?”

Draco’s eyes searched yours, and you watched as he absolutely wilted under your harsh glare.

“You don’t know him, y/n,” he muttered, his eyes growing dark as he looked away from you.

“Do you think you do?” you snapped. “You don’t even speak to anyone unless they’re both Slytherin and pureblood, Malfoy. Don’t try to pull this shit with me.”

He huffed. “Why did you go to all the effort of coming out here to find me, then?” he asked, a scowl etched deep into his face. “Just to fucking yell at me?”

“I haven’t raised my voice, Malfoy,” you said darkly. “I have a right to be angry. You tried to ruin my date with Cedric, and you won’t even give me a real reason why.”

“Yes, I did,” he argued. “I told you that you don’t know him. He’s just another fucking Emerson Albatross, y/n, and I’m not in the mood to deal with you being upset over him.”

“Draco, you didn’t even know Emerson and I were ever a thing until last fucking week,” you yelled. “You never would’ve known. You didn’t notice when I was upset over Emerson. What makes you think I’d be so unbearable if Cedric ended up hurting me?”

Draco rolled his eyes. “That’s just how girls are,” he said with a shrug.

“I’m used to fucking getting hurt,” you said, folding your arms. “There isn’t anything Cedric could do to me that you haven’t done or tried to do already.”

Draco’s face fell, and you went to stand up to leave. “Stop meddling in my love life when you have no reason to,” you said coldly. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

Without even glancing back at him, you left your hidey-hole and walked briskly back to the castle.

You went straight up to your room, yawning as you pushed the door open. You pulled off your robes and pulled on your favorite hoodie, curling up in a ball on your bed as you felt yourself begin to cry.  
You didn’t know why Draco was so hell-bent on ruining everything that made you happy, but it was getting more and more frustrating as the days went on.

You fell into a restless, on-again-off-again sleep, but the thought of Draco didn’t leave your mind the whole night.

\-----------------------------------------------

Sunday came and went, as did Monday. You didn’t see Draco at all that day, wondering why he’d elected to skip his classes. It wasn’t until he didn’t show up to Quidditch practice, either, that you began to feel a worry you hadn’t expected.

Arlie had had to act as a second Keeper, grumbling about Draco’s absence the entire time. He was so irritated he cut practice short, ordering you to find out what was up with the Slytherin boy.

You didn’t know why it had to be your job, considering you liked him the least out of everyone on the team. You were also a girl, and there were plenty of boys on the team who could’ve banged on the stupid idiot’s door and forced him to admit what was up.

You went by the Potions classroom just in case—maybe he’d shown up for tutoring, but not Quidditch practice.

Predictably, though, the room was empty, although there was an empty cauldron on the desk that had not been there during class time.

You went back to the Slytherin Common Room, huffing to yourself as you climbed up the stairs to the boys’ dormitory for the second time in twenty-four hours. 

You knocked on the door this time, but after hearing movement in the room and receiving no answer, you tried the door again and it swung open again, unlocked.

Draco hopped up from his bed, his eyes wide and angry. “Don’t you have anything better to do than bug me?” he demanded, his eyes widening more as you walked all the way into your room.

“Believe me, Malfoy, if I hadn’t been told to come find you, I wouldn’t be,” you snapped, though a tug in your stomach let you know you were lying. “Arlie wants to know why you weren’t at Quidditch practice. He wasn’t super happy about having to play as Keeper.”

“It was one day,” Draco grumbled, running a hand over his hair. “He’ll get over it.”

“Draco, what _is your problem_?” you cried, finally getting to the end of your rope with the boy standing in front of you. “You keep going from semi-okay to total prick and I’m getting tired of walking on eggshells with you! You don’t have to be friends with me or talk to me about anything but don’t take this shit out on me! I’ve got shit to do, too!”

Draco looked at you, shocked at your outburst. He opened and shut his mouth several times, seemingly unable to find a response.

The two of you stared at each other for what felt like years, but neither of you said anything. You didn’t have anything else to say, and it seemed like he couldn’t find anything to say.

“Y/N, you wouldn’t understand anything,” he claimed, turning away from you.

“That’s all you have to say?” you yelled, seeing his shoulders tense as he winced from the volume of your voice. “Fuck, Malfoy, I thought we were becoming friends, but being friends usually requires you to be nice to the other person.”

“ _I can’t be friends with you_!” he cried, whirling around to face you again. “I cannot live up to these expectations you have. I can’t bring myself to talk about my problems because I haven’t had anyone to talk to before. Not to mention it’s none of your fucking business?? I just wanted to be tutored in Potions, not forced to go to therapy.”

You stood there, stunned into total silence by Draco’s revelation. You hadn’t expected him to share so much with you, let alone so much about why he didn’t like sharing about himself.

“Draco, I—”

“I’m sorry I skipped tutoring today. I can go on Wednesday instead of going to Hogsmeade so we can catch up. And I’ll go to practice tomorrow, I promise. But I need you to stop prying, please.”

“Draco, I’m not trying to pry,” you said, coming up to him and putting your hands on his shoulders. “I’m trying to figure out why you’re so angry all the time. What did I do?”

He looked at you, his eyes filling with sadness. You were surprised at his quick change of emotions, and before you could react, he had wrapped his arms around your torso, burying his head in your neck. You felt hot liquid on your neck, realizing he was crying. You wrapped your arms around him in return, letting him simply melt into your body.

“I don’t want to leave Hogwarts,” he whined, his voice thick with tears. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Is that it, Draco?” you asked quietly. “Is that all you’re worried about right now?”

“No,” he sniffled, pulling away from you. “But I can’t talk to you about the rest of it. I just can’t.”

“Do you want to talk to Marin or Silver about it?” you asked gently. “I know Marin will listen.”

He shrugged. “She’s been helping me with Divinations lately, but I don’t know if she’d talk to me.”

“I think she would. I can ask her about it if you want.”

He wiped at his face, rubbing tears off on his sleeves. “Okay.”

“Let’s go to Hogsmeade for dinner tonight,” you said, hooking your arm in his. “It’s on me this time.”

He nodded, before pulling his arm away. “Let me change first, I’ve got snot all over me.”

You chuckled, turning away to let him change.

A few moments later, you were on your way to Hogsmeade, using the shortcut and arriving there just on time for dinner.

“Did you skip tutoring with Marin then, too?” you asked as the two of you ate your food. 

“No. I only see her on Thursdays, she’s too busy the whole rest of the week.”

You nodded. “That sounds like Marin,” you said with a small smile.

“How did you guys even become friends?” Draco asked. “It sounds elitist, I know, but Slytherins aren’t really known to interact with other houses.”

You shrugged. “She was my partner in Potions first year,” you explained. “She wasn’t super great at it, so I usually did most of the work and let us both take credit.”

Draco chuckled. “So, she worked off you in Potions and you worked off her in Divinations, right?”

“No, we didn’t have Divinations together,” you said. “It was a shame. I definitely would’ve stolen her crystal ball readings a lot.”

Draco laughed. He seemed to be doing a little better than he had been when you first found him in his room a couple hours before, so against your better judgement, you decided to try to ask him what was ailing him again.

“You can talk to me about anything, Draco, I mean it,” you said earnestly, though his expression had already begun to turn sour. “It’s like what we talked about in the tree, I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“And what about you, then?” he asked with a tone of indignance. “You know all of this bullshit about me, and yet you’ve told me next to nothing about you.”

“I, I mean—what do you want to know?”

Draco sat back in his chair, throwing his hands up slightly. “I have no idea. What is there to know about you? What’s something you haven’t told anyone else?”

You looked around, surveying the small crowd of students that were still in the restaurant with you. “I don’t want to talk about it here,” you said quietly. “Maybe back in the tree, or in your dorm.”

He nodded. “Might as well be in my dorm, my bed is more comfortable.”

You sighed, pushing your chair back. You put a few Galleons on the table, before leading Draco out of the restaurant.

The two of you walked back to the castle in silence, although your heart was pounding so hard you were worried Draco could hear it.

You didn’t understand why you were so nervous about just talking to Draco. Maybe it was the fact that you were about to tell him something you really hadn’t told anyone else. You weren’t sure if you could trust Draco. You were fairly confident that he wasn’t a big enough dick to spread rumors about you, but how could you know? Even if he didn’t spread it around, what if he threw it in your face next time he was mad at you? You didn’t want to have a memory like that replaying in your head on nights when you couldn’t sleep.

Draco pulled the castle door open for you, gesturing for you to go in ahead of him. “After you, princess,” he said with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes at the nickname he’d pulled back out of thin air. You’d almost forgotten about it. 

Draco followed you up to his room, shutting the door behind the two of you.

“You can take off your robes, you know,” he commented. “Why do you even put those back on after Quidditch practice?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. I like the way they look, I guess.”

“You look better in things like that sweater you wore to the Astronomy Tower,” Draco said. “They make you look less…boxy.”

You rolled your eyes. “Thanks for the fashion lesson, Malfoy, I’ll keep that in mind.”

He shrugged, pulling off his sweater. “Well, if you want to stay uncomfortable, be my guest. But it always gets super fucking hot in my room, so I’m not going to keep my shirt on.”

You nearly choked at the sight of the boy in front of you, shirtless yet again. Why did this keep happening to you?

You decided it wasn’t really worth it to keep your robes on, especially since Draco certainly had already seen you in more form-fitting attire. So, with a sigh, you took them off and threw them on his desk chair before turning to join him where he sat on his bed.

“So,” he started out, “something you’ve never told anyone else before, then, huh?”

You nodded, your heart beginning to beat out of your chest again. Could you really tell Draco this when you hadn’t even told Marin?

He sat cross-legged on his bed, looking at you expectantly, but you couldn’t bring yourself to open your mouth.

“I, um—”

He scooted closer to you, putting a hand on your arm as you looked at your hand to see it was shaking. “Y/N, you don’t have to tell me something like this if it’s going to cause you problems,” he said quickly, clearly trying to rush the sentence out.

“No, I—I promised,” you said quietly, shoving your hands under your legs to stop them from shaking. “This was second year, I was 16. I decided it would be a great idea to date Theodore Thorne, you know him?”

Draco nodded. “He’s in Ravenclaw. He was in my Defense Against the Dark Arts class last year.”

You nodded again. “Yeah. We dated in secret though, because looking back on it, he was super insecure about dating a Slytherin. He said it was because he didn’t want his parents to get mad about him dating, but I think he thought that if it got out that he was dating a Slytherin, he’d be considered weak or something since Slytherins are cunning and strong or whatever.”

Draco snickered. “If anyone’s considered strong, it should be Gryffindor. They’ve got the fucking lion as their mascot.”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. But I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone we were together. But if I even so much as talked to another guy, he got so mad at me.”

“Wait—what did he do?” Draco asked, his expression changing to one of concern.

“Nothing at first, he would just yell at me and call me names,” you admitted. “He knew you and I hated each other, and I still couldn’t even talk to you in class or anything. Like he got so mad.”

“What do you mean _at first_?” Draco asked. “What did he end up doing?”

“Well—do you remember that accident I had when I took my broomstick out early in the morning, against school rules, and fell off and got really bruised up and broke my ankle?”

Draco nodded.

“I didn’t actually do any of that. I just took my broom and acted like I’d fallen over in the courtyard. Theodore had shoved me down a flight of stairs like five minutes before that.”

Draco’s eyes nearly went black. You’d never seen them so dark and full of rage.

“And you _let him get away with that_!?” he roared. “Y/N, that piece of shit should _be in Azkaban_!”

You jumped back, terrified of his tone. You shut your eyes, feeling hot tears sting at the back of them. “I didn’t want the repercussions,” you said meekly, pulling your knees to your chest. “I just took the detention and used the Memory charm on Theodore, so he’d forget we were dating and leave me alone.”

Draco looked at you, curled up on his bed, and his face instantly softened. “I’m sorry, y/n, I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” he said quietly, reaching out for you. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Why are you like this?” you asked quietly, watching as his expression changed again. 

“What do you mean?”

“When it’s just the two of us, you get all soft and nice, and then when we’re around other people or I say one wrong thing, you become so mean.”

His eyes softened then, too, and he sighed. “I can’t tell you that.”

You huffed. “You can’t tell me anything.”

He exhaled heavily, pulling you into his chest. “I’m sorry. Maybe someday I can tell you, once I get my own feelings sorted out.”

Your heartbeat quickened again, as you curled up in between Draco’s legs to lay down essentially on top of him. But this time it was because Draco was so darn close to you, his peppermint cologne filling your nose as he rested his chin on top of your head.

“I’m sorry I made you tell me that,” he said softly, running a hand over your hair.

“It’s okay. I needed to tell someone,” you responded, your eyes feeling heavier as his hand continued to stroke your hair.

You yawned involuntarily, and you could hear Draco’s smile in his next words.

“It’s okay, y/n, you can fall asleep here. I’ve got you.”

“I can’t sleep like this, it’s not that comfortable,” you said with a laugh.

“Okay,” he responded with a chuckle. “Then shift until you are comfortable.”

Without even thinking about it, you moved over until you were nestled into his side, Draco lying on his back with an arm under your head and his other arm under his own. You wrapped your arms around his torso, snuggling deeper into him, listening to his own rapid heartbeat.

“You can sleep now,” he said quietly, but his voice was already beginning to fade away.

“Mmhmm,” you mumbled, and you felt his chest shake with a laugh at your half-asleep response.

“Goodnight, princess,” he said, and those were the last words you heard before sleep enveloped you in its dark embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i'm sorry i didn't update yesterday. i got really wrapped up in homework, and i felt like absolute garbage. (it's just allergies though, i promise! this happens every year.) 
> 
> i am once again going to take saturday and sunday off though, i still have a LOT of homework to catch up on, AND i'm going wedding dress shopping tomorrow. i've been looking forward to going shopping for my dress since my fiance and i got engaged in january, i am fully prepared to absolutely sob.
> 
> don't worry though, i'll be back again on monday! i've got plans to just write as much of this story as possible once i'm caught up with all the homework due monday :) enjoy this chapter, there's angst ;)


	12. distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you wake up the morning after sleeping in draco's bed. you miss your first class.

The sun was directly in your eyes as you woke up the next morning, peeling your eyes open to greet the day.

You yawned as you rolled over, out of the embrace of the person next to you.

_Wait._

You shot up in bed, looking over to see Draco Malfoy sprawled out next to you, his chest rising and falling as he remained in peaceful slumber.

You scrubbed at your eyes, the events of the night before replaying in your head. You’d told him about Theodore, and then you’d fallen asleep next to him in bed. When you were supposed to go on a date with Cedric Diggory in two days.

_Cedric._

You’d promised him up and down that you and Draco weren’t involved, and now you were sleeping in his bed with him?

You panicked, trying to silently rush around to get your things together and get out of the boy’s room. You didn’t even bother to fix your hair as you flew out of Draco’s dorm.

You were grateful that Juniper wasn’t in the room when you got there, but you knew you would still have to answer for your absence at some point. Glancing at the clock, you realized with a jolt that you were extremely late for your first class. In fact, it would be better by this point if you just skipped it and went to your second class, Defense Against the Dark Arts.

You sighed heavily, getting in the shower to attempt to wash Draco and his scent off your body. You took your time with your hair, hoping with everything in you that it wouldn’t still be frizzy after you blow-dried it.

Luckily for you, it wasn’t, and you began to get your books together to go to your second class. You pulled open your wardrobe to get your robe out—and realized it wasn’t there.

Your heart skipped a beat when you realized you’d left it in Draco’s room. How could you get it without having to interact with Draco again? You couldn’t face him right now. You didn’t want to even think about it.

But you were thinking about it, and the thought made your face heat up. You didn’t even want to admit it to yourself, but you’d gotten the best sleep you’d had in months lying in Draco’s arms.

You ran your hands through your hair, deciding to go and get it during the lunch hour, deciding that would be the most likely time Draco would be gone from his room. Your stomach dropped as you remembered Quidditch practice, but you knew Draco wouldn’t call you out for leaving his room in front of the whole team. That would require admitting you’d been in his room the night before. And you knew he wasn’t about to do that to himself.

But you didn’t know if you could look at him. You hadn’t intended to sleep in his room.

You sighed, grabbing your bag before heading to class, hoping you wouldn’t get in too much trouble for forgetting your robe.

But of course, that was the first thing Professor Lupin mentioned.

“And your robes, miss y/n? Where would they happen to be?” 

“I’m sorry, Professor. I overslept and missed my first class, and I completely forgot to even put my robes on, I was in such a rush.”

He looked at you disapprovingly but didn’t press the issue. “I won’t take House Points from you since this is your first offense, but don’t make it a habit, Miss Everglade.”

“Yes, sir.”

After that class, which consisted mainly of learning about Dementors, it was lunch hour. You caught a glimpse of white-blond hair headed towards the Great Hall, and you took that as your opportunity to run back and get your robes.

They weren’t on the chair you’d placed them on when you got back into Draco’s room. Instead, they were neatly hung on a hanger on the knob of his wardrobe, and you felt a tug on your heartstrings to thank the boy the next time you saw him.

You pulled them on quickly and ran out of the room again, almost forgetting to pull the door closed behind you.

You met Silver and Marin for lunch minutes later, but this time, Juniper was with them.

She barely let you sit down before she started peppering you with questions.

“And where were _you_ last night?” she demanded with a smirk, and Silver and Marin looked at you with raised eyebrows. “I didn’t even see you after Quidditch practice yesterday, you just never showed up. Where’d you go?”

You felt your face heat up, and Marin and Juniper gasped. “You’re blushing!! Who did you hook up with?” Marin demanded.

“Nobody!” you shrieked, knowing your face was growing even redder. Juniper shook her head, her disbelief evident in her face.

“I didn’t hook up with anyone, I just fell asleep in someone else’s room.”

“Whose room?” Juniper pressed.

You covered your face with your hands. “I’m _not_ telling you that.”

“Oooh, so it was a _boy_?” she said with a squeal. “You can’t just not tell us if it was a boy, y/n. You’ve never been this rebellious before!”

“Would you shut up?” you hissed, glancing around you to make sure Draco wasn’t in eyeshot or earshot. “I’m not telling you whose room I fell asleep in. I didn’t even mean to fall asleep in his room, it just happened. We were both tired.”

Juniper’s eyes widened. “ _His_ room? Oh my God, it _was_ a boy!!”

You smacked your hand over your mouth, squeezing your eyes shut in embarrassment. At this rate, it was only a matter of time before the whole fucking school found out.

“It was Cedric, wasn’t it?” Marin asked, her eyes bright. “You and Cedric hooked up last night!”

“No, we didn’t!” you whisper-yelled. “I’m _not_ fucking telling you who it was.”

“Then it wasn’t Cedric, if you won’t even tell us,” Marin pressed. Then her eyes shot wide open, her jaw dropping at the same time. “ _Was it Draco_?”

“ _Absolutely_ not,” you hissed, hoping your tomato-red face wasn’t giving your lie away. “Would you shut the fuck up now?”

“If you’re still going on that date with Cedric on Saturday, it better not have been Draco,” Juniper said, her eyes narrowing. “That would break the poor Hufflepuff’s heart.”

“There is nothing between me and Draco,” you insisted for what felt like the thousandth time. “I tutor him in Potions and that’s it. I didn’t even see him yesterday, he didn’t show up to practice or tutoring.”

Silver nodded. “Arlie was _pissed_ ,” he said, the first words he’d spoken since you got to the table.

“Yeah. I just hope he shows up today, or he’ll probably get suspended from the next game,” you said with a sigh, grateful the focus was finally off of you.

Chit-chat continued between your small group of friends, but you barely listened. Your mind kept returning to the night before, and you cursed yourself for feeling your heart rate quicken every time you were reminded of how tightly he had had you wrapped in his embrace, like letting you go would end in tragedy.

You had Cedric, you reminded yourself. Someone who was nice to you and didn’t bully you and say horrid things every time he got mad at you. Hell, he’d never even gotten mad at you before. Not that you knew of, anyway.

You pushed back from the table before the lunch hour had ended, intending to make it to Potions early. You weren’t sure how you and Draco would interact given how…entangled…you had been the night before, but you hoped he wouldn’t make it more awkward than necessary.

You were the first student in the room when you walked in, Snape’s eyes flitting up to see you as you entered.

“Miss Everglade, I’m pleased to see you,” he drawled, standing from his desk. “I’ve been meaning to speak to you.”

Your heart rate skyrocketed, and you swallowed thickly. Had someone seen you leaving Draco’s room? How bad was detention going to be? Snape was notorious for loving handing out detentions. Who had reported you?

“Draco’s marks have improved drastically since you started tutoring him in my class, and I wanted to thank you for the effort you’ve been putting in,” he said slowly, and you were shocked at the words coming from the professor’s mouth. You’d never heard such high praise from the normally angry and brooding head of Slytherin. Not to mention your complete and utter relief at the realization that you weren’t, in fact, in trouble.

“Twenty points to Slytherin,” he continued, giving you what you were fairly certain was his best attempt at a smile. “Keep up the good work.”

Students began to file in a few moments after that, and Draco was the last person to make it into the classroom. He slid into the seat next to you minutes before Snape started class, and you refused to meet his eyes as the lesson began.

You were working on the liquid luck potion that day, and you got to work silently as you read through the instructions in the book.

“Why’d you leave my room before I woke up?” Draco whispered as the two of you worked on your potion. “What time did you leave? And when did you go back to get your robes?”

“I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in there,” you whispered back. “It was an accident. I left this morning, and I went back to get my robes during the lunch hour.”

“What do you mean you shouldn’t have fallen asleep?” he asked, glancing up to see if Snape was looking at the two of you. “You were clearly exhausted. It’s not like we hooked up or anything.”

“I have a date with Cedric on Saturday, remember?” you snipped back. “I don’t want to ruin that before it even happens.”

Draco’s face darkened, and with a jolt you braced yourself for the insult you were sure he was about to throw.

“Right,” he said, his tone annoyed. “Better not even fucking talk, then.”

You rolled your eyes. “Can we talk about this later? We need to actually work on our potions.”

He rolled his eyes right back at you. “Sure, whatever. But are you sure you want to? You might fall asleep again.”

“Whatever, Malfoy,” you spat. “Just do the potion.”

He huffed but didn’t respond again, leaving you alone to do your classwork.

You couldn’t bring yourself to focus enough, but you managed to not ruin your potion as it was.

“Adequate work, Miss Everglade,” Snape said, looking into your cauldron. “Not your best, however. You seemed distracted.”

You could _feel_ Draco smirking as you sighed. “Sorry, professor. It’s been a long day.”

Snape simply nodded in response. “I expect your best next class.”

“Yes, of course, professor.”

He walked away to look over the other students’ potions, and Draco didn’t say anything, which you were grateful for.

You weren’t sure how you were going to survive Quidditch practice.

\-------------------------------------------------------

You tried your best to concentrate during practice, keeping your eyes on the Snitch and off of the white-haired boy that zoomed across the field around you. But you were distracted; and you knew it, and you knew Arlie had noticed it too. You normally were able to catch it and let it go at least a dozen times over the two hours that practice usually lasted, but this time you only caught it three times. You hoped that Arlie wouldn’t say anything to you, but when he called you back after practice, your stomach dropped.

“You alright out there, y/n?” he asked, leaning on his broom. “Your concentration seemed to be everywhere _but_ the Snitch today.”

“Yeah, Arlie, I’m fine,” you insisted, waving your hand dismissively. “It’s just been a long day. I didn’t do super well in Potions and now I have a ton of homework to do.”

Arlie’s face betrayed his clear disbelief of the bullshit you had just fed him, and rightfully so. He’d known you since your first year, the only time you’d ever been good at lying was in Divinations class. For a Slytherin, you really did suck at the whole “cunning” part of “cunning and ambitious”.

“Alright, well, try to do better tomorrow then,” he said with a shrug. “Get a good night’s rest, alright?”

You nodded. “Thanks, Arlie.”

You picked up your broomstick case, heading back into the castle to head to your room. The idea of a nice, hot bubble bath appealed to you quite a bit, and you wouldn’t have noticed Cedric rounding the corner if you hadn’t smacked directly into the brunette.

“Sorry, y/n!” he said quickly, as you said the same back to him immediately.

“I wasn’t watching where I was going, that’s my bad,” you said. “Sorry about that.”

“I was just headed to my Quidditch practice,” Cedric said, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at you.

“Say, would you want to go to Hogsmeade tonight?” he asked. “We could go after dinner. They’ve got this new apple cider at the Three Broomsticks that I’ve been dying to try.”

Your heart ached as you realized what you’d done to Cedric. Sleeping in another boy’s bed just a few days after you’d agreed to go on a date with someone else? And now said someone else was asking you on another date? Before you’d even gone on the first one?

You shook your head of the thought, instead smiling brightly at the Hufflepuff boy. “Sure,” you said cheerily. “I’ll meet you at dinner, we can grab a bite and head straight there afterwards.”

His face lit up. “Great! I’ll see you at dinner, then.”

You nodded. “It’s a date.”

A light pink splashed across Cedric’s face as he smiled back at you before maneuvering around you to head to his own Quidditch practice.

You headed back to your room, sinking deep into the bubble bath you’d been dreaming of since you left practice.

You barely noticed yourself slipping into sleep again, dreams of brunette and white-blond boys dancing through your unconscious.

\---------------------------------------------

“Y/N, it’s dinner time! You’ve been in there for two hours!” you heard Juniper call.

Your eyes shot open as you sat up, water sloshing in the tub. It was now stark-cold, and you were more shriveled than your grandma’s prune garden.

You jumped out of the tub, hurrying to dry off and pull clothes on. You were going to be late to meet Cedric, and it was only your first date.

“Sorry, June, I fell asleep in the tub,” you rushed out.

“First you fall asleep in a mystery boy’s dorm, then you fall asleep in the tub?” Juniper asked, raising an eyebrow. “You sure you don’t have narcolepsy or something?”

You rolled your eyes. “I was just comfortable, lay off.”

You pulled on your shoes as you looked back up at her. “By the way, I’m going out with Cedric tonight, so I probably won’t be back until curfew.”

Juniper wiggled her fingers at you. “Don’t fall asleep in his room, too,” she said teasingly. “You should stay in your own room at least sometimes.”

You threw a pillow at her, and she dodged it, laughing the whole time.

You didn’t even dignify her with a response, instead sliding your wand into your pocket and running down to the Great Hall.

You found Cedric fairly quickly, and the two of you talked and laughed quite a bit over dinner.

You linked your arm in his as you walked to Hogsmeade together, continuing to laugh and joke. You’d never felt so content in someone’s presence before, save for _maybe_ Malfoy when he was being uncharacteristically nice to you. But even then you’d known it was a ticking time bomb; with Cedric, nothing felt uneasy. Nothing felt like you were walking on eggshells, having to worry about saying one wrong thing to set him off again.

Cedric paid for your apple cider despite your arguments, and the two of you sat outside on a bench as you sipped it and continued to talk.

“Do you have any siblings, y/n?” Cedric asked. “I feel like I know hardly anything about you.”

“Yes, but he’s…he’s a Squib,” you replied. “He’d been so excited to get his Hogwarts letter, but his fifteenth birthday came and went, and he heard absolutely nothing. He was hoping there had been some mistake, but by the time his sixteenth birthday came around my parents basically had to tell him to stop checking the mailbox every day.”

“I’m sorry,” Cedric breathed. “I feel like I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, it’s alright. He’s disappointed, but he didn’t let it get him down for too long. He’s going to attend Muggle school and try to get a job in the Muggle Department of the Ministry of Magic, he’s hoping that he’ll get some undercover job, I think.”

“Well, at least he still has ambitions,” he commented, taking a drink of his cider. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I were a Squib. I think my whole world would’ve been turned upside down. Everyone else in my family is a witch or wizard, so I really would’ve been the black sheep of the family.”

“I like to think we still would’ve met,” you said with a smile. “You would’ve just used your natural charm to get you into Hogwarts.”

“You think I still would’ve been Hufflepuff?” he asked, a playful glint in his eyes.

“One hundred percent,” you said with a laugh. “You’re too sweet to be in any of the other houses.”

Cedric laughed.

“I suppose you could’ve been in Ravenclaw, though,” you said thoughtfully, swirling your cider around in your cup. “You’re certainly smart enough.”

“Thank you, y/n, that actually means a lot.”

“I almost got Ravenclaw,” you admitted. “The Sorting Hat said so. He said I would’ve fit in anywhere, but when I told him my best attribute was not taking people’s shit, he put me in Slytherin pretty much immediately.”

Cedric laughed out loud at that. “That seems like something you’d do,” he commented. 

“You seem to know a lot about what I would or wouldn’t do,” you joked, playfully poking Cedric in the chest. “Have you been stalking me or something?”

“No,” he said with a laugh. “You’re just popular. Plus, Marin talks about you all the time, you’d think she fancies you.”

You laughed. “You spend a lot of time with Marin?”

He shrugged. “We study together sometimes. She’s always been kind to me. But then again, that’s a pretty Hufflepuff trait.”

You nodded. “Indeed, it is.”

Cedric downed the rest of his cider before standing up from the bench. He extended a hand to help you stand up, and you gladly took it.

He entwined his fingers with yours as the two of you started back to Hogwarts, causing a blush to creep up your neck.

You had half a mind to take him through the shortcut and show him your hidey-hole, but you didn’t want to tell yet another person. Plus, you risked running into Draco in there, and you absolutely did not want to have to explain any of that to Cedric.

Cedric walked you to your Common Room door, looking down at you with a smile.

“I’ll see you Saturday?” he asked hopefully.

“Bright and early,” you promised, your heart skipping a beat as he leaned down towards you.

Instead of going for your lips, he kissed your forehead, pressing a gentle kiss to your quickly heating skin before pulling away to smile at you as he let go of your hand. “I’ll see you then, y/n.”

You smiled at him as he turned to leave, looking back at you for one last small wave goodbye.

Your heart was racing as you reentered the Common Room, feeling your forehead tingle where his lips had just been.

Draco had been entirely removed from your mind by the time you made it back to your room, falling into bed with a smile that didn’t leave your face until you fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back!! i found the absolute prettiest dress you guys, i'm so excited. it twirls super well, which i wanted for the dance floor, it's comfortable to sit in, and it hAS POCKETS!! i'm absolutely in love with it and i can't wait to wear it.
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys liked this chapter! you are gonna hate me for the next few LMAO. think "angst" and "tension". ;)
> 
> see you guys tomorrow!!


	13. amortentia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you tutor draco in potions again, the day after going out with cedric. draco doesn't take this news very well.

You practically floated through Friday. Not even Draco’s taunting you in Charms again got you down. You played nearly the best you ever had in Quidditch practice that day too, Arlie seemed to start to believe the lie you’d fed him the day before about just being tired. Which you were grateful for.

It wasn’t until you came back to the Potions classroom for tutoring that Draco cornered you—again.

“What’s up with this mood of yours?” he practically demanded. “I’ve never seen you so…dreamy.”

You rolled your eyes. “I went out with Cedric last night,” you admitted as you placed an empty cauldron on the desk in front of you. “It was really nice.”

Draco’s shoulders slumped, and he just stood there silently, staring at you in a way that sent shivers down your spine. It wasn’t an intimidating stare—he just looked sad.

“What?” you asked. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You—you slept in my room two nights ago, _literally in my arms_ , and then you went out with Cedric? Just like that?”

“I—” you didn’t know how to respond. Was Draco genuinely upset that you’d gone out with Cedric?

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep in your room,” you said finally. “It shouldn’t have happened. My adrenaline just crashed. I didn’t have the energy to find another option.”

His eyes flitted between you and the empty cauldron, and you could practically hear the gears turning in his head. Then he simply straightened his back, said “Okay,” and opened his Potions book.

You hadn’t expected it to be that easy. You had been prepared for his insults to Cedric, or to you. You felt awkward at the silence that had ensued, and you opened your own Potions book in response.

“Do you feel like you need to go back over the liquid luck potion?” you asked, but he shook his head. “Snape gave me the best marks I’ve ever gotten on that one,” he said confidently.

You nodded. “Sounds good. Do you want to work ahead, then? We could get a head-start on Amortentia.”

Draco shrugged, then nodded. “I’d like that, actually. Could earn us some House Points,” he said.

His face was unreadable as he moved around the room, gathering the ingredients. You couldn’t figure out why he was so upset about you going out with Cedric. He couldn’t possibly be jealous, could he?

You thought through the words everyone had been telling you for months now about Draco’s feelings for you. There was no way they were true. That’s what you kept telling yourself, anyway. 

But was there the possibility you just didn’t want it to be true? Even though it was looking more like it was true every day?

Draco brought back an armful of the ingredients the potion required, placing them all delicately on the table.

“Tell me what this potion does,” you said, using the Aguamenti spell to fill the cauldron with water.

“It’s a love potion,” Draco responded, pulling out the first ingredient the book called for. “It smells like whatever—or whoever—you’re attracted to.”

You nodded, unable to find your voice as you stared into the piercing grey eyes of the Slytherin boy before you. He didn’t say anything else, though, he simply turned back around and dropped in the first ingredient. 

The two of you worked in silence, making your way through the recipe for the potion, watching contentedly as the mixture turned a pearly white, the steam spiraling up from the potion you had just created.

“Nice one, Draco,” you said with a smile. He didn’t return the expression, he simply pushed the cauldron over to you slightly.

“What does it smell like to you?” he asked. 

You looked up at him, wanting to refuse. You didn’t want to smell it; to be honest, you were afraid of the results the potion would yield.

“Come on, y/n. It’s just a scent. It doesn’t mean anything. Just smell it.”

Rolling your eyes at the stubborn boy, you leaned forward, taking a long breath in through your nose.

It didn’t smell like anything at first, but then the scent of old textbooks wafted up to your nose. It also smelled vaguely of the Quidditch field. 

Then, however, those scents were rapidly replaced with the smell of peppermint. Peppermint and a hint of strawberry.

You opened your eyes, not having realized they were closed. Draco was looking at you expectantly as you did so, and you cocked an eyebrow at him in response.

“What?”

“What does it smell like to you?” he asked. You rolled your eyes, but the knot in your stomach had turned to steel.

“I—um…” Would he recognize what he smelled like?

“Peppermint,” you blurted out before you could stop yourself. “Peppermint and the Quidditch field.”

Draco’s eyes widened, but before he could say anything, you gestured at the cauldron yourself. “Your turn.”

He shook his head but leaned forward anyway.

He took even longer than you did, pulling back after what felt like a year.

“Well?”

He shook his head, indicating he wasn’t going to tell you.

“Absolutely not,” you said indignantly, the urge to stomp your foot overwhelming. “I told _you_.”

“Fine,” he grumbled, leaning back in to take another whiff. “I smell peaches and lemons. I’m also getting a hint of like, the library? Yeah. The library, combined with peaches and lemons.”

You stood there a moment, frozen. The bath soap you used was a peachy-lemon scent, and you paired it with a citrus-y perfume sold by the same brand. Was _that_ what he was smelling?

“Hello, y/n,” he was saying as you popped back into reality. 

You shook your head. “Sorry. You said lemons and peaches?”

“And the library, for some reason,” he said with a shrug.

“Weird.”

He nodded, not quite meeting your eyes.

You put some into a vial, dropping the small glass bottle into your pocket to show to Snape.

“Did you want to move on to the Veritaserum then, too?” you asked, trying to change the subject.

He nodded again, clearing the table of the Amortentia ingredients.

You didn’t say much else while you went through the motions of making the potion, step by step. Once it turned clear and started steaming, however, you looked down and said, “Should someone try it?”

“You do it,” Draco insisted. “I’m not doing shit.”

“Absolutely not,” you said quickly. “I’ll just put some in a vial and have Snape test it later.”

You did that, before turning around and beginning to clear the table of the ingredients again. “Make sure to write down the ingredients we used so Snape can get more before next class, if he needs to,” you reminded him, turning around to see him pouring the rest of the potion out.

“What’re you doing that for?” you asked, gesturing towards the rest of the ingredients on the table. “I usually pour the potion out.”

He shrugged, putting the empty cauldron back on the table. “I figured I’d do it today, the cauldrons are always heavier when they’re full and I figured I might as well not make you lift some heavy-ass cauldron right after Quidditch practice,” he said simply.

You stood there a moment before shrugging in agreement and thanking him for his help. “See you at the game tomorrow?” you asked tentatively.

He shook his head. “Slytherin isn’t playing and I don’t feel like third-wheeling you and Cedric,” he said, running a hand over his hair. “I’ll sleep in and catch you later.”

“O-okay,” you said, unsure of how to take his comment. 

With that, he pivoted on his heel and walked out of the room.

\------------------------------------

You didn’t know how to tell anyone about what Draco had claimed the Amortentia potion smelled like. You didn’t want to hear more bullshit about him being in love with you from Marin, or Silver, or Juniper for that matter. 

But since Marin had, predictably, noticed you being deep in thought, she had pried it right out of you, almost without even trying. The two of you were sat on your bed in your dormitory, going over the events of the day. 

(This really just meant that you two were talking about Draco, what you talked to him about in Potions tutoring, and what he talked to Marin about in Divinations tutoring.)

“He told you it smells like you??” she nearly screeched, and you nodded, too annoyed by the fact that she’d gotten out of you as easily as she had to even try to deny it.

“He said it smelled like lemons and peaches, and a hint of the library,” you admitted more fully, and she gasped.

“Don’t you use lemon-peach soap and perfume?” she asked, and you nodded again. “It’s all I’ve used since I was like, nine,” you admitted. “It’s my favorite.”

She sighed heavily. “So what are you going to do?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Draco’s obviously attracted to you, at the very least,” she said. “Are you going to get together with him?”

You recoiled, as if the very thought made you nauseous. “What are you talking about? I have a date with Cedric, _tomorrow_ ,” you emphasized. “Why would I get together with Draco if Cedric and I are dating??”

Marin shrugged. “Because you’re in love with him too,” she said, like it should’ve been obvious.

“Like hell I am!” you shouted, standing up off your bed. “I’m not _in love_ with anyone! I like Cedric because he’s incredibly sweet and I want to see where things go with him, but I’m not in love with anyone! Least of all with Draco! Let’s not forget how absolutely disgusting he’s been to me for the entire four years I’ve known him, please!”

Marin frowned at you, her normally bright brown eyes full of unhappiness. This was unusual for the Hufflepuff girl, who was known for her perpetual joy.

You sighed heavily, reaching out to hug her. “I didn’t mean to snap at you, Marin. I’m just tired of everyone telling me to be with Draco when clearly neither of us want to be with each other.”

Marin nodded. “I understand. But I wish you could understand through everything he does to you, he really does care about you. He won’t shut up about you in Divinations potions. I think the way I tutor him gets on his nerves. He always says things like ‘y/n wouldn’t do it this way’ or ‘y/n lets me do it myself’, he never likes anything I try to do.”

You giggled, despite yourself.

The two of you talked for almost three more hours, before Marin yawned and decided to take herself to bed. You laid in bed for another hour after that, unable to fall asleep. Finally, after what felt like forever, you threw off your covers, pulled your silk Slytherin robe over your thin pajamas, and headed out to your hidey-hole, knowing a little bit of charm-practicing would help you get sleepy.

You headed towards the tree in the shortcut, but got confused when you saw the illusion spell was no longer covering the tree like it normally was.

Heart thumping, you dropped down and crawled in, but you realized it was only Draco. Once you registered that it was Draco, though, your heart rate spiked right back up.

“Y/N?” he asked, sitting up. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” you replied simply, wrapping your arms around yourself. It was colder than you’d thought it was.

“I couldn’t sleep,” the boy replied sheepishly.

“Yeah, me neither,” you said with a sigh as you sat down on the ground. “It’s been a long week.”

He nodded. “I understand that. Sorry I’ve been so short and shitty. I’m dealing with a lot of thoughts.”

You nodded. “Can’t blame you for that, we all deal with that from time to time.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know how to handle mine, though.”

“Why?”

He looked up at you, his eyes watching you closely. You began to feel uneasy, unsure of what he was about to do.

“You’re cold, aren’t you?” he asked finally, watching you curl farther into yourself to attempt to keep yourself warm.

You shook your head, but he rolled his eyes at you, displaying his lack of belief in your statement.

“Come here, y/n,” he commanded, opening his thick robe. You realized then how stupid it had been to wear nothing but your silk green robe. You’d gotten it as a Christmas present, and it was your favorite thing to wear, but it was incredibly dumb to wear outside in the middle of the night in the middle of October.

You couldn’t help yourself; you snuggled as far into Draco as you could as he wrapped his robe around you again. He was warmer than you had expected, and you instantly felt content. The smell of peppermint wafted around you, mingled only with your own smell of lemons and peaches.

You realized with a jolt that you’d never felt more at home.

Now, however, you only felt more conflicted.

Didn’t you like Cedric?

“Doesn’t this feel right to you, y/n?” Draco asked, sleep clear in his voice. “You and me, right here? You in my arms, where you should be all the time?”

“What are you getting at, Draco?” you asked, not moving from your position, where he had you wrapped in his side.

“I’m not saying anything, I’m asking you how you feel right now,” he asked, and when you looked up at him, you saw that his eyes were closed. He was very close to sleep, and it was very past curfew for both of you.

“Draco, I’m not answering that question right now. Both of us need to get back to bed.”

“Can’t you sleep in my room again?” he asked sleepily, though he didn’t fight you when you pulled out of his grasp and helped him stand up. “I sleep better when you’re there.”

Your heart melted at his words, but you stood steadfast. “I can’t explain that to Juniper again,” you insisted. “That was a mistake.”

“Come on,” he whined, pulling at your robe as you walked him back up the path. You turned back to readminister the illusion spell, only barely remembering to do so.

“You’ve got to stop, Draco. I’m going out with Cedric.”

“Stupid fucking Cedric,” he grumbled as the two of you sneaked your way to the Slytherin Common Room. “What does Cedric have that I don’t?”

“A normal sleep schedule,” you said under your breath, directing Draco up to his room.

You pulled off his thick Slytherin robes as he fell onto his bed, reaching out for you and making grabbing motions with his hands. “Just for a few minutes,” he begged, but you shook your head.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Draco,” you said simply. “Try to stay out of trouble.”

“If it means you’d come to me, I’ll make all the trouble in the world, princess,” he mumbled, rolling over to curl into a pillow next to him on his bed.

Shaking your head, you turned out the lights as you left his room. You scrubbed at your face as you walked down the stairs to return to your own room, your thoughts swirling in your head.

If he didn’t remember saying them the next morning, you’d be able to chalk them up to sleep deprivation and it would mean he didn’t really mean them.

That’s what you told yourself as you drifted off, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay the chapter you all will either hate me or love me for is next up. and i'm thinking about writing chapter fifteen in draco's pov, what would you guys think about that? it's mainly because something happens to you next chapter and i want to write about how draco reacts to it. would you wanna see that?
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this chapter! i read and love every single comment, even if i don't reply. i love you guys <3
> 
> see you soon!


	14. ruined dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you go on your date with cedric to the quidditch game. but it doesn't go as you expected (or wanted) it to.

The next morning crept right up on you, startling you from your sleep as the sun began to rise.

Your alarm clock went off just as you were beginning to register what, exactly, was happening, and you hopped out of bed more quickly than you had originally wanted to.

You dug through your wardrobe, searching for a blue sweater. You knew it would make your eyes pop, and it would go great with whatever House color Cedric decided to wear.

You finally found a rich, royal blue turtleneck, one that would be perfect for protection against the winds the students in the stands usually had to fight against.

You paired it with some black pants and black boots, teasing your hair into a messy ponytail and sliding your wand into your boots, the way you always did.

“Where you off to so early?” Juniper mumbled, propping herself up on her elbow.

“Gonna watch a Quidditch game with Draco,” you responded with a smile.

“Draco?” Juniper asked, her eyes widening.

_Fuck._

“No, with Cedric,” you said, laughing nervously. “Where’d you hear Draco?”

“You said Draco first,” she insisted, sitting up more fully. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, of course,” you replied, turning to walk out of the room. “Don’t wait up for me.”

“It’s like 9 AM, y/n, you’d better be back before nightfall!” she called after you, but you paid your nosy roommate no mind.

You met Cedric right outside your Common Room door, and he was dressed in Hufflepuff yellow, his yellow sweater and black pants complimenting your outfit perfectly.

“You look beautiful, y/n,” he said with a smile, and you felt yourself blush at his kind words. “Thank you Cedric, you look great too.”

He took your hand in his, intertwining your fingers, and led you down the hall.

“You could’ve come into the Common Room, you know,” you said. “Nobody would’ve yelled at you.”

“I tried to,” Cedric said, a grim look on his face. “Draco was in there and told me to get the fuck out, so I decided to wait outside.”

You hadn’t even seen Draco in there. Which meant he’d left as soon as Cedric had. Your blood boiled at the thought.

“I’m sorry, Cedric. I thought I’d gotten him to lay off after the last time I yelled at him for this shit.”

“Why are you still friends with him?” Cedric asked as he led you out of the castle. “All he does is try to mess with your relationships and bully you.”

“I’m not friends with him,” you said defensively. “I’m just tutoring him.”

“The amount of time I see you spending with him seems to say otherwise.”

“How often do you see me with him?” you asked, irritated. “How often are you just out and about, watching me?”

Cedric shrugged as he walked you across the field to your seats in the Ravenclaw stands. “Not purposely,” he said quietly. “I just notice you, because you catch my eye.”

You rolled your eyes as you sat down, but you didn’t want your mood to be ruined by Draco all over again. Even indirectly.

You leaned into Cedric as he sat down beside you, and he wrapped an arm around you in response. “Sorry I snapped at you,” you mumbled. “I don’t want to ruin today before it even begins.”

“It’s okay, y/n, I shouldn’t be so suspicious of Draco,” he said quietly. “If you didn’t want to be here with me right now, you wouldn’t be.”

He was right, you realized. He looked over at you and pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead, before turning back around to watch the game.

“Oi! Get a room!” called a voice that made your blood run cold.

You turned around to see Draco himself in the row behind you, and your entire body went into fight-or-flight mode.

“What are you doing here?” you hissed, as Cedric pulled you tighter into him.

“Just spending some time with my best pal and her boyfriend at a Quidditch game,” Draco said, tapping the end of your nose with his wand. “Now stop sucking face and watch the game, it’s about to begin.”

You huffed, your mood deftly soured, and tried to refocus on the Ravenclaw players zipping back and forth across the field.

Every time the field quieted down for a bit, Cedric would try to lean in and kiss you. And every time Cedric tried to lean in and kiss you, Draco would interject with some stupid statement about Quidditch, or about romance, or even something entirely unrelated.

The fourth time this happened, you rolled your eyes and grabbed Cedric’s face, putting your lips to his and listening as Draco fell utterly silent.

Cedric wrapped his arms around your middle, pulling you in further as he kissed you a little harder. You felt his hand on your waist, just below the hem of your shirt, when—

“ _Flipendo_!” cried Draco, his wand pointed at Cedric. Cedric flew off of you, landing hard on the ground. You shrieked, pulling him up off the ground and checking to make sure he hadn’t been hurt too badly. A small bump was forming on the back of his head, but he assured you he was okay.

You whirled around to face Draco, whose face was uncharacteristically red, his eyes wide and wild.

“Are you _insane_!?” you shouted, other game-goers turning to look at you. “You could’ve seriously hurt him, or even killed him! And what if you’d hit me!?”

Draco didn’t respond, his expression still pure anger. He spun around and began to leave the stands, but you weren’t giving up that easily.

“Cedric, I’m sorry, I have to take care of this,” you said hurriedly, and his eyes were sad as he nodded.

“I get it. Be safe, y/n.”

“I will. Please go see Madam Pomfrey, I’ll come find you in the infirmary.”

He nodded, wincing as he moved his head.

Without another word to the Hufflepuff boy, you stormed off to find one from Slytherin.

It wasn’t hard to find him, he’d gone straight to the Slytherin Common Room. He was pacing back and forth, his hair wild, likely from him running his hands through it.

“What the _fuck_!?” you screamed, coming round to face him in front of the fire. “This is a new low for you, Malfoy! You used a _jinx_ on my boyfriend, and for what? You’re so upset that you’re going to be single for the rest of your life that you can’t even watch someone else be happy? Or do you just hate me so much you don’t want anything good to happen to me for the rest of my time at Hogwarts?”

“It isn’t like that, y/n, you wouldn’t understand!” Draco roared back, only stoking the hot coals that fueled your anger.

“Then _make_ me understand, you pig-brained git!” you cried, shoving him roughly. “You keep telling me I wouldn’t understand, but considering the fact that your marks aren’t even half as good as mine, I’d like to think I could at least _try_ to!”

His eyes flashed; with anger or hurt, you couldn’t tell. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at you, but you only folded your arms in anger.

“What are you going to do?” you taunted. “Are you going to jinx me too? You gonna flip me over the same way you did to Cedric, for the crime of kissing me at a Quidditch match?”

“Y/N, I swear to God, you tell that boy you slept in my bed or I will,” he threatened darkly.

You glared at him, wishing with all your heart that looks could kill. “You know as well as I do that that was a mistake and shouldn’t have happened,” you growled, your voice lower than you’d ever remembered it being.

“Then it shouldn’t be so hard for you to tell him that,” he snapped, still pointing his wand.

“And what are you going to do if I use the Memory Charm on you to make sure you forget it?” you demanded. “Better yet, what if I just use it to make you forget all about me? I’ve done that once, I can do it again!” 

You pulled out your own wand, pointing it right back at the Slytherin Prince. Your wand dwarfed his, and by his flitting eyes, you could tell he was remembering that fact himself. While it didn’t mean your wand was more powerful, it certainly didn’t help the other wand-wielder’s confidence.

Though he didn’t lower his, either.

“You wouldn’t,” he said, his eyes narrow.

“Fucking try me.”

The two of you stood, wands drawn and pointed, for what felt like forever. You were the first one to drop your arm, your shoulder aching in pain.

“Fucking pussy.”

You walked two paces towards him and swept his legs out from under him, sending him to the floor with a painful thump.

“You either tell me what the fuck it is that you think I won’t understand, or I’m using the fucking Memory Charm,” you threatened, pointing your wand directly in his stupid face.

He looked up at you, hopefully finally recognizing the pure rage in your eyes that told him you weren’t fucking around, and nodded. You pulled your foot off his chest and he stood up, hurriedly brushing himself off.

“You have two minutes,” you said lowly, glancing at the clock on the wall. “I told Cedric I’d find him in the infirmary.”

Draco ran a hand over his hair, panic evidently beginning to set in. “Y/N, you can’t be mad at me,” he begged.

“Too late,” you said, sliding your wand back into your boot.

“Well, then, don’t jinx me.”

“No promises.”

“Okay, then just don’t get madder.”

“What the fuck could I possibly get—”

Draco didn’t let you finish the sentence, grabbing your waist and kissing you harder than you’d ever been kissed before. Your hands instinctually went to his waist in return, pulling him closer to you as he kissed you even harder. His hands snaked up your back into your hair, his tongue slipping over your bottom lip and into your mouth as you allowed him to enter.

The two of you stayed that way for what felt like forever, standing in the middle of the Common Room and heavily making out. The only thing that caused you two to finally jump apart was the opening of the heavy Common Room door, revealing a second-year Slytherin girl who didn’t even look at the two of you as she hurried up to the girls’ dormitory.

“I—” you started.

“Y/N—”

“What the fuck?”

\-----------------------------------------

You had been in your room for the better part of an hour, staring up at the ceiling and attempting to shut off your brain. You had bolted from the room after Draco had kissed you, and you had spent an hour and a half in the infirmary with Cedric out of pure guilt. He had assured you time and time again that he was fine, he had taken medicine and simply needed a nap, but you didn’t trust yourself to leave him again. What if Draco came looking for him—or worse, came looking for you again?

You huffed, sitting up again, deciding to take yourself to Hogsmeade. It had been awhile since you had spent genuine time alone, and you figured you deserved it now more than ever. You grabbed your journal as well, deciding you could probably write some stuff down once you made it to Hogsmeade.

You decided against taking your wand with you. You could get into your hideout without one, it was a skill you prided yourself on. You quickly left your room, and your steps down the staircase were rushed and as quiet as you could get them. You had half a mind to sneak through the Common Room in a crawl, but you knew you were better than that.

Luckily for you, though, the Common Room was empty except for a couple of second-years reading quietly by the fire. You pulled up your hood to obscure yourself further, and headed out of the Common Room, then out of the castle.

You refrained from taking the shortcut this time, wanting to breathe in all the cold air your lungs could take. Your thoughts were loud, crowded, jumbled and wild, and you were hoping this alone time would help clear your mind.

You ordered yourself a Butterbeer and sat in a booth in the corner of the restaurant, pulling out the quill you used exclusively with your journal and fidgeting with it as you let your mind wander.

After a few moments, your Butterbeer arrived, and you began to take sips of it as you scribbled in your journal. Getting your thoughts onto paper was almost harder than having them in the first place, and you started to regret even bringing the stupid thing with you.

Before you knew it, the sun had set and your Butterbeer was gone. You opted to take the shortcut back this time, as the air was much colder, and you began to shiver before you even made it to the mostly hidden path.

You ducked into your hollow tree hideout once more, grateful that the Prince of Slytherin wasn’t present this time. You had half a mind to build it a door and get a lock with a Charm password, one that couldn’t be unlocked with a simple “ _Alohomora_ ”. 

You thought maybe Rubeus Hagrid could build one, the groundskeeper of the castle seemed like he’d be good at building things. You made a mental note to ask him the next time you saw him meandering around the courtyard.

You pulled your robe tighter around yourself as you curled into the corner of the tree, your mind refusing to quiet itself down.

You couldn’t figure out any of your feelings. You thought you liked Cedric, you really did. He was so sweet and kind to you, he wasn’t absolutely disgusting the way that Draco was so often.

But the way that Draco had kissed you…it was like he was falling apart, and your lips had put him back together. The fire that had burned inside of you at just his touch was something that had never been ignited for anyone. Not for Emerson, not for Theodore, not even for Cedric when you’d kissed him in the Quidditch stands.

But you couldn’t _date_ Draco. You didn’t love him. He didn’t love you. Not to mention his father absolutely hated anyone that Draco had ever brought up being romantically interested in—and you didn’t feel like having your bloodline cursed.

You yawned as you laid down on the ground in the tree, finally beginning to feel warm despite the cold air still whipping around you. You pulled your robe a little tighter, your eyes slipping closed.

You sighed as you realized that you’d been feeding yourself bullshit for so long. The signs had all been there, even though Draco had been an absolute prick to you. The jealousy at any sign of someone else in your life. The fact that he’d asked you to tutor him in Potions when he could’ve strong-armed anyone else to just let him copy their work. Hugging you when things went well, pulling you closer as you slept in the same bed, crying into your shoulder when he was upset. Nobody did those things to people they didn’t care for deeply.

You slipped into unconsciousness before you realized how sleepy you truly were, and the night only grew colder as it went on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there it IS babey. 
> 
> also, the next chapter is written and ready for upload, and it is entirely draco's POV. i just hope i did a good job of writing him in first-person lmao. i don't have a lot of experience with writing the prince of slytherin's character, first-person or otherwise.
> 
> i hope you guys like this one! it's been a while in the making, haha.
> 
> see you tomorrow!!


	15. missing girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> draco finds you, nearly frozen. he doesn't handle it very well.

(DRACO’S POV)

The next morning dawned way too early. Actually, it wasn’t even dawn when I woke up. 

It was still dark when the pounding on my door began.

“Shut the _fuck_ up, I’m coming!” I hissed. Pulling the door open, I did a double-take: it was Arlie’s girlfriend, Juniper.

Or, I supposed, she was also y/n’s roommate.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, but she ignored the question, instead pushing past me to come into my room.

“Is y/n in here?” she asked, not helping my confusion.

“What? No, I haven’t seen much of her today,” I lied. 

_Well, I suppose it isn’t a lie, I’ve technically felt more of her than I’ve seen…_

“Cedric’s only just been released from the infirmary, so I know she wouldn't be with him. And she isn’t in our room,” Juniper said, running a hand through her blue hair. “I have no idea where she is.”

“She’s probably just taking a walk,” I said, trying to convince myself of that as well as mask my own growing concern.

“Draco, she left her wand,” Juniper objected, holding the wooden object out.

I felt all the blood drain from my face as I looked at y/n’s wand in Juniper’s hands. I knew I didn’t know y/n as well as, say, Marin or Silver did, but the one thing I did know was that the girl _never_ went _anywhere_ without her wand. That thing was practically her lifeline.

“You’ve seen her the most lately,” Juniper continued, not accusingly. “Any idea where she might be?”

I knew immediately of a place she might be, but Juniper was the last person I wanted accompanying me. Really, if I were going to try to find y/n someplace, I wouldn’t want _anyone_ with me.

“I’ve got a spot I can check,” I said, and Juniper’s whole face lit up. “You stay here,” I commanded. If she isn’t there we can start scouring the castle together.”

Juniper nodded. “I’ll be in the Common Room.”

Without another word, I pulled on my coat, took y/n’s wand from Juniper’s outstretched hand, and left the room.

My heart was pounding as I sneaked through the castle, trying to go as quickly as possible while at the same time not getting caught by a wandering Filch. Why would she have stayed out so late on her own?

The air was bitterly cold when I stepped out into it, and I immediately felt a chill go down my spine. I could see my breath in the air as I ran through the courtyard, and I knew it had to be close to freezing.

I realized my intuition had been right when I approached the tree, no illusion spell in place to keep anyone from seeing into the hollow tree.

I held up my own wand, whispering “ _Lumos_!” to light up the inside of the tree as I ducked inside.

My heart nearly leapt into my throat when I saw her.

She was curled up on the ground in the corner of the hollowed-out trunk, still in her class robe. I dropped my wand to gather her up, and she was shaking in her sleep in my arms. I picked my wand up to illuminate her face, and my panic only intensified when I saw her lips were a light shade of blue. She was ice-cold, and either I was breathing too hard or she was breathing too light, but I could barely hear or feel her breathe.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” is all I could say as I pocketed my wand and ran as fast as I could out of the trunk. I skidded to a stop to put the illusion spell back in place, the thought of how upset y/n would be at losing her hiding space in the back of my head as I did so.

I could barely flick my wrist well enough to get the spell to work with y/n in my arms, but being able to move my arms was the least of my concern.

I gripped her tighter as I ran as fast as I could back across the courtyard, shivering with every step.

How long had she been out here? And if I was as cold as I was after only a few minutes of being outside, what shape was she in?

My mind was full of worst-case scenarios when I burst back into the Common Room, an unconscious y/n in my arms. Juniper jumped off the couch she was sitting at in front of the fireplace.

“What did you do?” she said, clearly straining to keep her voice at a whisper-level.

“No, no, no,” I pleaded, ignoring Juniper’s question. I laid y/n down on the couch, pulling out my wand and pointing it at the fireplace. I opened my mouth to say the spell to start the fire—

And I blanked.

“I—what the fuck, I—”

“Draco, what’re you trying to do?” Juniper asked, putting a hand on my arm. I shoved her hand off, glaring at her. “Fuck off, Juniper, I can handle this,” I spat.

“You aren’t going to talk to me like that, dickhead,” Juniper spat back, and I remembered just how feisty the stupid girl actually was. I wasn’t about to let her take y/n away from me, though. Not before I knew she was okay.

“ _Incendio_!” I said finally, breathing a sigh of relief when a jet of flames flew from the tip of my wand, igniting the fireplace and setting off a crackling fire.

At just that moment, however, Snape and a Slytherin Prefect—one I recognized as fucking Jordan Goldhorn—burst into the room.

“Whatever are three of you doing out of your quarters so late?” Jordan cried. “You’ve woken up half the castle at this rate!”

“Explain yourselves or it’ll be detention for all of you!” Snape snapped.

I felt near tears as I gestured towards y/n on the couch, her shaking only having worsened.

“What—what happened to her??” Jordan yelled, coming around the couch to scoop her up. White-hot anger ripped through my veins as he did so— _I_ was supposed to be the one rescuing her.

I kicked myself at that intrusive thought—y/n hated me.

“I—I don’t know, sir,” I said. “I found her like that.”

“Everglade was missing?” Snape interjected. “Why wasn’t I informed of this? And where was she found?”

“I—we didn’t know until about twenty minutes ago, sir,” Juniper interrupted, just as I was opening my mouth to answer. “Draco found her passed out in the courtyard—we don’t know how long she was out there.”

Snape sighed heavily, his face grim. “Jordan, take her to the infirmary. And the two of you, off to bed. You’re lucky I’m not giving you detention.”

“No!” I cried, causing Snape to raise his eyebrows in surprise. “I mean—I found her, I can take her to the infirmary.”

“The Prefect’s job is to take care of the students in his House, Draco,” Jordan said, only making me want to kick his teeth in more. “I’m grateful that you found her when you did, but I can take it from here.”

I wanted to argue more, but the look on Snape’s face told me it would be detention if I did. Clenching my teeth, I nodded once and turned around, heading for my room.

I laid down on my bed, but I knew as well as anyone that I wouldn’t be able to sleep.

I knew y/n hated me, but I didn’t want to see her get hurt. Or killed.

What the hell was she even doing out there so late? Why had she been out so long that she’d gotten so tired and had fallen asleep in near-freezing weather?

Before I realized it, the sun was on its way up. I’d been tossing and turning for so long, worrying about that stupid Slytherin girl, that I’d lost out on nearly four hours of sleep.

Pulling myself out of bed as the clock hit 8 AM, I didn’t even bother with a comb. I pulled on my class robes and dashed out of the Slytherin House, determined to find y/n in the infirmary.

But Madam Pomfrey was adamant that she couldn’t have visitors.

“Please, Madam Pomfrey, I just want to see that she’s alright,” I begged, disgusted with myself for how weak I sounded.

“She doesn’t need to be disturbed by the likes of you, young man,” came the nurse’s shrill reply. “And you need to be off to class as it is. Off you go! If she’s improved after classes are over you may come and see her then.”

“If she’s improved?” I asked, fully aware of how fucking pathetic I sounded.

“I’m sure she will be,” Madam Pomfrey said dismissively. “Now go to class!”

I could barely focus in Charms, which earned me the punishment of a 2-foot parchment on the _Homenum Revelio_ spell. I forced myself to listen in Potions, and only barely managed to avoid irreparably fucking up the Amortentia potion. I remembered how y/n and I had worked ahead to do it literally two days before, but I could still tell that Snape was less than enthusiastic about how the one I did alone had turned out.

Divinations was painful. I had been dreading it the whole day, and for good reason.

“Where have your tea leaves landed, Malfoy?” Trelawney asked as she circled around to my table.

“Um…they seem to be on the lion and the mouse,” I said, hoping my tone didn’t sound as confused as I was.

“Oh!” Trelawney shrieked, pushing her glasses up to take a better look at my teacup. “That’s tragic, how tragic,” she muttered. “I’m afraid you’re going to lose someone very important to you, Draco Malfoy,” she said quietly, holding a hand to her mouth as if she might vomit.

I knew she had to be full of bullshit. She always was. But the thought of y/n popped into my head, lying alone in the infirmary, in a condition unbeknownst to me, and I felt the blood drain from my face. _Could Trelawney have hit a real prediction?_

I was grateful for Juniper, at least. She had done the honors of telling Marin, Silver, and Arlie what had happened, so I didn’t have to turn around and do that. Not that I would’ve been asked, anyway.

I had that thought too soon, however, as Cedric stopped me right after my last class ended, just as I was about to head back to the infirmary.

“Have you seen y/n?” he asked, and his tone was far more accusatory than Juniper’s had been the night before. “She hasn’t been in class all day.”

“Why are you asking me like you think I’ve done something to her?” I said, shoving him backwards. “Why don’t you mind your own business or ask people who are actually friends with her?”

“I’m not stupid, Malfoy,” the stupid Hufflepuff spit back. “I see the way you look at her, I know you like her. Why else would you have used the _Flipendo_ charm on me at the Quidditch game when all I did was kiss her?”

The smug grin on his face as he reminded me that he’d kissed her was one I wanted to beat out of him. I had half a mind to tell him that I’d snogged her not even twenty minutes later, but even I knew better than that.

“Now, I’ll ask you again, and I’ll get an answer this time,” he continued, his voice more commanding than I knew he felt. “Where’s y/n?”

“If you actually fucking cared about her, you’d already know she’s been in the infirmary since last night,” I hissed, watching with a feeling of victory as the grin faded from his face. “If you actually gave a shit and her feelings weren’t just some giant game to you, you would already know that I found her passed out in the courtyard in the middle of the night, her lips half blue and still unconscious.”

“How _dare_ you say her feelings are a game to me?” Cedric shouted. “My feelings for her are the only ones that have been genuine this whole time! You don’t care about her, you only want to keep me out of the picture! The only reason you care is because there’s finally actual competition!”

“You think you’ve got that girl so wrapped around your finger, don’t you?” I snarled. “You think that she won’t run back to me the minute you screw something up? You think she hasn’t already run to me for things you couldn’t give her?”

Every word I was saying was utter bullshit, and if y/n had been there she would’ve called me out. But the only person there at that time was Cedric, and I didn’t have time to react before his fist hit me square in the chin.

“Holy shit!” a voice called, one that I recognized as Harry fucking Potter. “Cedric and Draco are fighting in the hall!”

I wiped at my mouth, looking down to see nothing but spit. “You’re lucky I’m not bleeding, Diggory,” I said as a group of students surrounded us. Cedric’s eyes were wide and angry, but all I could do was chuckle darkly. “You’re really fucking lucky.”

Cedric wasn’t fast enough to dodge my returned punch, either, and I heard a pop as he flew backwards onto the floor.

“You broke his nose!” someone screamed, but I pulled out my wand quickly. “ _Brackium Emendo_ ,” I said simply, watching as his nose repaired itself right in front of everyone.

Professors came running at the sound of students yelling, and I pulled Cedric up from the floor.

“Don’t ever fucking come near y/n again,” I threatened, even as I felt hands at my back pulling me away from him. “Stay the fuck away from her!”

\---------------------

I managed to get out of detention, since several other students were able to verify that Cedric had, in fact, punched me first.

However, that delayed me quite a bit in getting to the infirmary where I knew y/n still was. I would’ve heard from someone if she had been discharged.

Madam Pomfrey frowned deeply at the sight of me, but I stood my ground.

“Is she better?”

“Yes, she’s improved,” came the nurse’s short reply.

“I was promised I could see y/n, then,” I reminded Pomfrey, and she rolled her eyes but allowed me in. “Last bed on the right,” she said, her tone annoyed.

I all but ran to that bed, finding y/n sitting up, her eyes glazed over and her body still sporadically shaking.

“Y/N?” I asked tentatively, coming forward and putting a hand on her leg. “Can you hear me?”

She looked up at me, nodding slowly. “Ye-es,” she said quietly, her voice raspy.

I felt an ache in my chest as I looked at the girl in front of me. What would have happened if I hadn’t found her?

“Y/N, I need you to tell me what you were doing out there so late,” I asked, looking over my shoulder to make sure the nurse wasn’t listening in to our conversation. “You could’ve died!”

She didn’t respond at first, instead she took a deep breath and leaned back to look at me more fully. I put my hand towards her face, moving some of her matted hair away from her eyes. Even in this state, she was beautiful. I couldn’t believe I’d ever seen anything in anyone else. Not in Pansy, not in the girl I’d spent a few months hooking up with in the fourth-floor closet, nobody. Nobody held a candle to y/n, and I was the world’s biggest idiot for ever taking her existence for granted.

“I—I wanted to be alone,” she managed to get out. “My head was…my thoughts were…loud and not making sense…and I just wanted to have some alone time. I guess I was too tired for that…because I fell asleep and…woke up here.”

I sighed heavily. “Y/N, you didn’t even take your wand,” I pointed out, pulling the wooden object out of my robe, where I’d been carrying it all day. “You should’ve at least taken that with you.”

“I know,” she rasped. “But I didn’t want to have anything to carry. I wanted…to be alone.”

“I know that,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose in annoyance. Even though she was beautiful, she was the most stubborn fucking person I’d ever met in my life.

“Don’t ever do that again,” I commanded her, grasping her hand in my own. “You can’t run off alone like that, with nothing to protect you.”

She nodded. “I’m…sorry.”

I leaned forward to kiss her forehead, and she smiled at me when I pulled away.

“You can sleep now,” I told her. “I’ll give Juniper your wand.”

“Okay,” she said quietly, closing her eyes before I even backed away. “Good night, Draco.”

“Good night, princess,” I responded.

And I know it was probably just my imagination, but I swear she smiled when she heard that nickname, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was SO fun to write. i just hope i did a good job writing draco from a first-person account. it's like getting into his head, you know? you have to get it right.
> 
> the next chapter's a little boring but i'm editing it to something that's hopefully better. i hope you guys like this one, though, because i know i did.
> 
> see you soon!


	16. breakups & green robes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you're released from the infirmary, and the first person you go looking for is cedric.

You were stuck in the infirmary for a week after that. Apparently, falling asleep in below-freezing weather meant you would end up with most of the symptoms of hypothermia, which meant you were stuck in an uncomfortable bed with Madam Pomfrey checking in on you every thirty minutes for an entire week.

Sure, your friends came to visit, and your professors brought you your homework, and Juniper brought you your books, and even Draco came by for a couple Potions answers, but the one person you wanted to visit wasn’t visiting, and nobody would tell you why. Since he had been released the evening before you went to the infirmary, it had been over a week, by this point, since you’d been able to see him.

So, once you were finally released, you trudged back up to your dorm with your bookbag full of your books and finished homework, and found Juniper sprawled out in your room, writing on a parchment.

“Y/N!” she squealed when she saw you. She jumped up to hug you, and you dropped your bookbag to hug her tightly back.

“We were so worried about you,” she said as she held onto you, her voice sad and small. “I don’t know what we would’ve done if we’d lost you.”

“It was my fault for going out when it was so late and I was so tired,” I said with a shrug. “I’m just glad Jordan found me, I guess.”

Juniper shook her head. “Draco found you. He brought you back to the Common Room. Jordan just took you to the infirmary.”

Your stomach flipped at the mention of Draco, and you cursed yourself for it. 

Then, looking back up at Juniper, you asked the question that people had refused to answer the entire week you’d been stuck in the infirmary.

“Where is Cedric and why didn’t he ever come visit me?” you asked, knowing you sounded pathetic. You knew that he and Draco were far from getting along, but you’d visited him in the infirmary, and he’d only been there overnight.

Juniper sighed. “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but Cedric and Draco got into a fight.”

“ _What_!?”

“Yeah. It was actually a fight over you. Cedric asked Draco where you were, and Draco absolutely exploded on him. To be fair, though, was all words at first. Cedric threw the first punch.”

You jumped a little, shocked at hearing that Cedric had thrown the first punch. Between the two of them, you would’ve put all your money on Draco swinging first.

“I have to go find him,” you said quickly, standing to leave the room.

“Be careful, y/n. I don’t know if it’s worth hurting both of them,” Juniper said quietly, but you simply turned and left.

After what felt like a lifetime of searching, you found Cedric in the library. You realized you didn’t know nearly as much about Cedric as you did Draco, because you would’ve found Draco in ten minutes if you’d wanted to.

You winced at the yellowing bruise on Cedric’s jawline, and you tried to slide into a chair across from him at the table as subtly as possible.

His eyes flitted up to see you, but they didn’t light up the way they had been.

“Hi, Cedric,” you said timidly, trying to start off the conversation.

He sighed, closing his book and looking up at you. “Hi, y/n.”

You fidgeted with your hands, not wanting to come outright and ask the question, because you knew it would sound needy and pathetic. “I…how are you?”

“Y/N, this isn’t working.”

You halted, looking back up at him. “I—what?”

“Whatever this is between you and me. I can’t do it. I thought I could handle Draco being a dick about me being with you, but I also thought it would be a much more occasional thing. Draco’s around when we’re together the entire time, and I’m fed up with it. You keep saying that you’re telling him off, but either you aren’t actually doing that, or he just isn’t listening. I’d like a girlfriend that doesn’t come with a jealous stalker who hits me when I talk back.”

You bristled. “Juniper told me you hit him first.”

“I did,” Cedric admitted. “But it was only after all the awful things he’d said about me being with you. How you would always run to him and all that.” 

“Cedric, I—” you started, feeling your eyes fill with tears.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. You’re a lovely girl. I just don’t want to be with someone who’s clearly attached to someone else.”

“I’m not attached to him!” you begged, reaching out for Cedric’s hand. He pulled away, shaking his head as he stood up from the table.

“You can keep telling yourself that,” he said with a shrug. But the way you two look at each other is not the way people who hate each other look at each other.”

With his words ringing in your head, he left the library.

You sat there for a few more moments, shocked into silence as the tears slid down your cheeks. You didn’t even know how to react.

At least you knew why he’d never come to see you in the infirmary.

You walked slowly back to the Common Room, somewhat surprised at how upset the whole situation had made you.

But then again, you had really been excited to have someone who was genuinely interested in you. Not someone like Emerson, who, looking back, had really only wanted an easy fuck. And certainly not someone like Theodore, who had been so horrendously cruel throughout the entirety of your relationship.

You were so wrapped up in your own self-pity when you walked back into the Common Room that you didn’t even notice Draco sitting on the couch watching the fire.

He noticed you, though.

Jumping off the couch, he ran up to you, causing you to flinch at the sudden movements.

“Are you crying?” he asked tentatively.

You shrugged, not wanting to tell the truth, but knowing you looked bad enough that Draco wouldn’t buy it for even a second.

“Y/N, what happened?”

You looked up at him, confused at how soft he was acting. You’d never seen him so timid, like he was afraid you’d break if he spoke too loudly.

“Nothing, Draco, leave it alone.”

“It’s obviously not nothing,” he pressed, putting a hand under your chin to force you to look up at him. “You’re crying.”

You stepped back, taking his hand off of your face. “Cedric broke up with me.”

You moved to step around Draco, but he moved with you, continuing to block your path.

“What? Why?”

You shot him a look that you hoped was angrier than you were able to feel.

“Because he said he didn’t want a girlfriend that came with a jealous stalker who hits him when he talks back.”

Draco stepped back, his arms falling down to his sides. “I—I’m sorry,” he said quietly, seemingly unable to say anything else.

You shrugged. “I guess you and I come as a package deal, whether I like it or not,” you said simply, moving to step around him again.

But again, he moved with you. “Y/N…we could be a package deal, without worrying about anyone else.”

You cringed at his horrible timing. He never could be patient; he always had to have everything he wanted right at the moment when he decided he wanted it. You shut your eyes, not wanting to deal with that at that moment.

“Y/N, look at me,” he pleaded, his hands grasping your wrists. You did as he asked, your bloodshot eyes meeting his stony grey ones.

“Y/N, I’m—”

“Save it, Draco, please,” you said, even though you didn’t resist when his hands moved up to cup your face. “I can’t handle so much heartbreak in one day.”

“I won’t break your heart,” he whispered, but you just barely heard it. His thumbs came up brush your tears away, but you pulled away when he moved in to kiss you all over again.

“Y/N, please,” he said as you pulled away fully, not wanting to make any physical contact.

“Draco, you _have_ to give me space if you want any of this to end up working,” you said, knowing you were begging and not caring that you sounded as pathetic as you did. “I cannot handle so much happening to me. I nearly died because of my own stupid decisions, the first person to ever show genuine interest in me has just broken up with me, and now the guy who’s been nothing but a dick to me for the past three years is professing his love for me. I just need some time to think about all of this. I can’t process so much all at once.”

“Okay,” he agreed immediately. “Okay. I can give you all the time that you need.”

“You promise?” you asked.

“I promise.”

You nodded. “Okay. Then I’ll see you on Monday for tutoring.”

His eyes lit up. “And then I can take you on a date?”

“What part of _give me time_ didn’t you understand?” you asked, wiping your tear-stained face with your sleeve. “Two days is not enough time, Draco. I said I’d see you for tutoring. And tutoring is all it’s going to be.”

He deflated a little bit, but nodded anyway. “Okay.”

“This is on my terms. You haven’t had to deal with the shit you’ve given me, but you’re going to deal with the consequences.”

He nodded again, his stance still uneasy, unsure. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

And then when you moved to step around him again, he didn’t move against you.

\------------------------

Juniper held you in her arms for what felt like forever after that. You cried to her about everything, from Cedric breaking up to you to everything Draco was pulling.

“I-it was Draco’s bed that I fell asleep in,” you admitted finally. “I didn’t mean to, though, it just happened. We’d gone to Hogsmeade and we were just talking, and I ended up falling asleep.”

She nodded, her arms still wrapped tightly around you. “I figured, to be honest. There weren’t a lot of options, and you would’ve been a lot more excited about it if it had been Cedric.”

You squeezed your eyes shut at the mention of his name. You were still surprised at how upset you were, the two of you had only been together a few weeks.

“God, I don’t know what I’m gonna do about him,” you breathed. “I’m going to have to play against him in all our Quidditch games against Hufflepuff.”

“So? They’ve only won one game against Slytherin so far,” Juniper reminded you. “Just keep beating his ass in every game, that’ll help you feel better.”

You had to admit, the thought of kicking Hufflepuff’s ass in every Quidditch match did make you feel a bit better.

“Come on, y/n, let’s get dinner,” Juniper said finally, pulling you up off the bed. “You can’t stay in here and mope forever.”

“I can, and I will,” you argued, flopping back down on the bed. 

“Either you eat, or I’ll tell Draco you’re refusing to eat,” Juniper threatened.

You hopped up off the bed, your desire to avoid the white-blond boy larger than your lack of hunger. “Fine, let’s go.”

Juniper laughed as the two of you left your room. “Thought so.”

You met up with Marin and Silver at dinner, and you recounted the story of your breakup and what had happened between you and Draco after that.

Silver shook his head. “That boy’s got it bad for you,” he said as he ate his dinner. “He just doesn’t know how to handle those feelings. You’re the only person he’s ever genuinely liked. He dated Pansy to try to get over you since you hated him so much, and he did sort of like her, but obviously when that fell through it only made things worse.”

You rolled your eyes. “He was the meanest he’d ever been to me for like two months after that,” you said. “I’m surprised he didn’t try to throw me down a flight of stairs.”

Your friends laughed at that.

The three of you kept talking as you left the Great Hall, ending up in the room you shared with Juniper as you kept gossiping about your rollercoaster of a love life. From Cedric to Draco to Emerson Albatross, you wound up spending the evening eating way too much candy and telling way too many dumb stories.

Juniper and Marin also both recounted the things you’d missed in class that week. You didn’t realize just how much you’d missed, from Draco’s actions to Cedric’s…lack of actions.

“You should’ve seen Draco in Divinations, really,” Marin said with a laugh. “He was jumbling his words and stumbling over everything. I’m shocked Trelawney couldn’t see right through him. He was so nervous and shaky all week. And when Trelawney made a prediction that he was going to lose someone important to him, he looked like he was going to throw up for the rest of class.”

“Well of course he was, we were all scared to death for y/n,” Juniper cut in, popping a chocolate frog into her mouth. “Until he found out when you were being released, he was terrified that he’d wake up to find out you hadn’t made it through the night.”

You rolled your eyes. “Madam Pomfrey told me the minute I woke up that I’d be fine,” you said indignantly. “Granted, I apparently don’t remember that first memo, and she had to tell me again a couple days later once I’d fully come around, but it definitely did happen. She knew I’d be fine the whole time.”

“I guess he just didn’t listen when she said that.” Marin shrugged.

“Typical Draco,” you said with another eyeroll.

The rest of the night went like that, with the three of you talking and laughing until the wee hours of the morning. You had to hide Marin at one point when the Prefect came through telling you to be quieter, but that didn’t help any of you to actually be quieter.

Instead, you simply laughed harder and talked more. And despite the lurking knowledge of Draco’s feelings for you, when the three of you fell asleep on your bed all together, your heart felt fuller than it had in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! i usually upload earlier than this but i had back-to-back classes and meetings today and it just has been an insane past couple of days. my group presentation went well, though! we were the only group to get people to laugh :)
> 
> i'm going to spend the weekend writing more chapters and getting caught up on homework, so i will see you again on monday! 
> 
> enjoy this chapter!
> 
> see you soon!


	17. can't walk away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you're back to tutoring draco, after everything that went down just a few days before.

The weekend flew by before you even noticed it. You’d done nothing but homework, struggling greatly to catch back up in your classes. You briefly entertained the idea of cancelling tutoring with Draco, but you know it was about him, not you, so you showed up.

“Are you alright?” he asked timidly as you walked him through the potions. You knew he was asking because of how bad you looked, bags beginning to form under your eyes and hair you hadn’t brushed in three days, but you weren’t going to spill your heart out to Draco Malfoy.

“I’m fine,” you insisted, despite the fact that you knew he didn’t believe you.

“Do you want to get dinner after this?” he asked, and you gave him a look. “As friends, of course!” he added quickly. “Crabbe and Goyle could go with us if you wanted.”

“Absolutely not,” you said, cringing at the thought. “The last time I saw Crabbe, he threw a book at me. I’m fine with us going by ourselves.”

“Why’d he throw a book at you?” Draco asked, bristling immediately. “I’ll hex the _shit_ out of him for that.”

“No, you won’t,” you chided. “I don’t even remember why he did it.”

Draco rolled his eyes, but didn’t press the issue any further. 

You walked him through two more potions after that, desperate to keep the conversation off of whatever was going on between you and the Slytherin boy working beside you.

Eventually, however, your allotted time was up, and you followed Draco to the Great Hall for dinner.

The two of you sat down across from each other, willing your plates full of delicious food. Both of you bean digging in, barely even pausing for a breath.

After only a few moments, Draco looked up at you. he opened his mouth to say something, but his eyes flicked to someone behind you, instantly growing cold and angry.

You looked behind you, and your heart involuntarily skipped a beat when you saw Cedric approaching. His eyes were trained on you, and your heart rate increased the closer he got.

“I know you aren’t thinking about coming to talk to y/n,” Draco sneered, stopping Cedric in his tracks. “Not after everything you did to her.”

You watched Cedric cringe, before taking another step closer. Draco stood up then, clearly ready to go on the attack to keep Cedric from you.

“I just want to talk to y/n,” he said, and Draco’s expression changed to one of pure fury. “Absolutely not,” he spat. “You lost that privilege when you broke up with her for no good fucking reason.”

“Oh, are you her spokesperson now?” Cedric shot back, his temper visibly rising. “You can’t even let the girl speak for herself?”

Draco opened his mouth, ready to fire something else back, but you jumped up, eager to stop another fight from happening (in the Great Hall, no less).

“I’ll go with you,” you said to Cedric, trying to ignore Draco’s face falling completely. You didn’t want to turn around and tell Draco it was just to get rid of Cedric in front of Cedric himself, so you hoped the tensing of your shoulders as you stood up and followed the Hufflepuff boy out of the Great Hall was signal enough.

The two of you traveled to an empty hallway, where Cedric finally turned to you, concern in his eyes.

“Y/N, I wanted to talk,” he said nervously, fidgeting with his hands.

You bit the inside of your cheek, willing yourself not to cry in front of Cedric. You still felt the sting of his harsh rejection of you and his less-than-kind ending of your relationship, but you didn’t want him to know that you felt so strongly about something that hadn’t lasted very long.

“Why?” you asked. “Why now? We already broke up.”

“About that,” Cedric said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was just upset that I lost the fight Draco and I had. I know I started it, but it was still embarrassing that I couldn’t defend you. I let my anger get the best of me and I ended up hurting you.”

You folded your arms, looking down at your shoes. You hadn’t expected that to come from Cedric, but now you were even more conflicted than before.

“I just want another chance, y/n, please,” he said, putting his hand out to put under your chin, lifting your head to make you look at him. Your eyes were teary at this point, and you could tell he noticed by the pain that flashed through his own eyes.

“I don’t think I can give you one,” you said, finally allowing your tears to fall. “You just told me you deliberately hurt me because you were angry. I can’t be with someone who hurts me on purpose when they’re angry. I can’t.”

Thoughts of Theodore flashed through your mind, and you cringed away involuntarily.

“Y/N, it won’t ever happen again,” Cedric begged.

“Cedric, I really don’t think I can do this.”

He stiffened, his eyes hardening. “It’s because of Draco, isn’t it?”

You looked up at him, searching his eyes for any sort of emotion. Finding none, you took a breath, and evidently that was answer enough for Cedric.

“It was always Draco, wasn’t it?” he asked, looking away.

“No,” you said quickly, despite Cedric rolling his eyes at that. “I hated him for so long. But the way he’s treated me lately…especially after what you did…I can’t help but start to see him in a different light.”

“He’s only going to break your heart, y/n,” Cedric said, venom clear in his tone.

“It isn’t anything that hasn’t happened to me before,” you bit back, watching guilt splashed across the Hufflepuff boy’s face. “And if he at least treats me well before he breaks my heart, _that’s_ the part that will be new for me.”

“You’re saying I didn’t treat you well?” Cedric asked, looking appalled. “I gave you everything I had, y/n. We might’ve only been going out for three weeks, but I tried my best to treat you properly.”

“I saw you twice in those three weeks,” you said simply. “We went on two dates, and then I ended up in the infirmary. You didn’t even visit me once.”

“Because I was angry!” Cedric cried.

“And you thought that was a good enough reason to leave me hanging for an entire week?” you shouted back. “I nearly _died_ , Cedric. Everyone else came to visit me but _you_!” 

Cedric’s expression darkened further, and he looked away from you, refusing to continue to make eye contact. “Everything’s about you,” he growled.

“I’m so sorry,” you spit, hoping the anger was evident in your voice. “I’m so sorry that I made my near-death experience about me. I forgot everything’s about you all the time. My apologies.”

He glared at you, but you squared your shoulders and stared right back.

“I’m not giving you a second chance, Cedric,” you said after a few beats of silence. “Draco or no Draco. You hurt me once and there’s no evidence you won’t do it again. I’d rather take my chances.”

“You’d rather take your chances on someone who’s done nothing but hurt you??” Cedric asked, astounded. “That’s bullshit!” 

You shook your head. “No. I’d rather take my chances and end up being alone for the rest of my life than settle for someone— _anyone_ —who hurts me on purpose.”

Without waiting for him to respond again, you turned and left the hallway, leaving whatever you had been building with Cedric in the pile of rubble he’d turned it into.

\------------------------------------

You’d been so angry about your fight with Cedric that you hadn’t even returned to the Great Hall. Instead, you stalked right back to the Slytherin Common Room, plopping yourself right down on the couch.

You looked into the fire, too angry to cry. You instead stared into the fire, simply mulling over everything Cedric had said to you. You didn’t even notice the multiple students mulling about the Common Room around you, and you didn’t care to find out what they were whispering about.

You did, however, notice when Draco burst into the room. “Where’s y/n?” he asked, his tone worried.

Everyone in the room pointed at you on the couch, and you said nothing as Draco nearly vaulted over the back of the couch to get to you.

“Why didn’t you come back to the Great Hall?” he asked, his voice sounding almost sad.

You shrugged. “I guess I just needed time to think,” you admitted. You weren’t sure yourself, really. Cedric had made you so angry you couldn’t think straight.

“What did Cedric say to you?” he asked, his eyes wild as he awaited your answer.

You sighed, looking back to the fire. “He said he wanted a second chance, and he apologized for breaking up with me. He said he was just mad that he lost the fight he started with you.”

You could barely see Draco’s expression out of the corner of your eye, but you knew without even looking that it was not a happy expression. 

“What did you say?” he asked, his voice far too controlled for your taste. 

“I told him no,” you said evenly, not removing your eyes from the crackling fire in front of you. “I refuse to stay in any sort of relationship where they fully admit that they hurt me on purpose when they’re mad at me. I don’t care if he never, like, hits me or anything, but like, breaking up with me every time he gets mad is not something I want to put up with either.”

Draco remained quiet for a few seconds, and you looked over at him finally, to see him staring into the fire himself. He seemed deep in thought, and you made a move to stand up and leave, but he quickly grabbed your wrist.

“Wait, don’t go,” he pleaded. “What does this mean…for us?”

You shook your head, pulling your wrist from his grip. “I don’t know, Draco. I don’t know if I want to deal with Cedric’s shit if I end up with you. He’s already convinced I’m refusing to get back with him because of you.”

“You want to avoid getting in a relationship with someone who will give you the world because you don’t want to deal with shit from someone you dated for three weeks?” Draco asked, standing up from the couch along with you. “Y/N, that’s crazy.”

“Oh, you’ll give me the world, now, will you?” you leered, forcing a laugh. “After nearly four years of treating me like absolute shit, now you’re ready to give me the world?”

Draco’s face flushed a dark red, an unusual color for the face of a boy who was normally so stark-white. You folded your arms, waiting for a response you weren’t sure you wanted to hear.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Everglade,” Draco finally forced out. “I’ve tried to apologize, I’ve tried to change for you, I’ve tried to show you how much I actually care about you. It isn’t easy being the son of a Death Eater. And it really isn’t easy when everyone else around you hates you just for that fact.”

You stared back at him, unsure how to tread. You weren’t used to him bringing up his father in a way that wouldn’t ensure he got his way. You weren’t used to him complaining about his father’s status. Lucius Malfoy held a very influential position over pretty much the entire Wizarding World, and usually, Draco was apt to point out that already well-known fact.

“We’re back on a last-name basis, now?” you finally snapped, and Draco rolled his eyes. “You haven’t given me much of a choice, what with how cold you’re being.”

“That isn’t fair,” you said back. “How often are you cold to me for no fucking reason? At least right now I have a reason to be acting like this. You’re here telling me you want me to date you even after three years of being my worst enemy. I don’t get any of this.”

He stared at you for a few moments, his eyes unreadable. You stared right back at him, making it clear you were waiting for his response.

“Y/N, you’ve slept in my bed. You kissed me—well, you kissed me back, anyway. You’ve shown me that hiding spot you have that you’ve never told anyone else about. You can’t stand here and tell me there’s absolutely nothing between us.”

You wanted to. You wanted _so badly_ to tell the stupid Slytherin Prince that there was nothing there—or at the very least, that you felt nothing there. You wanted him to go away and never speak to you again. You just wanted to be left alone.

No, you didn’t.

You felt your eyes fill with tears for what felt like the tenth time that day. You took a breath, turning away from Draco so he wouldn’t see them well up or fall. 

“Y/N, please, you can’t just walk away from this.”

“And what if I do?” you cried, whirling back around. You were grateful the Common Room had emptied out after Draco had vaulted over the couch, because your voice was very loud. “What if I do? Maybe I’m not meant to find love at Hogwarts, Draco. Everyone I’ve ever dated or fucked with has hurt me and fucked me over! Maybe I’m not meant to break that pattern while I’m attending school here.”

Draco reached out for you, grabbing you before you managed to back out of arm’s reach. He pulled you into him, despite your struggling to get out of his grip.

“Fucking chill, Everglade, I’m only hugging you.”

“Fucking call me y/n,” you spat back, before burying your face in his chest. The tears came hot and stinging, and you felt them soaking the robe of the white-blond boy holding you. After standing with your arms static at your sides for what felt like forever, you finally caved and wrapped your arms around him in return. You felt him relax as you did so, and his grip around your body only got tighter. 

“Let’s keep talking about this in my room,” he whispered into your ear, and against your better judgement, you nodded. You wanted to get away from listening ears yourself, and there wouldn’t really be a better way to do that than to go into his dorm room.

You pulled away from him then, and you knew your face was a teary, snotty mess. Draco simply looked down at you, his eyes filling with concern and sadness at your upset state. He brought his hands up to cup your face, his thumbs brushing away the stray tears streaming from your eyes. 

“God, I wish I hadn’t fucked up,” he whispered quietly. Those words only made your tears more abundant, and Draco shushed you as he wiped your tears away all over again.

“Don’t cry, y/n,” he said, letting go of you to take your hand. “Come on. I’ve got tissues in my room.”

And before you could find a valid reason to protest, you were on your way up the stairs behind Draco Malfoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're back! i feel like this chapter's a little on the 'eh' side but i've already got ideas for plots of the next few chapters so hopefully what's coming up makes up for this one.
> 
> i'm glad you guys are okay with me taking weekends off. they're really needed, both to write more of this, to catch up on homework, and to sleep a lot more than i do during the week. thanks for that. :)
> 
> see you tomorrow!


	18. "princess", again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and draco head to his room to have your conversation.

You walked into Draco’s room, your thoughts racing as he closed the door behind you. You didn’t even know how to start a conversation like this, let alone how it would end. You half-expected another screaming match to end up erupting, that seemed to be Draco’s forte. 

You climbed up on his bed, wiping at your tear-stained face. 

Draco kept his distance, sitting in his desk chair opposite his bed. 

“How do we start this conversation?” you asked, looking down at your hands. 

“I don’t know,” Draco admitted with a sigh. “This isn’t really how I pictured finally telling you how I really feel.”

You nodded, still focusing on your hands. 

“Why’d you spend so much time being mean to me if you liked me?”

Draco rested his chin in his hands. You could practically hear the gears turning in his head as he prepared to answer your question.

“You hated me first, really,” he said finally. “After the whole shoving incident right before the Sorting Ceremony. I know I shoved you first, but we just…kept being cold to each other. We never really sorted out any of our shit and it never occurred to us that we should. I liked you, but you pissed me off all the time.” He chuckled at that. “Even though I'm pretty sure my first thoughts were more about how hot you were. The older we got, though, the more I paid attention to how you interacted with people that weren’t me—and the more I realized how kind and funny you were, the more I wanted to see that side of you.”

You looked up at him then, making direct eye contact with the Slytherin Prince sat across from you. You weren’t sure how to respond to what he’d said.

“So, for all those years…you really felt nothing for me in return?” he asked after what felt like an eternity of silence.

“I mean…I thought you hated me, so if there was anything there I just repressed it,” you said, shrugging. “I didn’t know what else to feel, like, you were just so awful to me. And what about after Pansy left? You threw an entire mug of Butterbeer all over the dress I got for my birthday just because you loved me so much?”

“That was fucked,” Draco said. “I’m not going to try to give you any excuses. I got super attached to Pansy really quickly, and then when she fucked off, you were there. And I was so upset about the whole thing, I took it out on you.”

You rolled your eyes, but you didn’t say anything in response.

“Where do we go from here?” Draco asked. “Are you going to sit there and tell me you don’t feel anything for me now, either?”

You wanted to. By Merlin, did you want to. If you could have your way, you’d turn back time and never even step foot in this awful castle.

But you knew you couldn’t tell him that. You couldn’t tell him that and be truthful, anyway.

“Say something, please,” he begged, standing up from his chair to come over to you. “If you don’t want me, say so right now and I’ll never bother you again.”

You looked up at him, realizing for the first time how desperate he looked. His eyes were wild and devastated at the same time, and you knew it would be lying to yourself and breaking his heart if you refused him.

“I can’t tell you I don’t want you, Draco,” you breathed finally, and his expression changed to one of slight confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I’m—I’m not in love with you the way you are with me,” you rushed out, looking away from his face to keep yourself from seeing the crestfallen face of the Slytherin boy before you, trying instead to continue what you were saying. “But I also can’t tell you that I don’t feel anything for you, because that isn’t true. I absolutely despise having to admit this, but…you do happen to be growing on me, Draco Malfoy.”

His eyes lit up, his hands moving up to cup your face. “Yo-you mean it?”

You nodded, making eye contact with him once again. “I just don’t know how to approach anything. You and I both know Cedric’s going to have an absolute cow if he finds out about anything.”

“So? Let him have the cow, then,” Draco said, moving his hands down your body to take your hands in his own. “You know I won’t let him do anything to you. Not again.”

You nodded. “I know.”

He stood there, holding your hands, looking into your eyes, for what felt like forever, before you broke the silence again. “What now?”

“I…guess we’re dating?”

You shrugged. “I mean, I guess? Maybe we should do what Cedric and I did and go on a couple of actual dates first.”

“Didn’t you call Cedric your boyfriend the day of your second date?” Draco asked, and you made a gesture with your hands to try to communicate to Draco that he was being ridiculous. “We’d been on a really _romantic_ first date and he’d kissed me afterward. Plus, I kissed him at the Quidditch game. We weren’t exactly shy with each other still.”

“Ew, you kissed him twice?”

“Shut the fuck up,” you said with a roll of your eyes. Draco smirked again, clearly pleased he’d gotten under your skin, if even slightly. You shoved him lightly, and he chuckled. “Come on, princess, don’t be like that.”

“Ugh, stop _calling_ me that,” you groaned, rolling over on the bed to face away from him. The last thing you wanted to admit was the number of butterflies your heart had just released in your veins, ones that started flapping their wings even harder as he grasped your wrist gently and pulled you back over to face him again.

“Come on, y/n, you like the nickname. Don’t pretend you don’t,” Draco said, tracing shapes on your open palm as he held your hand in his own.

You rolled your eyes. “You will never hear me admit that I like that nickname, Malfoy,” you threatened, though a smile still turned the corners of your lips. 

“I think someday I will,” he teased, leaning down to place a kiss on your palm. Your skin ignited at the feeling, fire spreading throughout your body as he leaned his head into your palm.

“Are we…official, then?” you asked.

“That’s up to you, love,” he responded. “You know what I want.”

You sighed, sitting up. “I say we try it out and see where it goes.”

Draco lit up. He grabbed your face, pressing his lips to yours.

And you let him.

His kiss was rough, rushed, and fervent, like he was worried he’d never see you again after this kiss. His hands went from your face to your waist, and he brought a knee up to climb up onto the bed. You moved to let him do so, breaking the kiss so you could open your eyes for just a moment. He whined at the loss of contact, bringing his face back to yours the moment he was perched on the bed beside you. 

You leaned back, slipping out of the position your elbow had had you propped up in, and falling flat on your back on the bed beneath you. Draco wasted no time in using that to his advantage, slipping a hand up your shirt and grazing the hot skin of your torso underneath.

His other hand stayed pressed into the bed beside you, holding him up as he continued to kiss you. He moved to lay more of his body down on top of you, but that’s when you finally broke the kiss.

“Draco, I-I can’t,” you said quickly, and his eyes widened as he climbed off of you. “Shit, sorry, y/n,” he said, breathing heavily as he sat back on the bed. “I wasn’t really thinking…well, not with my head, anyway.”

The blush that had been forming on your face already only deepened at that remark, and you flopped back down on the bed, covering your face with your hands.

“C’mere, y/n,” he said quietly, moving himself so his head was up on the pillows. He opened his arms, motioning for you to come up and lay on him again, an invitation you gladly accepted.

“Can you sleep here tonight, please?” he asked, not even trying to mask the pleading in his voice.

“Only if you stop being such a soft bitch,” you joked, poking him in the stomach.

“I’ll just be a hard bitch then,” he said, pulling on a strand of your hair with his free hand. 

You laughed, snuggling deeper into his side.

“Are those clothes comfortable to sleep in?” he asked, looking down at your school uniform. The only thing you’d taken off was your robe, there was no way you would’ve been able to sleep in that heavy thing.

You pulled on your Slytherin tie, loosening it enough to pull it over your head. You threw it in the general direction of your robe, hoping you’d be able to find it the next morning.

“There, that’s good enough,” you said, yawning as you turned back to wrap your arms around Draco’s middle.

“This right here,” he mumbled as you slipped into sleep, “this right here is what I’ve been waiting to have for four years now.”

You didn’t really have a response, your brain was too half-asleep to formulate one. 

But even as sleep once again claimed your conscious mind, your brain was awake enough to re-ignite the fire in your soul that had really never truly stopped burning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all!
> 
> sorry i didn't update yesterday. i was insanely busy studying for midterms, i literally didn't even get to bed until like 2 AM.
> 
> sorry this chapter's so short, too, i didn't want to drag it out to where it felt like it was just going in circles. the next chapter's longer, though! i hope you guys like this one :)
> 
> see you soon!


	19. hidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> christmas break is right around the corner, but you're mad at draco...again.

Days turned into weeks, and before you knew it, Christmas break was right around the corner.

You had just played your final Quidditch game of the season, and you had beaten Hufflepuff by a landslide. You had to admit, seeing the look of utter disgust on Cedric’ face had really only made your satisfaction sweeter.

But that wasn’t your current focus. 

Your immediate problem was that Draco, yet again, had refused to let you even touch him while on the Quidditch pitch. 

Really, he’d been refusing to let you interact with him anywhere that wasn’t tutoring, his dorm, or your hidey-hole.

And for someone who was supposed to be your boyfriend, it wasn’t very boyfriend-y of him.

So, when you met him in his dorm to study for the Potions exam, you decided to ask him about it.

“Hey, Draco?” you asked casually, not looking up from your Potions book as he was standing up to stretch after about an hour of studying.

“Yeah?”

“How come you only act like my boyfriend when we’re alone together?”

Draco froze, and you watched him start to fidget with his fingers even as he was turning back to you.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he rushed out, but from the look on his face, even he knew you didn’t believe him.

“Cut the _shit_ , Malfoy,” you snapped, sitting up. “I try to hold your hand in the Great Hall, you snatch it away. I try to hug you after a Quidditch game, you push me away. I try to lean into you when we’re sat on the same couch in the Common Room, you lean the other way. So don’t tell me nothing’s up, because it is quite clearly much more than nothing.”

Draco took a deep breath, his shoulders dropping. “Y/N, you have to let me explain,” he started, and you huffed.

“Better start explaining quickly, then,” you said, folding your arms. “Because my patience is very quickly running out.”

He ran a hand over his hair, refusing to make eye contact with you. This, you realized, had become a norm with the Slytherin boy when he fucked up. He couldn’t even look his accuser in the eye.

“I mean really, if you’re embarrassed to be seen with me, all you have to do is say so,” you said matter-of-factly, picking at your nails absentmindedly.

“I’m not embarrassed of you, y/n, I swear,” he said, his eyes panicked.

“Then what could _possibly_ be so bad about me that you don’t want people knowing we’re together? You broke Cedric’s nose over me, but now that you’ve got me; what, are you disappointed or something?”

“Y/N, I swear it isn’t you. I—it’s my father.”

“Your _father_?” you asked, incredulous. “Why? I’m a Slytherin, and I’m a pure-blood. There’s literally nothing about me that would embarrass your father or hurt his reputation in any way.”

Draco sighed. “I know that. But if word gets back to him that I’m running around dating when my marks are as bad as they are, there’s no way he’ll let me come back after break.”

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding. You knew Draco had a point, but you also knew his marks had improved a lot over the past month. 

Besides, you could handle disapproval from Lucius Malfoy. What was he going to do to an eighteen-year-old Hogwarts student? You’d already dealt with bullying from his son anyway.

“He didn’t have a problem with Pansy,” you protested, and Draco sighed again.

“My marks weren’t shit when I was with Pansy,” he responded. “Plus, I was seventeen, nothing was expected to be serious. But now I’m expected to start looking for someone to settle down with. My father will have my head if he has reason to believe I’m focusing on that and not on bringing up my shitty marks.”

“But why the jump from ‘young love’ to ‘something serious’ so fast?” you asked, still confused. “Like, you’re only eighteen now. It’s only been a year. And we still have three years of school left as it is.”

He shrugged. “My parents were married at nineteen, so I suppose they want me to take after them.”

“You don’t have to, Draco,” you said. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you to find that right person.”

“But what if you’re that right person?” Draco asked, finally making eye contact with you.

Despite your heart jumping directly into your throat, you swallowed thickly and tried to keep your heart rate down. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, Draco. Right now I want to talk about actually acting like a couple when we aren’t behind closed doors.”

Draco shook his head. “I can’t talk about that. I’ve told you how it has to be right now, and you’ll have to take it or leave it.”

You scoffed, standing up from his bed. “That’s it? Ten seconds ago you were all ‘what if you’re that right person?’ But now, if I’m not willing to stay your dirty little secret, you’ll get rid of me? Just like that?”

“Don’t get like this, y/n,” Draco groaned, and you glared at him.

“Don’t get like what? Don’t get upset? Don’t get upset that my boyfriend won’t even look at me if we aren’t alone in a secluded room? Or don’t get an attitude when I’m told how much you like me one minute and tossed aside like a used tissue the next?”

“Stop…fucking getting mad at me,” Draco gritted out, clenching his hands into fists. “I’m trying my goddamn best here, and I’m not just doing this to protect me. You have no fucking _clue_ what my father could do to you.”

“I’m not scared of an older, taller Draco Malfoy,” you spat, folding your arms. “I’ve already dealt with you trying every fucking trick in the book. And really, if someone of your father’s status and position does something to try to take out a fucking eighteen-year-old Hogwarts student, all that’s going to do is make him look dumb.”

Draco sighed heavily. “Y/N, you haven’t met my father, you don’t know what he’s capable of. And he hardly cares about looking dumb. He cares about making sure people know who’s in charge, regardless of what he has to do to make that happen.”

You rolled your eyes, still not fully believing him. You didn’t even care about Lucius. You just wanted Draco to act like _he_ cared about _you_.

“All I’m saying, Draco, is that I want to stop being hidden. And if you can’t handle that, then maybe I’m not that ‘right person’ for you after all.”

Draco’s face dropped, but you were already turned around, packing your things up to leave his room.

“Y/N, don’t leave, don’t leave like this,” he said, and you turned back to look into his stony gray eyes.

“This isn’t what I want either, Malfoy,” you said quietly, blinking back the tears you could feel coming on. “But if this is your choice, then so be it.”

And without another word, you walked out.

\---------------------------------

You spent the rest of the day in the Library, trying to focus on studying but having pretty shit luck in that department. Your mind kept wandering back to Draco, as it always did lately.

You didn’t know what to make of it, the situation you’d left in his room just hours before. Had you broken up with him? Were you simply ending an argument with an ultimatum? What was he doing right now? Was he going to just go back to being a royal prick all the time?

You shook your head as the clock struck nine, packing your things away and heading back to your own dorm. You had two final exams the very next day, and you knew you would fail both of them without a good night’s sleep to clear your head.

“Fucking Christ, Juniper, you would not believe the day I’ve had,” you groaned as you entered the room. You slung your bookbag onto the floor, rubbing your temples as you turned towards your bed.

You jumped at the sight of the figure on your bed. Not Juniper. It was Draco.

“Really? Because I can wager a guess,” the Slytherin boy said, his face blank and eyes void of any readable emotion.

“I was hoping to avoid any further conversations with you until after exams,” you said quietly.

“Right, because once my father refuses to let me come back after break, you’d just never have to deal with me again, then?”

“No, that isn’t what I meant, and you know it,” you bit back. “What do you want?”

“I came to see my girlfriend and settle the argument I didn’t have a chance to finish earlier,” Draco quipped, reaching out for your arm. You backed up, out of his grip.

“I said all I had to say, Malfoy,” you said indignantly. “I’ve been in too many relationships where I got treated like shit. And I refuse to be in one where I’m only treated well in private. That isn’t fair to me.”

“So what, then, we’re broken up?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“I don’t want to be,” you said firmly, folding your arms. “But I also don’t want to be kept a secret.”

“Well, if you want to stay with me, you have to deal with that,” he responded. “At least until after Christmas break. My father can look at my improved marks and he’ll say they’re acceptable, which will be the best praise I can expect from him. And then when I get back after break, everything will be fine. I’ll kiss you in front of everyone in the Great Hall or something. Whatever you want.”

You felt your whole body light up at his promise. “You mean that?”

He nodded. “If my father says my marks are good enough, he won’t care if I’m dating someone.”

You smiled despite yourself. You looked back up at Draco, who looked hopeful about your reaction.

“You can’t keep treating me like shit out in public, though,” you said, forcing yourself to keep eye contact with the boy. “At least act like you tolerate me.”

“Done,” Draco said quickly. “Now just fucking let me kiss you.”

You giggled, letting him grab you when he went to do so this time.

His kiss was like all the others: desperate to get to as much of you as possible. His hands roamed every clothed part of your body, and you could tell by their refusal to stay in one place for long that Draco didn’t like the fact that your body was still closed.

You broke away after a moment, and Draco kept up his onslaught, peppering kisses down your neck that caused your breath to hitch in your throat.

“D-Draco, we can’t, Juniper could come back any moment,” you whispered, but the bite he gave your neck in response told you he didn’t really care.

The door clicked just then, though, and Draco tore himself off of you, trying to appear like he hadn’t just been trying to put his hands up your shirt again.

Juniper poked her head inside, raising an eyebrow at the sight of you and Draco in your room together.

“I-I’ll be going now,” he said quickly, running a hand over his hair. “Thanks for letting me borrow your notes, Everglade, I’ll—I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He left in a whirl of Slytherin robes and peppermint scent—leaving you with dark, swollen lips and what felt like a bite mark forming on your neck.

“Why do I feel like he wasn’t in here to borrow notes?” Juniper asked, throwing you a knowing smirk.

“Fuck off, Wildfoot,” you said, rolling your eyes in response. “I don’t ask you about your ‘adventures’ with Arlie.”

“Only because the whole castle can hear them already,” she said in a singsong voice, winking at you as you groaned.

“Maybe someday I’ll find out what’s up with you and that Malfoy kid,” she said with a very sarcastic, very exaggerated sigh as she crawled into bed a few moments later. “But until then, I guess it’s all a mystery.”

And even though she didn’t say anything else about it that night, you knew right then and there that your secret wasn’t as much of a secret as you or Draco thought it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think you guys will like the next chapter, it has a lot of *winky emoji* vibes, if ur picking up what i'm laying down.
> 
> hope you like this one!
> 
> see you soon!


	20. christmas break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exams end, christmas break begins. draco and the rest of your friends leave, while you stay behind.
> 
> **THERE IS EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER. i will mark where it begins & ends in the event that you want to skip over it, because it isn't really relevant to the plot itself. but this is here to warn you in the event that it might be triggering for anyone.**

The next few days blurred together for you, and you were sort of glad they did. The exams flew by in a flurry of papers and red ink on your parchments, and you were just as grateful as the rest of the students in the castle once they were finally over.

You were putting your books away in your chest, silently cheering that you wouldn’t have to deal with them for a whole month, when Juniper burst into the room, her suitcase completely overstuffed.

“I almost forgot to say goodbye to you!” she squealed, wrapping you in a giant bear hug. “Don’t get too lonely here without me, I’ll be back in just twenty-six days!”

“I know,” you said with a chuckle. “But I’ll have Marin, you know. And if I get super bored, I can always talk to Harry Potter or his friend, that Weasley kid. Ron? I think Ron’s his name.” Juniper laughed at that.

“Cedric’s gonna be gone too, so you won’t have to worry about him either,” Juniper said. “Just be safe and write me every day. I’ll miss you tons!”

“I’ll miss you too,” you assured the blue-haired girl, giving her one last tight hug before she was gone.

You took yourself back down to the Common Room, reveling in the hustle and bustle of students leaving for Christmas, knowing that you’d have the Slytherin dorms pretty much all to yourself in just a matter of hours.

Although you’d miss Draco while he was gone. It would’ve been nice to have a nice, playful, lovey Draco for a few weeks while nobody was around to see and tattle on the two of you.

As if hearing his name had summoned him, he came into the Common Room, his eyes lightening as they fell on you.

“I’ll see you in a month,” you said, wrapping your arms around yourself to fight the urge to hug him. You were in the Common Room, you told yourself. Just a few more weeks and you could hug him in the Common Room all you wanted.

“Fingers crossed,” he said with a slight smile, but you slugged his arm. “Don’t jinx yourself. Your grades came up a lot, I’ve got no doubt that I’ll be stuck next to you in Potions same as this term.”

“Wow, you just can’t wait to have me back,” Draco teased. His face settled into something more complicit as he looked down at you, your arms still wrapped around yourself.

“I’ll see you in a month, princess,” he said with a wink, and you felt your stomach do a somersault.

“See you in a month, stupid,” you said with a grin.

He picked up his suitcase and walked out of the room, waving slightly to you as he did so.

You sighed as you watched the door close behind him, feeling sadder than you expected at the thought of not seeing him for so long.

You climbed back up the stairs to your dorm, deciding to take a nap as you did so. The snow was falling so nicely outside, it was the perfect setting for a post-exam-time celebration nap.

You wrapped yourself in your biggest blanket, pulling the curtains closed so you could get some quality sleep. You tossed a treat into your owl’s cage and hopped up onto your bed, rolling over and closing your eyes.

It felt like only seconds later when your door opened, waking you up and causing you to sit up to see the source of the disturbance.

“I didn’t know you were sleeping, I’m sorry, y/n,” came Draco’s voice.

“Draco??” you said, rubbing at your eyes so the sleep would clear. “I thought you were going home?”

“Change of plans, I guess,” he responded. “Dumbledore sent Snape to tell me my father sent a message telling the school to keep me here—he says there’s things he’s “dealing with” at home that he’d rather not involve me in, or something.”

“Oh,” you said simply. You had absolutely no idea how else to respond. You hadn’t considered what would happen with Draco being back in the castle for Christmas break. A lot of things could happen when two kids who were attracted to each other were left nearly entirely to their own devices, as had been demonstrated in the great Hufflepuff Pregnancy Scandal of your second year.

“Yeah, Snape practically shot out of the castle to get to the train to find me. I was already aboard the train, I’d been sat down for all of five minutes. They had to delay the train from leaving, I had to get all my stuff out of the bins overhead, it was a proper mess.”

You chuckled. “Well, at least you get to be here with me now, and once we get word about what your father has to say about your report card, we can finally go public to the rest of the school!”

Draco nodded, but his lack of a verbal response worried you. “I—isn’t that what you want, Draco?”

He shrugged, igniting the all-too-familiar annoyance in you. “I thought going public to the rest of the school after break was _your_ promise,” you snipped, climbing out of your blanket cocoon to see the boy more fully.

“I didn’t promise anything,” he said in return, which only caused your annoyance to grow. “I said we’d see.”

“No, you didn’t!” you cried, throwing your hands up in the air. “You said it yourself—your marks have improved, your father would say they were acceptable, and then he wouldn’t care if you were dating someone. It was _your_ idea to kiss me in front of everyone in the Great Hall, I’ll remind you.”

“I just don’t know, y/n. If he’s really dealing with shit that he doesn’t want me involved with back at home, I don’t think he’s going to handle me dating someone very well either.”

You huffed, fighting the urge to stomp your foot. You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from crying again, but it didn’t work very well.

“It’s always going to be some excuse like this, isn’t it?” you whined, not caring at all about how pathetic you sounded. “It’s always going to have to do with your father and it’s always going to be something I have to deal with or leave you over, isn’t it?”

Draco didn’t respond. He just kissed you instead.

Pulling away, he looked you straight in the eye, the intensity of his gaze making your insides turn to liquid. “I’m fucking in love with you, Everglade,” he said, his voice a dark, low rumble. “I’m doing my best to balance my father and you, and to protect you as long as I can from whatever my father will do to you once he inevitably finds out about you. This is a lot more about me keeping you safe than it is me being embarrassed of you or scared of my father. Because there’s a lot he can do to me, and I won’t care. But if something happened to you, I’d never recover.”

You brought your hands up to grip the hands that still cupped your face, and you couldn’t bring yourself to keep arguing. You still wanted to go public, you still wanted him to acknowledge you beyond secluded rooms, but once he kissed you again, you decided that was a problem for another day. 

He walked you backwards into the room, never removing his face from your own as he shut the door behind you. His hands moved from your face down to your waist, as they normally did. He pulled away from you to look down into your eyes, moving a hand back up to stroke your face with his thumb.

“Is this something you want to do, y/n?” he asked quietly. “Because right now I’m entirely under your control.”

You melted at his words, and you nodded in response. “Take me far away from here, Draco,” you whispered, and he smiled as he bent down to whisk you off your feet.

You squealed loudly as he did so, and he laughed as he put you on the bed.

“I’d tell you to be quieter, but there’s nobody else in Slytherin House right now, so do what you please,” he said, a mischievous glint in his eye as he crawled atop you.

“Now, about this,” he said, pulling slightly at your shirt. “I’m afraid you have far too many clothes on.”

**here we go!**

Liquid fire lit your skin up at his words, lightning crackling through your veins as his slender fingers made quick work of removing your shirt. He tossed it aside, looking down at your exposed body lying beneath him. You moved your arms to cover yourself up, but he grabbed your wrists, moving them away.

“Don’t cover yourself up, y/n. Don’t hide yourself from me.”

You felt yourself blush, and you were grateful the curtains were still drawn. He leaned down, your wrists still grasped in his hands, and planted kisses down your chest, over your bra, down your stomach.  
The fire that was your skin only burned hotter at the feeling of his lips on your bare skin, and you whined involuntarily when he removed his mouth from your torso.

“Patience, princess,” he said quietly, and you nearly squealed again just from hearing that.

He chuckled to himself as he sat up more, finally letting go of your wrists as he moved to unbutton and pull off his own shirt. You marveled at the sight of the shirtless boy before you. You’d seen him shirtless before, sure, but it had never been in this context and somehow it was different.

He leaned back down to kiss you again, putting his cold hands on your bare stomach and chuckling when you jumped. He pulled away, moving his hands down to unbutton your pants, and you were quick to help him take those off of you.

He ducked back in to kiss you yet again, and he moved down your jaw to start peppering kisses down your neck, your heavy breathing signaling that he’d hit a good spot.

He found a spot at the base of your neck that caused your breath to hitch even more, and he smiled into it before biting down slightly and sucking more harshly than you’d expected. You gasped as he pulled away, chuckling darkly as he pressed warm, soothing kisses to the spot. “Hopefully, that’ll leave a nice mark,” he commented as he reached around your back to pop your bra off.

Once he had that off, he began trailing kisses down your exposed chest, taking his time in teasing your breasts with his tongue. He had you so worked up that you let out a loud groan when he finally took your nipple into his mouth, and the vibration from his laughter at that only wound you up more. 

“Draco, please,” you whined, once he had finished his gentle assault on your other breast.

He chuckled again. He seemed to be doing a lot of that. “We’re getting there, princess, be patient.”

“Patience is a Hufflepuff trait, not a Slytherin one.”

Draco didn’t respond to that. He simply kissed your nose, that stupid smirk never leaving his face. He hooked a finger around the hem of your panties, and took them off in one swift motion, leaving you bare to the cold air in your room. You shivered at the exposure, but gasped when his mouth covered your core moments later.

His tongue moved in expert figure-eights across your heat, leaving you writhing underneath him. You threaded your fingers into his hair, causing him to groan as you pulled at his platinum-blond locks.  
He pulled your body closer to his face, diving further into the task at hand. He pulled his mouth away for just a moment as he stuck a finger in you, causing you to gasp, but the return of his tongue fried your brain, and you couldn’t do anything but squeak in pleasure.

You squeezed your eyes shut, the burning in the pit of your stomach building rapidly and moving throughout your entire body.

Your climax came on before you realized what was happening, leaving you shaking beneath Draco’s tongue. He smiled as he pulled away from you, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Tastes like Butterbeer.”

You swatted at him, feeling your face burn a bright red. He laughed as he dodged your wayward hands, leaning down to kiss your nose again.

“How about you just shut up and fuck me?” you asked, before smacking your hand over your mouth as you realized what you’d said.

“If that’s what the princess wants,” he said with a smirk. He put his hand over the one that was still over your mouth, moving it down so he could plant a kiss on your heated lips.

You watched as he sat back up, shedding his own pants and underwear.

“Do—you have protection?” you asked, still breathless.

He nodded wordlessly, pulling a silver pack from his pocket before dropping his pants on the floor.

You watched, still slightly trembling, as he slid the condom down his length, positioning himself between your legs and making eye contact with you once again.

“You’re sure you’re ready for this?” he asked quietly, his eyes full of concern.

You spread your legs further and nodded, and his eyes softened as he leaned down to kiss you while he slid into you.

You’d never experienced Draco being this way—so gentle and sweet. He’d always been abrasive, cold, and mean. The pace he kept as he slid in and out of you was also something you weren’t used to.  
With everyone else it had always been quick, rough, something to just get over with. You had never been made to feel so loved, so enveloped, so paid attention to.

“Baby, you feel so good,” he groaned quietly, his steady pace torturous. You moaned in response, and he leaned down, burying his face into your neck, kissing and sucking the bare skin he was able to get to. This only caused you to moan louder, digging your fingernails into your neck.

“Bloody hell, y/n,” he groaned, beginning to pick up the pace. His slender fingers moved down, quickly finding your clit again and beginning to rub in circles as he went faster still.

You whined with every breath as you felt the fire building in your abdomen once again, and Draco only picked up the pace further, pounding into you with every inch he could give. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” he groaned heavily, shuddering as he continued to slip in and out of you. You arched your back, moaning Draco’s name as his length and his fingers brought you to your second climax in what only felt like seconds later.

**whew**

He let out a breath and collapsed next to you, pulling off the condom and waving his wand to make it disappear.

You chuckled slightly as he turned over, hugging your naked body close. “I didn’t know there was a spell to make stuff go away,” you said with a smile.

He shrugged slightly, his eyelids visibly heavy. “Learned it a while ago. Get rid of the evidence and they can’t charge you with anything,” he said, planting a kiss to your bare shoulder.

You smiled as you turned over to face him more, watching as he opened his sleepy eyes to look at you more fully.

“You’re so beautiful, y/n,” he breathed out, bringing up a hand to cup your face. “God, you’re just glowing.”

You smiled, leaning in to kiss him softly. He pressed his body close to yours as you did so, and you wrapped your legs around his body in response. He smiled as you pulled away, returning your legs to their position entangled in his own. 

He leaned up to kiss your forehead, returning his head to the crook of your neck, pressing a kiss to that too. 

“’M sleepy,” he mumbled as he pulled you closer.

“Then we’ll sleep,” you said quietly, and his lack of response told you just how sleepy he actually was.

You closed your eyes yourself, and fell asleep before you even realized what was happening.

\-------------------------------------------

You woke up what felt like hours later, and the snow had finally stopped falling. You rolled over to see that the other side of the bed was completely empty, the bed cold, indicating he’d left a while ago.

However, the door opened just as you started wondering where he’d gone, and Draco came in again, holding a small bag in his hands, that he handed to you as he sat down on your bed again.

“Do you want your clothes?” he asked, leaning down to pick then up off the floor. You nodded as you peeked into the bag, your heart fluttering as you saw the cinnamon roll nestled in the bag. Your favorite.

“How’d you know this was my favorite?” you asked quietly, smiling as you pulled it out of the bag.

Draco shrugged, but a slight blush tinged his pale cheeks. “I remember you mentioned it once, to Silver or something.”

You nodded, taking a bite out of the delicious pastry.

The two of you sat in silence as you ate the roll, Draco simply standing over by the window and looking over the snow-covered landscape.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend over the holiday, y/n?”

You shook your head, sweeping the crumbs left on your bed off onto the floor. You quickly used your wand to gather them and send them to the trash can beside your bedside table, before pulling the clothes Draco had laid on your bed for you back on.

“So you’ve never received any Christmas presents, then?” he asked, his tone holding nothing but curiosity.

You shook your head again, but then reconsidered. “I mean, my parents send me presents,” you said quickly. “I just haven’t ever received presents from, like, a boyfriend.”

Draco nodded, turning back to the window. “I guess I’ll have to make this one memorable, then,” he said with a smile on his face.

“You don’t have to, Draco,” you said quickly. “I’ll be okay with just spending time with you.”

Draco quickly shook his head, turning back to you. “Nonsense,” he said, crossing the room to pull you into his arms. “It’s the least I can do to start to try to make up the last three years.”

You sighed, leaning into his embrace. “I feel like I’m not going to be able to convince you to not do this, am I?”

“That would be correct, princess,” he said quickly, leaning down to kiss the top of your head again. 

You sighed as you let him hold you, swaying back and forth in silence in your room. 

You smiled slightly as the moments ticked by, and the two of you just held each other in pure, contented silence.

You had never remembered being so happy in someone else’s arms before.

You only wished with all your heart that it could last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really wish you could post announcements on like your dashboard or something to let people know you won't be posting.
> 
> i'm sorry i didn't post anything on friday, i had way too much homework to get done. i still do, really. i'm probably going to be in the library all day once classes are out.
> 
> i do, however, have chapters 21-23 finished and am working on 24! so hopefully i'll actually have a full week of updates to put out XD
> 
> i hope you enjoy this one! don't get too comfy though, angst is definitely still around the corner.


	21. christmas day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> christmas day :)

Christmas came before you even noticed. You had spent nearly every waking moment with Draco, drinking in the time you were able to spend with him in rooms that weren’t secluded. 

You and Draco also spent nearly every night sleeping with one another. It was either your bed or his, but you hadn’t slept alone since exams had ended. You dreaded classes starting back up more than you ever had before. Normally you relished in starting classes, having things to focus on and a routine was your favorite thing. But knowing that this time around it meant that Draco would withdraw from you again was not something you wanted to face.

But that’s not what you were going to think about today. It was Christmas, and you and Draco had given each other your presents. You swore he’d nearly cried at the drawing you’d done of the two of you, but he turned his head before you could confirm that what you’d seen in his eyes were tears. Instead, he turned and opened up the other ones, revealing the new Slytherin scarf you’d bought him, the box full of Honeydukes and Chocolate Frogs, and a brand new green sweater, one that would match with the one hung in your closet if you ever chose to wear the items together.

Once he’d finished opening up his gifts, he pushed the small pile of wrapped boxes he had for you over to you. You looked over all of them, unsure which one you wanted to open first.

“Go on,” he said, his eyes lit up as he put on his Slytherin scarf. “Open one up!”

You grabbed the small one on top, tearing off the paper and putting it on the floor beside you. You opened the small velvet box that the paper revealed to find a beautiful silver necklace, with three charms dangling from it. One was your first initial, one was Draco’s first initial, and the one in between was a silver heart with a green jewel in the middle of it.

You immediately fell in love with the object, unable to tear your eyes away.

“The emerald is real,” he said quietly, causing your eyes to snap up to him.

“It’s _real_?” you gasped, picking the necklace up out of the box.

“I didn’t know if it mattered to you, so I just got a real one,” he said meekly.

“It’s gorgeous, Draco, I love it,” you gushed, turning around so he could help you put it on at once. You noted how happy his smile was at your joy over just the first gift, and you couldn’t wait to open the other three.

You picked up the one the necklace box had been resting on, a box that was somewhat larger, and much heavier, you noticed, once you picked it up.

You tore it open to find a book titled _Advanced Potions: Not for the Weak-Hearted_ , and you gasped yet again as you opened it immediately.

“How did you know I wanted this book?” you asked.

“You only mentioned it four hundred times throughout tutoring,” Draco responded with a chuckle. “You told me you would’ve sold your soul for this book, I can’t believe you forgot that I knew about it.”

You rolled your eyes, but didn’t respond as you flicked through some of the pages in the book. Seeing things like the Regeneration Potion and the Invisibility Potion made your heart rate spike. You were insanely excited to try some of these.

You put the book aside as you opened another smaller, softer package, and you opened it to reveal a beautiful deep blue dress, one that sparkled as you turned it in the light coming from the window.  
You stared at it in awe as you did so, not believing your eyes as you watched the beautiful fabric spill over your hands.

“Do you like it?” he asked nervously, fidgeting with his hands. “I just noticed the blue sweater you wore to the Quidditch game with Diggory, and I thought you looked really good in blue.”

You melted at his words, and at the fact that he’d remembered what you were wearing, even though the two of you had been the angriest you’d ever been with each other that day.

“I love it, Draco. I can’t wait to wear it,” you said earnestly, settling it back into the box it had come from.

The last one was small, the smallest yet. It was square, and tearing off the paper revealed a velvet box similar to the one the necklace had been it. It resembled a ring box.

Your heart rate spiked as you realized this. _A ring box? What could Draco possibly have in this?_

You opened it to see a silver ring, one that resembled a snake that would twist around your finger once you put it on.

You looked up at Draco, who pulled something off of his own finger, and out of thin air popped a ring identical to the one you were holding.

“There’s a charm on it that makes it invisible to everyone once it’s on,” he explained. “But as long as we’re both wearing it, if one of us is in danger, the ring will let the other person know. And we can take our ring off and it will help guide us to where the other person is.”

He sighed as he put his own back on, watching as it disappeared on his finger. “After hearing about what you had to go through with Theodore, everything that nobody was able to protect you from, I decided I wanted to always be able to protect you, regardless of where you are or what state our…relationship…is in. I have no idea where I’d be without you, or what I would do if anything happened to you that I wasn’t able to help stop or prevent. I just…I thought it would be a good idea to help keep you safe. Especially if we go public and my father finds out about you.”

You nodded, slipping the ring onto your own finger, watching as it disappeared but you still felt it sitting there.

“I love it,” you whispered, and you watched as Draco visibly relaxed as you said so. 

“I’m glad,” he admitted, moving around to pick up the pieces of wrapping paper you’d left scattered around. “I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done if you didn’t. It took me ages just to settle on a design.”

You chuckled slightly as you moved your fingers, still somewhat amazed at how it simply disappeared. You moved towards Draco, who was still semi-focused on picking up the trash, and grabbed his face to kiss him soundly.

He immediately grabbed your waist to steady himself as you felt the both of you tipping, and he landed on his back with a dull thud, causing him to grunt in annoyance.

He didn’t seem to mind it too much, though, as you straddled him right there on the floor of his dorm room, continuing to kiss him deeply.

Once you finally broke away, the both of you breathless, you pulled him close and hugged him tight.

“Happy Christmas, Draco,” you said quietly, hoping he could feel your love emanating from your hug.

“Happy Christmas, y/n,” he responded, wrapping his arms around you in response.

And you spent the rest of the evening cuddling in bed, eating sweets and going through your new Potions book, celebrating your first Christmas together in exactly the way you had wanted to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> (i know this is a filler chapter i just really wanted to write about their christmas day. i'm a sucker for christmas and the holiday season and i wanted some fluff.)
> 
> see you tomorrow <3


	22. doing his best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> christmas break ends, the population of hogwarts returns.

The next couple of weeks flew by. Even though you weren’t doing hardly anything. You received a few owls from your parents, and you sent a few home in return, but there had been nothing occupying your time besides Draco. Most of your time together had been spent in bed, sleeping, getting lost in each other, or simply lying around and talking. Even though most of that lying around and talking occurred while you were naked, tangled up in each other’s bodies in between rounds. 

All too quickly, however, the holiday season passed by, and the day came for the students who hadn’t stuck around to return to Hogwarts to prepare for the spring term to begin. You didn’t want to say goodbye to sharing a bed with Draco every night, but you did still look forward to seeing Juniper and Silver again.

You had already sent Draco back to his own room just moments before, knowing Juniper was due any minute. You heard her before you saw her, and your suspicions were correct when she bounded through the door less than ten minutes after Draco had departed. Her hair was bright red now, which you knew would only piss the professors off more. But as usual, Juniper’s hair color would be the least of either of your worries.

“Y/N, I _missed_ you!” she cried, dropping all of her belongings on her bed as she flew forward to hug you tightly. 

You chuckled as you hugged her back, drinking in all the Juniper warmth you’d missed out on the past few weeks. “I missed you more,” you said.

“How was your Christmas? And what happened after Draco came back?” she asked, her eyes hinting she knew more than she let on. “Snape was so insistent that he get off the train. Why did he have to stay?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t speak to him a whole lot,” you lied. “I pretty much only saw him in passing.”

Juniper looked back at you, showing her clear disbelief of your statement. She didn’t say anything about it, though, and for that you were grateful. You resolved to tell her later, only after you would make her swear that she wouldn’t tell another soul.

You sighed as Juniper turned to unpack her things, waving her wand around and making her belongings put themselves back. She hummed as she did so, opening the wardrobe and hanging her school robes back up.

“I’m not looking forward to going back to Potions,” she groaned, running a hand through her hair. She sighed, looking around at the rest of her things that were still on her bed. You chuckled at her state, sitting down on her bed. “It’s not going to be that bad,” you said.

“Says the girl who’s worked through every potion we’ll ever take on,” Juniper said back. “If you don’t get an E on your OWLs in Potions I will actually throw you off the Astronomy Tower.”

You playfully rolled your eyes. You’d been studying for OWLs since first year. You constantly quizzed yourself on everything you could possibly come across, and you knew the _Advanced Potions_ book Draco had given you for Christmas would end up coming in very handy for the both of you.

“I’m going to go say hi to Silver and stuff and get dinner with him and Marin, are you gonna come along?” you asked.

She nodded. “I’ll catch up with you guys in the Great Hall, I’m gonna finish putting my shit up,” she said, pulling a chest open and grabbing a few of the things out of it.

You nodded, turning around to leave the room.

You exited the Common Room without even looking back, bumping hard into someone coming your way.

You backed up, rubbing your nose and going to apologize—when you came face-to-face with Cedric.

“Hi, y/n,” he said simply. “I didn’t mean to run into you.”

You nodded, bringing your hand down. You were grateful to find no blood on your hand. You didn’t know what anyone would’ve done if they knew Cedric had caused your nose to bleed—even if it had been partially your fault.

“Hi,” you said quickly, eager to get out of talking to him. Your heart rate spiked just seeing him, and you hated that it still did. You were with Draco, and the electricity with him was far more powerful than the butterflies from Cedric—but he had still hurt you.

“C-could we talk?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. “You and Draco haven’t been together in a really long time and I was hoping we could—give us another shot? I know I fucked up, and I’m really sorry about that. I just want one more chance, y/n. I’ll spend the rest of my life making things up to you.”

You felt your face heat up at his confession, but you didn’t want to give him another chance. You couldn’t, anyway. You were with Draco.

“I’m sorry, Cedric, I already gave you my answer,” you said quickly, stepping to move around him. He stepped with you, his eyes darkening slightly.

“Come on, y/n, you’re going to throw everything away just because of a mistake?” he asked. “You aren’t exactly an angel, either.”

You rolled your eyes. “This isn’t about me, Cedric.”

“Right. Because little miss y/n is just so perfect,” he said with an eyeroll. “Why can’t you just get over it and give us another chance? We could be so great together.”

“I don’t date people who intentionally hurt me,” you said curtly, ducking under him before he could react and hurrying away.

“You probably shouldn’t be seen running around with Malfoy, then, Everglade!” he called after you, but you tried to show no reaction as you continued up the stairs on your wan to the Great Hall.

You found Silver and Marin quickly, sitting by them and scrubbing at your face to attempt to hide your teary eyes.

“You alright, y/n?” Marin asked. “We’ve been back like an hour, did Malfoy make you cry already?”

“It wasn’t Draco,” you muttered, picking up your silverware to dig into the food that had materialized on your plate. “It was Cedric.”

“What? What did Cedric do?” Silver asked.

“He keeps begging me to take him back, and then getting mad when I refuse,” you said quickly, looking around to see who else was in earshot. “It gets exhausting.”

“Didn’t he break up with you solely to make you upset?” Silver asked, and you nodded. “He did it because he was mad at Draco. He was mad at Draco, so he was mad at me, so he broke up with me to hurt me.”

“Dickhead. I’ll beat his ass if you want me to.”

“No, don’t get yourself in trouble for me,” you said quickly. “Draco broke his nose already.”

“He actually broke Cedric’s nose?” Silver asked, whistling when you and Marin both nodded in confirmation. “I didn’t realize he’d gotten away with that.”

You nodded, not wanting to admit your pride in the fact that Draco had, in fact, won the fight and gotten away with breaking your ex-boyfriend’s nose. You couldn’t, anyway. Not without drawing suspicion.

You finished your dinner over other topics of conversation, discussing the favorite Christmas presents and lamenting the fact that classes were going to start the very next day.

But as you glanced across the room, seeing Draco sitting with his friends but staring at you, your heart fluttered ever so slightly knowing he still cared, even if he wasn’t public about it.

\-------------------------------

Later that evening, as you sat in the Common Room watching the fire and preparing a few different things for classes the next day, Draco entered the Common Room, his eyes lighting up when they landed on you.

“Y/N,” he said quickly, coming over to you. “Are you okay? I heard about how Cedric basically cornered you outside of the Common Room earlier.”

You nodded, not really wanting to talk about it again. “Yeah, I’m okay. He didn’t hurt me or anything.”

“Did he touch you?” Draco asked quickly, and you shook your head. “No. He just yelled at me.”

Draco’s brows furrowed. “Are you sure?”

You nodded. “You can’t really get mad about it, anyway.”

Draco’s brows shot up. “What the fuck? Why not? I can’t get mad about your ex-boyfriend wanting you back?”

“Not really. It would only cause suspicion. We aren’t dating, remember?”

Draco rolled his eyes. “You’re still my girlfriend, y/n. Even if we aren’t together publicly. You’re still mine, and I’m still yours. Just because we haven’t told the entire fucking world doesn’t mean we aren’t together.”

“I’m functionally single,” you shot back. “My own roommate doesn’t even know. She still thinks we hate each other. I might as well be single.”

You watched Draco tense, his eyes darkening. “Then fucking be single, for all I care.”

“You don’t mean that.” Your tone was tough and unwavering, but your stomach had dropped to your feet at his harsh words.

“Maybe not, but you _know_ why we can’t be public right now,” Draco hissed.

“What, your father couldn’t find ten minutes in the last month to send an owl about your marks?” you fired back. “What excuse do you have now?”

Draco folded his arms, glaring back at you. “You probably won’t believe me, but I haven’t heard a word from either of my parents. I know I passed all my classes with much better marks, but as far as I know, neither of them know that.”

You rolled your eyes. “Until we’re public then, don’t come to me getting jealous about other guys wanting my attention.”

“I won’t, as long as you don’t give them that attention,” Draco snipped. 

“And what excuse do you expect me to give?” you asked sarcastically.

“How hard is it to say you simply aren’t interested?” Draco responded, his tone too snarky for your liking. “You don’t have to make up some elaborate excuse. You _shouldn’t_ be interested in anyone else anyway.”

“Why do you even have to care so much about what your father thinks?” you asked. “Why am I not good enough for you to be proud of regardless of his opinion?”

Draco looked at you, his expression helpless. “What kind of a question is that?” he asked, his tone pathetic. “Why do you think you’re not good enough? I try so hard to give you what you want. Why can’t you accept this one lack?”

You rolled your eyes, turning around to head up to bed.

“Come back here, y/n, I wasn’t finished,” Draco ordered, and against your better judgement, you listened, trudging back down the stairs to face him once again.

You expected him to hurl some other angry sentence at you, but instead he shocked you by grabbing your arm and hauling you into a hug.

“I’m doing my best, y/n, stop making me the villain,” he begged quietly, leading you to believe he hadn’t wanted you to hear it. So you didn’t respond, simply wrapping your arms around your Slytherin boy’s torso in response.

Once he let you go and you walked back up to your dorm, you sighed once the door was closed behind you.

You didn’t get to sleep until late that night, tossing and turning, unable to find a position you were genuinely comfortable in. You had gotten so used to sleeping in Draco’s arms that sleeping alone was an insomnia diagnosis. 

You found yourself lost in your own thoughts regarding this matter, holding your pillow tightly to breathe as much of Draco’s scent in as possible.

You knew you’d probably never hear the words “I’m sorry” from your Slytherin Prince. You knew it was likely because he’d never heard those words himself, from his parents or anyone else in his life. Or if he had, it had been from someone who had crossed him and was simply trying to beg for mercy before he returned the favor.

You didn’t want to be mad at him. And truth be told, you weren’t. You just wanted him to show you off, to act like he cared about you in public. Sure, he treated you better than you’d ever been treated, but you only experienced that behind locked doors.

Deep down, however, you knew he really was trying his best for you. 

It just sucked that his best still ended up hurting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late upload! i had tests to study for and dunkin' donuts coffee to go purchase.
> 
> i'm excited for the next chapter, tbh, but y'all are bout to be real mad at y/n. just understand that both she and draco are operating out of their feelings and not their heads, you know?
> 
> ALSO, i'm writing about patronuses in upcoming chapters. do you want me to give you a patronus based on the character i've written or do you want me to put (your/patronus) in whenever i write about the form it takes? i'd LOVE to give you a patronus but if you want to just insert your own i will be more than willing to do so. just let me know!


	23. harry potter & jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> silver gives you a very bad, no-good, horrible idea. but you love it and run with it anyway.

The first week of classes came and went, and you barely saw any of Draco. You had forgone tutoring for that week, and based on Draco’s improvements over the previous term, you weren’t sure he needed it anymore. Your Quidditch practices also hadn’t started back up, so you hadn’t even seen him on the field.

Still, however, under an oath of secrecy, Juniper, Marin, and Silver now knew about your becoming Draco’s Slytherin Princess.

“I fucking knew it,” Juniper had said when you told her. “I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you in the courtyard. There was no fucking way you weren’t together.”

You still hadn’t told anybody else though, and to your knowledge, Draco still hadn’t heard anything from his father. It wasn’t like he’d rushed to tell you anything, anyway. You were lucky if he brushed your hand in the hallway or hugged you when you two were alone in the Common Room. 

After the second week of classes went by in exactly the same fashion, you went to vent to Silver about all of your problems.

“I don’t get it,” you complained, pacing back and forth in Silver’s room as he listened to you. Silver’s roommate had exited as soon as you came in, winking at the two of you as he did so.

“Y/N, I’ve seen how he looks at you, the boy is head-over-heels,” Silver said impatiently. You threw your hands up. “So maybe I get some stolen glances, some secret kisses in Hogsmeade after the sun has already gone down. But I want to be able to kiss him on the Quidditch pitch after we win a game. I want to be able to sit next to him and have his arm around me when we’re in the Common Room. I don’t understand why these are such outrageous requests for me to make.”

Silver sighed as he watched you, still wearing a rut in your poor friend’s rug. “Well, y/n, I mean, I have an idea, but I don’t know how kindly you’ll take to it.”

“Fucking anything, Silver. Whatever it takes.”

Silver winced at your eagerness, but leaned forward to tell you anyway. “Make him jealous.”

“What?”

“Make him jealous,” he repeated, leaning back against his headboard. “Make him think your interest is waning. Make him want you again.”

You mulled it over. You knew deep down that it was a horrible idea. The wrath of Draco Malfoy was akin to that of his father’s. Sure, you had been constantly reminding Draco you weren’t scared of his father, but that sort of anger still wasn’t something you were sure you wanted unleashed on you or some other innocent person of the male variety.

But another, darker part of you wanted to do it anyway.

“Who would I even use?” you asked, wracking your brain. You couldn’t think of anyone that your Slytherin Prince would particularly hate you giving attention to, but then it hit you—

“Harry Potter,” you and Silver said at the same time.

“He’d be bloody perfect,” Silver said, slapping his hands together.

“That boy won’t even look at me,” you said indignantly. “He’d be perfect, sure, but he hates Slytherins. He’ll take one look at me and go all Expelliarmus on my ass.”

“What about that Weasley kid, then?” Silver asked. “Any of the Weasleys, really. The fact that they’re blood traitors would really piss him off.”

That idea enticed you too, but not nearly as much as Harry did. You just had no idea how to get the Gryffindor to even give you the time of day.

“Don’t you have Defense Against the Dark Arts with him?” Silver asked, and you nodded. “We’re supposed to start learning how to conjure a Patronus,” you said.

“Perfect,” Silver responded matter-of-factly. “Start a conversation with him in class. Ask him what form he thinks his Patronus will take or something.”

You mulled it over, the idea becoming more and more appealing the longer you thought about it.

“You could always go back to Cedric, too,” Silver mused. “But that kid’s become a massive prick.”

“Plus he’d think we were actually a couple again,” you pointed out. “That would just make shit worse when I had to ditch him all over again.”

Silver nodded. “Good point. Potter it is, then.”

You nodded back, the grin on your face nothing short of devious.

“Potter it is.”

\---------------------

It didn’t take you too long to formulate your plan and put it into action. And since you hadn’t seen Draco at all since Silver had put the whole idea into your head, you hadn’t met with any discouragement either.

So once you found yourself sat next to the Gryffindor boy in Defense Against the Dark Arts, you started up a conversation almost immediately.

“I can’t wait to find out what my Patronus is,” you sighed, and Harry chuckled slightly. “Me either,” he responded, turning his wand over in his hands.

“What form do you think yours will take?” you asked.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “I hope it’s something cool, though. My dad’s was a stag, so if mine was a stag as well, that’d be pretty incredible.”

You nodded. “That would be neat,” you agreed. “Stags are fairly rare.”

Harry smiled. “I’ve got a good feeling,” he responded, and you smiled right back.

Professor Lupin began class shortly after that, going over a broad range of forms one’s Patronus could take. 

“Don’t feel discouraged if your Patronus doesn’t take on a form immediately,” he reassured the class. “This is an incredibly advanced form of defensive magic, and it can take even the most skilled wizards months to produce even a coherent shape.”

You sighed despite yourself, feeling a bit discouraged despite the teacher’s reassurance. You had hoped it would be easier than that for you to conjure a Patronus, but you had known deep down it would take work and effort on your part to produce one.

“Now, when one is conjuring a Patronus, you must keep yourself focused. You must remember happy memories. Your happiest memories, specifically. You have to hold onto them and the energy and feeling you remember them giving you, and you have to project that energy out through your wand as you use the spell,” Lupin continued. “Does anyone want to come up and give it a try?”

Several hands shot up, Harry’s being the quickest. Unsurprisingly, Lupin called on him and a Ravenclaw girl, bringing the two of them up to the front of the class.

“Now remember, it’s incredibly unlikely that either of you will be able to produce anything remotely shape-like,” Lupin reminded them. “So don’t feel embarrassed or anything like that if nothing happens.”

Both of them nodded, pulling out their wands and holding them at the ready.

“Alright, concentrate for a few moments and give it your best shot!”

The two of them closed your eyes, and you watched as Harry raised his wand first. He opened his eyes and confidently shouted “ _Expecto Patronum!_ ” and watched as flimsy blue smoke shot from his wand, flowing through the air, and quickly fizzling out.

However, Lupin seemed beside himself with glee. “Harry, that’s the best I’ve ever seen a student do on their first try! Twenty points to Gryffindor!” 

Your eyebrows shot up at the hefty number of House Points the Chosen One had just earned himself, and you found yourself wishing you’d volunteered instead. But deep down, you also knew you wouldn’t have been able to produce anything like what Potter had done. He was an exceptionally talented wizard, especially for one who had been raised like he was a Muggle.

After the Ravenclaw girl tried (and earned 5 points to Ravenclaw for her effort) the two of them returned to their seats. Harry turned to you with a bright smile on his face, one you happily returned. "Congrats, Harry," you said, finding you meant the smile that you had given him.

“Do you want to eat lunch with my friends and me?” Harry asked as class got out. “I’m sure Hermione knows all about Patronuses, she might be able to help us cast the spell.”

You were surprised at how excited the idea made you. “Sure!” you exclaimed, gathering your things, and following him to the Great Hall. 

“Hermione, Ron, this is y/n,” Harry said as you joined the two of them at the table. They smiled at you as you sat down, but you could tell that their smiles weren’t quite genuine.

“She’s in Defense Against the Dark Arts with me,” Harry explained. “And don’t worry, she’s honestly the nicest Slytherin I’ve ever met. She’s, like, the complete opposite of Malfoy.”

You watched Ron and Hermione both visibly relax, even as you felt yourself bristle. You wanted to defend your boyfriend, but nobody was even supposed to know he was your boyfriend.

Besides, you were on a mission anyway. Defending Draco right now would be about as helpful to your objective as snapping your wand in half would be to producing a Patronus. 

So you laughed along at Harry’s joke instead.

“What do you know about producing a Patronus, Hermione?” you asked, watching as she looked up at you.

“Why are you asking?” she responded, not unkindly.

“We’ve started learning about it in Defense Against the Dark Arts,” Harry interjected, and you nodded. “Y/N and I just figured you would know more than we do on the matter.”

Hermione’s back straightened upon hearing the compliment, and you knew she’d liked hearing it.

“Well, I can’t really tell you everything off the top of my head, but it’s pretty much the most powerful spell you can wield against a Dementor,” she explained. “The Patronus is the epitome of the energy a Dementor steals from you—happiness, peace, joy, all of that. Which is why you have to channel your happiest memories when you go to cast the spell. The Patronus is fueled by your energy, and then that energy is what defeats the Dementor.”

Ron and Harry were just as intrigued by Hermione’s spiel as you were. You looked over at Harry, who was concentrating on his wand as he turned it over in his hands, evidently thinking heavily.

“We could practice this together later,” you offered, watching as your words broke his trance.

“If you want, I mean,” you hurried out, but Harry shook his head. “That sounds neat, y/n,” he responded. “How about we meet in the courtyard after class?”

You nodded vigorously, ecstatic that you’d already won the Gryffindor boy over.

“I’ll see you after class,” you said to Harry as the two of you left the Great Hall to head to your separate classes.”

He smiled as he turned to leave. “It’s a date.”

\------------------------------

You stopped by your room after classes, dropping off your bookbag and picking up your broom. You knew you would need the peace of mind a broom ride would give you this evening, and you wanted to already have it on hand once you were finished practicing with Harry.

Before you could turn to leave, though, Draco entered your room without even knocking. You looked him up and down, noticing he was dressed abnormally nicely for a Tuesday afternoon.

“Get dressed, y/n,” he ordered, not even sparing a glance at the broom bag slung over your shoulder.

“What? Why?”

“What do you mean why? Just get dressed in something a little less casual,” he demanded again, shutting the door.

“I can’t, I have plans,” you stated, moving around to go out the door.

“What? Who did you make plans with?”

“Someone from my Defense Against the Dark Arts class, we’re just practicing conjuring a Patronus,” you said. You could feel annoyance and anger radiating off of him already, so you decided against telling him it was with Harry specifically.

“You’re serious?” he asked, and you nodded.

“I’ll come find you afterwards or something,” you said with a shrug. “But if you want to make plans with me, you have to do it sooner than five minutes before you want to leave.”

Without another word to the white-blond boy, you were gone.

You found Harry in the courtyard rather quickly, and you led him down to the empty Quidditch pitch.

“Sorry I was late,” you apologized as you laid your broom in the Quidditch tent. “I wanted to go for a broom ride once we were done, so I went ahead and grabbed my broom on the way down.”

“No worries,” the Gryffindor boy responded, giving you a smile. “I hadn’t been out here for very long anyway.”

You smiled back, setting your broom bag down. “You brought your wand, right?”

Harry chuckled. “No, I was planning on conjuring a Patronus using just my massive brain power.”

You laughed as the two of you walked onto the Quidditch pitch. “Very funny, Mr. Potter.”

You and Harry brought out your wands at the same time, causing the both of you to burst into laughter.

“Looks like we’re about to duel,” Harry said, jokingly jumping into a defensive position, brandishing his wand as though he were about to attack.

“Oh no,” you said mockingly, throwing your hands up. “I surrender, I surrender!” 

Harry laughed. “That was quick.”

You smiled as you brought your wand up and out, ready to try to conjure a Patronus.

“You didn’t try this in class, did you?” Harry asked, and you shook your head. “It was you and that Ravenclaw.”

“Right, right,” he said absentmindedly. “So, like Hermione said, you really have to concentrate on your happiest memories in order to even get anything to come out. You have to focus on that memory and the emotions it gave you or you won’t be able to conjure anything up.”

You nodded, searching your brain for happy memories. You had plenty, but none really stuck out to you as something that would be able to help you conjure a Patronus.

“What memory did you focus on?” you asked, still lost.

“Well, in class, I thought about coming to Hogwarts for the first time,” Harry admitted. “It was so full of wonder and awe, and for once people cared about who I was.”

You felt your heart warm at the confession, but you knew you couldn’t use your own memory of the event. Sure, it had been the first time Draco had ever spoken to you, but he’d been a prick and had shoved you. Then, he’d glared at you through pretty much the entire Sorting Ceremony.

Instead, you thought about your first trip to Diagon Alley, remembering how you had gone to Ollivander’s to find your wand.

“I haven’t seen a wand this long in quite some time,” Ollivander had remarked. “Your natural talent and ease with which you perform magic will draw many in. But be careful, power cannot go unchecked.”

You had held your head noticeably higher for the rest of the day.

You weren’t entirely sure if that memory was quite what Lupin had been looking for when he’d given his lecture, though.

Your mind wandered back to Draco then, as it always did lately.

How gentle and loving he had been throughout the entirety of Christmas break, and how serene and happy the two of you had been just being together.

You felt your heart swell as you lifted your wand, willing the warmth coursing through your veins to flow through your wand.

“ _Expecto Patronum!_ " you cried, pointing your wand toward the sky.

Both you and Harry watched as blue mist poured from your wand, swirling back and forth before quickly dissipating.

“Y/N, did you see that?” Harry cried. “That almost took an actual form!” He held his hand up for a hi-five, one you eagerly gave.

“Bloody hell, _you_ need to volunteer for Lupin next,” Harry said, running a hand through his hair.

“Are you sure you want that?” you asked, giving the boy a playful nudge. “He’ll give Slytherin points if I do anything impressive.”

“Yeah, but you would’ve earned them for being a bloody good witch,” Harry responded. “Let’s keep practicing.”

An hour later, neither of you had made any real progress beyond what you had already done, and finally, Harry threw the towel in for the night.

“We’ll have to pick this back up after next class,” he said with a bright smile, and you readily agreed. “See you later, y/n. Have fun on your broom ride.”

“Thanks, Harry,” you said, returning the Gryffindor boy’s smile. “I’ll see you in class.”

He turned to head back to the castle, and you boarded your broom.

You took to the skies, channeling all your stress from the past few weeks into your twists, turns, and barrel rolls.

You soared up to the top of the Astronomy Tower, looking out over the horizon at the sun just beginning its descent. It was still wicked cold, and you wrapped your coat more tightly around yourself.

Your stomach growled, reminding you how close the dinner hour was to ending, and you zipped back towards the castle, touching down in the courtyard, and running back inside.

You ate by yourself, an action that was uncommon but not unwelcome. You were able to simply focus on your own thoughts, something you weren’t quite used to. You normally ate with Silver, Marin, Juniper, or a combination of the three.

It was only once you got back to your dorm room that hell broke loose.

Juniper came in shortly after you did, her eyes wide and full of concern.

“Um…Draco’s asking for you,” she said, the sentence sounding more like a question than a statement. “He wants you to meet him in his room.”

You almost smiled, mentally patting yourself on the back for having a plan that worked so quickly.

Instead, you thanked Juniper for letting you know and hurried up to the boys’ dormitory as soon as you could.

You walked in without knocking, as Draco often did to you, but Draco barely looked at you when you came in.

“Oh, so the infamous y/n has decided to grace her own boyfriend with her presence,” he spat sarcastically. “How wonderful.”

“You sent for me,” you responded, folding your arms. “What did you want?”

“I want to know why, out of everyone in this entire fucking goddamn castle, you ditched plans with me for _Harry fucking Potter!_ ” Draco screamed, throwing his arms up in the air.

You rolled your eyes, despite how shocked you actually felt at Draco’s anger towards what you’d done. You’d expected attitude, to be sure, but this was beyond even your expectations.

“We were just practicing our Patronus charms for class,” you snapped. “Besides, how did you even know what I was doing?”

“Y/N, you must be as dense as a fucking mattress if you think I’m just going to let you ditch me all huffily the way you did and not try to get to the bottom of it. I followed you at a distance and watched you and that fucking Gryffindor together for like two hours.”

“Oh, so you can’t be seen with me in public, but you have no problem if people see you fucking stalking me all day long?” you asked, forcing a bitter laugh. “That’s rich, Malfoy, even for you.”

Draco looked back at you, his expression darker than you’d ever seen it. “Do you want my father to come to the fucking school and fucking hex you for distracting me from my studies?” he shouted. “Do you want him to withdraw me from school and have me privately taught for the rest of my tenure at Hogwarts because of you? Just because you couldn’t handle keeping me a secret for a little longer?”

“Draco, it has been _two months_ ,” you cried. “Two months of excuse after excuse after excuse! We keep going around this tree, Draco, and I’m getting really fucking dizzy!”

Draco ran a hand over his white-blond hair. “Is that what this Potter thing is about?” he asked, his voice frighteningly calm. “Did you seek him out on purpose? Did you go find him and ask him to hang out with you after classes specifically so I would see the two of you together and get angry enough to publicly claim you? Is that what you’ve managed to scheme up behind my back?”

“No, he asked me,” you lied, watching as Draco’s face went red.

“I’ll fucking kill him,” he seethed, running his hands through his hair over and over. “I’ll fucking finish Voldemort’s job for him.”

He went to make a move towards the door, but you moved in front of him to block his path.

“You won’t lay a hand on that boy,” you threatened, pointing a finger directly at your Slytherin Prince. “He’s got enough on his fucking plate, what with fighting Voldemort literally every fucking year. If you so much as touch him, we’re done.”

“Oh, so now you’ve got a soft spot for the _Chosen One_ , have you?” Draco mocked, his eyes still blazing with anger. “You’re just out around the castle whoring around with everyone who isn’t keeping you a secret to protect your safety and physical well-being for as long as possible?”

You glared back at him, even angrier now that he’d just accused you of cheating. “Fuck you, Malfoy,” you spat, turning on your heel to leave his room.

“Y/N, I have told you time and again why we haven’t gone public yet,” Draco said loudly, stopping you with your hand on the doorknob. You turned around then, hoping the fury in your eyes was something he could read even from ten feet away.

“No, you haven’t,” you snapped. “You have told me you’re protecting me, but you refuse to tell me what you’re protecting me from. And if you can’t even do that, then I refuse to be kept your dirty little secret.”

You opened the door, watching as his features settled into a stony, emotionless wall.

“Come talk to me when you’re ready to actually talk to me,” you said quietly, hoping he understood your underlying meaning.

You shut his door behind you, only letting yourself begin to cry on your way back up the staircase to the girls’ dormitory.

You didn’t care why Draco was trying to “protect” you. All it did at this point was hurt you, and your plan had gone horribly. You just wanted to piss him off, not lose him entirely.

You managed to hide your tears from Juniper, crawling into bed claiming a headache and passing out within a few minutes.

The longer you and Draco were together, the more it felt like what you wanted was more than he could give you.

And you didn’t know how much longer you could handle that sort of heartache.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember, y/n is operating out of hurt feelings! she's been dealing with hurt for awhile and this is her way of coping. it's unhealthy but it's still coping! 
> 
> and bombshells are coming, don't worry. y/n and draco have whole new things on the way.
> 
> see you tomorrow!


	24. unwanted & unwelcome information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you find out some rather unwanted news about draco's parents.
> 
> **THERE IS EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER. by reading this chapter you agree that you are okay with seeing that.**

The next day absolutely dragged by. You managed to not cry in Defense Against the Dark Arts, which was helpful mainly because you didn’t want to explain that to Harry, but you cried on and off throughout pretty much all of your other classes. Even in Potions. Draco kept looking at you the more you sniffled, but he didn’t say a word to you, in or outside of class.

You met Harry again after classes again, but you’d been so beaten down by the events of the day that you couldn’t even feel happy focusing on a memory. Your feeble attempts at casting the Patronus spell resulted in flimsy blue smoke, and a couple of your cries of “ _Expecto Patronum!_ ” resulted in nothing.

“Are you doing alright?” Harry asked as you threw your wand to the ground in defeat and sat down, putting your head in your hands.

“I’m not doing too well,” you admitted, deciding against fighting Harry when he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “I’m just so stressed about everything lately, I don’t even know where to start.” Not to mention you couldn’t talk about it. Draco was already pissed beyond belief that you were even speaking to Harry Potter, telling him anything about what was going on between the two of you would be a death sentence for your relationship.

“Do you want to go on a broom ride?” Harry asked, motioning to the Quidditch brooms propped up beside the tent. “I know you mentioned last time that it helps clear your head.”

You nodded then, deciding it was probably your best bet for getting any sense of clarity. You picked your wand up from where you’d dejectedly thrown it just moments before, tucking it into your waistband as you boarded your broom beside Harry boarding his.

“Race to the Astronomy Tower?” he asked, a glint in his green eyes. You grinned then, nodding as you took off on your broom. “Last one there buys the Butterbeer!” you hollered, hearing Harry’s laugh as he took off after you.

You raced through the open skies, the cold wind whipping across your face as you did so. You soared through the air, watching the Astronomy Tower get closer and closer.

You only barely managed to reach it first, with Harry hot on your tail. You swung around it to slow yourself down, stopping just in front of the brunette boy, wild-eyed and crazy-haired, but his smile never dimming.

“Alright, alright, you win,” he called, laughing loudly. “I’ll buy the Butterbeer.”

You smiled brightly back at him, playfully flipping your hair over your shoulder. “You should’ve known better than to challenge the y/n Everglade,” you called back, your smile bright.

The two of you touched down shortly after that, promising to make plans to actually go get Butterbeer.

You felt lighter than you had in weeks as you made your way back to the Common Room, grateful that you were still friends with Harry, even if your relationship had started out as a way for you to make Draco jealous.

That light feeling was short-lived, however, when you met Draco right inside the Common Room.

His eyes were wide and red, leading you to wonder if he’d been crying. He grabbed your wrist as soon as he saw you, his eyes pleading with you not to protest as he led you up the stairs.

You didn’t protest, you simply followed him up to his room, climbing up on his bed and awaiting what he had to say.

He ran his hands through his white-blond hair as he turned to you, making sure the door was locked first.

“Y/N, I have to tell you something,” he started out, reaching out for your hands. You’d never seen him appear this panicked, and you didn’t pull away when he grabbed your hands in his own.

“Draco, you can tell me anything,” you reassured him, growing more concerned about what his revelation could possibly be by the second.

“This isn’t my choice, y/n, you have to believe me,” he continued, and you nodded. “I believe you.”

You weren’t sure if you believed him yet, but by the look in his eyes he would’ve refused to tell you whatever it was he was going to tell you if you didn’t reassure him that you believed him.

“Y/N, my parents, they—”

“Did something happen to them?” you asked, your heart rate spiking. “What happened?”

“No, nothing happened,” Draco bit out, dropping your hands and shoving his own into his pockets. “I, my parents, they work for Voldemort. They’ve allied with him and the Death Eaters. My parents have become Death Eaters.”

You stopped short. You hadn’t heard his actual name in a rather long time. You heard _You-Know-Who_ and _The Dark Lord_ in whispers around the castle, but most of the students at Hogwarts were too scared to say his actual name lest it somehow summon the dark wizard himself.

“Why are you telling me this?” you questioned, unnerved by the confession but not wanting to appear that way.

“Because I don’t want you to leave me,” he responded, his voice cracking.

Your heart shattered as you heard those words from him. He’d been so cold, so private, so secretive, and for this?

“Y/N, my father has told me my whole life that love is weakness. He loves my mother, I know he does, but he tells me she’s a weakness to him. If he knew about you, if Voldemort somehow found out about you, my weakness, I don’t know what would happen to you or to me. I can handle the Dark Lord throwing me around, but I—I wouldn’t be able to recover if something happened to you because of me.”

“Draco, do you work for Voldemort?” 

He shook his head vehemently. “Well, I mean—if I get called, I won’t have a choice, but until then I will never side with Voldemort.”

He looked you in the eyes then, coming closer to you and gripping your hands once more. “Y/N, why can’t you see I was just trying to protect you? The less you know, the better, and the longer I can keep us a secret from the outside world, the more protected you will be. I know that it’s inevitable that you will be found, but I just want to keep you to myself for as long as possible.”

You melted at these words that Draco was telling you. He’d never been so open and honest before, it was all so new. His heart-wrenching confessions of love and worry for you was something you hadn’t heard from anyone in your life, and you had to admit, you had never expected those words to come from the Slytherin Prince himself.

“Please, y/n, I’m sorry that I’ve kept you a secret for so long, but I can’t risk losing you and myself,” he whimpered, pulling you close.

You wrapped your arms around him, breathing in his peppermint scent and holding him tight. Your heart swelled for the boy in your arms, who only held you tighter as moments passed.

“Draco, I don’t care about your parents,” you said bluntly when he finally let you go.

“I—what?”

“I don’t care about the fact that your parents are Death Eaters or that they’ve sided with Voldemort. I care about you, and you are all that I want. You are neither of your parents, and I will not leave you for being forced into the Dark Lord’s army. If you tell me you don’t want to, I’ll believe you.”

His eyes softened as he looked down at you, raising his hands to cup your face in them. “It’s such a shame, that I’ll have to give up someone as beautiful as you.”

You felt your face heat up at his words, even as your heart dropped into your stomach. “Don’t talk like that, Malfoy,” you said harshly, gripping his wrists with your own small hands. “I’m not going to leave you and you aren’t going to leave me. I wouldn’t be able to live without you.”

He sighed then, leaning forward to kiss your forehead. “Run away with me,” he whispered softly, as if someone would overhear the two of you.

“What?” you asked, alarmed. “What are you talking about? We have classes in the morning, and Quidditch practice starts next week!”

He shook his head, wrapping his arms around you again. “Just for tonight. We can sneak off of Hogwarts grounds, use our brooms to fly wherever you want, and sleep under the stars. We’ll be back for classes and nobody will even know we were gone.”

You sighed. As much as you hated to admit it, the idea excited you very much. It had been weeks since you had had this much alone time with Draco, and even longer since said alone time had gone well. 

So against your better judgement, you agreed. 

Draco seemed almost surprised by this—like he hadn’t expected you to agree to it. To be honest, you hadn’t either, but lately you were doing a lot of things with Draco that you hadn’t originally expected to be doing. 

So you changed into comfier clothing, wrapping your coat around yourself, and sneaking you and Draco outside with both your brooms.

It only took a few minutes to dodge around the adults patrolling the castle, and then you and your Slytherin Prince were darting through the skies.

You flew beside each other for what felt like hours, before touching down in a very grassy landscape. It stretched out for miles, and you flopped down on the grass beneath you, gazing up at the star dusted canopy above you.

Draco flopped down beside you, gripping your hand and pulling you closer to him. He pulled you almost on top of him, holding you tightly as he wrapped his arms around you.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, y/n,” he said quietly as the two of you continued to stargaze. “You know that, right?”

You nodded against him in response. “Of course I do, Draco,” you said earnestly. “You haven’t let anything happen to me so far.”

“Except for nearly letting you die in the cold, and letting Diggory continue to harass you,” he mumbled, but you pressed a kiss to his lips to silence him.

“Neither of those things were your fault,” you said sternly when you pulled away. “Stop beating yourself up for them.”

“I could consider doing that if you kissed me again,” Draco said, that damn smirk reappearing on his face as he pulled you down to meet your lips again.

He swapped your positions incredibly quickly, moving you underneath him instead of vice versa. His lips never left yours, but his hands did move up underneath your shirt quickly. His cold hands were a stark contrast to your warm skin, and you arched your back as they snaked up your torso, up under your bra and onto your bare breasts.

You gasped into his mouth as his fingers pinched your nipples, causing them to instantly harden under his touch. He chuckled as he moved his mouth down your neck, kissing the places he knew would have you begging for him in seconds.

He moved his mouth down to the base of your neck, sucking harshly enough to leave a mark. He kissed the skin around the mark he’d left as he pulled his mouth away from you, but his lips were not absent from your body for too long. He pulled your shirt up and off, dropping it on the ground next to the two of you. Your bra came off next, and you shivered in the cold, but he was quick to remove his own shirt and press his body to yours to keep the both of you warm.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, y/n,” he breathed, and you felt your face heat up at the words you so rarely heard from the Slytherin boy on top of you.

He spread your legs with his knee, moving his thigh against your clothed core as your breathing picked up. His lips returned to yours, his hands continuing to roam your body even as you worked to shimmy out of your pants without his help.

“Take your pants off,” you breathed, and he chuckled even as he obliged. “Eager, are we?”

You nodded, pushing up onto your knees as you waited for him to finish unbuckling his belt. His eyes widened slightly as he realized what you were waiting to do, but he didn’t stop you from gripping his length in your small hand once it was finally fully out of his underwear.

He groaned as you put nearly the whole thing down your throat at once, using your hand to stroke what your mouth couldn’t take. Your tongue moved as much as it could, making what you hoped were circular motions as you moved his cock in and out of your mouth.

He gripped your hair just then, pulling himself entirely out of your mouth as you sat on your knees, looking up at him expectantly.

“Unless you want me to finish down your throat, I suggest you stop,” he said, his voice ragged.

You smiled innocently up at him, falling backwards onto your back, and spreading your legs for him once again. 

“Fuck, I’ll never get used to this sight,” he said, his eyes hungry as he moved his face down in between your legs.

You fell from your perch on your elbows as you felt his mouth make contact with your dripping core. You swore nobody had ever made you feel as good as Draco did, and you hoped the moans that fell from your mouth as he pulled your body down to give his mouth better access, sucking on your clit as your legs began to shake.

Your climax was quick and intense, and he wiped his mouth off as he positioned himself in between your legs again, this time sliding into you, causing another loud moan to fall from your lips.

He leaned down to kiss you once more as he picked up a quick pace, sliding in and out of you in a fast, steady rhythm.

His hands held your legs up to give him deeper access to you, and he shifted closer to you, penetrating you deeper yet.

Your moans mixed with Draco’s whispers of your name were the only thing breaking the silence of the night. After you reached your second climax moments after Draco chased himself to his own peak, the two of you collapsed in each other’s arms, desperate to keep the warmth the sex you had just had had provided you with.

The two of you laid like that for a few moments, catching your breath and drinking in the presence of the other person. After the wind picked up, however, you moved around to put your clothes back on before cuddling right back up to each other, right in the middle of the large green countryside.

Draco wrapped his arms around you, holding you close as you spotted a shooting star arc across the night sky, briefly lighting up the black blanket that enveloped the world.

You felt Draco drift to sleep far before you did, feeling his arms relax against you and his breathing slow.

You laid there in his arms for a bit longer before allowing yourself to drift into unconsciousness, drinking in the feeling of being in his arms, a feeling you weren’t sure when you’d get to experience again.

“Draco, I love you,” you breathed into the night sky, knowing he couldn’t hear you.

But you meant it all the same.

The rude, annoying, broken boy that held you like he was going to lose you absolutely held your entire heart, and at this point you didn’t even ever want it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today's my birthday, guys! i'm excited. i'm 20 years old. i literally entered my 20's writing for this fanfiction. honestly wouldn't change a thing about that.
> 
> anyway, i hope you like this chapter! the storyline is going to be starting to get a little darker as it goes on. i'm following the MAIN storyline of canon, but i'm changing almost everything else, haha. i hope you like it anyway, though!
> 
> see you soon!


	25. expecto patronum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you wake up on the same grassy knoll you slept on. the events that follow are unexpected, to say the least.

You woke up as the sun began to rise, still wrapped up tightly in Draco’s arms. The grass sparkled in the light peeking over the horizon, the dew heavy on the ground.

You stretched as you rolled over, surprised at how sore you weren’t. Sleeping on the ground didn’t usually go very well for you, but you were grateful that it hadn’t this time. 

Your movements awoke the white-blond boy beneath you, and his eyelashes fluttered as his grey eyes opened.

“Don’t leave,” he said quietly, his voice soft and bogged down with sleep.

“’M not going anywhere, love,” you said quietly, leaning down to gently kiss his head. “But the sun is beginning to rise, and we should get back to Hogwarts before we get in trouble.”

He exhaled, pushing himself up off the ground and scrubbing at his face to rid himself of sleep. “I know you’re right, but it feels a lot nicer to just lay here with you,” he said slowly. 

You chuckled as you picked up the two brooms that lay on the ground next to the two of you, holding Draco’s out to him as he picked himself off the ground.

He brushed himself off and grabbed his broom from your outstretched hand, then hooked his free hand around your waist to pull you in for a heavy kiss.

His grey eyes searched yours as you pulled away—for what, you weren’t sure. So you simply smiled at him and twirled out of his grasp, boarding your broom, and hopping off the ground, following him as he took off back towards the castle.

He stayed right by your side the entire ride, constantly looking back over at you to simply gaze at your face. You were confused by the affectionate actions, he’d never looked at you with such purity in his eyes. You couldn’t tell if it was love, or if he just wanted to look at you, but you had never felt more beautiful in all your life.

You thanked your lucky stars that nobody saw the two of you land on the courtyard, hurriedly putting your brooms back into the Quidditch tent and running up behind the castle, miraculously getting back into the Common Room without even making a squeak.

“If we somehow get found out for this later, I’m blaming you,” Draco said teasingly, poking you in the side as he disappeared up into the boys’ dormitory.

You rushed upstairs right after he left, slipping into your room and getting into the shower before Juniper even stirred from her sleep.

You let the hot water rush over your body, not wanting to wash away the night before but knowing you couldn’t show up to class with dirt in your hair and Draco’s mark on your neck.

You spent your time on your hair, leaving it perfectly styled just the way you liked it. You smiled contentedly at yourself in the mirror, pulling on your Slytherin robes and making it to Defense Against the Dark Arts just in time.

You slid into your seat next to Harry, who almost immediately noticed the change in your attitude.

“You know, if you’re feeling that much better, you should volunteer to try casting the spell,” he whispered as Lupin continued his lecture on the powerful spell.

“The Patronus is a kind of positive force,” the professor was saying, his eyes bright with joy at the idea. “It is a projection of the very things that the Dementor feeds upon…hope, happiness, the desire to survive…that, my dear pupils, is why the Patronus is such a powerful force against the Dementor. That is why the Dementor requires your happiest memories and your ultimate concentration. It takes work, however, which is why I again implore that you do not become discouraged if you do not see a corporeal Patronus at first try. You may not even see it at your fiftieth try. Just remain positive and understand that it will happen, because losing the belief that it will happen surrenders your Patronus and the ability to cast one for good.”

The class fell silent at that remark, but Lupin carried on. “Who are my volunteers today?” he asked, clasping his hands together and smiling at the group of students before him.

At Harry’s nudging once more, you sighed and raised your hand. Lupin immediately called on you, and you were followed to the front of the class by a Hufflepuff boy you vaguely knew from Quidditch games.

“Okay, you two, remember, it’s normal for nothing to happen,” Lupin reminded you once again. “I trust that you are doing your best and you will be rewarded for your efforts.”

The boy nodded, looking to you. “Do you want to go first?” he asked innocently, blinking his big blue eyes at you.

You shook your head, your stomach turning slightly at the thought of being the ultimate center of attention. “No, it’s okay. You can go first.”

He smiled then; he had obviously hoped you would say that. He stepped forward, pointing his wand out and shutting his eyes tightly. The class quieted down as he took a deep breath and called out, “ _Expecto Patronum!_ ”

Blue smoke shot from the tip of his wand, but it only swirled around once before dissipating. Lupin was still ecstatic, however, and you began to wonder if he simply acted like that to cheer any students up from a lack of a result.

“Twenty points to Hufflepuff!” Lupin said happily, clapping his hands. Then he turned to you, his eyes twinkling. “Alright, miss Everglade, your turn!”

You took a deep breath, turning towards the class. You shut your eyes and pointed your wand out, concentrating on your happiest memories.

Your mind immediately went to the night before. How you and Draco had broken just about every school rule in the books to go make love to each other, sleeping in each other’s arms on the grassy countryside in the middle of nowhere.

You felt your heart swell at the memory, thinking of how lovingly he had looked at you and how safe and content you had felt in his arms.

Warmth spread through your body as you concentrated on the memory, and you took a deep breath and shouted, “ _Expecto Patronum!_ ”

Immediately, blue mist shot from your wand, and swirled rapidly around you, and you gasped along with the rest of the class as it took on a full, corporeal form.

The tiger that looked back at you prowled around you, looking you in the eyes before leaping around the classroom, its distinct white-blue glow the only thing you were focused on.

It came back to you, sitting on its haunches and wrapping its tail around you before dissipating into thin air.

You looked over at Lupin, who seemed almost unable to comprehend what had just happened.

You couldn’t blame him, though. You were just as shocked as he was.

“Miss Everglade, I have never seen a student cast a corporeal Patronus so soon into beginning to learn the spell,” he said lowly, his hands clasped together. “That was incredible, my goodness, I shall have to tell the Headmaster. Class is dismissed early, students, and fifty points to Slytherin!”

You moved through the pool of students rushing to leave the classroom in a half-zombie state. You couldn’t believe you’d produced a full Patronus.

You bumped into Harry outside of the classroom, and his excitement was also barely contained. 

“You did it, y/n!” he cried, leaping forward to hug you. You were surprised by the hug, but you’d shaken yourself out of your reverie enough to hug the Gryffindor boy back.

“And a tiger Patronus, that’s so rare!” he said, running a hand through his brown hair. “Ron and Hermione will be beside themselves! You have to eat dinner with us this evening.”

“I’ll have to see what my friends are doing, but I’ll definitely keep you posted,” you said with a smile, turning to head back to the Common Room.

The only person on your mind to tell about your Patronus at that point was Draco. You knew he’d be happy for you too, and with every step you took towards his room, your excitement grew.

You opened his door with a smile on your face—one that quickly faded as Draco jumped and turned back to you, hiding his arm behind his back.

“Draco, what’s wrong?” you asked quickly, stashing your wand in your waistband to walk towards him. “Are you hurt?”

Panic flashed through your body. “Did something hurt you last night?” you asked again. “I can help heal you, we’ve still got that sample of the healing potion we did, I—”

“Y/N, I’m fine,” he bit out. “Leave it alone.”

“No, Draco, you’re hurt!” you cried. “Let me help you, it won’t take very long—”

“Y/N, I said no,” Draco said, his voice much harsher than it had been just hours before. “This isn’t any of your business—you shouldn’t be out of class as it is.”

“You’re one to talk about being out of class when you shouldn’t be,” you snapped. “And besides, I was coming to tell you why we got let out early.”

“I don’t care,” he growled. “Just go.”

You felt tears sting your eyes at the bite in his voice, but you took another step forward instead. “No,” you retaliated. “Not until you show me what’s wrong.”

He took another step backwards in response, shaking his head. “I said no.”

“Draco, we broke every fucking school rule to go have sex on some random grassy knoll last night and now you can’t even show me your injured arm so I can help heal you?” you asked, your patience wearing thin. “Who the fuck pissed in your oatmeal?”

“My arm isn’t injured!” he shouted, startling you. “Just leave it alone, it isn’t any of your business!”

“Draco, I’m your _girlfriend_ , if this is an issue involving you, it is my business!” 

Your wand came back out before you realized it, and you pointed it at Draco. “Either show me your arm on your own or I use the _Imperius_ spell.”

Draco blanched. “You wouldn’t,” he snarled. “That’s an Unforgivable Curse and you know that just as well as I do.”

“You told me I wouldn’t Obliviate you, too,” you snapped back. “Look where that got you.”

Draco’s eyes were shooting daggers as he finally caved, thrusting his arm out at you and immediately twisting his face away.

The reality of what was actually on his arm punched you in the throat.

For there on the Slytherin Prince’s arm, standing out starkly against his pale skin, was the unmistakable Dark Mark.

The Mark of a Death Eater.

Draco had become a member of Voldemort’s army.

\----------------------------

It had been two hours since you’d seen Draco’s Dark Mark. You hadn’t spoken, or even moved from your bed since the incident.

Juniper hadn’t come into the room, which you were grateful for. You weren’t sure how you were going to explain that your boyfriend had signed his soul away to the Dark Lord himself.

Your heart dropped into your stomach as you remembered Harry. The poor boy you had started to develop a genuine liking for. Voldemort was trying to kill the kid, and your boyfriend was now on that nose-less douche’s side. And it wasn’t like you could hide a Dark Mark. You were fairly sure Voldemort had ways of figuring out if you weren’t utterly devoted to him.

But now you didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t just leave Draco, but you couldn’t stay with him if his Dark Mark was legitimate. You knew you had told him you wouldn’t leave him for being forced into Voldemort’s army, but you had said that with what had, at the time, been a confidence that the Dark Lord wouldn’t force an eighteen-year-old Hogwarts student into his army.

A knock came at the door, and it felt like it took every ounce of your energy to stand up and answer the call.

Draco stood on the other side, quite possibly the last person you wanted to see before you at that point.

His eyes were red, his face slightly swollen. You were so shocked by his appearance that you didn’t say anything when he came into the room, wringing his hands together.

“Y/N, you have to understand,” he begged, his grey eyes once again searching yours to find something you evidently weren’t giving out.

“Understand what, Draco? Understand why you’ve become a Death Eater? Understand why you sold your soul to Voldemort? Understand why, when I’ve told you how much of a choice you have, you’ve gone and joined the Dark Lord’s army anyway?”

He shook his head, rubbing violently at the unmoving snake-and-skull tattoo on his arm. “I didn’t want to, y/n, I didn’t want to…but my father’s been thrown in Azkaban. They’ve taken my father and thrown him in Azkaban. Nobody comes out of Azkaban.”

You felt the blood draining from your face at the Slytherin Prince’s words. What he said was correct, you couldn’t remember any instances of someone being released from Azkaban. And for a crime as heinous as serving Lord Voldemort, Lucius Malfoy would be lucky if he ever saw another human being.

“According to my mother they’ve already confiscated his wand,” Draco rushed out, still rubbing his arm. “She refuses to leave Malfoy Manor, and apparently he has plans to turn the house into his base.”

You didn’t have to ask who the “he” Draco was referring to was. The chill that was sent down your spine as Draco spoke the sentence told you exactly who was planning to move into Malfoy Manor.

You also knew that this had to have been jarring for the pale boy standing before you. His father had always been a force in his life, someone he clearly looked up to. Lucius Malfoy was a force to be reckoned with, and for Draco to lose someone like that wouldn’t be good for him at all.

“I can’t lose you, y/n,” he said, his eyes wild. “I know you can’t stay with me because I’m a Death Eater and all, but please don’t leave. Please don’t leave.”

Your heart ached for the boy before you. You’d never seen him beg so desperately for anything—let alone you. You gathered him into your arms, trying to ignore the chill writhing through you as the arm that held the Dark Mark snaked around your torso.

He buried his face in your neck, holding you tighter than you ever remembered him holding you before. But before you were quite prepared, he let go of you, folding his hands in front of him and looking at you expectantly.

“What?” you asked, entirely confused.

“I want you to Obliviate me,” he said quietly.

“ _What?_ ”

“I need you to erase my memories of you. I can’t feel this way anymore,” he said, his voice cracking. “I can’t have any weaknesses when Voldemort comes to collect on me. And if he finds out that you’re that weakness, he will destroy you, and then he’ll destroy me for hiding you from him.”

Your heart shattered. You swore you could hear it splinter into a million pieces, like someone had taken Trelawney’s crystal ball and simply hurled it onto the floor.

You shook your head vigorously, hoping Draco understood you couldn’t fulfill his request.

“Draco, if we go down, we have to go down together,” you responded, feeling your eyes fill with tears. “I refuse to let you take the coward’s route out.”

He whimpered, his hands beginning to shake. “But what if I lose you?”

“Then tell your mother she has my permission to erase me from your memories,” you responded. “I don’t want you living with the pain of losing me if something happens to me. But I don’t want to live with the pain of having memories you don’t have in the event that you come out alive. I refuse to deal with losing you when I don’t have to.”

Draco swallowed heavily once, then twice. He nodded emphatically, wringing his hands together over and over again. 

“You aren’t leaving me?” he asked, his voice small.

You sighed, looking at him even as you turned to gather up your books to head to the Library, knowing you needed the distraction.

“Even though the Dark Mark should be reason enough, no,” you responded. “But if we make it out of this, you’re marrying me.”

Draco’s eyes nearly popped out of his head, but he nodded almost immediately. “I’ll marry you at the end of term if we come out of this together,” he promised you, pulling you in for the deepest kiss you’d ever received from the Slytherin boy.

He pulled away far too soon, raising his wand and leaving your room.

“I’ll be back soon, princess,” he said, his eyes full of sadness. “Don’t wait up for me and don’t tell anyone you knew I’d gone.”

You nodded, and without another word, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i said, i'm planning to follow canon with the absolute bare minimum. since most of my characters are OCs anyway, hopefully this will be a bit easier to follow. 
> 
> also this chapter lowkey broke me to write, but it's fine.
> 
> see you soon! <3


	26. draco's disappearance & dumbledore's office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> draco has left the castle. you don't know where he is for sure, even though you have an inkling.

True to his word, Draco had disappeared from the castle. None of the teachers asked questions, they seemed to know where he had gone. However, all of your friends had questions, and you had no answers for any of them.

Even though you had an inkling about where your Slytherin Prince might be, you knew you couldn’t talk to anyone about it. You wondered how quickly the rest of your friends would disappear if any of them found out about Draco becoming a Death Eater.

Due to his absence, your nights had been filled with a lot of thoughts swirling around in your head. You had found yourself wondering what to do when it came to the Malfoy heir, whether you should leave to protect yourself (and potentially your family) or what it would mean for you, your family, and your reputation to stay with him. 

Granted, your relationship was still currently a secret, but you knew that it was inevitable that someone would find out and that you would be forced to choose between Draco and a reputation that wasn’t associated with the most powerful dark wizard of your time.

You tried to keep yourself busy to keep your mind off of Draco and his whereabouts, but that only served to make you think about it more. It was only when Snape dismissed you from Potions to go meet with Headmaster Dumbledore that you were able to focus on something besides the white-blond boy that plagued your dreams.

“Miss Everglade,” Dumbledore spoke as you entered his office. “Please, come sit down.”

He held out a dish of yellow candy as you did so, his eyes twinkling. “Would you like a lemon drop?”

You nodded, taking one from the dish and popping it into your mouth. It practically melted on your tongue, and the mix of sweet and sour flavors was absolutely heavenly.

“Lemon drops are actually a Muggle sweet, but I’ve grown quite fond of them,” the headmaster remarked as he set the dish back on his desk. “Now, I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve called you to my office.”

You nodded, knowing deep down you weren’t really in trouble, but anxiously wondering about it anyway. “Am I failing a class or something?” you asked timidly, your hands folded tightly in your lap.

Dumbledore chuckled, a deep, reverberating sound. “Of course not, dear child,” he said kindly. “Your marks are actually some of the highest of your year. You’ve raised the bar for almost every professor regarding your O.W.Ls next year.”

You smiled despite yourself. You had worked hard for those marks, you’d more than earned them.

“The real reason I called you up here today was to discuss your recent actions in your Defense Against the Dark Arts class,” he said then, the twinkle in his eye never leaving. “Professor Lupin was quite beside himself at your ability to produce a corporeal Patronus so quickly.”

“Well, Headmaster, Harry Potter and I have been practicing with each other,” you reasoned.

“Even so,” the headmaster continued, “you’ve only been learning the spell for a couple of weeks now. It’s not uncommon to have students still unable to produce a full Patronus by the end of their semester. Someone with your power and your ability is quite frankly unheard of.”

You felt your chest swell with pride as you heard those words from Dumbledore.

“If I may ask, what form did your Patronus take?” he asked.

“A tiger, sir.”

Dumbledore paused then, his large hand coming up to stroke his beard thoughtfully. “A rare Patronus form, produced so quickly into learning to cast the spell, that’s incredible,” he mused, and you sat there, unsure what to do with all of the praise being heaped upon you.

“Miss Everglade, your raw power and talent could be very useful in our fight against the Dark Lord Voldemort,” Dumbledore said quietly, and your blood ran cold at the words.

“So he really is back?” you asked meekly, although you already knew the answer from looking at your boyfriend’s arm.

Dumbledore nodded grimly, his face darkened. “I’m afraid so. The rumors are getting out of hand, I will admit. The only thing the Ministry really knows right now is that he is back. I do not believe he is at his full capacity, or he would’ve already come after Mr. Potter by now. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t prepare for the worst anyway.”

You swallowed heavily, nodding in acknowledgement.

“Miss Everglade, someone with such extraordinary powers as yours would be a great help in our fight against him,” Dumbledore repeated. “I cannot express how helpful a powerful witch like you could be. You and Mr. Potter would be nearly unstoppable.”

“Dumbledore, sir, Harry hasn’t produced a corporeal Patronus yet,” you protested.

“I know, but he has done better than everyone else in the class save for you,” Dumbledore pointed out. “And after all, he is evidently the Chosen One to defeat the Dark Lord.”

You sighed. The poor boy was eighteen years old, and he’d spent practically half his life fighting the dark wizard.

“What do you say, Miss Everglade?” Dumbledore pressed. “Will you ally yourself with our forces against Voldemort to help defeat him once and for all?”

You opened your mouth before you could stop yourself. “I don’t know.”

Dumbledore halted, but quickly regained his composure. “What do you mean?”

You froze. You had no idea why you’d said that. It should’ve been an easy yes.

But you knew why you hadn’t given a solid answer. And the reason was in the form of a white-blond Slytherin boy whom you’d only been with a few months.

You scrambled for another excuse, one that wouldn’t give away the fact that you were sleeping with one of Lord Voldemort’s Death Eaters.

“I—I’m eighteen, professor,” you blurted out. “It’s a lot to think about, putting my life on the line and all. And I know it should be an easy yes, I should be more than willing to sacrifice my life for the greater good, but I’m the only magic-wielding child my parents have. I could end their wizard bloodline if something happens to me.”

Dumbledore nodded, the twinkle in his eye gone. He looked over at you, his gaze heavy on your shoulders, and you felt like shrinking into a ball and running away.

“I understand, Miss Everglade,” he said solemnly. “I suppose a wizard of my age is more ready to die than a student as young as you are. I understand you wanting to finish your education and keep the magic in your bloodline alive. It’s a big choice to make, and it was unfair of me to push it on you so quickly.”

You let out a breath you weren’t aware you were holding. “Do I have to give you an answer right now?”

Dumbledore smiled slightly. “No, child, you don’t. I would like one as soon as you can, so we can begin training you in more advanced defense spells, and other dueling spells, but there is no definite timeline. Take your time to think on it, and don’t hesitate to come back to me once you’ve made your decision.”

You nodded vigorously. “I will, sir, thank you.”

“Of course, Miss Everglade. You are free to go if you wish.”

You nodded again, standing, and turning to leave. “Thank you, Professor. I will think about it, I promise.”

Dumbledore smiled at you. “That’s all I ask, dear child.”

You nodded once in acknowledgement, and you were gone.

\-------------------------------

You ate by yourself once again, something that was seemingly becoming more and more frequent for you. It wasn’t that nobody wanted to sit with you, you just wanted to be alone with your thoughts for a while.

You had no idea what you wanted to tell Dumbledore. On one hand, you knew the havoc that Lord Voldemort had wreaked on the wizarding world, before and after his attack on Harry and his parents. You wanted to see an end to that just as much as everyone else at Hogwarts did.

On the other hand, the last thing you wanted was to join an army that was directly fighting against Draco. You weren’t sure your heart could handle being pitted against the boy that held your heart.

So instead of dwelling on that thought, you went and found Harry after dinner, practicing on his own in the courtyard.

“You could’ve invited me,” you said jokingly as you approached him, watching as he turned to you, rolling his eyes playfully.

“And have you show me up in front of everyone out here?” he asked.

You laughed as you looked around you. There were exactly two other people out there, and they were both under a tree a good fifty feet away from both of you.

“How long have you been out here?” you asked more seriously, and he shrugged. “Half an hour maybe? I haven’t really kept track, but it hasn’t been too terribly long.”

You whipped out your wand then, tossing it between your hands. “Let’s see what you’ve got, then.”

Harry smiled, pointing his wand out and casting the spell.

Blue mist, as expected, shot from the tip of his wand, swirling around and beginning to shimmer before it dissipated once more.

“Bloody hell, Harry, that was a lot more than you managed in class!” you said with a smile, and Harry grinned brightly back at you. “Just keep concentrating, you’ll get it!”

“What did you feel when your memory worked?” he asked.

You took a breath, thinking back to the first time you had produced the Patronus. “I sort of felt warm, like I’d just eaten a big bowl of hot soup,” you admitted. “And the warmth sort of just spread through my whole body, and I visualized it shooting through my wand, like a burst of my positive energy enveloping me and exiting through my wand, and next thing I knew there was a white-blue tiger sitting in front of me.”

Harry nodded thoughtfully, his eyes full of wonder. “I keep trying to think of happy memories, but they’re all tied to Hogwarts so far and all of my Hogwarts memories end up having me think about fighting off Voldemort at the end of every freakin’ year.”

“You can say ‘fuck’, Harry,” you said with a laugh.

Harry rolled his eyes, but there was a smile on his face. “Every _fucking_ year,” he said, emphasizing the swear. 

You laughed loudly. “Never mind,” you said jokingly. “Swear words sound too weird coming from your mouth.”

Harry lightly shoved you, which only made you laugh harder.

“You’re a proper git, aren’t you?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.

You shrugged. “I’m a Slytherin, love. We do it best.”

He chuckled at that.

He looked back down at his wand, turning it over in his hands. “You really think I can cast a Patronus?”

“Harry, you’re the most talented wizard at Hogwarts,” you said earnestly. “If I can do it, you absolutely can. You just need to concentrate a little harder. Like Lupin said, I’m the exception, not the rule.”

He nodded, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. He held out his wand, seemingly concentrating heavily as he continued to take slow, deep breaths. After a few moments, he visibly shivered, and his call of “ _Expecto Patronum!_ ” came out as nearly a whisper.

You watched in awe as blue mist poured from his wand, in nearly exactly the same fashion it had done from yours. Instead of swirling, however, it pulsated this time, the white light at the end of his wand growing and flowing from his wand like a waterfall of light. 

You and Harry stared in awe as the stag that had come from his wand stood and gazed back at the two of you. Its antlers were large and majestic, and it bowed its head to Harry before disappearing in a flash of light.

“I…it’s a stag,” Harry whispered, seemingly unable to move. His gaze was frozen on the spot where the Patronus had disappeared from, and you were just as awe-struck as the Gryffindor boy beside you was.

“Harry, do you realize what this means?” you asked. “We’re the only students in our year who can produce corporeal Patroni. We have to tell Professor Lupin!”

He nodded, still seemingly mute, and stood to brush himself off.

“I just need a little time first, to sort of…collect my thoughts,” he said absentmindedly.

You nodded, returning the hug he then lunged to give you. “Take your time, it’s okay,” you reassured. You knew that seeing a Patronus that matched his father’s likely shook the poor boy, and he would need time to process that.

You walked Harry back into the castle, only going your separate ways once you reached the door to the Gryffindor Tower. You waved your goodbye as he headed off, and he smiled at you even as he left. 

You knew the Gryffindor boy had a lot on his mind, but you realized as you entered your own dorm room that you did, too.

Two of the most powerful sorcerers in the castle, in opposing Houses. One simply trying to stay alive year after year while a dark wizard kept trying to kill him, and the other knowing what the _right_ choice was, but still hopelessly in love with a Death Eater whom she hadn’t seen in three days.

How the fuck were you supposed to take care of any of this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha the stuff coming up is going to wreck u (hopefully)
> 
> i hate COVID. everything's a symptom. i had a headahce this morning (which happens to me a lot, actually) and i have to quarantine in my room all day. i had a meeting with my advisor and a spanish composition today and this is going to fuck EVERYTHING up. here's hoping my professors are actually accommodating.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter though!
> 
> see you soon! <3


	27. "i don't know"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> draco returns. you tell him about your patronus and your meeting with dumbledore.

A whole week went by before you even got wind of Draco again. But, much like his character, he showed up unannounced, unexpectedly, and unnoticed by the rest of Hogwarts.

Or, at least, if they noticed him, none of them said anything about his mysterious disappearance and reappearance.

They also didn’t say anything about his wardrobe of exclusively long-sleeved shirts, or his diminishing appearance, or the dark circles that had appeared under his eyes.

But you noticed all of these things. Maybe it was because you already knew your boyfriend was a Death Eater, but you couldn’t say for sure.

All that mattered to you was his presence in your room the night after he returned to Hogwarts.

You sat on the edge of your bed, and Draco stood in between your legs, his head resting on your shoulder as you held him tightly.

“God, y/n, there’s so much I want to tell you,” he said, his arms wrapped around your middle.

“But you can’t,” you breathed, and he nodded even with his head buried in the crook of your neck. “But I can’t,” he echoed.

“There are some things I have to tell you, though,” you said tentatively, and you watched Draco’s expression carefully as he stood up to look into your eyes.

“What happened?” he asked.

“It was all while you were gone,” you said by way of beginning to explain.

Draco put his hands on top of your thighs as you kept talking, and you tried to direct your mind back to the matters at hand as he did so.

“Last week in Defense Against the Dark Arts, I volunteered to try casting Expecto Patronum again, and because of the memory I actually focused on, I ended up producing a full, corporeal Patronus.”

Draco’s eyes shot wide open, and his jaw dropped. “Y/N, that’s incredible,” he exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell me immediately?”

You rolled your eyes. “That was literally exactly what I was coming into your room to tell you, but you jumped and hid your arm, so I ended up getting kind of distracted.”

Draco sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Okay, so that’s my fault. Got it. Is that it?”

“No,” you said, and he nodded. “Professor Lupin was so impressed by what I did that he dismissed class early and ran to tell Dumbledore what I’d done.”

“Dumbledore knows a lot of things that end up only causing harm,” Draco muttered, bringing up his hand to brush some of your hair out of your face. “What happened after that? Did you get called to his office?”

You nodded. “It was a few days later, but yes. You’d already left the castle, and I got dismissed from Potions class early to go talk to him. I went up to his office and everything.”

Draco’s eyes portrayed a nervousness you were surprised by, and when he didn’t ask any further questions, you continued with your story.

“He told me basically that I was one of the most powerful witches he’d ever seen,” you expressed. “He told me that Harry Potter and I were some of the most talented sorcerers Hogwarts had ever been privileged to see come through the doors, and he asked me to ally myself with the forces fighting against Voldemort. He seems to think that Harry and I would be unstoppable together.”

Draco sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, his demeanor changing entirely. He withdrew his physical contact from you, folding his arms and walking to the other side of the room to gaze out your window.

“So what does this mean for you and me?” he asked, his voice low.

“Why does it have to mean anything?” you asked, standing up off of your bed and walking over to him.

“You can’t be serious,” Draco said, turning back to face you. “If you join Dumbledore’s Army I can’t be with you. Even if it isn’t my choice, I’m still a Death Eater and I can’t be with someone who has chosen to fight for the other side.”

“I haven’t even made a decision, Draco, why are you all up in arms about our relationship?”

“Y/N, you either have to remain neutral or we have to end this,” he said firmly. “I know it’s not what either of us want, but even privately, I can’t risk being with someone fighting on Dumbledore’s side.”

“You realize you’re siding with someone who wants to murder an eighteen-year-old,” you said, more harshly than you intended. “You’re siding with a grown wizard trying to kill a fucking fourth-year.”

“Do _not_ speak to me like I’m a child,” Draco seethed. “I’d like to remind you once again that I am fully aware of what I am doing. And I would also like to remind you that I’m not doing this of my own free will. My father has been thrown in Azkaban and I have been more or less forced to take over what he had already set in motion. He lives in my fucking house, y/n, there’s absolutely fucking nothing I can do to stop or change anything happening at this point.”

You sighed, rubbing your arms as you hugged yourself tightly.

“Tell me, y/n, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” you said honestly, the same answer you’d given Dumbledore just a few days prior.

“What?”

“I don’t know,” you repeated.

“Do you want to join Dumbledore?”

“I don’t want to fight against you,” you responded.

“What are you saying, then?” Draco pressed, his eyes never leaving your own.

“I don’t know.”

\------------------------------

The two of you laid in silence for a while after that. You were pretty sure Draco had fallen asleep in your bed, his arms wrapped tightly around you as his chest rose and fell in peaceful rhythm.

You, on the other hand, couldn’t bring yourself to close your eyes.

You had no idea how your parents would react to either of these things. You hadn’t even written home to tell them about producing a Patronus. Then again, you weren’t sure, maybe Dumbledore or Lupin had written them for you.

You didn’t want to join Voldemort’s army. That much you knew. You refused to take part in anything that you knew would only bring pain and suffering to those you cared most about.

But you didn’t want to risk losing Draco by joining Dumbledore’s side. To choose to be pitted against the boy you claimed to love—that was as good as spitting in his face.

You sighed as you sat up, careful not to wake the sleeping Slytherin prince at your side. He stirred slightly, but made no further movements as you lowered yourself onto the ground.

You decided to take yourself to Hogsmeade. You honestly deserved a Butterbeer.

\--------------------

You hadn’t been sitting in the Three Broomsticks very long when Marin came strolling through the door. She lit up when she spotted you, coming and sitting at your table after placing her own order.

“Hello, Miss Patronus,” she said with a bright smile as she slid into a seat across from you. “Heard you earned fifty House Points for your achievement last week.”

“Yeah, I did,” you said with a chuckle. “And an office visit with the headmaster himself.”

Marin’s eyes shot wide open, and she leaned forward so she could speak more quietly. “What did he want?” she asked eagerly.

“He wants me to join his army with Harry Potter to help bring down You-Know-Who,” you said simply. You would’ve just called him Voldemort, but Marin treated his name like an Unforgivable Curse.

You didn’t think Marin’s eyes could get any wider, but lo and behold, they seemed to. “You have to, y/n, this has got to be the greatest opportunity of your life!” she exclaimed. “Tell me you said yes!”

“I would if I had,” you said, watching Marin’s expression deflate. “Marin, I’m the only magical child my parents have. If something happens to me during the time I’m fighting Voldemort, the magic in my bloodline will be gone.”

She looked back at you still, her eyes showing surprise and disappointment, somehow simultaneously. “So because you want your descendants to be able to use wands and make potions that aren’t water and grass, you’re not even going to consider helping the cause?” she asked, her voice low. “That’s kind of shitty, y/n, even for you.”

You were shocked. You’d never heard Marin swear before.

“Marin, I’m also eighteen,” you argued. “I’m a fourth-year Hogwarts student.”

“So is Harry Potter, and he’s fighting!” Marin cried, causing a few other patrons to glance your way.

“I’m not Harry Potter,” you hissed, shoving back from the table. “I’m not siding with Voldemort, stop acting like I am.”

Marin’s eyes shot wide once again at the mention of Voldemort’s name, but you opened your mouth again before she could respond.

“I will do all I can to aid Harry Potter himself, but I cannot in good conscience leave behind a family that may need me just because I can produce a Patronus,” you snapped as you downed the rest of your Butterbeer, leaving the empty mug on the table.

You stormed out of the Three Broomsticks, your anger surprising even you.

You ducked under the branch covering your shortcut, wanting to get back to your room as quickly as possible.

You found yourself hoping Draco was still asleep in your bedroom, but once you arrived in your dorm you found there was no such luck.

Draco had disappeared the same way you had just an hour before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my truck clocked out on me yesterday! i could technically fix the problem with it but at this point it'd be more worth it (to me) to have a vehicle with a fixed monthly payment that actually runs well than one that i'm constatnly worrying about what i'll have to fork over to fix it every two months. cuz honestly, the $88/month payment i'm hoping to snag on this hyundai is still going to be less after 3 months than it cost me to fix both the driver's side and passenger side windows.
> 
> also, i'm sorry this chapter is so short. it's honestly more of a filler chapter, but don't worry, big things are coming.
> 
> i probably won't upload tomorrow, by the way. i've got three classes, one test, and a presentation. then hopefully my parents are going to be coming to drive me to see the newer vehicle that i was looking at. so i might upload, but don't count on it.
> 
> see you soon! and if not tomorrow, monday <3


	28. not the right uniform

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> quidditch practice starts back up.

Four more days went by, and while Draco didn’t disappear again, you only saw him in passing until Quidditch practice started up. 

The Slytherin team was once again gathered on the pitch, Arlie in front of the group as he surveyed everyone in line, their brooms in hand and practice uniforms on.

“Alright, team, first and foremost, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas break and start of term,” he said by way of greeting. “However, remember our goal is to win the House Cup at the end of the year.  
So I expect to see the same dedication, the same effort, the same everything in practices and games throughout this term. Understood?”

“Yes, Arlie!” you called back in unison. 

You stole a glance over at Draco then, probably the fifteenth glance of the day. You couldn’t help it. Even with a black long-sleeve t-shirt on instead of his normal practice jersey, he was breathtaking to you. 

He was even more breathtaking when he had no shirt on, leaning over you as he moved to bite your neck again—

“Everglade, did you hear me?” Arlie called, breaking you out of your reverie. “Maybe stop staring into the sky above you and start listening into the team before you,” he shouted.

You nodded, feeling your face burn red. You were grateful, at least, that he had thought you were staring into the sky and not at the white-blond boy at the end of the row.

“And you, Malfoy,” Arlie said, his eyes narrowing. “Last time I checked, long sleeves were not part of the practice uniform. Care to explain why you’re dressed improperly?”

You felt a pang of panic split through your chest as your gaze shot back over to Draco. At least this time it didn’t matter that you were looking at him, since the rest of the team was too.

Arlie folded his arms impatiently as he awaited a response from the Slytherin Prince. “Today, please?” he said.

You could see the panic in the boy’s eyes, it was as evident as the tension from the rest of the team as they stood in awkward silence.

“I—the rest of my practice clothes were dirty, sir,” Draco choked out.

“That means you haven’t washed them since our last game back in November, Malfoy,” Arlie shot back. “Did you forget today’s our first practice of the season?”

Draco swallowed heavily, nodding quickly. “Yes, I remembered. I just—put it on quickly and got food on it, so I couldn’t wear it to practice today.”

Arlie huffed. “So you didn’t have time to wash it before practice, then?”

Draco nodded quickly, and even you could sense the bullshit. You knew Arlie wasn’t buying it, but you also knew he wouldn’t embarrass Draco more than necessary in front of the entire rest of the team.

“I’ll be dressed in proper practice attire tomorrow, sir,” Draco responded, his eyes still wide.

“Make sure of it, Malfoy,” Arlie snapped, his tone still harsh. “On your brooms, everyone, we’re doing Snitch drills!”

\-----------------------------------

Practice went for an hour longer than usual, and your gut told you it was a team punishment being taken for Draco’s refusal to dress properly for practice. Your mind was everywhere but practice, though, as Draco entered your room shortly after practice ended.

His hair was still wild and sweaty, as was the rest of his body, but he still latched himself onto you like you were about to disappear.

“I think I have to quit the team,” he said quietly, and for once you heard no underlying emotion in the boy’s voice. It was like he’d flipped a switch, he’d gone entirely monotonous. 

“What?”

“I can’t hide this mark, y/n. I either have to wear long sleeves all the time or get exposed to everyone on the Quidditch team. I can’t do either.”

“You can’t just use the Disillusion Charm?”

Draco looked at you as if you were the dumbest person he’d ever had the displeasure of coming across. “Sure, y/n, I’ll just use _magic_ to obscure my Dark Mark, and then we’ll get to deal with Voldemort showing up and accusing me of being a fake follower, and we’ll get to watch me be murdered by the Dark Lord in the middle of the Great Hall! That’s a fabulous plan.”

You rolled your eyes, trying not to let on to how completely annoyed you were with the boy’s antics. He was a lot more dramatic than other people tended to realize.

You had an idea then, running into your bathroom and pulling open Juniper’s drawer.

“What are you doing?” he asked, poking his head into the bathroom.

“Juniper’s Muggle-born,” you pointed out, ignoring the expression of distaste that Draco’s face contorted into at hearing that.

“Which means what?” he asked drily. “Besides the fact that, you know, she’s a Mud—”

“You finish that word, and I will _Incendio_ your ass,” you threatened, the glare you threw at the Slytherin prince shutting him up more quickly than you’d ever seen happen before.

“ _Anyway,_ ” you said, returning your attention to the drawer in front of you. “Because she’s Muggle-born, she wears this stuff called ‘makeup’? It’s some non-magic substance that covers up stuff without actually using magic. It’s pretty neat if you ask me.”

Draco held out his arm, pulling up the sleeve to reveal the Mark. A chill went down your spine as you looked down at it, but you shook it off as you opened up the liquid coverup stuff you had seen Juniper put on her face multiple times throughout your time at Hogwarts together.

You put some of it on your fingers and spread it over the Dark Mark. You cringed at the results, though—it covered it effectively enough, but Juniper’s makeup did _not_ match Draco’s skin tone—it was like pouring brown paint onto a white canvas.

“Okay, so I might as well just show people the Dark Mark when they see this shit on my arm,” Draco muttered angrily, waving his wand to remove the liquid makeup. You sighed, unsure of what to do next. You hadn’t considered the possibility that it wouldn’t match Draco’s arm.

“Can we make it change colors with magic?” you asked then, and Draco’s eyes lightened a bit at the suggestion.

“We could sure try, I guess,” he said, his expression hopeful.

You poured a bit more onto your palm, holding your wand over it. “ _Colovaria,_ ” you whispered, and your heart leapt as it instantly changed colors.

You spread the new concoction over Draco’s arm, and you breathed a huge sigh of relief when it covered the Dark Mark _and_ matched his arm.

Draco moved his arm back and forth, surveying the once-more clean white skin. “This is actually pretty incredible,” he commented lowly, pulling his shirt sleeve back down. “Thanks, y/n.”

Your heart swelled at the words you’d never actually heard from the Slytherin boy standing before you. You couldn’t help it, part of you hoped he genuinely was changing for the better, despite the mark on his arm claiming him as Voldemort’s and stating otherwise.

You led him back into your room, out of the bathroom the two of you had just been holed up in.

“I hope that stuff isn’t too expensive,” you commented as you shut the bathroom door behind you. “I kind of used a good bit of it.”

Draco rolled his eyes despite the smile on his face. “I’m sure Juniper will forgive you.”

And despite your pleas for him to remain with you for just awhile longer, he placed a kiss on your forehead and was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is so short and i'm so sorry, but i've been back and forth on a lot lately. i'm straight up not having a good time, i'm not gonna lie.
> 
> big things are happening, though, don't u worry. we're talking next-chapter soon.


	29. kidnapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you wake up later that night to someone standing over bed. unfortunately for you, though, it isn't draco.

That night, you didn’t sleep very well. You were as comfortable as ever in your bed in your dormitory, but something just didn’t sit right with you, and you found yourself tossing and turning without any explanation as to why.

You sighed as you rolled over for what felt like the fiftieth time that night, and your blood ran cold at the sight of the person standing over your bed.

You opened your mouth to scream, but found that you couldn’t. You were completely frozen.

Petrified, one might even say. But from how cold you suddenly felt, you realized the perpetrator had used the _Glacius_ charm.

“Good morning, miss Everglade,” came a sinister voice that you couldn’t help but recognize. “Looks like I’ll be receiving a surprise houseguest this morning.”

You couldn’t even move at this point. You realized the man picking you out of your bed must’ve used a non-verbal spell. You hadn’t heard him whisper a thing.

You struggled to look over at Juniper’s bed, but you realized she was sound asleep. The work of the quietening charm, you realized with a jolt.

You felt the man grab you roughly to himself, holding you tightly around your middle. “If you struggle at all, we’ll both go down in flames,” he whispered roughly. “Do as you’re told and you might survive.”

Your heart was beating a mile a minute as you felt him pull you into the fireplace with him. A handful of Floo Powder came from his pocket, and once he stated, “Malfoy Manor!” all you saw was bright green fire.

You felt yourself become unfrozen as you flew out of the fireplace into the middle of the Malfoys’ mansion. 

Your breath came out of you in short, deep gulps, and you began to shake violently as you stared up at the man who had taken you from Hogwarts. Your hand flew to your waistband, but you didn’t need to feel the absence of your wand to know it had already been taken from you. You just hoped it hadn’t been broken.

You didn’t even need to ask who the man now standing over you was. 

“I’m sure you know all about me by now, Miss Everglade,” Voldemort said with a sinister smile. “Either from rumors around your precious school, or from your little boyfriend that you’ve got there.”

You stood silently, hoping your voice wouldn’t shake as badly as your body was when you spoke. “I’m not dating Harry Potter.”

“I’m not talking about Potter, you insolent girl,” Voldemort spat, his temper clearly stoked by the mere mention of the Gryffindor boy. “I’m talking about Draco Malfoy. Your little lover-boy. You’ve been with him for months now, correct?”

You shook your head more fiercely. “I’m not dating Draco Malfoy either. We hate each other.”

Voldemort laughed, even his laughter dark. It was an uncomfortable sound, reverberating around what appeared to be the foyer of the mansion you had found yourself in.

“I’m not an idiot, Everglade,” the dark wizard spat, holding up his own wand and looking you directly in the eyes. “I’m the greatest sorcerer the world has ever known, and you have no hope of hiding anything from me.”

Before you could react, he whispered, “ _Legilimens_ ,” and you felt your eyes roll back in your head as he began to search through your memories.

“Y/N,” Draco whispered, his hand sliding over your bare skin. “Y/N, wake up.”

You groaned as your eyes opened, but you smiled soon after making eye contact with the white-haired boy hovering above you. 

“It’s Christmas Eve,” he said with a smile, rubbing his thumb over your cheek.

“So it is,” you responded. “What do you suppose we should do?”

“Well, Hogsmeade has their specialty Christmas drink available until tomorrow, so I was thinking we could go get some of that. Then we could come back through your shortcut, hole up in your hidey-hole for a little while, conjure up some hot chocolate eventually, and just spend the whole day finding ways to stay warm.”

You felt yourself blush at the implications of “finding other ways to stay warm”. Rolling over to see Draco more clearly, however, you found yourself nodding. “I’ve never known you to be such a romantic date planner,” you commented, tapping the tip of his nose with your finger.

“Right, well, tell anyone else, and I’ll have to kill you,” Draco said with a smirk, pushing himself up to climb out of bed. 

You watched his back muscles as he stretched, his naked body the best sight you’d ever laid your eyes on.

You sighed contentedly as he turned around to toss you a sweater, the one you’d been wearing the day before, just before he had torn it off of you in an attempt to get you naked more quickly.

“Hurry up, y/n, we don’t have all day,” came Draco’s playfully impatient voice as you pulled on your clothes.

“Some of us have sore hips, Malfoy,” was your reply, and Draco’s chuckle reverberated around the empty room.

“Well, remember that next time you want to beg me to go faster,” he said lowly, his fingers gripping your hips as he came up behind you, pressing long, warm kisses to the base of your neck.

You hummed in response as you pulled your sweater down over the top of your pants, turning around to kiss the Slytherin boy deeply.

Once you pulled away, you could see how dark his eyes had gotten once again, and you smiled innocently as you turned around and left the room.

“Oh, no you don’t,” he growled, grabbing your wrist, and pulling you back into the room. 

You laughed as your shirt came off again, knowing exactly what was going to come next.

You nearly fell to the polished tile floor beneath you as Voldemort came out of your memories, clutching your head as pain shot through it, more intensely than you were prepared for. Then again, nobody had ever forcibly entered into your memories like that, so you hadn’t been prepared for _any_ pain.

By the time you were able to open his eyes, you could tell just from looking at him that he wasn’t happy. Although, you weren’t sure he ever really looked happy.

“I don’t appreciate liars, Miss Everglade,” came the dark wizard’s low, threatening voice. 

You struggled to breathe, your eyes darting every which way throughout the room. You spotted Draco’s mother, Narcissa, in the doorway to the foyer, and you only barely made eye contact with her before she turned away.

Now she knew who her son had been involved with this whole time. You could only hope you didn’t look as awful as you felt.

You looked back to the dark lord before you, his eyes narrowed at you. You clenched your fists tightly at your side, if nothing else, it lessened the amount of shaking they were doing. 

“Wh-what are you going to do to me?” you asked, not knowing if you actually wanted him to answer that question or not.

Voldemort chuckled darkly, walking towards you and lifting your chin up with his wand, forcing you to look into his dark eyes. 

“I suppose we will have to find out,” he said simply, and that was the last thing you heard before your vision went black.

\------------------------------

You awoke in another unfamiliar room, but at least this one was warmer and more comfortable. You were lying atop a bed you didn’t recognize, but you were grateful that this one was comfortable. It was more comfortable than the tile floor you had fallen onto had been, anyway.

You sat up to survey your surroundings as the door opened. You jumped despite yourself, and you turned to come face-to-face with Narcissa Malfoy.

You swallowed thickly, trying to frantically smooth down your hair as she came all the way into the room. You had to admit, this was not the way you envisioned meeting your boyfriend’s mother for the first time. (Not that Draco had allowed you to envision meeting her at all, what with how vehemently opposed he was to allowing anyone else to know about your relationship.)

Narcissa smiled sadly at you, coming around to get a better look at you.

“Draco was right,” she breathed, reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair out of your face. “You are beautiful.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you felt heat rise to your face. “Draco told you about me?”

“He wrote me ages ago about you,” she said, tears springing to her eyes. “Begged me not to tell his father, you know, Lucius would’ve had a fit. But he told me all about you.”

You felt tears spring to your own eyes as you heard the words coming from the dark-haired woman before you. You had no idea that Draco had told anyone about you, let alone his own mother.

“Is he going to kill me?” you asked, hating that your voice shook and cracked all at once.

Narcissa’s eyes filled with panic, and she folded her hands tightly before opening her mouth to respond.

“I can’t tell you that, dear, because I’m afraid I don’t know myself,” she said honestly. “He’s very angry that you tried to lie to him. You can’t do that to Lord Voldemort, you know. He knows all.”

You nodded. You did know that now. “It’s just that Draco didn’t want anyone knowing about us, he thought it would put me in danger.”

You trailed off, looking at the room you’d wound up in. “It doesn’t seem like that did me a lot of good now though, did it?”

Narcissa sighed, smoothing down your hair with a hand. “It’ll be okay, dear. You’ll see.”

With that, she stood and left your room, leaving you in silence once again.

Your hand instinctively went to your wand, with the intention to light the fireplace on the other side of the room. But once again your hand met with the bare skin of your torso, reminding you that you had no idea where your wand was. For four years that wand had never left your side, and now it was all you could do to hope it wasn’t sitting somewhere beyond repair.

You looked around the room, only growing more disappointed when you saw there was pretty much nothing to do in the room Voldemort had trapped you in. 

So instead, you sat back down on the bed, lying down and falling back asleep within minutes.

\--------------------------------

You weren’t sure how much time had passed. You supposed it had been about three days, judging by how many meals you had been brought.

Finally, once Narcissa brought you yet another dinner, you stopped her to ask her a question.

“Am I going to be allowed to bathe?” you asked. “And will I ever see my wand again?”

Narcissa cringed, and you could tell by her body language that those were probably the only two questions she had hoped you would never ask.

“Bathe, yes, we can arrange for you to have a bath,” she said quickly. “But I don’t know about your wand. Voldemort wanted to have another talk with you about that.”

You felt yourself shudder, as if someone had poured ice cold water down the back of your shirt. You didn’t want to ever see that wizard again, but you knew deep down that you wouldn’t have a choice.

“I’ll go run you a bath then, and after that you can go speak to Voldemort again if you so wish,” Narcissa informed you, her smile grim. You could sense she wasn’t entirely excited about the situation either, but you tried to ease her discomfort by nodding in agreeance with her plan.

True to her word, your bath was ready for you only moments later, and you were grateful for the hot water as you lowered yourself into it, feeling the grime from the days before beginning to simply melt off of your body.

The tears finally began to fall as you began to wash yourself off, as hot as the bath water and streaming quickly down your face. 

You cried for yourself, for the situation you’d gotten yourself into. You cried for your friends, who you knew were likely freaking out over your disappearance. You cried for your parents, who had no idea who you had gotten yourself involved with.

But most of all, you cried for Draco, the poor boy you’d tried so hard just to love. 

You cried last for yourself, once more, as you realized what you would have to do. You now knew what you would have to do to save yourself, to save your friends, and to save the Slytherin boy you’d fallen for.

\--------------------------------

Less than an hour later, you stood before Voldemort once more, clean and dressed in one of Narcissa’s dresses that she had used some spell on to make it fit you. The only difference this time was that you stood before him as he lounged before the fire in the parlor, and not on the cold tile floor of the foyer.

“Ah, Miss Everglade, we meet again,” came the dark wizard’s voice, no less menacing than it had been the first time you’d heard it in person.

“Good evening, Lord Voldemort,” you said quietly, refusing to look him in the eye.

“Oh, I see we’ve learned some manners,” he said with a chuckle, standing from the chair he had been in. “I also hear we’ve been questioning the mistress about your wand?”

You nodded, too untrusting in the strength of your voice to answer verbally.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know it is completely unharmed,” Voldemort informed you, pulling the object from inside his long, dark robe. Your arm twitched as you began to instinctively reach for it, but Voldemort tugged it backwards, out of your reach once more.

“Not so quickly, Miss Everglade,” he reprimanded, leaving you to force your expression to remain one of neutralism. You felt dumb for reaching for it so quickly, you should’ve known he wouldn’t simply give it to you.

“I am more than willing to give your wand back, but you must make a choice beforehand,” the dark wizard said to you, folding his arms and looking down on you like you were a child. “I’m sure you’re aware that Draco has willingly accepted the Dark Mark, and become a part of my army in taking down Harry Potter and conquering the world.”

You nodded, your stomach sinking even though you weren’t entirely sure where Voldemort was going with this. 

“I have to be able to trust you as well, Miss Everglade,” he continued, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the fire. “Despite you being Malfoy’s girlfriend, I cannot simply allow you to run amok without knowing that you are a trustworthy component of this plan as well.”

“What are you getting at, Lord Voldemort?” you asked, beginning to realize what the bottom line was going to be.

“If you want your wand back, if you want to return to Hogwarts and to Draco, you must take a Dark Mark as well.”

You heard Narcissa gasp from the doorway, though she quickly covered it with a cough. Judging by Voldemort’s expression, he didn’t buy the cough, but he chose to refrain from acknowledging it as he instead turned back to you.

“You have two days to make a decision, y/n. Should you decline, you will be forced to remain here in the mansion. No contact with anyone outside the mansion. Do I make myself clear?”

You nodded quickly, even though your heart was racing.

“You are dismissed, then. You may return to me when you have made a decision.”

You pivoted on your heel, power-walking out of the room. It was all you could do to hope that he didn’t realize you were trying to get out as quickly as possible.

You collapsed on your bed again, barely even noticing the door locking behind you once again. 

You didn’t want to make this decision.

But now you knew without a doubt that you had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm forcing myself to get back on track, so hopefully that does something. i wrote this chapter and the next one all in like two days, so i'm hoping i can get the plot back on track and get past this writer's block. i always hit a writer's block in the middle of a story, but i'm working through it. having to work on my research essay isn't helping.
> 
> hope you enjoyed this chapter though! draco will be back in the next one.
> 
> see you soon! <3
> 
> **edit: THANK YOU for 400 kudos!! i never expected this story to make it as far as it has. i'm so glad you guys all enjoy the story. i read all of your comments and they always make my day. thank you so much!!!!**


	30. "found you"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> draco arrives to the manor. he finds you. you refuse to leave him.
> 
> (also, surprise, it's in draco's pov again)

**(Draco’s POV)**

I couldn’t function. It had been three days since I’d seen y/n, and I hadn’t even heard from her either. 

I’d asked all her friends, everyone that I could think of that she’d speak to—nobody had heard from her or seen her. I couldn’t imagine why she’d just disappear without notice, which was most of the reason for my panic. I couldn’t fall asleep properly without knowing she was safe. Or where she was, for that matter.

I didn’t even have the energy to fuck with Potter in Transfiguration, the way I knew he’d been egging me on to do. 

She didn’t even show up to Quidditch practice, which didn’t help anything at all. No matter where I looked for her, she wasn’t anywhere. I couldn’t find her in the Library, our hidey-hole, the Common Room, her dormitory, the Astronomy Tower, you name it. She wasn’t in any of our classes, and Snape was getting increasingly annoyed about her absence from Potions. He kept upping the number of House Points he was going to take from her the next time she decided classes were worth showing up for, and the rest of the Slytherin students hearing the number going up were getting tenser as each class period went on. 

I knew there was no way she was going this far out of her way to just avoid me. I would’ve seen her at some point. Juniper hadn’t even seen her, and that girl was y/n’s roommate. I knew this meant y/n wasn’t just avoiding any of us.

Y/N wasn’t even in the castle.

But that meant I had no idea where she was. If she had left for some family emergency, I would hope she would’ve at least told me. Or Juniper, at least. And I could’ve gotten that much out of Juniper if I had had to.

Which meant she had left abruptly, without telling anyone. And since Juniper hadn’t even seen her leave, did that mean she had left in the middle of the night? Who would do that? And if y/n had done that, why? What reason could she have had to leave that was so compelling that she had to leave, without telling anyone, in the middle of the night?

These thoughts and questions had plagued me for days. I’d barely eaten, barely slept. I’d stolen her pillow from her dormitory, something I wasn’t going to admit unless I was under the influence of Veritaserum or the _Imperius_ curse. It smelled like her still, and it was the only way I could even get a wink of sleep at this point.

She’d left everything behind, which made her absence that much more peculiar. The only things missing from her dormitory were—well, _her_ —and her wand. She had left with the clothes on her back, her wand, and nothing else.

Crabbe and Goyle found it all too amusing to point out the circles that were rapidly appearing underneath my eyes, and I had found it all too comforting to myself to simply hex them to get them to leave me the fuck alone. Granted, that only made my situation lonelier, seeing as how the two of them were my only true friends at the school. And I wasn’t even sure the two of them were legitimate friends. I could trust them, sure, but I couldn’t count on them for anything important. That’s what y/n had been for, for so long.

After the fourth day passed and I had neither seen nor heard from y/n, I collapsed on my bed in agony, nearing the end of my rope. I had to find her, I was going to go absolutely bat-shit insane if I didn’t. 

As if my thoughts had ignited fire on my skin, the Dark Mark on my arm began to burn. It wasn’t as painful as it was uncomfortable, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant sensation either. I knew what it meant, though: Voldemort was summoning me back to my childhood home. He had been using it as a base for months at this point, even longer than I’d been with y/n. Which, now that I thought about it, was a lot longer than I had realized. We’d been together almost eight months, which was longer than I had spent with anyone before her.

Pushing that thought aside, I sighed as I grabbed a handful of Floo Powder from the pot I had hanging by my fireplace. I stepped into the fireplace, holding it out and shouting “Malfoy Manor!” as clearly as I could.

Green fire enveloped me, and next thing I knew, I was stepping out of the fireplace in my living room, using my wand to clean up the ashes that poured out of the fireplace after me as I stepped onto the pristine white carpet of my living room.

My mother sat on the couch across from the fireplace, her eyes widening as I stepped out. Her eyes searched mine wordlessly, and a nod from me was all she needed to confirm her suspicions: Voldemort had indeed summoned me to the Manor.

“Draco,” she whispered hastily, grabbing my robe before I could head towards the parlor where I knew the Dark Lord would be. “Draco, I need to tell you something before you go see him,” she said quietly.

I looked into her eyes, searching to see if I could read whatever it was she had to tell me from the emotions flitting through her eyes. 

“Your…girlfriend…is here,” she whispered slowly, causing my heart to absolutely explode within my chest. “Voldemort took her from Hogwarts, he knows the two of you are…involved. He’s really unhappy that you tried to hide her from him for so long.”

“Mother, I told you for a reason,” I said, knowing I was nearly pleading with my mother. But what I was pleading for, I wasn’t sure. 

I could feel my heart racing at a million miles a minute, knowing y/n was somewhere in the house I was standing in.

“Where is she being kept?” I asked, but my mother quickly shook her head. “He’s already angry that you’ve taken this long. If you hurry with Voldemort, I’ll tell you where she is,” she said, and I begrudgingly agreed, turning to head into the parlor where I knew the Dark Lord was waiting.

And sure enough, he was waiting there, his hands folded in front of him as he watched the fire crackling in the fireplace there. For a split second, I allowed myself to feel relief—at least we hadn’t placed our Floo Network grate in _that_ fireplace. 

“Yes, my Lord?” I asked, hoping this wasn’t going to be about the girl I now knew he had kidnapped from right under my nose.

“By now, I’m sure you’ve been informed that I have your y/n,” he stated, dashing any hopes I had had about this conversation not involving her on the floor directly beneath me. 

“I have been made aware of this, yes,” I said, straining to keep my voice from allowing any of the anger I felt regarding the situation leak through.

“And you’ve been made aware of the decision I gave her to make?” he asked, his voice still too low and too monotonous for my taste.

“No, I don’t think I was aware of that one,” I said, hoping he didn’t detect my sarcasm despite the fact that my statement was truthful.

“Hmm,” said Voldemort, clearly not believing me. But he leaned forward anyway, looking me in the eyes.

“I can’t have her running amok, you see,” he said slowly, folding his hands together once more. “Especially if she’s involved with the likes of you. I can hardly trust you, and you’re a Malfoy. I certainly can’t trust her.”

“What was your bottom line?” I asked, no longer caring if I came across as impatient.

“Watch your tone, boy,” Voldemort seethed, drawing his wand. “How about you allow me to explain instead of rushing me? It seems miss Everglade has a better grip on her manners than you do on yours.”

I stifled another snitty remark, knowing it wouldn’t do me any good. Instead, I stood there and waited for Voldemort to continue.

Upon seeing I wasn’t planning on interrupting again, he smiled as much as Voldemort could smile, and opened his mouth to continue speaking.

“I told her she had two choices: she could receive a Dark Mark and return to Hogwarts, with the knowledge that I trust her to not give me away, or she had to remain here at the Manor, under my constant watch, the way she has been for the past few days,” he said finally. 

I felt my blood run cold. I hadn’t even told y/n about any of Voldemort’s plans.

“I didn’t tell her anything,” I insisted. “She wouldn’t have known a damn thing if you hadn’t kidnapped her!”

“Lies!” Voldemort bellowed, abruptly standing from his chair. “You cannot stand here and lie to the Dark Lord, boy. You have told her everything, you’re in love with her!”

“Being in love with her doesn’t mean she knows everything!” I cried back. “I wanted to protect her from all of this, not involve her directly!”

“You can’t live without her, Malfoy, I can see it in your eyes,” Voldemort spit back, brandishing his wand and pointing it directly at me. “You can’t simply not tell her things. Even Lucius told these things to Narcissa.”

He looked me up and down, his eyes narrowing even further. “You could stand to learn to hold your tongue, boy, you seem to be raising your voice an awful lot simply to defend Miss Everglade.”

I barely heard him anymore. All I could think of was my y/n, trapped alone in some hidden room in my own house, because of the war that was raging on due to Harry Potter, who sat in a school a hundred miles away.

“You care for the girl, Malfoy,” came Voldemort’s voice, much quieter than it had been only a few minutes before. “That much I can tell, just by seeing how you react to hearing about her. You must convince her to take the Dark Mark, my son. You have to convince her that she needs it. She would be a great help to our cause. Her powers are nearly unmatched, you know.”

I did know. She had nearly used them on me on more than one occasion.

“She is in your bedroom, actually,” Voldemort said, raising a sickly-looking finger to point up at the ceiling. “I had your mother put her there. You may go and speak to her if you like.”

I didn’t stay to hear another word from the dark wizard, despite knowing the consequences I could have if he had reason to believe I had disrespected him. I bolted up the stairs, skidding to a stop in front of my bedroom door.

Hoping with all my heart that she was okay, I opened the door and pushed my way in.

“Draco?” came her small voice. All I needed was to hear her voice, all the rest of my problems seemed to melt away at just the sound.

“Y/N,” I breathed, lunging forward to wrap her in a hug. I could feel tears stinging my eyes, I was so happy just to know that she was okay.

“What are you doing here? How did you find me?” she asked, her hands quick to reach up and cup my face. 

“Voldemort summoned me here and sent me up to find you,” I told her, relishing simply in her touch. “This is my house, you know.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t know, not really,” she admitted. “I was brought here in the middle of the night and told next to nothing. I suppose your mother told me where I was, but I didn’t pay her too much mind in that regard. All I know is that I have to either take the Dark Mark and join Voldemort’s army—or stay here until the war is over, never returning back to Hogwarts or anything.”

“Y/N, you don’t have to take the Dark Mark,” I told her firmly, grasping her by the shoulders and looking into her eyes. “You don’t have to. I know you don’t want to. I don’t want you involved in this either, not if you don’t have to be. This isn’t fair to you, to force you into something just because you’re with me.”

“But if we break up, Draco, he’ll kill me before I even step foot out of your house. Being heartbroken would be every reason to tell everyone about everything going on with everyone in your family,” she argued, and I looked away from her, annoyance flowing through my veins despite knowing she was right. 

“But y/n, I can’t have you getting in the middle of all of this. I didn’t even want to get in the middle of this myself. I can’t risk having you get hurt too.”

“Draco, I’m in this because of you,” she responded once more. “If we go down, we go down together. That’s how a relationship works. And you swore you’d marry me if we made it out alive.”

I nodded. I knew I had. And I’d meant it when I said it. But I couldn’t ask her to sacrifice so much of herself just to help keep me safe.

“This will keep you alive, Draco,” she said firmly. “And if I have to take a Dark Mark to keep you alive and safe, then I have to take a Dark Mark. So be it.”

I stood there, stunned into silence. I hadn’t expected her to be so willing to commit herself to Voldemort’s army just for me.

“What are you going to tell Dumbledore then?” I asked, nervous about her response.

She shrugged. “I haven’t gotten that far yet.”

I looked back at her, stunned into silence still. My y/n always had a plan before all of this. Was this what I had done to her?

I grabbed her then. “If you’re going to receive a Dark Mark, I’m going to be there with you when you do,” I told her firmly. She looked into my eyes, nodding slowly as I reached down to take her hand.

“Let’s go.”

The two of us walked downstairs to find Voldemort once again, and he hadn’t moved from the parlor, although he had sat back down after standing up to yell at me as he had a short while before.

“Ah, y/n,” he said slowly as we entered the room. “Have you come to a decision, my child?” 

I felt her shudder even in my grasp from his calling her his child. I knew she hated the sound. I did too. 

Even so, she took a breath, squared her shoulders, and looked directly into the eyes of the dark wizard before her.

“Yes, sir,” she said evenly, and I couldn’t help but feel proud of her. She was coming into this alongside me, and nobody else.

“I’ve decided I will accept the Dark Mark, in order to gain your trust and become your ally,” she said slowly, as if she was unsure of the words coming out of her own mouth.

Voldemort smiled, or at least as much as the nose-less wizard could. He really was a deformed little man, but nobody dared tell him that.

“You have made the correct decision, Miss Everglade,” he said, his voice low and sharp. “Give me your arm.”

And she rolled up her sleeve and held out her wrist.

Voldemort grabbed it, bringing it closer to himself. Y/N stumbled a bit as he brought her forward so abruptly, but she regained her footing quickly. The dark wizard placed his wand atop her skin, whispering words even I didn’t understand as the tip of his wand began to glow. Her face contorted into an expression of pain that broke me to have to witness, but I managed to keep my own expression neutral as the snake-and-skull tattoo appeared on her forearm.

Once he let go of her arm, she seemed to freeze in place, holding her wrist in her other hand and gazing down at the black mark now permanently etched into her skin.

“Now, it is time for me to hold up my end of the bargain,” Voldemort continued, bringing another wand out of his robe. I immediately recognized it as y/n’s wand, and felt my blood begin to boil again. He had kidnapped her when she already knew next to nothing, and now the magic of her wand had been tainted by another being harboring it. If her powers had been ‘nearly unmatched’ before, would they now be amplified or muted?

Y/N accepted her wand gratefully, bowing before the man who was now her master. She truthfully no longer even fully belonged to me, nor I to her. The Dark Marks which rested on both of our wrists now claimed us for Voldemort, whether we liked that or not.

“Now please, both of you, out of my sight. You may both return to Hogwarts in the morning.”

Y/N didn’t say a word as I led her out of the parlor, but I could tell from her breathing that she was trying to stop herself from crying.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” I said quietly once we got back to my bedroom. “I never wanted this to happen.”

She didn’t respond, instead, she slammed herself into me, wrapping her arms around my torso. She buried her face in my chest, hiding from everyone but me.

“Draco, I love you,” she breathed out, among the breaths she was beginning to choke on. It was a clear sign that there was a lump in her throat she couldn’t get rid of, but I barely even noticed it, and I certainly didn’t focus on it.

I didn’t pay attention to her tone. I didn’t pay attention the tears evidently clogging her windpipe. I didn’t pay attention to any of that.

I paid attention to nothing but the words that came from her mouth.

“You—you love me?”’

She nodded, lifting her head up to look up at me again. Tears stained her face, but I didn’t pay them any mind. I grabbed her face, bringing my lips to hers in a desperate kiss, full of everything I wanted to say to her but couldn’t get my windpipes to push out. I kissed her with everything I had in me, because really, I’d already given every part of me to the girl whose face I held.

I brought her back downstairs with me once more, to listen to Voldemort’s instruction on how we were to return to the school.

He was brief and exact, something you had to get used to when it came to the Dark Lord. You were to listen and obey, and God have mercy should you need to ask him to repeat something he said.

But before we could turn to leave, he reminded me of something that made my blood run cold.

“I’m sure you’ve told her of your mission, then?” the dark wizard asked coolly, and I felt y/n’s grip on my hand tighten as Voldemort continued to stare into my eyes.

“What mission?” she asked quietly, her other hand wrapping around my arm. 

“Oh, so you haven’t told her that you are to kill him,” he said, a sinister grin turning up the corners of his mouth.

“Kill who? What are you talking about?” 

I swallowed thickly, hoping with every bone in my body that I could somehow make her understand.

“Dumbledore,” I breathed, watching as the blood drained from her face.

“I have to kill Dumbledore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha, surprise! betcha weren't expecting either of those!
> 
> also, sorry for the late update. i have had 6 meetings in two days, and i've had to plan four for next week already. i just want finals to be over already, i'm exhausted.
> 
> anyway, i'm excited for the upcoming chapters, i can't wait to see how you guys react to them.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this one!
> 
> see you soon! <3


	31. slytherin vs. ravenclaw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you return to hogwarts, and play your first quidditch game of the term.

The next day was a whirlwind. Draco’s mother graciously sent you back to Hogwarts, right back through the fire you’d come from. Or at least, the one you assumed you’d come from. You hadn’t really had a window seat to your own kidnapping.

Juniper asked a million questions about where you’d been, but you told her you’d just had a family emergency. You knew just from her expression that she didn’t believe a word of it, but luckily for you, she didn’t press the issue either.

Draco hadn’t been gone long enough for anyone to notice his absence, so he simply greeted you in the halls like it was any other day.

You received an earful from Arlie about skipping practice, but you had reason to believe that Draco had said something to Snape, because his threat of removing no less than seventy-five House Points from you had fallen through. (Draco had warned you about that threat, and you had not been looking forward to Snape following through.)

You weren’t sure what strings Draco had pulled to get Arlie to let you play in the game against Ravenclaw, but you also weren’t about to complain about it. After the week you’d had, and then scrambling to figure out how to cover up the Dark Mark without magic for the both of you, you were in desperate need of an outlet.

And so here you were, on your broom in the Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw match. You had to win this match if you wanted to move forward towards the House Cup. You had to win the next three matches in a row if you wanted any chance of winning the House Cup. You were going to have to beat Ravenclaw at this game, Hufflepuff at the next game, and Gryffindor at the one after that. Then you would have to play Hufflepuff and Gryffindor one more time each, and then matchup one last time with whoever won in the last Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor match.

So despite Arlie continuing to say, “No pressure!” you knew there was, in fact, quite a lot of pressure, and most of it was on you.

Sure, you could lose the Snitch and still win the game, but you had to be 160 points ahead of the other team to pull that off. And the most you’d ever been ahead of the other team the entire time you’d been playing Quidditch for Hogwarts, the furthest ahead you’d ever been had been 70 points. 

So when it started to rain halfway through the match, with Slytherin 40 points behind Ravenclaw, you felt your heart drop as you realized you could probably kiss the match (and the Cup) goodbye. 

Once it started raining, it felt like the heavens had opened up. Rain beat down on the players on the field, and the stands had even started clearing out as the fans were getting pelted with huge raindrops. 

You saw the Ravenclaw Seeker, Aspen Gooseberry, dive quickly down towards the pitch, alerting you to the fact that he’d probably seen the Snitch. He wove around in spirals, which you had already grown accustomed to, since you knew it meant he was trying to throw you off. You wove yourself around him, getting ahead of him and spotting the small golden ball all on your own. You picked up the speed just a tad, scooting up on your broom and reaching out to grasp it in your fingers. You grew closer, closer, closer—

And then Aspen knocked you out of the way.

He flew just ahead of you, his arm only inches ahead of your own. You strained to move forward, pushing your broom to go faster and faster. His fingers grazed it, when you lunged forward off of the stirrups of your broom to grip it firmly in your wet leather glove. 

“EVERGLADE CATCHES THE SNITCH!” bellowed the announcer, ringing the giant bell that signaled the end of the game. “SLYTHERIN WINS 230 TO 150!”

The crowd that still remained in the stands cheered as the teams landed on the pitch, the Ravenclaw team leaving the pitch a bit more defeatedly than the Slytherin team.

You were hoisted onto Arlie’s shoulders, the Slytherin team cheering you on for the victory you had nearly lost. Your name was chanted across the pitch as they carried you back into the tent, sliding you down onto the ground so you could wring out your hair.

Draco walked up to you just then, and it was then that you realized he hadn’t been in the crowd carrying you and cheering you on.

“Nice catch, Everglade,” he said with a smirk, his wet, white-blond hair matted to his face. You smiled at him as you continued to wring your ponytail out, unsure why he was even speaking to you when he rarely ever did.

“Thanks, Malfoy,” you responded.

“I think this means the Seeker deserves a reward,” he said lowly, cupping your face and bringing his lips to yours before you could even register what he’d said. 

Gasps sounded throughout the tent, but Silver simply began to laugh, clapping his hands together slowly as the two of you pulled apart.

“I fucking knew it!” Arlie called, jumping over one of the benches in the tent to get to one of the Beaters on the team. “Aegis, you owe me ten Galleons!” 

\--------------------

Word spread incredibly quickly throughout the castle. By the time the two of you walked into dinner in the Great Hall, hand-in-hand, only a few jaws dropped at the sight. There wasn’t an eye in the hall that wasn’t on the two of you, however, but Draco simply wrapped his arm around you and lead you to a seat at a table just down from Harry Potter and his friends. 

You tried not to look at Harry, his mere presence making the dark tattoo that now sat permanently on your skin ever more prevalent in your mind (and on your arm). You could feel his eyes on you, however, even as Draco set his hand on your thigh while the two of you finished dinner.

Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise sat across from the two of you at the table, eating their own meals in near silence.

“So, when did you guys plan to tell us you were hooking up?” Blaise finally asked with a smirk, drawing a chuckle from Crabbe and Goyle.

“We aren’t hooking up, she’s my girlfriend,” Draco spat back, making Blaise roll his eyes.

“That’s what you said about Pansy, Malfoy,” he responded, making your stomach twist at the reminder of the girl Draco had gotten so attached to just a year or so before.

“Right, well, I plan to marry Everglade end of term,” Draco threw out, causing everyone within earshot to drop their forks and stare at the two of you. “That’s not something I ever said about fucking Pansy.”

“You plan to marry her?” came Crabbe’s voice. “How do you expect that to work out?”

“Considering we’ve done just fine for nearly a year now, I think we’ll be quite alright,” Draco said coolly, removing his hand from your leg to resume eating while he spoke to Crabbe. 

“Hope you two can afford a wedding, then,” Blaise said with a shrug, returning to his own meal.

“My mother loves y/n, and with my father in Azkaban she’ll do whatever it takes to keep me around,” Draco spit, causing your heart to pound so hard it was almost painful.

“Don’t talk about your mother like that,” you said quietly, and Draco looked down at you. “You aren’t my superior, y/n,” he growled lowly in your ear, causing you to move farther away from him. “You should probably remember that.”

You looked at him incredulously. He’d never spoken to you like that before. You weren’t sure you liked this side of him.

You finished your dinner without a word, leaving the Great Hall without Draco by your side the way you’d entered.

“Y/N!” came a voice as you continued down the hallways, and you turned around to see Harry running after you.

He caught up to you after only a few more steps, and his mannerisms were a lot more nervous than you remembered them being when he opened his mouth to speak to you once again.

“I—Are you really with Malfoy now?” he asked sheepishly.

You nodded once. “I’ve been with him for nearly a year now, Harry, you heard him say that.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “I wasn’t sure that was true. That just meant that the whole time you were—we were talking while in Defense Against the Dark Arts was just…nothing.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, not bothering to mask your confusion. “I liked your company, Harry, I thought we were friends.”

“Well, I was thinking we’d become more than that,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was thinking you…that you fancied me back.”

You felt your face burn. “I’m sorry, Harry, I didn’t mean to come across like that,” you said quickly, feeling awful as you watched his face turn red. “I was genuinely only trying to be friendly. I’m sorry.”

He took a step closer to you, opening his mouth again, when Draco’s voice came thundering down the hall.

“You can either step away from my girl, or you can find your nose broken the same way I shattered Diggory’s,” he shouted as he strolled up to put a possessive arm around your waist again. Harry’s face hardened, but he took a step back anyway.

“You don’t deserve her, Malfoy,” he spit back. “She’s too nice for you.”

“Right,” Draco responded with a forced laugh. “I’ll remember that when I’m burying myself into her tonight.”

Harry’s eyes widened, and the blush on his face only deepened. “Fuck you, Malfoy,” was all he could force out before he turned to go back into the Great Hall once again.

“He’s right, you know,” you said, removing Draco’s arm from your waist and watching as his expression faltered. “I tried to be nice to you about the way you were speaking about your own mother, and you were a right dick to me about it.”

“You don’t get to tell me how to speak about my own parents, y/n,” Draco responded, his eyes hardening. “I don’t tell you how to speak about yours.”

“You talk about her like you don’t even love her, Draco!” you cried. “Saying basically how you’d make her pay for our wedding because you know she would do it if it meant keeping you around? That’s a horrid thing to say!”

Draco rolled his eyes. “I just wanted my friends to understand that I’m going to fucking marry you, whether you and I can afford it or not.”

“There are nicer ways to go about it, Draco Malfoy,” you spat back, moving around him to walk towards the dungeon to get to the Common Room. “Ways that don’t involve talking about how you’ll wring your mother of her wealth just to assert your own dominance.”

“I’m the man of the Malfoy Manor now, y/n!” he bellowed as you continued towards the stairs. “I already have all the dominance!”

You stopped at the top of the stairs, the look on your face daring him to speak another word.

“You aren’t the man of the Malfoy Manor, Draco,” you said loudly, your tone even and firm. “You’re a whole tier below the man who currently runs your household.”

Draco’s eyes flashed, but you were already headed down the stairs. 

You hated that your first day where everyone knew you two were together had ended in yet another argument, but you weren’t about to let him act cool in front of his friends if it meant he spoke badly of his mother in that way. 

He quickly followed you down the stairs, though, grabbing your arm and pulling you into the Common Room without another word.

“Y/N, if anyone finds out that fucking Voldemort is in my house, I’m not the only one going down with the ship. That mark on _your_ arm is going to bring you down with it,” he snarled, his eyes wide and angry.

“I’m fully aware of that, Draco,” you responded, instinctively pulling your already long sleeve down even farther. “I’m just reminding you of your place in the hierarchy that is the Malfoy Manor.”

“You don’t get to tell me what the order of authority is, y/n,” he spat. “You aren’t my wife. And until you are? You. Know. Nothing.”

And without another word to you, he pivoted on his heel and left the room.

You sighed as you headed up to your own dormitory, ignoring the look Juniper gave you as you flopped down on your bed. 

You still had to talk to him about how he had to murder the headmaster of your school, you realized with a jolt as you pulled the covers up over your body.

But that, you decided, was a conversation (that would dissolve into an argument) that you would have to put off for another day.

As you fell into a deep, restless sleep, the dreams dancing through your head consisted of snakes, white-haired boys, and nose-less wizards. And when you felt Draco crawl into your bed much, much later that night, the scent of peppermint filled your dreams right after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to be following _most_ of canon, but i'm going to be changing up a couple of pretty big things, which is why the "not canon compliant" tag is gonna stick around. (we're talking character deaths that didn't happen in the canon series, etc.)
> 
> also, harry may or may not stick around to be your friend? idk he feels pretty friendzoned right now lmao. i'll figure something out for him too.
> 
> hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> see you soon! <3


	32. blueprints and refusals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you try to get draco to let you help him with his 'assignment', but he refuses to let you.

Your bed was empty when you awoke, leading you to believe Draco’s presence had been a dream—but when you rolled over and saw the imprint his body had left in your mattress, you realized he had simply left early. 

You crawled out of bed yourself then, pulling on a sweatshirt and jeans, heading to see if the Slytherin boy was in his dorm room.

And there he was, poring over multiple parchments and books, scribbles and messy handwriting covering nearly every inch of parchment that your eyes could see.

“Why are you starting your homework so early?” you asked, wrapping your arms around him from behind. “It’s Sunday, you know.”

“’s not homework,” Draco mumbled, though he didn’t make any moves to shake your arms away.

Your eyes drifted over the parchments he had scribbled across, noting poisonous potions, _Avada Kedavra,_ and multiple quick sketches that you couldn’t quite make out, some of which had already been scribbled over. 

Then it clicked: these were blueprints for killing Albus Dumbledore.

“You know you don’t have to do this all on your own, right?” you pointed out, pulling him farther back into your own embrace. “I didn’t take the Dark Mark for just for the hell of it.”

“I’m not saying you did,” came Draco’s reply, “but this is my assignment.”

“Just because it’s _your_ assignment doesn’t mean you can’t have help,” you responded. “The only requirement is that you have to be the one to execute the plans. You were never told you had to come up with them on your own, too.”

Draco sighed heavily. “You aren’t going to help, y/n,” he finally stated. “I don’t want any of his blood on your hands.”

“Draco, we’re in—”

“I know, I know, we’re in this together,” Draco flat-lined, pushing away from the desk. “But there’s some things we have to do alone, y/n, and this is one of my things.”

You huffed, standing up and letting go of him. “Why do you always think you have to do everything alone?” you asked. “I literally took the fucking Dark Mark to prove that you don’t, Draco.”

Draco swiveled around to look at you, annoyance clear in his features. “Y/N, just because you took the Dark Mark, it doesn’t mean you’re a Death Eater. You don’t get to start calling shots and butting into projects you weren’t originally a part of just because you allied yourself with Voldemort.”

You started. “Draco, that’s literally exactly what it means. I took the Dark Mark and became a Death Eater. That means it comes along with all of the responsibilities that Voldemort expects me to faithfully carry out. And if that means helping you with this mission you’ve been assigned, then that’s what that means. Might I add you’re literally eighteen and you’re being expected to kill one of the oldest and most powerful sorcerers the world has ever seen?”

Draco sighed again, his shoulders tensing as he turned back to the pile of papers on his desk. “I have to do this alone, y/n, and that’s final. Stop putting your nose into matters it doesn’t belong in. All that’s going to do is end up hurting you.”

You rolled your eyes, the urge to stomp your foot overwhelming. “Fine. But you know, Draco, the longer I’m back here with this stupid tattoo on my arm, the more I’m starting to feel like I should’ve just stayed a prisoner in your fucking mansion.”

He opened his mouth to respond to you, but you didn’t wait around for it. You opened his door and left, shutting the door behind you and running down the stairs towards the Common Room. You didn’t stop there, though, you _Accio’d_ your bookbag to yourself and headed further out, into the Library where you spread out to start on your Potions homework for the next day.

You had been there for all of ten minutes, trying to at least start to memorize the recipe for the Silver Polish cleaning potion, when another familiar face rounded the corner and noticed you.

“Y/N!” Harry called, his voice only slightly above a whisper. You smiled when you saw him, and he came closer to you, pulling up a chair at the table you were sitting at. 

“I wanted to apologize for how Draco acted yesterday,” you said quickly, causing Harry’s expression to falter slightly. He recovered quickly though, and you continued. “I know he won’t apologize to you himself, but I told him it wasn’t appropriate and that I didn’t like being talked about like that. So I’m sorry.”

Harry only smiled, reaching across the table to put his hand on yours. “Don’t worry about it, y/n. I’m your friend, not Draco’s. I’m not going to be scared off by your big, bad, Slytherin boyfriend.”

You chuckled at his response, even though you pulled your hand away to shut your Potions book. “I’m kind of tired of him at this point right now anyway.”

Harry’s brows furrowed, and he leaned back in his chair. “Tired of him in general, or tired of some shit he pulled?”

You shrugged. “We just keep getting in arguments, you know? And it’s like, he feels like…he feels like he has to handle all of his problems on his own. And I try to come in and tell him he can talk to me, that he doesn’t have to deal with everything all alone, and he just gets mad and shuts me down all over again. And it’s been happening ever since we got together, you know? Since literally like halfway through last semester. He absolutely refuses to open up unless he’s completely breaking down, and while I can be there for him when he is breaking down, it gets so frustrating trying to get around the rest of his walls when he isn’t.”

Harry sighed, leaning back, and folding his hands behind his head. “That is kind of shitty, but you have to understand also that he’s come from a family where he basically isn’t allowed to have his own issues,” he pointed out. You were somewhat surprised that he was advocating for Draco, he seemed to hate the Slytherin boy. But you had to admit, the Gryffindor across the table from you had a point.

You sighed, nodding. “I know that. But I thought that maybe after so much time he’d be more willing to open up to me a bit more, you know? I’ve tried to do so much for him and he just isn’t—he isn’t paying it back, I don’t feel like.”

Harry nodded then, leaning forward just a bit more as he put his folded hands on the table. “Do you want to go take a broom ride, y/n?” he asked. “That seems like it usually does you a lot of good.”

You sat for a minute, before nodding emphatically and shoving your books back in your bookbag. “That sounds like a great idea,” you admitted, standing up and slinging your bag over your shoulder. "Let's go."

\------------------------------------------

Your brooms took off quickly and easily—a feeling you still weren’t entirely used to. You relished in the feeling of your stomach flying away from you as you took off, but you weren’t sure you would ever truly get used to it. And secretly, you hoped you wouldn’t. It was something you loved too much, you didn’t know what would happen if you stopped experiencing it every single time like it was the first time.

You and Harry raced to the Astronomy Tower—something that had become your norm at this point. This time, however, he beat you by just a hair, and you hi-fived him as you caught up to him merely a second later. 

“Let’s hope that pattern doesn’t continue in our Quidditch game next weekend,” you joked as the two of you flew in circles around each other. “I think Slytherin wants to win the House Cup this year.”

Harry chuckled. “Well, I won’t just let you win,” he responded with a smile. “You’ll actually have to work for it, unlike with Ravenclaw.”

You laughed out loud at that, and the two of you soared back down towards the Quidditch tent once more.

“Thanks for hanging out with me, y/n,” he called over the wind rushing past the two of you as you soared back down to the tent. “It’s nice to have a distraction from literally everything else going on around me these days.”

You smiled as the two of you touched down, propping your broom up against the tent wall. “That’s what friends are for, Harry,” you responded as he looked back over at you. “And I can say the same to you. It’s sort of nice to not think about all of my problems for a little while.”

Harry smiled brightly, before sticking out his hand. “Dinner?”

You took his hand without a second thought, smiling right back at the Gryffindor boy. “Sounds lovely.”

The two of you entered the Great Hall still hand-in-hand, though you didn’t seem to notice the blatant stares the other students were giving you as you took your seats across from each other, your plates immediately beginning to fill with food as you did so. You continued your semi-unimportant conversations as you did so, discussing Quidditch, the people you thought would be captain of the teams the next year, and even who you thought might actually have a shot at winning the House Cup.

“Let’s be real, Harry,” you said with a smile as you piled more mashed potatoes on your plate. “It’s the same as it is every year. The only teams that have a chance at making it to the final game are Slytherin and Gryffindor. They’re the only teams that put any real effort into their practices. It’s evident by the way they play. The only team Hufflepuff has beaten since we’ve been here has been Ravenclaw, and Ravenclaw has beaten Slytherin once, and if we’d gotten one more goal before the Snitch had been caught they wouldn’t have one. Remember that game? It ended 150-140.”

Harry laughed as he poured gravy over his potatoes. “You make a good point,” he said. “It hasn’t been any different as long as I’ve been coming here, anyway.”

The two of you ate dinner through your conversations, laughter filling the space around you as you continued to talk. Dinner ended what felt like only moments later, and you bid each other goodbye as you traveled back up to your dorm room.

You halted outside your door, remembering how you had left Draco earlier that afternoon. You sighed as you turned around once more, using your wand to magically smooth out your wind-tangled hair before you entered Draco’s dorm.

“Oh, the Potter-fucker’s back,” Draco spit, his eyes full of malice as you closed the door behind you.

“Do _not_ speak to me like that,” you argued, your carefree mood instantly shot to pieces. “Harry and I are just friends, and you know that.”

“So the Dark Mark means nothing to you, then?” Draco shot back. “You’re still out there whoring around with Potter?”

“He’s my _friend_ ,” you shouted. “I didn’t even touch him.”

“That’s fucking bullshit right there,” Draco said, pointing his finger in your face. You pushed it away, out of your face, but he continued. “You were holding hands with him when you entered the fucking Great Hall. Blaise told me that himself.”

You rolled your eyes. “He had my wrist. And he was just guiding me to the Great Hall for dinner.”

“Oh, so you’ve managed to forget how to get to the Great Hall?” Draco asked. “You need your new Gryffindor boyfriend to get you there?”

“He isn’t my fucking boyfriend, Draco,” you said, pushing a hand through your hair. “You and I could’ve gone to dinner if you hadn’t decided to be such an insufferable prick today.”

“ _I’m_ the prick?” Draco cried. “I’m the prick. I’m the prick because I’m trying to protect you from the onslaught of punishment you’d get if you were ever caught for the crime of killing the fucking headmaster of Hogwarts. I’m the prick because I’m trying to keep you as far away from the details of this shit as possible. I’m _so_ sorry, y/n. Honestly, I’m sorry that I ever even fucking _met_ you!”

You took a step back, the words hitting you harder than you’d expected them to. Sure, Draco had ben nasty before, but this was a new low. You’d never heard him say that he wished he’d never met you. 

You didn’t say anything in response, you only watched as his face began to pale in realization.

“I’m sorry too, Draco,” you said quietly, watching as he swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry that I took a Dark Mark to prove to you that I’m in this for you. I’m sorry that I’ve been such a pain in your ass that you regret ever meeting me. I’m sorry that I’ve tried so fucking hard to prove to you that I love you only for you to continue to push me away, time and time and time again. I’m sorry I couldn’t be who you wanted.”

“Y/N, wait—”

But you were already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, i'm only following canon in the most basic of terms. the big stuff will still happen, but i'm going to change most of the little stuff along the way.
> 
> also, i managed to watch every single harry potter movie within the course of this past week. i spent like 7 hours on saturday finishing the 6th movie and watching the last two. i got so much homework done on friday that i didn't have like anything to do the whole weekend. so i spent saturday and sunday just writing this and watching the harry potter movies. i'm officially a real harry potter fan lmao
> 
> (that's a joke, btw. if you haven't seen the movies or read all the books, you can still absolutely call yourself a harry potter fan. up until this week i had only seen the first HP movie. gatekeeping is stupid and i don't like it.)
> 
> hope you guys enjoy this chapter! see you soon <3
> 
> **edit: thanks for 420 kudos. that's pretty nice. (get it that's a weed joke)**


	33. death draught & exposures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> draco admits to you that he's incapable of killing dumbledore. you step in to fill the vacancy.

You took the next few weeks in as much stride as possible, despite not speaking to Draco nearly at all. You spoke to him in Potions, but beyond the words that were required, your mouth remained shut.

You could sense the impending doom surrounding everyone at Hogwarts, though, and you wondered what it meant for Draco. You knew he had to kill Dumbledore eventually, but you didn’t know when (or if) he’d be able to bring himself to do that.

The biggest problem you were worried about was that you weren’t sure if you and Draco had broken up or if you were just stuck in one of the biggest arguments you’d ever had. Considering he hadn’t even burst into your room to get mad at you for hanging out with Harry the way he’d been doing, you had begun to worry that it was the first option.

You didn’t want things to be over, the Dark Mark on your arm that you’d had to keep hidden for weeks said that much. But you also couldn’t handle Draco continually yelling things like that every time he got mad at you.

Rumors had begun that you were now dating the Gryffindor boy you were lately so often seen with, but you and Harry both ignored them. He used it to his advantage, in fact, in order to keep his relationship with his best friend’s younger sister out of the spotlight for the time being.

It had been nearly three weeks since you and Draco had spoken outside of classes, and so your surprise was nearly insurmountable when he walked straight into your hide-away in the tree on the shortcut to Hogsmeade, a place you hadn’t been to with him in months.

“Y/N, we need to talk,” he started. You shifted in your sitting position slightly, closing your Transfiguration book and looking up at him.

“I’ll say,” you said with a sneer, one that he ignored as he sat down on the ground with you.

“I can’t kill Dumbledore,” he breathed, his voice shaky. “I can’t do it. Nothing I’ve tried to plan up would work. He’s too smart, too clever. I’m a fucking fourth-year. I can’t kill him, he’s too powerful.”

You nodded, sliding your book back into your bag. You had suspected as such. You had imagined he would either admit to being emotionally unable to do it, or academically unable to do it. 

“I cannot say I’m surprised, Malfoy,” you said coolly, keeping your tone even as you spoke to the Slytherin boy sitting next to you.

“Malfoy? Really? We’re back on a last-name basis?”

You looked up at him incredulously. “You’re really going to act surprised about that? You haven’t spoken to me in three weeks after you told me you wished you’d never met me, Draco. And you’re going to tell me you’re surprised that I’m not immediately fawning all over you all over again?”

“I expected a little more from my girlfriend, that’s all,” came his snide remark.

“That’s rich, Malfoy, even from you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, moving closer. “You can’t break up with me now, not after you’ve taken the Dark Mark.”

You scoffed, standing up and slinging your bookbag over you. “I certainly can,” you said indignantly. “But that’s besides the point. If you don’t kill Dumbledore, Voldemort’s likely to kill the both of us.”

Draco nodded. “He probably will, especially since he said I have to kill Dumbledore right in front of you.”

You swallowed. “This means that if you can’t do it, I have to.”

Draco nodded grimly, his grey eyes boring directly into yours. “I can’t very well tell anyone else about this,” he said weakly.

You nodded once, the gears in your mind turning as you tried to formulate a plan in your head.

“I’ve got an idea,” you said finally, “but it’s going to take some work.”

“I’m here to help, whatever you need,” Draco said quickly.

“I _need_ you to stay out of my way for the time being,” you said with a glare, and Draco shrunk under your gaze.

“I’ll come get you when I’m in need of your assistance,” you said curtly as you moved to leave the hollow tree trunk.

Draco grabbed your wrist before you could move, however, and turned you back to look at him. 

“Don’t go yet, y/n, we need to talk about us, too.”

“There’s still things to talk about?” you asked. “You said you wished you’d never met me, that seemed pretty cut-and-dry to me.”

His eyes flashed with an emotion you didn’t have time to decipher. “You know I didn’t mean that, y/n, I was just angry. I—”

“So you said things that you knew would hurt me specifically because you were angry?” you said then, wrenching your wrist from his grasp. “Sounds a lot like Cedric Diggory, if you ask me.”

Refusing to stick around just to see his reaction, you turned and left the tree, your destination in mind being the Potions classroom.

You made it there only a few minutes later, both relieved and slightly upset that Draco hadn’t followed you. You knew the conversation about your relationship wasn’t really over, but you didn’t want to continue it right now. You had a lot bigger things on your mind, the biggest being that you were now responsible for Dumbledore’s death.

Propping open the _Advanced Potions_ book Draco had gotten you for Christmas, you turned to the page that contained the recipe for the Death Draught, a potion that would kill anyone who came into contact with it.

You mulled the recipe over for a good ten minutes, wondering how you would get this into Dumbledore’s system in order to actually kill him.

Then you realized you still hadn’t given him an answer on whether or not you would join his ranks, and the candy dish on his desk that he absolutely never let fully empty.

 _A poisoned lemon drop?_ The thought was enticing, and you knew it wouldn’t be too terribly difficult for you to brew the potion and poison the lemon drops. You would just have to get up into Dumbledore’s office to coat them in the potion.

Sighing, you rolled up your sleeves and began picking ingredients from the shelves to begin brewing.

You had all of the ingredients on the table before you, and you had just finished filling the cauldron with the right amount of water when Professor Snape walked into the classroom.

“Everglade?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow. “You aren’t usually in here without Malfoy. What’s the occasion?”

You felt the blood drain from your face. You couldn’t admit to a professor that you were brewing a poison. “Nothing in particular, Professor,” you said hastily, but he had already swirled around to right behind your shoulder, the potion recipe very boldly stated on the page you had turned to.

“A Death Draught?” he questioned once more. Then his eyes drifted downwards, towards your hands that now fidgeted with each other. “And what is that on your arm, Miss Everglade? You took a Mark for the Malfoy boy?”

You felt your heart drop to your feet as you realized you had forgotten to obscure the Dark Mark on your forearm, and now it was out and about for anyone to see. And now Professor Snape had seen it, clear as day.

You scrambled to find something—anything—to say in your defense, but Snape simply sighed and pulled up his own sleeve. There on his forearm was a Dark Mark that matched yours—and immediately your knees went weak in relief. You mentally kicked yourself for being so careless, but you also thanked the gods above that you had been careless in front of someone who was now no longer a threat.

“Now tell me again, Everglade, who are you brewing this draught for?” Snape drawled, folding his arms. “Surely you don’t intend to betray the Dark Lord with a potion like that? You know without a doubt you would fail.”

“Oh, never,” you said quickly. “I know I would fail immediately. I would deserve death if I even tried to do something so foolish.”

“Then who is it for? Draco?” Snape continued, his eyes narrowing.

“I couldn’t ever bring myself to harm Draco, sir,” you confessed, your heart aching at the thought. “I—it’s for Dumbledore.”

“Surely you’re aware that it’s the boy’s mission to end Dumbledore’s life?” 

“Yes, sir, but he confessed to me early this morning that he can’t do it, and I told him I would assist him with his assignment.”

“Can’t as in he refuses, or can’t as in he is unable to?”

“He is unable to, sir,” you replied. “He believes that he isn’t smart enough to get away with it.”

Snape nodded slightly. “So you wish to…assist him?”

You nodded. “He said that if he fails in this mission, Voldemort will kill him. And I…I just don’t want him to die.”

“How noble,” Snape said, and you couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not. But he leaned over your cauldron then, looking back up at the book. “I see you haven’t even begun this potion.”

“I—that’s correct, sir,” you said simply. “I had planned to begin right before you entered your classroom.”

“And where did you get this book, Miss Everglade?” he asked, running a long, pale finger down the inside of the spine.

“I received it as a Christmas present, sir—from Malfoy.”

“Ah, yes, that doesn’t surprise me,” he said quietly. “The boy cares for you.”

You sighed. “I know.”

“He speaks of you nearly every time we convene at Voldemort’s base,” Snape commented, and you wondered briefly if he was aware that you knew Voldemort’s base was within Malfoy Manor. You decided against voicing that, however, as Snape continued to speak.

“Well, ever since his father went to Azkaban, anyway,” Snape continued slowly. “He seems to be very proud to have gotten a girl like you.”

Your heart constricted in your chest as you heard Snape’s words. You sighed quietly, looking back at your potion recipe.

“Miss Everglade, I can see how much you care for him in return,” came the professor’s observation. “You would not be taking over his job to kill Albus Dumbledore if you did not.”

You sighed again, knowing your head of Slytherin house was correct. You would not even know about any of this if you did not care for Draco at least a little bit.

Snape peered back at the potion recipe you had propped open against your cauldron. “So, pray tell, how do you intend to poison our headmaster?”

You took a breath before starting to explain. “I was going to borrow Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak to sneak into Dumbledore’s office after curfew and coat his lemon drop candies with this poison.”

“And how do you intend to keep these poisoned sweets out of the mouths of innocent students?” Snape asked.

“I know that Dumbledore eats one every morning, Harry told me so himself,” you said, remembering back to one of the many conversations you’d had with the Gryffindor boy. “He picks out a special one and lays it on his desk for himself to enjoy the next morning. I’ll leave the ones in the bowl alone for the most part, but I’ll coat and rewrap the one he’s left on his desk.”

“You’re a clever one, Miss Everglade,” Snape said, folding his arms. “You’re smarter than most give you credit for.”

You smiled slightly. This was the nicest thing the potions professor had ever said to you. “Thank you, Professor.”

“But about the Potter boy, you were only friends with him to end up using his invisibility cloak?” 

You shook your head vehemently. “I really was only friends with him in the beginning,” you insisted. “It just so happens that now, a benefit to being his friend has popped up right in front of me.”

Snape nodded solemnly, his eyes proving him to be in deep thought. “Very well. Even in the face of Voldemort, you seem to have refused to compromise your morals. I must say I’m impressed, Everglade. Ten points to Slytherin.”

You smiled brightly. “What happens if I’m asked why we earned House Points?”

“You will say it was because your professor found you to be more clever than you gave yourself credit for,” Snape responded simply. 

He looked back over you and your ingredients once more, nodding once. “I will leave you to your task, Everglade. I will put some protection charms over the doorway to keep other students out of the classroom while you work. Do not forget to be careful. If you touch too much of it in the process, it will kill you before you ever get to Dumbledore’s office.”

You nodded in acknowledgement, thanking him as he left the classroom.

Over the next four hours, you brewed and stirred and watched your potion bubble more times than you had ever cared to count.

Finally, however, you watched your potion turn Slytherin green, and once you smelled a mustard scent, you knew it was complete.

The knot in your stomach turned into a rock as you used your wand to get some of it into a vial, large enough to thoroughly coat the candy you intended to poison.

You slipped the vial into your pocket, using your wand once more to get the cauldron over to the drain to pour out the rest of it. Snape’s warning was still fresh in your mind, and you were incredibly paranoid that you would end up accidentally killing yourself if you so much as breathed in too much of its scent.

After cleaning up the rest of the evidence and putting back all the ingredients, you raised your wand once more to dispel the protection charms your professor had put up, looking up and down the hall to make sure you wouldn’t be seen before you ran back to the Common Room.

You shut the door to the Common Room behind you as quietly as possible, intending to go up to Draco’s room to see if he was there.

“Y/N!” came a voice instead, and you jumped slightly when you saw Juniper sitting by the fire.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages,” she said happily, hugging you tightly. “What’re you so jumpy for? And why is your hair so frizzy?”

You chuckled, smoothing down your wild frizz with your hands, knowing that didn’t do a lick of good. “Sorry, I just didn’t think anyone was in here,” you admitted, which wasn’t a lie.

Juniper sighed in response. “Alright, well, you should come to dinner with Silver and Marin and me tonight, we haven’t seen you hardly at all since you and Draco went public.”

You nodded quickly. “Absolutely, I will.”

Juniper smiled. “Leave the Malfoy behind, though, we want to see just you for tonight.”

You nodded again. “Sounds good, I’ll meet you guys in the Great Hall for dinner.”

You felt as though Juniper could sense that you were trying to get away from her, and the light in her eyes dimmed a bit as she moved to let you go around her. 

You made a mental note to give her your full attention at dinnertime, despite the fact that you could feel her eyes on your back as you darted up the stairs towards the boys’ dorms.

You didn’t bother knocking when you opened the door to Draco’s room, and he was once again sitting at his desk, hunched over with nothing but a small candle at his side to shed light on the papers he was staring at.

“Homework?” you asked quietly, watching as he jumped slightly at seeing you in his room.

“You came back,” he breathed, and you fought the urge to roll your eyes. “I have an update,” you said simply, and he faltered slightly. He nodded instead, leaning back in his chair. “What is it?”

You pulled the vial of Death Draught out of your pocket, and Draco’s eyes widened at the sight. “Is that—”

“Death Draught, yes,” you admitted. You dropped the vial back into your pocket, breathing deeply before continuing. “I am going to need to get Harry to lend me his invisibility cloak. You can come with me or stay behind, but I’m going to get into Dumbledore’s office after he’s gone for the night and coat his favorite candy with this stuff. He’ll pop it into his mouth first thing the next morning and he’ll be dead within minutes.”

Draco nodded fervently, his eyes alight with ideas. You could practically see the wheels turning in his head as he popped up out of his chair to come closer to you.

“I have to come with you,” he said quickly. “Voldemort doesn’t know that I’ve already failed in my mission.”

You nodded curtly. “Then we’ll go together.”

Draco nodded again. “Did you brew that potion yourself?” he asked then. 

“Yes. Snape caught me, but it looks like he’s safe.”

“Yes, he’s safe. He took the Dark Mark 17 years ago.”

You blinked once. That meant he’d taken the Mark the same year Voldemort had tried to kill Harry as an infant. 

Snape had really committed to this.

But that wasn’t the point. You looked back up at Draco as he continued to mull things over in his head.

“But Draco,” you started as he focused back in on you, “you have to stop being such a dick all the time. I’m only trying to help.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” he said quickly, and your heart nearly skipped a beat. You’d never heard the boy say he was sorry before, you felt like this was a new experience.

You nodded in acknowledgement, and he brought his hands up to your face.

“Say it, please,” he begged, and a tug in your heart told you exactly what it was he wanted to hear.

“I love you,” you said simply, knowing it was true.

Because you knew it in your soul as he pulled you to him, a hug deeper than you’d ever gotten from the Slytherin boy.

You were in love with him.

And at this point, there was no turning back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yes, harry will, in fact, be kept around. and dumbledore is going to die.
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! i wrote like 1,500 words of it in one sitting this morning, maybe half an hour before i queued it up to publish it.
> 
> see you soon! <3
> 
> **edit: the potion y/n brews in this chapter is _not_ draught of living death! i made up the potion used in this chapter. draught of living death, in canon, does not kill you. it puts you in a state of sleep that's similar to death--so, kind of like a coma, i guess. but death draught is a potion i made up for the plot, and it _will_ kill you! so i haven't completely destroyed canon, XD**


	34. swimming & invisibility cloaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you meet up with harry again, but this time your objective is to get him to hand over his invisibility cloak.

The rest of the week dragged by. Even in your classes, where you had inexplicably begun to expel—and with your friends, and in Quidditch practices—your mind was always preoccupied by the task you had looming before you that weekend.

You honestly would’ve preferred one of the Triwizard Tournament tasks to this—at least with dragons there was no risk of being expelled or thrown in Azkaban at a record-breaking eighteen years old.

Every time you shut your eyes you saw Dumbledore’s face. Or worse, your parents—and the reactions you knew they would have if you were caught. Your face would be plastered all over every newspaper in the Wizarding World—and once your cell door in Azkaban shut, you knew you’d never see the light of day again.

And you still had to get Harry to let you borrow his Invisibility Cloak.

Everyone knew he had one—he’d bragged about it to Ron and Hermione. And it was also sort of obvious that Harry didn’t always have the best judgement, which meant he’d told them all about his cloak in the middle of the Great Hall.

You knew he had one, and you also knew he was fiercely protective of it—which meant you would have to come up with a very convincing lie to get Harry to let you borrow it.

“How’s he going to know you aren’t lying?” Draco asked when you presented the idea to him.

“I’m going to pull out two vials, one’s going to have Veritaserum and the other’s going to have water,” you informed him. “I’m going to drink the water and Harry’s going to drink the Veritaserum. That way he’s going to think the both of us are being forced to tell the truth, but I’m going to be lying through my teeth.”

Draco smirked as he leaned back in his chair. “You’re the smartest Slytherin I’ve ever met,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m so fucking lucky you’re mine.”

Your heart swelled at the unexpected words, but you didn’t let your expression show that.

“Do you already have Veritaserum?” Draco asked then, and you nodded. “Starting back in third year, I just started brewing some. I’ve got like six vials in my room, just in case.”

Draco’s eyes widened. “Have you ever used them on me?”

“No,” you responded quickly. “They’re only for emergencies.”

Draco nodded.

You sighed, turning around and pulling your books off of Draco’s desk into your bag. “I’ve got classes, and I’m going to be hanging out with Harry tonight,” you said pointedly, watching as annoyance flitted across Draco’s face at just the sound of the Gryffindor boy’s name. “This means don’t get jealous,” you continued, looking intently into Draco’s eyes.

“I never get jealous,” Draco lied, folding his hands behind his head as he looked up at you.

“Sure, you just broke Cedric’s nose for fun,” you said, playfully rolling your eyes.

“Of course,” Draco said, like it should’ve been obvious. Then he laughed, standing from his chair and making his way over to you.

“You know I only get that way because I haven’t had anyone I was scared to lose since Pansy,” he said quietly, and you nodded mutely.

“I just—my dad still doesn’t know you exist in my life. He thinks your whole family is just full of blood-traitors, and—”

“Blood-traitors?” you asked, appalled by the mere mention of the word. “How in the fucking world are we blood-traitors?”

Draco shrugged. “I mean, at the very least, you aren’t a blood-traitor anymore, with the Mark and all, but—”

“Anymore!?” you cried. “So you used to think I was a fucking blood-traitor?”

Draco’s eyes widened, surprised by your sudden outburst. “I didn’t say that, y/n.”

You huffed, outraged at how coolly and nonchalantly Draco had dropped that bomb on you. A fucking blood-traitor. Just because your family hadn’t jumped on the Voldemort bandwagon didn’t mean they had soiled their pure bloodline. You were magic to the core, ever since the beginning. Your brother had been the only anomaly, and he’d been kept hidden for years due to that.

You sighed as you slung your bookbag over your shoulder, shaking your head at Draco’s protests as you left his room.

“I’ve got classes, Draco, we’ll finish this conversation later,” you said as you turned to hurry down the stairs to the Common Room. 

You found yourself in your Defense Against the Dark Arts class, sat next to Harry as you usually did, opening your books to begin learning about Unforgivable Curses.

“Are you alright, y/n?” Harry asked, leaning over to look at you more closely. You supposed your body language had given off the vibe that you were less-than-stellar.

A thought popped into your head as you looked back at him, and you let your shoulders slump as you sighed once more. “Not really,” you said quietly, even as Lupin began the lecture up in the front of the class. “Draco and I broke up last night.”

Despite it being a complete lie, you watched as Harry perked up nearly immediately. “I—I’m sorry y/n,” he hurried out. “That’s awful. What happened?”

“He’s mad that I kept hanging out with you,” you admitted, twirling a strand of hair in your fingers. You felt inexplicably stupid doing that, but you hoped it would help anyway. “So I broke up with him, because I told him he didn’t get to decide who I could and couldn’t spend time with.”

Harry’s shoulders squared a little more evenly when you said that, and you knew without a doubt that your plan had already begun to work.

“He’s a dick, y/n,” Harry said bluntly. “You deserve better.”

You nodded, though you felt slight anger at Harry’s words flowing through your body. “I could use a broom ride this afternoon, if you were up to it?”

Harry’s smile was immediate and bright, and he nodded enthusiastically. “Sure, y/n!” he said, a little too loudly as Lupin shot a glare back at the two of you.

“I’d love to,” he continued, his voice barely above a whisper as he continued to talk to you.

You smiled in what you hoped was an inviting way as you turned back to the lecture. “It’s a date, then.”

And you didn’t turn back to look at Harry, but you could see even from your peripheral vision that the boy had turned redder than his tie.

\-----------------------------------------------

The rest of your classes seemed to zip by. You had even managed to focus on something that wasn’t killing Dumbledore for like, an entire half hour.

So by the time you met Harry on the Quidditch pitch after classes yet again, your mood had raised quite a bit.

“Good to see you smiling, y/n,” the Gryffindor boy commented as you came up to meet him. You opened your arms to hug the boy, and he froze for a second before lunging to return the favor, the hug ending up tighter than you’d expected. 

The tips of his ears were turning red once more as he adjusted his glasses once he let go of you, and the two of you turned to board your brooms wordlessly.

You felt a bit guilty for feeling nothing romantic for the boy who had clearly caught feelings for you, but you reminded yourself that this was essentially being required of you—that you would find a way to make up for this eventually. Once the war was over, you told yourself, you would make up for this.

The two of you took to the skies the same way you always had, but this time, instead of making a beeline for the Astronomy Tower, you zipped over to the Black Lake, touching down far sooner than you normally did on a broom ride.

Well, Harry touched down on purpose, you simply followed him, your curiosity peaked.

“Fancy a swim, y/n?” he called over to you as you dropped your broom gently on the bank.

You glanced over at him incredulously, not entirely sure if he was serious or not.

“Harry, I don’t have anything to swim in,” you protested, but the brunette boy shrugged as he pulled off his shirt, laying his glasses down on top of the fabric.

“So?” he asked. “You’re a fourth-year, you know the _Arefacio_ Charm. Just go in your underwear.”

You felt your face heat up at the thought of harry seeing you nearly naked. He had a point, you did know the charm necessary to dry your clothes off once you came out of the water, so you didn’t really have another excuse.

So with a sigh and an order for Harry to turn himself around, you stripped to your underwear and walked into the water until you were covered up to your upper arms, trying to ignore the prickling cold water. You were grateful you’d remembered to cover up your Dark Mark with Juniper’s makeup that morning. She’d been so excited when you lied to her and said you were starting to wear makeup regularly, she hadn’t even noticed when you left your dorm room with none of it on your face. 

“You can turn around now,” you said to Harry, watching as he quickly did so. His eyes were glued to your bare skin, and you had half a mind to use your arms to simply cover yourself up.

“Sorry,” he said then, snapping himself out of his reverie. “You’re just really pretty.”

You blushed despite yourself. You never really heard those words from Draco, so it was nice to know someone thought you were attractive. 

“Thanks, Harry,” you said simply.

He smiled brightly, and next thing you knew he’d pulled you underwater.

You came up blubbering and gasping, shoving Harry even as he laughed.

You pushed hair out of your face to try to pull him underwater after you, but your hands were too wet and his arm slipped right out of your grasp.

You playfully yelled then, lunging forward and jumping right into him. His arms were outstretched to grab you, but the two of you still fell backwards into the water, not doing much more than getting both of you wet all over again.

You came up laughing this time, considering this your one victory.

“You got me, y/n,” Harry admitted, pushing his own wet hair out of his face. “Nice one.”

You laughed loudly as he held his hand up for a high-five, one you gladly gave. 

The two of you spent the better part of two hours splashing around in the water, swimming and generally just having fun together.

Once you finally climbed out of the lake, the sun had begun its descent, or at least it looked like it had. You picked up your wand, saying a simple “Arefacio!” and watching your hair and underwear dry immediately.

“I don’t know what I’d do without magic,” you said with a chuckle as you and Harry both pulled your clothes on. “Life would become way too inconvenient for me.”

Harry laughed as he put his glasses back on. “I feel that. And I can’t even practice magic outside of school.”

The two of you went to dinner together once again, something you’d been doing more with him than with Draco lately. You assumed that was the biggest thing fueling the rumors about the two of you, but as long as Harry was ignoring them, you were ignoring them.

“Say, Harry, do you think I could borrow your Invisibility Cloak this weekend?” you asked nonchalantly as the two of you finished up your dinner.

He looked at you quizzically, but you considered yourself lucky that his gaze wasn’t suspicious.

“What do you need it for?” he asked, and your brain kicked into gear at hearing the question you’d been expecting.

“I have a feeling Draco was seeing someone on the side, and I wanted to hide in his room for a little bit this weekend to see if he brought anyone new into it,” you admitted with a sigh. “I can get myself out of the room if I end up being right, and I’ll return it by Sunday morning—I just want to know if there’s any hope for us, or if I need to force myself to move on.”

Harry sighed, looking down at his nearly empty plate. “Y/N, you know I would, but I really just need proof that you’re telling the truth first,” he said with a slight frown. “And I hate to make it sound like I don’t trust you, but with everything going on—and my cloak being a gift from my dad—I just don’t want to let it fall into the wrong hands.”

You nodded, bringing out the two vials in your robe pocket. “That’s why I brought these along,” you said quickly.

You went through the whole spiel of brewing it in your third year, keeping six or so vials around in case you found yourself in a situation like this, and telling Harry this would help the both of you trust each other a bit more.

Harry nodded. “Okay, then. We can take them in the Gryffindor Common Room and talk about it there.”

You followed him there once the two of you had finished dinner, and you were surprised at just how many stairs existed in Hogwarts. You had never really had a reason to go to the upper heights of the castle, since your dormitory and Common Room were in the dungeons, so it surprised you how much climbing the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws really had to do.

“Okay, hand me my Veritaserum,” Harry said, holding out a hand as Ron entered the room.

“Bloody hell, Harry, what’s a Slytherin doing in here?” he asked, looking you up and down. “It’s y/n? Didn’t she ditch you for Malfoy?”

Harry shot him a glare, shaking his head and trying to explain the whole situation to him as quickly as possible. You tried to appear upset and embarrassed by Harry sharing the fake story you had fed him earlier, and it was all you could do to hope you looked convincing and not just downright weird.

“Alright, well, go on then,” Ron said, his voice betraying how unsure he still sounded about the state you two were in.

Nodding once, you handed Harry the vial of Veritaserum, and popped open your vial of water.

The two of you shook three drops each into your mouths, and you mimicked Harry’s grimace as the liquid hit his tastebuds.

“Okay, y/n,” he breathed out. He looked up at you, opening his mouth to speak. “I consider you one of my best friends and I really want to be able to trust you, and that and the fact that I fancy you are the only reasons I’m willing to lend you my Invisibility Cloak.”

Ron’s eyes widened quite a bit as he looked back at you, awaiting your answer.

You pinched the outside of your leg as harshly as you could, causing tears to begin to spring to your eyes. You sniffled a bit as you opened your own mouth, spilling the lies you had been practicing the whole day through.

“Draco broke my heart,” you blubbered, “and I just want to see if he had been cheating on me on top of it. I want to sneak into his room and see if there’s evidence he was cheating on me, because I want to know for sure whether or not I should move on.”

Harry sighed as he looked back at you. “I believe you,” he said then, and you knew it was the truth because of the actual Veritaserum making its way through his veins. You smiled slightly, not wanting to give away anything that might make it seem like you hadn’t been truthful.

“I will lend you my Invisibility Cloak, but will you take the best care of it possible?” he asked, and you glanced between him and Ron, whose jaw may as well have been on the floor.

“I will protect it with my life,” you said quickly, and that was the first thing you’d said that hadn’t been a lie.

Harry looked up at you, sighing one more time. “I trust you, y/n,” he said earnestly. “Because you took the Veritaserum for me to prove you weren’t lying to me.”

You felt a twinge of guilt at his statement, because you knew you would’ve been willing to take actual Veritaserum had you not wanted his cloak to get away with killing the headmaster of the school. 

So instead you nodded, and when Harry walked over to you to hug you, you held on to him more tightly than you normally would have.

He told you to stay where you were, and you listened, remembering Harry actually shared his room with Ron, unlike Draco, who lived alone. You absentmindedly wondered once more how much the Malfoy family had shelled out to ensure that.

Harry returned only moments later, the shimmery blanket-like object in his hands.

“The fact that I’m trusting you with this means a lot, y/n,” he spoke again, and you knew that it was true because he was still under the effects of the Veritaserum.

“Thank you, Harry,” you responded. “It means a lot to me that you’re trusting me with something so precious to you.” Lies had begun to mingle with truth at this point, you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep up this charade.

Ron still seemed flabbergasted by the whole exchange. He simply shook his head and turned around, heading for the boys’ dormitory.

Harry handed you the cloak, and you took it gingerly. It was softer than you had expected it to be, and the silver shimmer was subtle, but definitely still there.

“I want to kiss you, y/n,” came Harry’s voice, and you shot up to see the Gryffindor boy’s face turning as red as his tie once again.

“I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” he admitted, and you knew both statements had been forced out by the Veritaserum still in his system. It would take a few hours for him to get it all the way out, which meant he would have a hard time not speaking any painful or embarrassing truths that popped into his head.

“What about Ginny?” you blurted out, smacking your hand over your mouth immediately. You were grateful that Ron had already left the room, or Harry would’ve had a lot to explain.

“I—she’s sort of gone back to Dean Thomas,” he admitted. “He isn’t, you know, being hunted by Lord Voldemort.”

The mention of his name made your Dark Mark twinge ever so slightly, and you resisted the urge to cover your forearm with your hand, even though it was already covered, both with makeup and your clothing.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” you said, wondering whether or not you actually meant that one. You didn’t want him to be unhappy, but you also didn’t want him to catch feelings for you again.

“C-can I kiss you, then?” he asked sheepishly, his face still beet red.

You wanted to tell him no, you knew Draco was waiting for you back in his Slytherin dorm. But you didn’t have a reason to tell the Gryffindor boy no, and you also knew you had to keep his trust as long as possible.

So when Harry moved forward and placed his lips on yours, you kissed him back, wondering what this would mean for you and Draco, and more importantly, for you and Harry.

You stayed silent as you traveled back to the Slytherin Common Room that evening, the only thought on your mind being what Draco would do if/when he found out about what happened.

You decided not to tell him. It wasn’t like Harry would tell him, Harry thought you and Draco had broken up.

But even as you crawled into bed that night, the Invisibility Cloak hanging safely in your wardrobe, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d just messed _everything_ up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't get mad at y/n! this is all *for the cause*
> 
> anyway, i'm planning on wrapping up fourth year in the next couple of chapters. i want to move the storyline along, with both y/n and draco's relationship, and with the voldemort/harry potter subplot lmao.
> 
> sorry i didn't update yesterday, i had to work, i had tutoring, and i had a ton of homework to get done. but this chapter is nearly 3,500 words so maybe that'll make up for something XD
> 
> also, i made up the "arefacio" charm. it doesn't appear in canon. according to google, it's latin for "dry up" or "dry". so it fits the context. :)
> 
> see you soon! <3


	35. poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and draco get into dumbledore's office, and then back down to the dungeons. but there's an unexpected (re: unwanted) visitor outside the common room when you return.

It was Saturday night. The day you’d been dreading all week. And of course, because the both of you were so on edge, you and Draco had argued over his calling your family blood-traitors all day, and now you two were huddled under Harry’s Invisibility cloak, trying to stay out of earshot of everyone patrolling the castle (and especially Filch). The tensions were high, and so were the stakes. If the two of you got caught, everything was over. Even if you weren’t expelled and thrown into Azkaban (which you would, without a doubt, be), Voldemort would kill the both of you before you were even able to run away.

“Being so close together, things could get steamy under this cloak,” Draco commented as the two of you crept through the castle, chuckling slightly even as you smacked him harshly in the chest. 

“Just because we settled our argument doesn’t mean I’m not still irritated with you,” you grumbled as the two of you climbed the stairs to the fifth floor, where Dumbledore’s office resided.

“Aw, princess, that’s too bad,” Draco quipped, leaning in closer to nip your earlobe with his teeth. “I’ll have to change your mind later. Just imagine returning this cloak to its owner knowing we fucked underneath it.”

You huffed, ignoring his statement despite the heat that immediately flowed through your body at his actions. The idea was enticing, to be sure, and you knew you’d consider it if you were returning the cloak to anyone besides the Gryffindor boy that Draco still didn’t know you’d kissed.

The Slytherin boy beside you stayed silent, though, as you came up on the phoenix statue that you knew hid the staircase leading to the headmaster’s office.

“Do you even know the password?” Draco hissed, but you quickly held up a finger to silence him.

“Of course I do,” you whispered back, hoping the annoyance in your tone was clear despite the incredibly low decibel level of your voice. “Do you think I’m dense?”

Instead of waiting for a response, you poked your head out of the cloak to recite, “ _Sherbert Lemon._ ”

With a reverberating sound that mimicked a loud crack, the giant statue began to rotate up, revealing a winding staircase up into the headmaster’s study.

You and Draco huddled even closer together, hurrying up the staircase into the massive office, where you were finally able to shed the cloak.

You placed it delicately on a chair across from Dumbledore’s desk, fully aware of Draco’s look of disgust at how gentle you were being with it. “It belongs to Potter,” he snipped. “Why do you care so much about the stupid thing?”

“Because I promised him I’d take care of it,” you bit back. “End of discussion.”

Draco stayed quiet, watching you as you moved around behind Dumbledore’s desk. As expected, there was one lone lemon drop sitting on the desk, wrapped neatly and perfectly centered on the mahogany wood of the escritoire. 

You sighed as you pulled your gloves on—the ones you had already enchanted to both leave no evidence and keep the skin of your hand safe from the poison that you were about to uncork. Draco raised his wand to non-verbally cast the deafening charm on the professor’s bird—you couldn’t risk Fawkes witnessing anything either. 

You sort of hated that you even knew the bird’s name—you didn’t like being so involved in everything, on both sides of the war. You didn’t like being so closely allied with Voldemort, either, but it would help your conscience if you didn’t also find yourself so closely involved with so many people who were openly against him, either.

You had to remind yourself that that wasn’t the point as you took the wrapper of the lemon drop and pulled its edges to open it as fully as you could, leaving the cellophane open just enough so it could cradle the sweet in its plastic.

You set it back on the desk, pulling the vial of Death Draught from your robe pocket, swirling it around for both procrastination reasons and dramatic effect reasons.

“Y/N, hurry up,” Draco’s hiss came from the doorway. “We don’t have all night for your theatrics.”

You rolled your eyes, swallowing back a snide remark about how you weren’t even supposed to be the one doing this as you opened the vial.

You crouched down to be eye-level with the yellow candy as you tipped the vial over, whispering “ _Wingardium Leviosa_!” to cause it to float and turn in mid-air, coating it completely and keeping the poison from touching you.

You used your wand to lower it back into its cellophane wrap, whispering “ _Reparo!_ ” to it so it wrapped it up exactly as it had been before.

“How are you so sure that spell didn’t just fix the candy, too?” Draco asked.

“Because I concentrated the spell on the cellophane, you moron. Anything you cast will only cast on what you concentrate it on.”

Draco rolled his eyes, refraining from commenting on the name you had just called him. “We’ll find out on Monday, I guess.”

You exhaled heavily, nodding once as you removed your gloves, whispering “ _Incendio!_ ” and watching them go up in flames, the ashes floating through the room silently.

“ _Evanesco,_ ” Draco said quietly, pointing his wand at the ashes of your enchanted gloves. With a shimmer, they quickly disappeared, leaving the floor looking completely unchanged.

“See, it only works on what you concentrate it on,” you pointed out. “If you’d thought of me instead of the ashes, you would’ve effectively killed me.”

“Not a bad idea,” Draco muttered, a smirk on his face as you smacked him again. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Let’s go.”

You nodded quickly, grabbing the cloak from the chair you’d left it on, throwing it around you and Draco in a whirl of silver, and hurrying back down the staircase you had traveled up only a few moments before.

Your travel back to the dungeons was much faster than your trip to the office had been, mainly because the two of you were moving as quickly as possible this time around.

Draco started to pull the cloak off once you reached the hallway closest to your Common Room, but you held onto it tightly, hissing for Draco to leave it be. “I hear voices,” you said, hushing your voice as much as possible. “We’re going to look incredibly suspicious if we de-cloak now.”

Draco huffed, but allowed you to readjust the cloak so both of you were still completely hidden.

Rounding a corner, you stopped short when you realized the people speaking outside of your Common Room were your roommate, Juniper, and Harry Potter.

“What is that git doing down here?” Draco muttered, and you nudged him with your elbow, a silent reminder for him to stop speaking lest either of them hear you. Your heart rate, however, had spiked.   
Why _was_ the Gryffindor boy down here?

“Why do you need to see her so badly?” Juniper was saying, and you cringed inwardly, hoping Harry wasn’t talking about you. 

But then again, you knew your luck was low, considering you and Draco were the only Slytherins you had ever seen Harry interact with, and Juniper wasn’t close enough to Draco for Harry to be asking Juniper about.

Harry rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, and you and Draco watched with wide eyes as he continued.

“I just—I haven’t seen her since I kissed her a few days ago,” he admitted, and your stomach dropped down to your feet as you felt Draco tense behind you. “I lent her my Invisibility Cloak, and we kissed and all, and I guess I just wanted to make sure she was okay and that I hadn’t ruined our whole friendship or anything.”

Juniper folded her arms, the look of confusion clear on her face. “What do you mean you kissed her?” she asked, her tone suspicious. “You do know she’s with Draco Malfoy, right?”

Harry’s expression was of equal confusion, even as his face flamed bright pink. “I—what? She told me the two of them broke up, th-that’s the only reason I kissed her,” he blurted out, and Juniper’s eyes widened.

“If they broke up, it’s news to me,” she said simply. “But I can’t imagine she’d tell _you_ that before she told me. It’s nothing personal, I’m just—I’m just her roommate, you know? I'm one of her best friends.”

You could tell Juniper’s defense was faltering, and you wanted to rip off the cloak and fix everything, but you knew that to rip off the cloak would only ruin everything. So instead, you kept your mouth shut even as you heard and felt Draco’s breathing quicken behind you.

“I can’t help you anyway, she isn’t in our room,” Juniper continued, sighing as she opened the door to the Common Room. “You’re welcome to come in here and wait, though. You can only stay in here until midnight, which I’m sure you already know, but she usually isn’t outside of the dormitories that late.”

Harry nodded quickly, following Juniper inside. The minute the door shut behind them, Draco ripped off the Invisibility Cloak and turned on you.

“What the ever-loving _fuck_ does Potter mean he kissed you?” Draco snarled, his eyes angrier than you’d ever seen them.

You opened your mouth to explain yourself, but nothing came out. You’d been so shocked into silence by Draco’s immediate flare-up that your defense had shot itself to pieces.

“Oh my fucking _god,_ you actually fucking kissed him, didn’t you?” he said, his hands immediately going to his hair as he dropped the cloak on the ground. You hurried to pick it up, but that only fueled Draco more.

“Fucking _explain_ yourself, y/n, or we’re fucking done, right here, right now,” Draco threatened, and words finally started flowing out. 

“I wanted him to trust me, Draco, so I flirted with him to get where I wanted,” you pleaded. “I didn’t mean any of it.”

Draco pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut. “So what, you told him we broke up for fun? Just to see what fucking someone else would be like?”

You raised your wand to cast the Deafening Charm on the Common Room door before you answered, knowing Draco wasn’t going to get any quieter. 

“I didn’t fuck him,” you answered indignantly. “I didn’t even expect him to kiss me. I guess he got all caught up in his feelings after we went swimming together, and I—”

“You went _swimming with him!?_ ” Draco cried. “What about your fucking Mark?? Are you just out here flaunting that one now, too?”

“I cover it _every morning,_ Draco!” you shot back. “I’m not as _careless_ as you are!” 

Draco’s eyes flashed as he came closer to you. “This is _not_ about me, y/n,” he said lowly. “This is about how you fucking _cheated on me!_ ” 

You wanted to roll your eyes, but you knew that would do nothing but escalate the situation. “Again, Draco, I didn’t intend for that to happen! I thought I was safe lying about breaking up with you because I thought he was with Ginny Weasley!”

Draco ran his hands over his hair, his expression exasperated. “Then why didn’t you tell me as soon as it happened?” he asked.

“Because I knew you’d react like this,” you responded coldly. “I had the whole thing under control. All he did was kiss me.”

Draco flinched as if you’d smacked him. “Yes, because _just_ kissing you is so much better,” he said sarcastically. “It’s almost like you didn’t cheat on me at all.”

You frantically reached for Draco, knowing how this was going to end if you couldn’t get through to him. But he stepped back, out of your reach, causing your heart to painfully thump within your chest.

“No,” he breathed out. “You don’t get to act like this is no big deal, y/n. I—I can’t deal with this right now.”

“Draco,” you pleaded, but he had already opened the door to the Common Room, disappearing inside.

You hoped he’d forgotten that Harry was still sitting in there, and when you hadn’t heard anything a few moments later, you shoved the cloak into your bookbag and headed into the Slytherin Common Room to face the Gryffindor boy.

Harry jumped off the couch the moment he saw you, hurrying over to stand in front of you. “Y/N, are you okay?” he asked frantically. “Did you run into Draco? He just stormed through here.”

You shook your head, not wanting to speak any more of the Slytherin prince you were worried you’d just lost. “I—no, I didn’t see him,” you lied, swallowing back the tears threatening to swell your throat closed. “I—what are you doing here?”

“I came by to see you, but you weren’t here, so Juniper said I could wait around in your Common Room to see if you came by before curfew,” Harry admitted. “I wanted to make sure we were okay, since we haven’t spoken since we kissed, and all.”

You sighed, but you nodded anyway. “I just—I hate to make it seem like I was stringing you along, but I really only want to be friends, Harry. I’m sorry. I thought if I kissed you it would make my feelings for you grow, but they didn’t. I just can’t see you as more than a friend. And I’m sorry for that.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets then, nodding solemnly. “I understand. I sort of fucked up when I did that, anyway. I’m not really over Ginny, if I’m being honest. I really did have feelings for you in the beginning, and I thought I could just force myself to get over Ginny if I kissed you, but I wasn’t able to. I shouldn’t have done that to either of us. It’s my fault, really, and I’m sorry for that.”

You nodded again as you exhaled heavily, looking into the boy’s bright green eyes. “It’s okay, Harry. Neither of us were in great places, but I’m glad we’re on the same page now.”

Harry nodded, his smile growing as he stuck out his hand. “Friends?”

The guilt that pinged through your body only intensified as you pasted on a smile and grabbed the Gryffindor boy’s outstretched hand, shaking it firmly. “Friends.”

Harry retracted his hand then, putting out his pinkie. “Always?”

You had to fight the tears you could feel coming on as you felt your fake smile wobble, even as you stuck out your own pinkie to link it with Harry’s.

“Always.”

And you crawled into bed that night crying quietly to yourself, even though you had gained a friend.

Because even though you and Harry would never again be more than friends, you had gained a friend, but quite possibly lost your love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finals is coming up really quickly and i'm having to study more/do more homework, but i'm doing my best to keep writing and uploading on time!!
> 
> tomorrow's chapter is finished and it's just over 4,000 words. so be ready. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy today's chapter, though! it's a bit shorter than i wanted it to be, but it's got a lot packed in there.
> 
> see you soon! <3


	36. aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the entirety of hogwarts awakes to find dumbledore's dead in his office, and after the chaos dies down slightly, you and draco are summoned to the manor once more.

Chaos. Chaos, screaming, and the thunder of who knew how many people running up and down the halls. That’s what awoke you in the early hours of Monday morning, less than an hour before your alarm was set to wake you.

Opening the doors and following the tirade of Slytherin students down the stairs, you heard people shouting and others crying, and when you heard the word “Dumbledore” shouted out more than once, you knew immediately what this was about.

You didn’t realize you were still in your pajamas until you made it to the Great Hall, at which point Juniper helped cover you up in her own robes as best as she could. It not only helped you from getting reprimanded for your clothing choice, but it also helped warm you up. Although you weren’t quite sure whether you were shaking from cold or from nerves. 

McGonagall ascended the steps towards the teacher’s table in the Great Hall, raising her hands to cause the cacophony of chattering students to quiet down.

Once the many voices of the students had silenced, she folded her hands in front of her. It was strange to see the Transfiguration professor without her usual black hat on, her gray hair loose and cascading down her back. Her expression was grim and void of much other emotion, though her eyes were wide and clearly upset. You and the rest of the student body held your breaths as she opened her mouth to make the announcement you knew was coming.

“For those of you who aren’t already aware, the rumors are true,” came the Gryffindor Head’s voice. “Dumbledore was found dead in his office this morning. We aren’t sure of the cause, but we think he may have ingested a poisoned lemon drop. The wrapper was still in his hand when we found his body. We don’t know how anyone could’ve gotten into his office, because it is locked and password-protected. If anyone has any information about this, please step forward or come see me. We are launching an investigation effective immediately. As such, no one is allowed on the fifth floor today, and until further notice.”

Whispers and mumbles surrounded you immediately. You clutched on tighter to Juniper, suddenly feeling weak around the knees as you did so. Dumbledore was dead. You had known this would happen, you had known it the minute you and Draco had left that stupid office. And now you didn’t even have Draco to turn to for comfort.

You searched for him in the crowd that turned to leave the Great Hall, but you couldn’t even spot the Slytherin Princes’ white-blond hair. Wondering if you’d simply missed him, you traveled back up the stairs to your dorm, not even knowing if you needed to get ready for classes for the day. Were they going to be cancelled?

When you hadn’t heard anything an hour later, you got dressed and headed to your first class of the day, which happened to be Potions. Draco sat in his normal chair next to where you sat, but unsurprisingly, didn’t even acknowledge your presence when you slid into the chair next to him. You were surprised he’d even shown up for class, if you were being honest with yourself. 

Class began mostly normally, with Snape griping about turning to certain page and instructing you that mess-ups or failure to comply with instructions were subject to loss of House Points.

You sighed as you began your potion, noticing with a drop of your stomach that it was the Death Draught, a diluted version of the one you’d managed to perfect and use just a few days before. You supposed the truly venomous one was only present in the book Draco had gifted you, which made sense, considering it wasn’t very smart to teach a bunch of teenagers how to poison each other.

You looked up across the room at your teacher, who looked up and made eye contact with you at just that moment. You tried to keep your expression at an impasse, but when Snape gave you the subtlest of nods, you felt at least marginally better. 

You were halfway through your potion, however, when your Dark Mark began to burn. You winced in pain as it burned hotter, and you looked up at Snape to realize he had begun to hold his own forearm simultaneously. You glanced over at Draco, whose face was set in stone, but you knew him well enough to know that this expression was an expression that he’d set himself, to stop himself from giving away any other signs that he was in distress or even pain.

You took a deep breath to steel yourself against the pain, but then Draco stood from his seat. “Everglade and I need to be excused, Professor,” he said bluntly, and you stared at him incredulously.

Snape, however, to your surprise, nodded once. “Very well,” he conceded. “But I expect you to catch up with this classwork and present me with an acceptable Death Draught by Friday.”

You nodded, knowing that Snape wouldn’t actually make either of you do that. The Death Draught you had brewed three days prior would be proof enough to Snape that you were advanced enough to create the real version, which meant you wouldn’t need to work ahead to create the diluted one.

So you left with Draco, who grabbed your wrist the minute the two of you were out of the Potions room, dragging you down the hall to the Slytherin Common Room.

“Quit dragging me, that hurts,” you nearly whined, trying to wrench your arm out of the Slytherin boy’s arm to no avail.

“Shut up,” he growled as he pulled you into the Slytherin Common Room, up the stairs and into his room, shutting and locking the door behind the two of you.

“Is this about the Dark Mark burning?” you asked. “Does yours burn too?”

He didn’t respond, grabbing a handful of what you realized was Floo Powder and stepping into the fireplace. “Follow me to my house,” he said lowly, and you knew by his tone that it wasn’t a request.   
“Malfoy Manor!” he spoke clearly, throwing down the powder and disappearing in the bright green flames that enveloped him only a few seconds later.

Your Mark burned even more painfully seconds after the fire disappeared, and you began to feel pain prick at the back of your eyes as the pain only continued to intensify. You absentmindedly wondered how Snape was dealing with this while trying to teach a class as you grabbed your own handful of the gray powder and called out, “Malfoy Manor!” to follow the white-blonde boy that had stepped into the fireplace moments before. 

You flew out of the fireplace into the foyer that you instantly recognized as the one you’d fallen onto when you’d been kidnapped by Voldemort just a couple of months prior. You stood up hurriedly, brushing yourself off and waving your wand with a whisper of “ _Evanesco,_ ” erasing the dirt and ashes your arrival had brought onto the white tile floor with ease.

“You didn’t have to do that for us, y/n,” came Narcissa’s voice. “We have a house-elf, you know.”

You felt your face heat up at the statement, like it should’ve been obvious. “My apologies, Mrs. Malfoy,” you said quickly. “My family doesn’t own a house-elf, so it was just habit.”

She nodded, though there was no emotion in her face. “He is in the study,” she said quietly, and you wondered whether she meant Draco or Voldemort. “He doesn’t want to be kept waiting, either,” she hurried out after that, and you realized she’d meant Voldemort as you nodded, moving around her to head into the study.

Draco was also in there, it was revealed, when you stepped into the study. Voldemort sat in a chair by the fire, which was the only light present in the room. The curtains had been drawn as well, and the fire illuminating the dark wizard before you only made him look even more foreboding.

You hadn’t really ever focused on how disformed Voldemort really looked. His pale white skin caused the purple veins inside his head to stick out, and the nostril slits where a normal nose should’ve been didn’t help his appearance one bit. His shriveled skin made his hands look like wiry bones, and you shuddered at the thought of those hands touching your wand as you knew they had when you had been unwillingly brought to this very house just weeks before.

“I assume you understand why I’ve summoned the two of you back,” came the dark wizard’s voice, and you and Draco nodded at once. 

“Dumbledore is dead,” Voldemort continued, and you couldn’t tell from the tone of his voice whether or not he was happy with the development. “A poisoned lemon drop, how…ingenious. Covers tracks better than the Killing Curse, anyway.”

Draco looked at you, but you refused to return the gaze.

“I called you here to congratulate you on completing your task. Draco, for following through on his mission, and y/n, for assisting him. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to bring down the second most powerful wizard the world has ever seen, but I’m grateful that the two of you were loyal enough to do it for me,” said Voldemort slowly. His mouth stretched into a smile as he stood to tower over the two of you.   
You had never seen him standing before now, and he was really a lot taller than you had built him up to be in your mind.

You shuddered slightly at his presence over you and Draco, and Voldemort sat back down in his chair before speaking again.

“I have one last task for the two of you,” he said slowly. “Then you will simply be expected to aid me in the war we will bring about against Harry Potter and the rest of the Wizarding World so I can take over.”

Your heart leapt into your throat. _Another one?_

Voldemort looked between the two of you, folding his hands together and narrowing his eyes. “I sense…tension between you,” he said then, and you wanted the ground to swallow you whole. The last person you wanted to talk to about your relationship problems was the Dark Lord himself.

You sighed, but Draco scoffed. “That’s one way to put it,” he said sarcastically.

You half-expected Voldemort to scold him for his sarcastic tone, but the wizard simply hummed. “I cannot expect you to work together efficiently if you cannot get along,” he said lowly. “What is causing this…wedge between the two of you?”

“She cheated on me,” came Draco’s voice at the same time as you said, “Harry Potter kissed me.”

“Ooh, someone’s been unfaithful!” Voldemort’s voice came, and you were thoroughly confused at how absolutely giddy the man sounded. “Tell me all about it,” he continued, and you were vaguely reminded of how girls in middle school acted when their crush passed them notes in class.

“There isn’t anything to tell,” Draco said harshly, shooting you a glare as he did so. “She kissed fucking Harry Potter.”

“If I hadn’t let him kiss me, we wouldn’t have been able to kill Dumbledore,” you bit back. “If I’d rejected him he probably wouldn’t have let me borrow the Invisibility Cloak.”

Draco’s eyes narrowed at you. “That doesn’t even matter, y/n. This, on top of your family being blood-traitors? You’re a fucking mess and you can’t even admit it.”

“Do not accuse people of being blood-traitors when you have no proof, boy,” Voldemort warned, causing Draco to shrink back, almost like he’d been yelled at. “Her family may be questionable, but y/n has proved that she is redeemable, I believe. And I find no reason to believe that she had malicious intent when Potter kissed her—that is, if you don’t mind, I could search your memories and find out for myself?”

You nodded without thinking—desperate to get through to Draco at nearly any cost.

Draco’s eyes widened slightly at your hasty agreeance—but Voldemort simply smiled slightly as he brought out his wand, the white wood almost matching his own skin. 

“ _Legilimens,_ ” he spoke softly, and you felt your vision go black.

You looked over at Ron, whose eyes were wide even as he shook his head and turned around to head back up to the boys’ dormitory.

You looked back at Harry, whose eyes were darting everywhere but you as he opened his mouth to speak again.

“I want to kiss you, y/n,” and your heart rate spiked for a second as the words came out.

“I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” he muttered, his face turning bright red. You felt bad for the boy, but it was too late to take it back now.

“What about Ginny?” you asked, your heart still racing.

“I—she’s sort of gone back to Dean Thomas,” Harry responded, and you didn’t really say anything to him, so he continued. “She didn’t want to be with someone who, you know, was being hunted by Lord Voldemort.”

“I’m sorry,” you responded simply, and the Gryffindor boy shrugged.

“C-can I kiss you then?” he asked, and even as every vein in your body screamed at you to tell him no, you nodded quickly.

And when he kissed you and you kissed back, you felt your vision going black once again as Voldemort exited your memories.

“Interesting,” said the dark wizard as you clutched your head again, waiting for the pain to pass again. You’d forgotten how badly it had hurt the first time—and this time you’d been prepared for it to happen.

“What?” Draco spat, and Voldemort turned to face the Slytherin boy.

“I was correct in my presumptions, that is all,” Voldemort responded coolly. “You can do with that information what you will.”

“She’s still a blood-traitor,” came Draco’s harsh response, and you felt your heart pang painfully at the accusation.

“Haven’t I warned you already to keep your mouth shut?” Voldemort asked, his temper rising along with his voice as he rebuked the white-blond boy next to you. “She is not responsible for her family’s mistakes, and to me, she has almost irrevocably redeemed herself! If you do not wish to be with her, that’s one thing, but you will not stand before me and falsely accuse her of betraying her blood status.”

Draco’s face was red, a stark contrast to his green Slytherin robes. You could almost see the steam coming out of his ears, but he remained quiet.

“Now, before I was interrupted, I do believe I said I have one more task for the two of you to complete,” Voldemort said simply. “The Elder Wand. I need the two of you to find it and remove it from Dumbledore’s possession before they bury him. The wand now belongs to me. Because of the connection my wand shares with Potter, I cannot kill him using my own wand. I must have the Elder Wand to adequately finish the job, and before he died, it was Dumbledore’s. This means it is still currently in his possession, and I require it if I am to return to full power and finish the quest I started fifteen years ago.”

Draco swallowed thickly, even as he nodded. You, on the other hand, were quite shocked. “So the legend is true, then?” you asked, even as Voldemort nodded. “The Elder Wand truly does exist?”

“It does,” Voldemort responded. “It has been around since the days when the legend was written. It’s a beautiful story, and an even more powerful wand. I cannot wait to taste the magic I will be able to perform once she lays in my hand. Brought to its rightful owner,” he breathed, moving his hand around in an imaginary gesture. “It will be a sight to behold.”

“We will retrieve the wand for you, My Lord,” Draco said then, and you nodded quickly in agreement. “We will,” you echoed, bowing before the dark wizard.

He smiled again, or, as much as he could smile, it seemed. “Very well. After seeing how well your previous task went, I have the utmost faith in you two.”

You turned to leave, but he called you back one last time.

“Do try working out your problems,” he requested. “It seems as though the two of you work much better together than apart.”

You wanted to smile, but the sneer Draco threw your way as you turned back around killed any hint of a smile.

You exited the study, headed back towards the fireplace to send yourselves back to Hogwarts. Narcissa came into the room as Draco stepped back into the fireplace, waving at her son as he disappeared once more into the green flames.

You made a move to step back into the fireplace once he had disappeared, but Narcissa’s firm (and almost painful) grip on your arm stopped you.

“I understand that you have very clearly allied yourself with the Dark Lord,” she said curtly, “but from what I overheard of your conversation with him, I do not approve of your relationship with my son any longer.”

You fought the urge to let your mouth drop. “I allied myself with Voldemort _for_ Draco,” you argued, though you tried to keep your tone monotonous. 

“I am aware of that,” came her reply, which was too even and collected for your taste. “But if all you are going to do is cheat on him and soil our family’s reputation with blood-traitor allegations against you, I cannot welcome you into this home with open arms any longer.”

“If you were listening in, then you heard Voldemort himself defend me,” you snarled in response, your anger becoming more evident in your voice. Narcissa flinched slightly as she heard you so boldly speak the dark wizard’s name, but she recovered effortlessly.

“Miss Everglade, allow me to remind you that this is my home, and you are still a child,” Narcissa said, her tone still void of any emotion. “You may conduct your business with my son and be done with him. You are not to stay with him any longer than you are required to by the Dark Lord.”

“That is not your choice to make, Mrs. Malfoy,” you said then, causing her gaze to turn to ice. “If he doesn’t want to be with me, then fine. But he is grown now, and it is not your place to make those decisions for him anymore.”

“Do not let me see you back here again if you are not under the Dark Lord’s orders,” Narcissa threatened, even as you stepped into the fireplace. “Lucius will be returning to the Manor any day now, and he will not be as merciful to you as I have been.”

You did not respond to her after that. You looked her in the eye, spoke your intended location as clearly as possible, and disappeared in a rush of bright green fire.

You flew out into Draco’s room again, the same place you had departed from. Draco had already hung up his Slytherin robe, motioning for you to take yours off as you pulled yourself up off the floor.

He waved his wand, nonverbally casting the vanishing spell on the mess of dirt and soot that your arrivals had caused to congregate on the floor. You pulled off your robe then, and Draco took it from you to hang it up next to his on the outside of his wardrobe.

“What took you so long?” he asked. “I’ve been waiting on you for the past five minutes.”

You shrugged. “Your mother hates me now,” you said simply. “She kept me behind to tell me that.”

“What do you mean she hates you?” he asked. 

“I mean, she hates me,” you responded curtly. “She told me she doesn’t approve of our relationship any longer, and that I am no longer welcome into your home if it isn’t under the Dark Lord’s orders.”

Draco’s eyes flashed, but his face remained unchanged. “We don’t really have a relationship right now as it is,” he responded, reminding you of the one thing you’d been trying so hard to forget.

You rolled your eyes as you turned away from him, casting your gaze upon the empty fireplace. “Thanks for reminding me,” you spat.

“You’re the one who kissed someone else,” he said coolly. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Voldemort _himself_ saw into my memories!” you screamed then, turning back to face Draco again. “I didn’t mean a goddamn thing!”

“Stop fucking screaming at me, first of all,” Draco said harshly, coming closer to you and pointing a finger in your face. You pushed it away from you, but he continued speaking before you could even get a word out. “You’re insufferable, y/n. You keep telling me ‘it was for the mission’, but there wasn’t a reason to kiss Harry fucking Potter. You could’ve told him any number of excuses, and yet you just did it anyway! That’s fucking bullshit, and nothing you can say will change my mind about that!”

“Draco, please,” you begged, but he shook his head, his face back to being set like he was made of stone.

“Here’s your robe back,” he said evenly, handing the black and green robe back to you. “We can meet up on Wednesday to go over how we’re going to get the wand from Dumbledore, but I’m not getting back together with you. I can’t do that. Not right now.”

You felt tears prick at the back of your eyes as you left his room. You felt so stupid for the whole thing, and at the same time angry. You had put up with so much bullshit from that stupid, grey-eyed boy, and yet here he was breaking up with you over something you’d done specifically for him?

It wasn’t like you hadn’t apologized, or tried to make things up to him. You’d said you were sorry probably a hundred times, and you’d let the most powerful dark wizard the world had ever known into your head to see your own memories for himself. And you’d spoken back to his mother, which was something your parents would’ve scolded you so heavily for. You’d always been taught to respect your elders, and if your parents were to ever hear about what you’d done today, their disappointment would be through the roof.

But you couldn’t focus on how you’d spoken to Narcissa, or how you’d apologized to Draco so many times.

Your mind kept you reliving your memories together, from when you’d started dating way back before Christmas break, to Christmas together, to literally killing the headmaster of Hogwarts together.

You also mulled over Voldemort’s words as you trudged through the rest of your day, throwing together a parchment for your Herbology class that you knew was some of your worst work, eating dinner with Silver, Marin, and Juniper for the first time in what felt like months, crawling into bed that evening and pulling the covers up as far as they would go.

You two did work a lot more efficiently together than you did apart, you knew that that was true even before Voldemort had repeated that to you and Draco in the study of Malfoy Manor. The same had been true when you had played together in Quidditch, which is why Arlie had almost kicked the both of you off the team to get you to cooperate together and actually start playing better than you had been the whole rest of the season prior.

But now, how would you ever get anything done? You knew without a doubt that things were just going to go back to how they’d been before you got together. He was just going to be mean to you, and you were going to be mean right back.

And your heart cracked in two at the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest chapter i've written for this story, and i hope it doesn't stay that way. i enjoy knowing i've been able to write 3,000+ words in one sitting.
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys like this chapter! draco rly do be staying mad over something y/n did to help him out, lol
> 
> see you soon! <3


	37. summertime sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the school year ends and you head home with your family, but draco unexpectedly shows up a few weeks later.

The rest of the term felt like it flew by. And you were grateful for that. You only saw Voldemort two more times, and each time, he changed what he wanted from you. It was now your mission, over the summer, to break into Dumbledore’s tomb with Draco and steal the Elder Wand so that the Dark Lord could finish what he’d started and finally murder Harry Potter.

You hadn’t spoken to the boy much outside of class since you’d agreed to be friends with him. You hadn’t meant to lose touch with him so quickly, it had just sort of—happened. You’d beaten them in the Quidditch final game to take the House Cup for the year, something your teammates had celebrated for the better part of a week. You knew in the back of your mind that it would’ve felt a lot better if you’d been able to celebrate it with Draco by your side.

But no, the Slytherin boy hadn’t spoken to you unless it was necessary since you’d stormed out of his room in tears so many weeks before. You had made plans to meet up a few weeks into the summer, to make the trek out to Dumbledore’s tomb and somehow steal the Elder Wand. But that had been the extent of your communication.

“Now, remember, y/n, maybe actually write to us this summer?” Marin requested, and Juniper nodded. “Since you didn’t last summer,” Juniper cut in, and Marin smiled slightly. The three of you were standing on Platform 9¾ once more, awaiting both your things and the sight of your respective sets of parents.

You nodded. “I will, I’ll make sure I set up some reminder,” you said absentmindedly. You weren’t sure you wanted to write to Marin, you two still hadn’t really settled your argument that you’d had months before, when you’d told her you weren’t sure you wanted to join Dumbledore’s army against Voldemort. Marin, on the other hand, wholeheartedly had, and you still weren’t sure where either of you stood with the other. So you simply…hadn’t spoken about it.

Your things had already been loaded off of the train, and you stood by them, sitting on your large chest and waiting with the rest of your luggage as you waited for your parents.

You spotted the Malfoys farther down the platform, and you watched as Draco and Narcissa loaded Draco’s things onto a dolly and wheeled off. Draco turned around for just a moment at the last second, catching your eye and holding it for just a moment before he turned back around, leaving the platform behind. You knew it likely didn’t mean anything at all, but you allowed yourself to feel a flutter of hope at the realization that he hadn’t glared at you when he saw you for the first time in weeks. He’d been doing that ever since you had gotten back from Malfoy Manor the last time, and you’d grown so accustomed to it that seeing a blank expression on the Slytherin boy’s face caused your heart to skip a beat all over again.

You sighed as Juniper spotted her parents and disappeared from your and Marin’s side, hugging the both of you and promising to write once more. You gazed over the platform for what felt like hours, sitting there still even as Marin also disappeared to find her parents.

You finally spotted them coming through the portal into the platform almost half an hour late, their eyes wide and hair disheveled as they hurried over to you.  
Bear and Ariana Everglade, two of the most loving people you’d ever have the chance to meet. They both ran up to you, enveloping you in a hug as they apologized for being so late.

“It isn’t a problem, Mom,” you reassured the both of them, thanking your father quietly as he picked up your chest for you.

The three of you headed back across the portal, arriving on King’s Cross as you did every single year after school had let out.

“Where’s Oliver?” you asked, watching as your parents exchanged a glance.

“We figured it would be safest if he remained home when we picked you up this year,” your father informed you. “With rumors of You-Know-Who beginning to return to power, the less he knows about a Squib in an otherwise pureblood family, the better.”

You remembered Draco’s accusations of your family being blood-traitors as you listened to your father’s explanation. How could you be blood-traitors when your family was doing so much to hide a magical mutant and lying about it?

“How were exams, dear?” your mother asked, her eyes worried. You knew she really wanted to ask about Dumbledore’s death, but you weren’t going to simply give that information up unless she asked directly. So you shrugged. “Not really any more difficult than last year.”

You exited the train station with your things, moving to grasp your father’s arm as you gripped your luggage in your other hand.

“You steady?” he asked, the same way he did every year. You nodded the same way you did every year, bracing yourself for the unpleasant sensation that you knew Apparating would bring.

You winced in pain as your father cast the spell, feeling yourself get squeezed. Your head felt like it was being flattened by a steamroller, and you felt ready to explode—and then it was over.

You opened your eyes to see your house, smiling at the familiar sight as your mother Apparated next to you. You exhaled heavily as you waved your wand, nonverbally casting _Wingardium Leviosa_ to make your luggage follow you. You were so grateful that you could now practice magic outside of Hogwarts, it had made your life infinitely more convenient.

“Y/N, you didn’t tell us you could non-verbally cast spells!” your mother exclaimed, causing your father to turn around and see what you’d done, too. You felt your face heat up as you realized she was right; but then again, there were a lot of things you’d done this year that your parents had no idea about.

“It’s just a couple of them,” you admitted sheepishly. “This one and _Lumos._ ” Even though that was a lie. You could cast a number of spells nonverbally, and lately you’d been practicing the Unforgivable Curses nonverbally, too. But you couldn’t tell your parents _that._

Instead, you thanked your mother for her praise and took your things to your room.

You flopped down on your bed once everything was back in its rightful place, throwing an arm over your eyes as you did so. A knock on the door announced your brother’s entry into the room, and you sat up to greet him as he came in.

“How was your year, y/n?” he asked shyly, and you tried not to pay attention to the vague hint of sadness lacing his tone. You knew the poor boy longed to go to Hogwarts. His fifteenth birthday had consisted of many tears and a week of sadness following. You had felt so guilty about returning to Hogwarts for your second year that following fall that you’d tried to talk your parents into letting you drop out. 

“It was okay,” you admitted. “Exams were pretty difficult. And Dumbledore was murdered, on top of all of that.”

Oliver nodded. “That story didn’t leave the front page of the _Daily Prophet_ for a week and a half. Mom’s probably going to as you about it at dinner.”

You nodded. “She’ll work it in while asking about my Potions marks, I’m sure.”

Oliver smiled. “Wouldn’t surprise me.”

You chuckled. “Hey, by the way, after dinner, I’ve got candy from Hogsmeade for you. Chocolate Frogs and honey drops, your favorites.”

Oliver’s face lit up then, and he smiled brightly. “You’re the best, y/n,” he said, and you grinned right back—your first real smile in what felt like forever.

“I know.”

\----------------------------

The first two weeks of summer flew by, and it almost felt like nothing about your life had changed. You made cookies with your mother, obliterated your father in Wizard’s Chess, and tested a few potions from your _Advanced Potions_ book on your brother. (And only had to spell his limbs back into place once!)

You didn’t forget that it was Draco’s birthday when June fifth came and went, but you also didn’t write or send a Birthday Howler or make any indication that you knew it was his birthday. You were a bit more focused on your own birthday on the fifteenth anyway, and that was quickly approaching.

So when the Slytherin Prince himself showed up on your doorstep two days before your birthday, your parents were not the only ones surprised. 

“Y/N, you have a visitor,” your mother called up the stairs, and your interest peaked, wondering who it could be. If it had been Marin or Juniper, they would’ve used their names, or even Silver’s name, for that matter.

You descended the stairs all the same, coming to a stop on the bottom stair when you saw who your parents had just welcomed into the house. You had the urge to rub your eyes and open them again—there was no way Draco Malfoy was standing in your foyer.

“Hi, y/n,” he said, shooting you a smile that you knew him too well to even think it was genuine. “Good to see you again.”

“You’re a Malfoy, aren’t you?” came your father’s voice, and Draco turned the sickeningly sweet smile onto him as well.

“Yes, sir, although I was hoping my reputation hadn’t preceded me,” he said with a forced laugh, sticking out his hand for a handshake your father reluctantly gave. “But I’m also your daughter’s boyfriend.”

You suddenly felt dizzy at hearing Draco’s words. He hadn’t been your boyfriend for the better part of two months now, why was he introducing himself like he was?

“Oh, y/n didn’t tell us she had a boyfriend,” your mother said quietly. “Much less that he was a Malfoy,” she muttered under her breath, shooting you a look as she turned back to return to the kitchen where she was preparing dinner.

You couldn’t say anything to save yourself, because it was only going to look more suspicious that a Malfoy was in your house if you admitted that he wasn’t actually your boyfriend—that he hadn’t been for weeks now.

So instead, when you turned to head up the stairs to return to your room and he followed you, you didn’t put up a fight.

You did, however, use your wand to propel him into your desk chair the moment your bedroom door was shut behind him.

“And what the _hell_ do you think you’re doing showing up at my house like this?” you demanded. 

“I’ve come to see my girlfriend, of course,” came the stupid Slytherin boy’s reply, the smirk on his face only irritating you more.

“No you haven’t,” you shot back. “You know as well as I do that I’m not your girlfriend. Tell me the real reason or I will _Crucio_ your ass.”

Draco’s smirk dropped off his face as he leaned forward in your chair to speak more quietly to you. “It’s Voldemort,” he said lowly, causing your heart rate to spike. “He’s getting really antsy about Potter being moved and figuring out how to evade him every time. We need to bring him the Elder Wand before this week is up, or we’re going to both end up in deep shit.”

You sighed heavily, dropping onto your bed all over again. “So what, then? We set out tomorrow or what?”

Draco shrugged. “It makes the most sense. I’d say we could Apparate, but they buried his body in this super magically-protected tomb or something. We can’t Apparate within like, fifty miles of it.”

“So we have to Apparate right outside of those fifty miles, and then just…walk?”

Draco sighed as he looked up at you again. “Evidently. We can’t even ride a broom, or so Lord Voldemort says.”

You were slightly unnerved by how Draco was now referring to the dark wizard as “Lord Voldemort”, but you didn’t mention that.

“My parents aren’t going to let me go anywhere with you this close to my birthday,” you retorted. “They’re going to want to celebrate it with me.”

Draco looked confused. “When’s your birthday?” he asked.

You rolled your eyes. You’d been with the guy eight months and he’d never learned your birthday? Hell, you’d known him nearly five _years_ and he’d never bothered to find it out? “My birthday’s on Saturday,” you answered anyway, your tone clipped.

“The fifteenth?” he questioned again, and you nodded.

“How did I never figure that out?” he asked, and you shrugged. “You never asked,” you responded simply.

Draco stood then, clasping his hands together. “Come on then,” he instructed, leaving you confused as he opened the door to leave your room.

“Where are we going?”

“To Diagon Alley,” he responded, straightening his shirt. “After all, I have to buy you a present.”

\-------------------------

You weren’t sure how your parents allowed the two of you to Apparate to Diagon Alley, and you were less sure how Draco was able to Apparate. You weren’t supposed to start learning that until spring term of fifth year. This meant that Draco was a whole year ahead of Hogwarts students in terms of the Apparation spell.

You didn’t bother to ask him about it, though. In fact, you hardly spoke at all until Draco guided you into a bookstore.

“What’s in here?” you asked curiously as you looked around at all the books surrounding you.

“Anything you want,” Draco responded, and your eyes grew wide. “I can’t ask that of you,” you said quickly, and he shook his head. “You aren’t asking. I’m telling.”

You sighed, becoming confused by the Slytherin boy’s actions. He’d told you he didn’t want you just a couple months prior, and now he was telling you to pick out whatever you wanted in a store full of your favorite things in the world?

You didn’t argue again, though. You simply darted ahead of him, around a corner and into the aisle of books you knew you loved most.

Textbooks. You knew Draco would likely make fun of you for it, calling you the Slytherin Hermione Granger, but if it was a textbook you didn’t have to study for a class, you usually loved it. And with your aspirations of becoming a Potioneer, you were practically required to accrue as many Potions books as possible. 

You ran your fingers over the spines of the books in front of you, turning your head to read the titles on the spines. You saw titles like _Most Potent Potions, Botanical Brews, Draughts and Elixirs,_ and _Potions D’apothicare,_ and that was the one that made you pause.

That was the book seventh-years vying for a Potioneer position had to study and work out of for six months before the application day came around at the Apothecary. You pulled it off the shelf, marveling at how thick the leather-bound book was. Opening it to a random page, you relished in the old-book smell you’d grown accustomed to at Hogwarts throughout the years you’d spent there. You read across the recipe for the potion on the page, the _Odium in Capturam,_ or better known as the Draught of Hate. This particular potion, you knew, was brewed with the intention of forcing the drinker to reveal their worst traits, and these traits were usually taken out on the person administering the potion. If it was brewed incorrectly, or too much of it was ingested, the drinker usually found themselves in St. Mungo’s, desperate for any sort of relief from the internal pain the concoction would cause.

You turned another page and found the Oculus Potion, a potion that was supposed to return sight to a blind drinker of the concoction. You had yet to see anyone try it (or take it and see it work, for that matter), but that didn’t stop you from finding the recipe and the potion itself fascinating.

You were so engrossed in the potions themselves that you didn’t hear Draco round the corner and spot you.

“There you are,” he said gently, startling you out of your book. “I didn’t realize where you’d gone, I’ve been looking for you for a good ten minutes.”

You smiled apologetically, but didn’t say anything as you looked back down at your book.

“Ah, the apothecary recipes,” he commented, nodding approvingly. “A good study book for someone aspiring to be a Potioneer.”

You nodded absentmindedly, shutting the book back up and hoisting it up to replace it on the shelf. “Yeah,” you agreed. “It’s just a bit out of my price range at the moment.”

You turned around then, heading back down the aisle, stopping at a few of the others to flip through other books that you admittedly didn’t find as fascinating.

You sighed heavily, turning to go find Draco to tell him you were ready to leave, when you saw him approaching with a large box in his hands.

“What’s in there?” you questioned. 

He shook his head. “You’ll find out later,” he said with a smirk, bringing out his wand and whispering, “ _Reducio!_ ” You watched as the box shrank to less than half its size, and Draco tossed it into the air, caught it expertly, and put it right back in his pocket. “Ready to go?”

You nodded, and he lead you out of the bookstore.

“I’m ready to just go home, to be honest,” you admitted. “Mum’s gonna have dinner ready by now.”

Draco smiled, the first time you’d seen him genuinely smile in a long time. “Then let’s go eat dinner,” he said.

“And what makes you assume you’re invited to dinner with my family?” you asked, arching an eyebrow.

Draco chuckled. “I just have a feeling they won’t turn me away, that’s all.”

And when he held out his arm to Apparate the both of you back to your house, you took it without hesitation.

\----------------------------

Dinner was awkward, to say the least. Or at least, you felt awkward. Draco had managed to keep up a conversation with both of your parents, and you and Oliver had been pretty much entirely left out of the dinnertime discussions.

“So what do you plan to do once you’ve graduated Hogwarts, Draco?” questioned your father, and Draco exhaled before answering. 

“I haven’t really settled on anything yet, sir,” he admitted. “I know y/n wants to be a Potioneer, but I’m more into the alchemy side of things. I’m also quite interested in becoming an Auror, I think it would be a good fit for both me and my personality.”

Your father nodded, his face betraying the fact that he was deep in thought. “An Auror and a Potioneer,” he said thoughtfully. “That would keep food on the table, that’s for certain.”

Draco chuckled slightly. “I think y/n could work her way up to become the Headmistress of the Apothecary,” he said then, causing you to nearly choke on the water you were drinking. “Snape is always blown away by her potions work. If her O.W.L.s are on par with her classwork, she’ll get an Exceeds Expectations, no problem.”

You felt your face heating up, and you forced yourself to concentrate on your food. Where was the Draco you knew? He had never given you any of these compliments to your face. And why was he still acting like he was your boyfriend when the two of you hadn’t properly spoken since the day Dumbledore died?

You avoided continuing the small talk after dinner, instead electing to help your mother do the dishes. She, did, however, still want to talk about Draco as you cleaned up from dinner.

“So when were you going to tell us you were dating a Malfoy, y/n?” she asked, her expression blank.

You sighed. “I should’ve told you,” you admitted slowly, trying to choose your words carefully. “But we had a huge fight right before term ended, and I wasn’t sure we were still together. I didn’t want to tell you guys that I was dating anyone if we weren’t really still together.”

Your mother stayed silent for a moment, turning to put a dish away. “I’m just worried about you, dear,” she said after another beat. “His family is made up of Death Eaters, you know. That’s why his father is in Azkaban.”

You tensed. You _knew_ all of this. Your Dark Mark was still on your arm, as well.

“I know,” you responded coolly.”

“And you’re with him anyway?”

“Yes,” you replied quickly. You couldn’t very well tell your mother you were a Death Eater too. 

“We can’t really talk, anyway,” you continued. “The Malfoys say we’re blood-traitors, we call them Death Eaters. Eye for an eye, you know?”

But when your mother paled at the words “blood-traitors”, you paused. “Why do they think we’re blood traitors, Mum?”

She took a deep breath, and you didn’t miss the glance she threw into the dining room, making sure Draco and your father were still engaged in conversation. She then turned back to you, drying her hands on the dishtowel before opening her mouth to speak.

“We’re hiding your brother,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. “We essentially spit in our ancestors’ faces by keeping your brother—alive.”

You could feel the blood draining from your face as your mother continued. “If You-Know-Who returns to power, he will likely go after every magical family that is knowingly harboring a Squib,” she said, her voice shaky as she kept speaking. “Either he will demand that we kill Oliver, or he will simply kill all of us for being Squib-lovers.”

You and your mother both remained silent after that revelation, finishing cleaning up and hurrying through the rest of the dishes. 

Draco only excused himself from his conversation with your father when you began to ascend the stairs back to your room, following you closely up the staircase as you returned to your bedroom.

You sighed as you laid down on your bed, Draco following you into the room quickly after.

“What’s the matter?” Draco asked, lying down beside you. You sat up immediately, turning away. “Don’t do that,” you said tiredly.

“Don’t do what?” Draco questioned.

“Act like we’re together,” you replied, hating that your voice sounded as weak as it did. “We aren’t together, and I need you to stop fucking with my head like this.”

Draco’s expression changed immediately as he scrambled around to stand in front of you again.

“Do you think this is only hard for you?” he asked, his temper very evidently already rising. “Do I need to remind you that it’s _your fault_ we aren’t together in the first place?”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m fully aware of why we broke up, Malfoy,” you spit, not even wanting to say his last name, let alone his first. “But now you’ve showed up to my house unexpectedly, taking me to Diagon Alley to look for a birthday present, lying down beside me in bed, doing all of these things that would make it look like we’re a couple to anyone looking in, and I don’t have the headspace for that right now. We’re supposed to be…taking that trip in two days,” you said, only barely remembering to not speak of what you were actually supposed to be doing. “Either tell me what the deal is or stop acting like this.”

Draco ran a hand over his white-blond hair, the anger in his eyes fully obvious. He didn’t say anything, though, so when you turned away, you thought that was the end of it.

“Y/N, why is it that you think I can just…switch off my feelings for you?” he asked then, causing you to still.

“What do you mean?” you asked tentatively.

“I mean you sit over here acting like you’re the only one going through anything. You think that I’m just totally over you and that I was able to simply flip a switch and be fine being this close to you but not having you.”

You turned back, an incredulous expression on your face. “What are you talking about?” you asked. “You’re the one who broke up with me. You know for a fact I’d take you back in half a heartbeat, and you’re acting like it’s this great tragedy that you’re here with me now and ‘can’t have me.’ That’s bullshit, Draco, and you know it.”

Draco recoiled, almost as if you’d hit him. “You’re going to sit there and say my feelings for you are bullshit?” he asked, his voice raising with every word he spoke. 

You shook your head, but not before raising your wand and casting the Deafening Spell on your door. You felt an odd sense of déjà vu doing so, realizing you’d had to do the exact same thing on the Slytherin Common Room door just a couple months before. “That’s not what I said, Draco Malfoy, don’t you twist my words like that. I’m saying that you sitting here with this ‘poor me’ act pretending like I’m something you want but can’t have is bullshit. You know what my answer is if you decided you wanted me back. Stop fucking pretending you don’t.”

Draco nearly snarled at your response, but you didn’t have time to react before he lunged forward, putting a hand at the back of your neck and bringing his lips to yours. 

You froze for a minute before springing into action, kissing him back as deeply as he was kissing you as he led you backwards to the bed. He laid you down immediately, crawling on top of you as he did so. He pulled away then, pushing himself to a position hovering over you as he stared into your eyes, his own gaze flicking between your darker lips and your eyes.

“My feelings for you aren’t bullshit, y/n,” he said, his voice sounding desperate for you to accept the words he’d spoken.

You, on the other hand, were simply desperate for him to kiss you again, so you just nodded. This was a fight he’d successfully put off yet again, all because of the way your body reacted so quickly to his touch. 

“Please, just kiss me again,” you begged, pulling at his shirt to bring his face closer to yours again. “I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“Me neither,” he breathed, before giving into your demands and kissing you all over again.

His hands roamed your body the way they had the first time he’d kissed you like this, and your skin turned to liquid fire underneath his barely-there touch. Your breathing quickened as his hands found their way under the hem of your shirt again, and you were ready to just shed your shirt entirely when a knock sounded at your door, scaring the living daylights out of both of you.

Draco hurried to roll off of you, and you sat up quickly, nodding to him to open the door as he did so.

Your mother stood at the door, looking in curiously at the two of you, and you knew she was likely surprised that you two were both fully dressed.

“Y/N, your father and I don’t really like the idea of Draco sleeping in your room,” she began, and you opened your mouth to protest, but your mother held up a hand to silence you.

“However, we also know that you will be nineteen in two days’ time, and your bed is the only other one in the house that has space for an extra person.”

She sighed as Draco stood there awkwardly, looking back and forth between the two of you as a faint pink blush splashed across his pale face.

“Just be responsible, understand?” she asked, and you nodded quickly, desperate to get your mother out of your room.

She nodded in acknowledgement of your wordless response, turning to leave the room. “And also be aware that the walls are not sound-proof,” she reminded you, and you felt your face heat up. “The Deafening Charm will likely be your best friend in that regard.”

You buried your face in your hands as she finally left, and Draco shut the door behind her with an awkward, forced laugh.

“Well, that certainly ruined the mood,” he said, and you forced a laugh out yourself as you laid back down on the bed.

“So what was that?” you asked as Draco laid back down beside you. 

“What?” he asked as he came closer to you on the bed, wrapping one arm around your torso and pulling you into his body.

“The whole almost-having-sex-with-me thing,” you responded. “Because I know you would’ve if my mom hadn’t shown up.”

He frowned slightly, lifting up his arm to grip your chin and turn your face towards his. “I would’ve assumed it was obvious, y/n,” he said quietly, his grey eyes locked fully on your own. “I don’t want to be apart from you anymore.”

You looked back at him, wanting him to actually ask you to be with him again, and when he realized that’s what you wanted, he rolled his eyes despite the growing smile on his face.

“Fine, you insufferable woman,” he said, poking your nose. “Be my girlfriend again?”

You smiled despite yourself, nodding quickly in response. “There’s nobody I’d rather be, Draco Malfoy.”

And the two of you fell asleep in each other’s arms that night, the light from the moon outside only barely illuminating your bedroom. You knew what the days ahead would bring, and you knew that it would be a strain on the relationship you’d just rekindled. 

But that didn’t stop you from hoping with all your heart that you could still make it work with the Slytherin boy breathing steadily beside you, despite everything the universe had thrown your way since the beginning. You didn’t know exactly how you would make it work, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that you had him right now, that he’d come back to you. 

And that was all you needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: i almost wrote that y/n just straight obliviated draco's memory of her kissing harry in the chapter where he found out, but i needed the angst his knowledge of the act provided.
> 
> sorry i didn't update yesterday, i had two exams to study for and a spanish composition i had to do pre-writing stuff for. plus a meeting with another group for a presentation in another class. it's fine, it's going so well. the semester's almost over i have to just get through two more weeks.
> 
> i will see you guys again on monday! i hope the fact that this chapter is over 5,000 words according to word makes up for a lack of a chapter yesterday. (i might post again tomorrow to make up for it, but i'm finally picking up my wedding dress so don't hold your breath, haha.)
> 
> see you soon!


	38. a new journey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and draco set out on your fifty-mile trek to dumbledore's tomb.

Your birthday went by all too quickly. Before you knew it, you were nineteen, you had your very own brand-new broom, and the Apothecary Potions book from Draco. You had had suspicions that he’d purchased that very book from the bookstore he’d taken you to just a couple days before, and when you unwrapped it, you had confirmed your own suspicions.

But now, it was just around three in the morning, you were absolutely exhausted, and yet you were about to Apparate with Draco to the point just outside of the fifty-mile radius of magical protection surrounding Dumbledore’s tomb. You had left a note for your mother on the kitchen counter, hoping that she didn’t read too much into your claim of an emergency you had to immediately leave with Draco to attend to. 

You shivered in the night chill as you used the Reducio charm to shrink your things enough to fit in a small backpack you were going to take with you on the fifty-mile trek. You only hoped there would be a pond or lake along the way to clean yourself in during what you knew would easily be a three- or four-day trip. 

Draco looked back at you, his normally stoic grey eyes betraying a hint of anxiety as he held out his hand for you to take. You looked back up at him, silently asking him what the matter was. He didn’t respond to you, however; instead, he looked up into the black canopy expanding above the two of you. The stars littered the sky like someone had scattered diamond dust across it. He took a deep breath, looking back at you as he pulled his wand out.

“Are you ready?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“Ready if you are,” you responded, hoping your voice had stayed just a little bit stronger. Weakness was the Achilles’ heel for a servant of the Dark Lord, Draco had once told you. You couldn’t afford to look weak, even if you were.

With a flick of his wand and a sickening _crack,_ you winced through the squeezing and found yourself in the middle of a forest you didn’t recognize.

“This is it,” Draco said with a sigh, opening up his own backpack to pull out the tent he’d shrunk to fit inside. “We can sleep here for a few more hours and set back out in the morning.”

You continued to shiver as he did so, finding nothing of importance to say as you helped him set up the tent. You pulled out the cots from your bag, using your wand to return them to their original size, and Draco then pulled the blanket’s you’d brought from your bag, settling them over the cots inside of the tent.

You eagerly crawled in the tent, watching Draco as he cast as many protection spells around the two of you as he could before following you inside. You wrapped up in your blanket quickly, lying down on your cot and settling down to close your eyes.

“You think we’ll be able to get the wand, y/n?” Draco asked then, his voice cutting through the silence of the night.

You sat up slightly, hoping he could see your confused expression through the utter darkness that enveloped you. “Of course I do,” you replied. “Why wouldn’t I? Why would Voldemort send us on a quest he didn’t think we could complete?”

“I don’t know,” Draco sighed. “To have an excuse to kill us? It wouldn’t surprise me. That’s what happened to more than one person who served him before his fall from greatness—he would make them do things he knew they would fail in or refuse to do because of some moral conflict—and he would kill them for it.”

You shuddered at the thought that Draco’s revelation gave you. “We’re barely adults, Draco. I feel like the Dark Lord trusts us. We killed Dumbledore, for Christ’s sake.”

Draco sighed, and you could tell he didn’t fully believe you even as he spoke again. “I guess that makes sense. I’m just worried we won’t be able to get to it.”

“If they really didn’t want us to get to it, we wouldn’t know where he’d been buried,” you pointed out. “Or they wouldn’t have been dumb enough to bury the wand with him.”

Draco sighed again. “You need to stop being right sometimes, you know it?” he said, despite the slight smile you could hear in his voice.

You chuckled slightly, raising your wand to nonverbally cast _Lumos_ so you could lean over and kiss him softly.

“I love you,” you reminded him, and you watched as his eyes softened in response. “We’ll be okay. We’ll get the wand, and we’ll return it to Voldemort. Stop doubting us. We haven’t failed yet.”

Draco’s eyes shimmered in the glow from your wand, and you put it out as you turned back over to go to sleep.

“We ride at dawn,” came Draco’s voice as you found yourself drifting into unconsciousness.

“We don’t even have horses,” you mumbled, and the last thing you heard before the world went dark was Draco laughing to himself at your half-asleep response.

\------------------------------------------

Dawn arrived roughly thirteen seconds later. You peeled your eyes open to Draco shuffling around the tent, looking back at you apologetically as he began to magically reduce the size of his cot and blanket once again.

“I wasn’t going to wake you just yet,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to make so much noise—I wanted to let you sleep a little longer.”

Your heart warmed at his sentiments—partly because you knew this was likely the closest you would ever get to hearing the actual words “I love you”, but also partly because you knew he had actually been trying to be as quiet as possible so you could sleep just a few minutes more.

You smiled anyway, sitting up to stretch and scrub at your eyes, trying to force yourself out of your sleepy reverie. You wished you could conjure up some coffee or something, you knew you’d be dragging by noon.

“Fifty miles,” you said quietly as you began to help Draco pack things up. “How much do you think we could make it in a day?”

“Fifteen miles? Twenty?” Draco said, his statement sounding more like a question than an actual statement. Your eyes widened at the number, since it was a bit larger than you’d expected. “If we don’t stop for very long periods of time, and we keep up a good walking pace, we should be able to make it. We can eat and walk, and hell, our wands produce water whenever we want.”

You cringed at the thought of how much your feet would hurt when you stopped for the night, but you tried to push the thought out of your mind as you placed the magically-shrunken cots back into your backpack. 

Draco looked at you for a moment, before turning and raising his wand, silently dispersing the protection spells he’d conjured around the two of you. “I don’t want to take too long,” he said then, once he’d pocketed his wand again. “The Dark Lord doesn’t tend to be very patient, and I would like to keep him as content as possible.”

You nodded then, your thoughts swirling around your head. You’d never walked such a far distance before. You just hoped you could keep up with Draco. You wished you could’ve brought your broom, the two of you could’ve made this a one-day thing. You probably would’ve been able to sneak out and back in before your parents had even woken up.

Draco looked around then, setting out on a decisive path that foot traffic had very clearly stomped out for you. You wondered just how many people had already come to pay respects at the grave of the dead headmaster, and you found yourself wondering then who would take Dumbledore’s place come the beginning of the year.

“Who do you think is going to take Dumbledore’s place as headmaster?” you asked Draco as the two of you trekked on. He set his jaw at the question, his eyes hardening as he mulled it over. “Rumor has it Snape is going to,” he responded, and you felt your heart drop. He was your Head of House, to be sure, and you knew that by now the Potions professor held more respect for you and Draco due to the black snake-and-skull tattoos on your arms, but you didn’t want to see him in charge of the entire castle. That was going to be a nightmare for everyone, Slytherins included. 

“I don’t think he will, though,” Draco continued. “I’d be surprised if McGonagall lets that happen. I’m pretty convinced we’re going to go back and find Headmistress McGonagall, not Headmaster Snape.”   
You felt your shoulders sag in relief at his assurance.

You walked in silence for the most part, Draco occasionally reaching out to hesitantly take your hand in his own. You smiled at the gesture, knowing he was nowhere near used to showing physical affection to anyone. Whenever he dropped your hand after getting too sweaty, you squeezed his hand before letting go, and he always looked down at you when he did so, his eyes soft and shining, something you rarely saw from the self-proclaimed Slytherin Prince.

Occasionally, you two would stop on the trail and sit down for a bit, stretching out your legs and conjuring up some water to drink down hurriedly. Draco was always back on his feet first, reaching out a hand to help you up a few moments afterward.

You didn’t stop more permanently until the sun was almost gone, the sky above turning to night and beginning to let some of the stars shine through. You wanted to cry as you finally crawled back into the tent, your feet hurting worse than you ever remembered them hurting. You felt like someone had _Crucio’d_ your feet, and you tried your best to rub them, your feet and shins both burning like they’d been dipped in a boiling potion.

Draco followed you into the tent shortly after, the protection spells once again in place. He looked at you sitting on your cot, teary-eyed and rubbing your feet, and his usually stoic demeanor quickly cracked at the sight.

“Don’t cry,” he begged, dropping his own backpack off of his shoulders. “Here, I brewed some of the Medella potion before I came out to your house,” he said quickly, pulling a rather large vial out of his backpack and pulling the dropper out. “This should help. Two drops only.”

You gazed up at him, feeling immensely proud at how he’d brewed a potion all by himself. “You did this yourself?” you asked, a smile beginning to curl your lips upwards. He blushed a bit, his pale face turning pink. “Y-yeah,” he admitted. “I followed the recipe and took my time and all that. Just like you told me to do.”

You grinned then, lunging forward to hug him tightly. “I’m proud of you,” you said quickly, feeling his face heat up even more as it was pressed against your own.

“Stop being so sappy,” he said when you pulled away, but you could hear in his tone he wasn’t serious. “Take the potion before I put it back in my bag and leave you with hurting feet.”

“You wouldn’t do that,” you said then, and he rolled his eyes, but you knew you were right. If he could help it, he wasn’t going to leave you in pain.

You took the dropper from him, squeezing precisely two drops into your mouth and handing it back. Almost immediately, the pain in your feet disappeared, and you watched incredulously as the swelling went down right afterwards, leaving your feet feeling like you hadn’t been on them all day.

“This was a perfect brew, Draco,” you said, your jaw dropping in surprise. “I can’t believe you did this on your own!”

“Hey,” he said with a playful frown. “That’s kind of rude.”

You laughed a bit, and he smiled at the sound. “You know what I meant, Draco,” you said. “I’m just surprised at how far you’ve come. It hasn’t even been a year yet.”

Draco nodded in agreement. “I know,” he said. “My mother was really happy about it too.”

You felt a spike of adrenaline at the mention of Narcissa Malfoy. The last time you had seen the partially silver-haired woman, you’d essentially told her to keep her nose out of your relationship with her son. “D-does she still hate me?” you asked tentatively, unsure if you wanted to hear the answer.

Draco sighed before speaking, which didn’t help your anxiety surrounding the situation. “She doesn’t hate you, I don’t think,” he answered. “She can’t hate you, really, you took a Dark Mark and devoted yourself to Voldemort for me. But she hates that we’re together. She hates that I’m bringing in someone who has blood-traitor allegations against them, because apparently that could fuck up the entire family’s reputation. And she hates that you cheated on me—even if I’ve managed to get over it and I’m working on understanding why it happened—she’s stuck on me being her only child and she doesn’t want me soiling my own reputation with a ‘whore’, as she said it.”

Your heart squeezed within your chest at the word ‘whore’. You had never been called that in your life. You’d slept around a bit, but because it had mostly been in secret, nobody else had found out about it. But now because of one kiss, one you didn’t even mean, you had been branded a whore by your boyfriend’s mother.

“Don’t think too hard about it, y/n,” Draco said quickly, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him. “Her opinion doesn’t matter. I’m the one that chose to be with you. I’m the one that wants to be with you. Fuck her.”

Your eyes widened at his statement. “Draco, that’s your mother,” you argued gently. “Don’t talk about her like that.”

“She called you a whore, to my face,” Draco responded, his face settling into a blank, stony expression, one you’d seen many times. “She’s lucky I still call her ‘Mother’. I thought about only calling her Narcissa, honestly. If my father weren’t still in Azkaban, I might have started.”

You felt bad for the Slytherin boy sitting before you, putting the vial of Medella potion back in his bag. He was willing to give up his own relationship with his mother for you, and you weren’t sure if you wanted that or not. “Don’t ruin your relationship with them for me, Draco,” you begged again, but Draco shook his head. “You’re the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, y/n,” he said, his jaw set and his hands folded tightly, his knuckles nearly white. “If they can’t handle that, they don’t need to be around.”

You felt tears prick at the back of your eyes. On one hand, you felt awful that he was so ready to bid them goodbye for you, but on the other hand, you’d never heard Draco state so clearly that he wanted to be with you for good. You weren’t sure how to respond to that. He was so willing to state that, but you’d never heard ‘I love you’. 

Draco sighed, putting his hands on your face and kissing you deeply. “I’m not letting you go again, y/n,” he said firmly. “That isn’t an option. Stop trying to talk me out of my own decisions.”

You nodded then, finally feeling the tears well up and spill over. His expression immediately softened, and he pulled you up and into a hug, holding you tightly to his chest as you sniffled like a baby.

When he laid down on his cot again, he pulled you with him, situating the both of you so you were squished together on one cot, the blankets wrapped around the both of you to cocoon you in each other’s arms.

“I’ll always be here,” he said quietly. “You can’t get rid of me now.”

And you fell asleep more quickly in his arms than you ever had anywhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i'm not canon compliant but i'm also worried i'm making draco too soft. i know he's supposed to be this tough, hard bitch with a soft spot for y/n and only y/n, but I keep worrying he shows too many emotions. let me know if you think he's too soft and i can try to edit this chapter.
> 
> i hope you liked it, though! i'm starting to study for finals since they're NEXT WEEK ( **screams** ) and it's not my idea of a good time. so i'm taking study breaks to write these chapters, lol
> 
> see you soon! <3


	39. the wand in dumbledore's tomb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and draco finally make it to dumbledore's tomb.

You had been correct about one thing regarding the trip: it was, in fact, taking forever. You were on day four of your trek, and you were sure by now that your shins were the strongest they’d ever been. You hadn’t even walked or run this much for Quidditch practice, and Draco knew as well as you did how much Arlie liked to make your team run.

You were finally nearing the end of your journey, however, which was one of the only good things about the whole situation. The other good thing was that you’d finally found a spring the night before, and you’d gratefully taken your time in washing up, loving the refreshed feeling the rushing water gave you. 

So now, cleaned up and fed and hydrated, you entwined your hand with Draco’s as you walked the final stretch of the path Dumbledore’s mourners had pounded out with their feet months before at the dead professor’s funeral. The two of you were mostly silent, only breaking through the quiet of the afternoon air to point out an animal scampering past, or when Draco asked you to kiss him. (That was your favorite reason to stop mid-step.)

The sun was just beginning its descent again when Draco froze, his hand stilling within yours. You followed his gaze, and your own blood turned to ice at the sight of the unmistakable tomb before the two of you. It was still easily half a mile away, but it was unmissable. The large, white marble tomb commanded attention, and you were honestly surprised at how stupid it was to make something so noticeable. Anyone could rob Dumbledore’s tomb at any point, and they’d chosen a giant marble casket to put the man to rest?

You didn’t voice this concern, however. You simply remained silent, standing in place and watching the white-haired boy beside you.

Draco took a breath as he strode up to the exquisite marble chest, holding your hand tightly so you had no option but to stumble along behind him.

You stopped right before you reached it, so close you could reach out and touch it.

“Stay here,” he whispered, his voice quiet and slightly hoarse from having remained silent for as long as the two of you had.

“But Draco—“ you started to protest, cutting yourself off once you saw the look he gave you.

“Stay _here,_ y/n,” he repeated, his tone much more commanding this time. You rolled your eyes in response. He could be so dramatic.

“Ascendio,” Draco whispered, and you watched as the charm pulled him up into the air, landing squarely on top of the pristine white coffin.

He looked back at you. “Move back, y/n,” he ordered.

“Draco!” you cried in irritation, taking a step forward instead.

“ _MOVE BACK!_ ” he shouted, startling you into taking several steps backward. You watched as he then turned his wand towards the top of the coffin, shouting, “ _Bombarda!_ ”

You shrieked as an explosion sounded from his wand, causing the coffin to crack loudly. The spell shot dust into the air, flying up and blocking your view of Draco.

“Evanesco!” you cried, frantically waving your wand to cause the dust to evaporate as immediately as it had appeared. Draco stood on top of the coffin still, his face blank.

Before he could cast the explosive spell again, you raised your own wand, casting “Ascendio!” to propel yourself up and join Draco on the coffin.

He glared, opening his mouth to yell something, but you cut him off.

“Have you got cotton balls for a brain??” you demanded angrily, watching as his expression changed to surprise at how upset you were. “You are going to _kill_ yourself if you keep trying that.” You huffed, running a hand over your own hair as you pulled your wand back out. “Honestly, Draco,” you said with an air of annoyance, “sometimes I wonder if your parents _Flipendo’d_ you as a baby.”

Draco let out a squeak of indignance, but you ignored him. You turned around, pointing your wand at the large crack that now covered the entire top of Dumbledore’s coffin.

“ _Locomotor,_ ” you said then, waving your wand to cause the broken-up parts of the top of the coffin to move away, falling to the ground below and revealing the dead body of the former Hogwarts headmaster, lying in his coffin with his wand tucked into his folded hands.

You shuddered at the sight of the dead professor beneath you, and you hesitated to reach out to take it from him. Draco didn’t make any moves from behind you either, and you absentmindedly wondered if seeing the body of the headmaster the two of you had worked together to kill had been as unnerving to him as it was to you.

“Go on, y/n, just grab it,” Draco muttered from behind you, and you took a breath. You decided to use magic instead, brandishing your wand to summon it to you.

“ _Accio_ Dumbledore’s wand,” you said then, waving your wand in the movement necessary.

But the wand didn’t move.

“It’s also called the Elder Wand, according to Voldemort,” Draco pointed out, and you nodded. “ _Accio_ Elder Wand,” you said, watching as the wand sprung out of Dumbledore’s hands and flew into your own.

You marveled at the wand you then held, looking over its intricate design and the odd way it seemed to bubble in and out the entire way up. It was certainly a wand design you’d never seen before.

“Come on, y/n, we have to get going,” came Draco’s voice from behind you, and you shook your head to snap yourself out of your reverie. You backed up quickly, using the same _Locomotor_ spell to replace the parts of the coffin that you’d removed. Then, “ _Reparo,_ ” and you watched the crack in the coffin disappear, returning the marble box to its original, untouched state.

You hopped off the coffin, landing rather hard on the ground. You didn’t make too much noise though, worried Draco would freak if he thought you were hurt.

“We’ve got the wand,” said Draco then. His voice was full of wonder, like he couldn’t believe the two of you had managed something so important.

You nodded, still looking at the exquisitely designed wand in your hands. “If it was really Dumbledore’s though, why didn’t it come to me when I called it Dumbledore’s wand?” you wondered out loud.

Draco shrugged. “Maybe it doesn’t really belong to anyone, and Dumbledore was just keeping it out of Voldemort’s hands.”

You sensed that that was as good a reason as any, and you opened your bag and tucked the wand safely inside. “Let’s start back,” you said with a sigh, not looking forward to the fifty-mile trek back.

Draco smiled slightly at you then, sticking his hand out for you to grab onto. “Let’s go.”

\--------------------------------

The walk back didn’t seem like it was taking as long, but it was definitely still hurting your feet. Draco wanted the two of you to at least try to walk straight through the night, but you weren’t sure how much farther you could go.

You finally whined when you stepped directly on a sharp rock, feeling the pain of the object through your shoe. Draco stopped, turning back to you, his eyes full of concern. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I’m tired,” you said then, fully aware of how pathetic you sounded. “I just want to sleep.”

Draco sighed, nodding. He dropped his bag, pulling out the tent again, waving his wand and returning it to its normal size. He then waved his wand once more, and it magically flew into the air before settling down and setting itself up for the night.

You wasted no time in crawling in, pulling out your cot once again and setting it up in the tent, dropping onto it without even asking for Draco to pull out his healing potion again.

Draco came into the tent shortly after you, but you were already half-asleep by the time he did so.

“You’re going to be the death of me, y/n,” he mumbled, but that managed to cut through your sleepiness, and you rolled back over. “Hmm?” you mumbled, trying to keep yourself awake long enough to hear his response.

He chuckled. “I don’t mean anything bad by that, of course,” he said gently. “It just scares even me sometimes, how much I’m willing to drop to make sure you’re alright.”

You felt yourself smiling—or at least, you hoped you were smiling. You were too half-asleep by that point to really know what you were doing.

Because you knew by then, that that was the closest thing you were ever going to get to “I love you”. 

\----------------------------

The morning came all too quickly. You had barely allowed yourself to fall asleep before the light making it through the tent walls reached you, causing you to peel open your eyes. You rolled over, finding Draco still asleep, his forehead uncreased for the first time in a while (at least, that you could remember).

You quietly packed up your things, being careful to allow him to sleep for a little bit. Instead, you went outside the tent, taking Dumbledore’s wand back out of your bag, just to look at it again.

The intricate wand still fascinated you, even though it didn’t belong to you. You turned it over in your hands a few times, mulling over what you and Draco had gone through together to be able to get it.

You also remembered the story your mother had read to you growing up, the urban legend about the Elder Wand that had ended up being true.

“ _That night, Death transfigured into a murderous wizard,_ ” you recited quietly to yourself. “ _He crept into the inn where the eldest brother was sleeping and slit the young man's throat, taking the wand for himself. That was how Death claimed the first brother._ ”

A jolt went through your body then, as you realized that Death had had to kill the eldest brother to gain the allegiance of the wand.

And what had you done to Dumbledore?

You felt your blood run cold as you looked back down at the wand now sitting in your hands, the object now more formidable than you’d ever expected.

You made eye contact with Draco as he sleepily clawed his way out of the tent, and his expression calmed once he spotted you, but then changed to one of concern when he saw the horror painted plainly on your face.

It made sense now, why it hadn’t come to you when you had _Accio’d_ it by calling it Dumbledore’s wand.

Dumbledore had died at your hands. The blood of the former headmaster of Hogwarts was on your hands.

And just as Death had taken the wand from the brother whom he had killed, the allegiance of the Elder Wand now laid with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm SO SORRY i've been gone so long. finals are in full swing and i've been studying nearly non-stop. the only time i took a break longer than twenty minutes was yesterday when i went out for coffee with a friend.
> 
> this chapter is short, but after i finish finals they'll pick back up. it might be smart to not expect another chapter before tuesday. i'll try to upload another one tomorrow, but we'll just have to see. i hate leaving you guys hanging, since i know you like the story, but right now i'm all over the place. 
> 
> thank you for enjoying it anyway, and for sticking with me through finals season. 
> 
> see you soon <3


	40. not a runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and draco return to your house after retrieving the elder wand.

Draco kept looking down at you, his sleepiness wearing off with every passing second. “I’d gotten worried you’d left without me,” he admitted, sitting down next to you. “Are you going to tell me why you’re holding the Elder Wand or are you going to just sit there and stay mute?” he asked plainly, his voice holding a bit of annoyance in it.

“Draco,” you finally breathed, holding out the wand. “I realized why it didn’t come to me when I summoned it by calling it Dumbledore’s wand.” Draco looked at you, confusion clear in his features.   
“Because it’s really the Elder Wand,” he replied. “I thought we’d figured that out.”

“No,” you pleaded then, not even wanting to look at the wand resting in your open palms any longer. “Don’t you remember the actual story? The eldest brother in the story demanded a wand more powerful than any other, and once he received it and crossed the bridge, he went and killed another wizard he’d had a fight with beforehand. Then he went and spent the night in the inn, and Death transformed himself into a wizard so he could kill the brother, and then once the brother was dead, the allegiance of the wand transferred to the wizard who had killed him.”

Draco stared just a moment more, before the lightbulb went off behind his eyes. “ _And you killed Dumbledore,_ ” he breathed, beginning to wring his hands together as you nodded grimly.

“The wand did belong to Dumbledore, until I killed him,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “Even if I didn’t kill him with the intention of taking ownership of his wand, I’m now technically the rightful owner of it.”

“But surely if you give it to Voldemort, it will realize you’re giving it up, won’t it?” Draco asked, and you shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Draco’s eyes widened. “If it doesn’t work—” his voice cut off, his breath catching.

You nodded again, not wanting to force Draco to finish the sentence. “He’ll have to kill me.” 

\--------------------------------

The two of you had walked in silence for the better part of four hours, but Draco also had refused to let go of your hand. You knew you were nearing the end of the path, things were beginning to look familiar. You didn’t know where Draco was going to Apparate the two of you, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to help him deliver the wand to Voldemort or not.

But you knew you had to, since you were the rightful owner of it at that moment. You couldn’t very well give it up without being present to give it up.

Draco paused as you reached the spot you finally realized was the end of your walking. He looked back down at you, his eyes searching every inch of your skin, like he was worried he’d never see you again.

“I’m not taking you back to the Manor today,” he said then, the first words he’d spoken in hours. You felt relief at the statement, but not a lot. “Won’t Voldemort know we’re delaying on purpose?” you asked, and Draco shook his head. “I don’t know,” he admitted, “but we need rest. And—” he cut himself off again, setting his mouth in a hard line that you had come to realize meant he wouldn’t finish his sentence.

But you knew what the unspoken words meant. He was terrified that Voldemort was going to kill you in order to take the wand from you.

So instead of arguing, you nodded simply. “Let’s go back to my house then,” you said gently. “My parents will be mad that we just disappeared, but if we just tell them you had a family emergency of some sort, they’ll get over it.”

Draco nodded, remaining silent still. He slid an arm around you, holding you tightly to himself, and drew out his wand. He never said a word, but you had shut your eyes already—and the familiar squeezing feeling came and went more quickly than it normally did. 

You found yourselves back in front of your house. You were slightly unpleasantly surprised to see your parents both sitting on the front porch, their chairs rocking back and forth in their normal unison.

Your mother spotted you first, shooting up out of her chair to run out to you. “Y/N Everglade!” she shouted, skidding to a stop in front of you and Draco. “How dare you just run off in the middle of the night!?” she demanded. “With nothing but a note, no less!”

You glanced behind her to see your father standing up on the porch as well, his arms crossed as he evidently awaited your answer alongside your mother.

“The note explained everything, Mother,” you responded, trying to keep your voice steady. “Draco simply had a—family emergency and he wanted me to accompany him to the Malfoy Manor. I thought that if I explained everything to you once we returned that it wouldn’t be as big a deal.”

Your mother sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You can’t just—leave without saying anything, y/n,” she said then, her voice still annoyed, but a bit more controlled than she had been just a moment before. “It isn’t safe.”

You bit back the response you wanted to give, since telling her you were protected regardless would be just as bad as pulling up your sleeve and showing her the Mark. So you nodded, hooking a hand around your arm to shrink into yourself a bit more. “Yes, okay. I’m sorry,” you said, ending the argument there.

She sighed once more, turning around and returning to the porch. She and your father disappeared into your house wordlessly, leaving you and Draco still standing outside in the front yard. He turned to you, a question in his eyes you couldn’t read.

“What do you think we should do, y/n?” he asked, and you were a bit surprised. Normally he told you what to do, he wasn’t asking you to come up with a plan.

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “My parents think we just got back from the Manor, it will be really odd if we say we’re returning. But we can’t stay here for very long, because Voldemort is impatient as it is.”

“But if you’re the owner of the wand, it won’t do what it’s supposed to do for him,” Draco responded, his voice shaky. “He isn’t going to just—let _you_ kill Harry Potter for him.”

You nodded. “I know that. We’re just going to have to hope for the best at this point, Draco.”

He set his lips in a tight line, evidently keeping himself from saying anything else. You turned around and headed back into your house, following your mother and father.

Draco followed behind you, barely even acknowledging anyone else in the house. The two of you traveled straight back into your bedroom, shutting the door behind you.

You hadn’t even had the chance to sit down before a knock sounded at your door, your mother opening the door before you could tell her to come in.

“Y/N, might I have a word with you?” she asked, in a tone that let you know in no uncertain terms that she was going to have a conversation with you. So you stood up, ignoring Draco’s look of concern, and followed your mother into her own bedroom just down the hall.

“How long is…Draco going to stay here?” she asked, her voice slightly pained. “I know he’s your boyfriend and everything, but this seems a bit excessive, the two of you simply travelling back and forth between your house and his to stay with each other. I feel as though you could go a week without seeing him.”

She was right, whether or not she knew it. Before he’d shown up at your house just a week before, you hadn’t even spoken to him in the better part of a month. So you nodded. “I know. We’re just working on a project, that’s all.”

“A project?” your mother asked, arching an eyebrow. “Forgive me, y/n, but I do believe it’s the middle of June. You can’t possibly be working on a project when you aren’t even in school.”

You hummed in acknowledgement. “I know,” you said quickly. “This is more of a personal project.”

Your mother narrowed her eyes. “What kind of personal project?”

You shrugged, though your mind was racing for possible lies, anything to get out of the conversation you were currently having. “Nothing big,” you lied, trying your best to stall for time. “It’s just…something we’re trying to keep a surprise for right now.”

Your mother sighed, and you knew she hadn’t bought a word of what you had just said. But when she didn’t press the issue further, you allowed your shoulders to sag in relief.

“Well, hurry up and get it finished then,” she requested impatiently. “Your father and I would like to spend some time with just you here before you have to return to school all over again.”

You nodded quickly. “Understood,” you said then, bowing out of your mother’s room before she had the chance to ask you anything else.

You hurried back into your own room, sighing heavily as you shut the door behind you, looking over at Draco sitting on your bed. You hated lying to your mother, but you couldn’t show her the Dark Mark. Showing her that you had openly allied yourself with someone who wanted people like your brother tortured and killed would get you kicked out of your house in seconds.

Draco noticed your tense state, standing up to walk over to you. His hands found their way to your neck, rubbing the knots out of the base of your neck and your shoulders. 

“Don’t stress, it’ll be fine,” he said quietly, but you couldn’t help but wonder if he was talking to you or to himself.

\------------------

The next few days were fairly quiet. You and Draco sort of just hung around your house, and you didn’t interact with the rest of your family outside of dinnertime. You hated that you felt like you’d basically ruined your family dynamic, but it wasn’t like you could just make Draco stay in your room all day while you spent time with the rest of your family members. 

So when the day arrived for the two of you to finally travel back to the Malfoy Manor, you couldn’t very well say you weren’t relieved to be leaving.

“And you’ll be back alone, correct?” your mother questioned quietly as you prepared yourself to leave, your suitcase with most of your things inside it held tightly in your hand. You gave her a look that begged her to keep quiet, though you knew Draco had heard the question. 

“Yes, Mother, I’ll be back alone,” you hissed, though your stomach clenched even as you spoke the sentence to her. You knew there was a chance you wouldn’t be coming back at all.

But when your mother hugged you, you felt the annoyance that had built up in you melt away—how could it stay, when this might be the last time she ever saw you? 

So you hugged her back, before turning back, gripping your suitcase tighter and linking your arm in Draco’s. You spared her just a smile as Draco flicked his wand and Apparated the two of you to his front step.

The Manor looked more formidable than ever—the white house surrounded by black gates, the yard still in pristine condition. 

You felt your breath catch in your throat as you faced the giant house in front of you, knowing who lay inside. You hadn’t been so fearful of facing him before, but then again, you also knew exactly why you felt this way.

And as you looked up at Draco, whose eyes plainly showed his terror, and felt his hands against your face as he kissed you more feverishly than ever before, you could feel the fear radiating off of him as well.

As the two of you broke apart, you turned back to the gates, setting your head as high as you could as Draco raised his wand to wave the gates open. 

And as you crossed the threshold into the house itself, you knew it then and there: this was it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back! the semester is over and i finally have a ton more time to write! i will be out of school until january 10th, so i might be able to actually finish writing the story before then, since i'm ending it in forty chapters (or less. eighty is simply my limit).
> 
> anyway, thank you guys for being so patient! i hope you enjoy this chapter! i'm sorry this chapter is shorter than most but i didn't want to drag it on forever, and what i have written after this made it feel like it was starting to drag.
> 
> i'm still writing again though, so i'll have longer chapters up to post after this one.
> 
> see you soon! <3


	41. white tiles & unforgivables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and draco face the dark lord once again. and you have to confess why the wand doesn't quite feel right when voldemort uses it.

The Malfoy Manor was as formidable as ever. As you and Draco crossed the threshold into the daunting mansion, Narcissa was there, front and center, her stare icy and her arms folded. She didn’t really spare you a glance, but you couldn’t say you were surprised by the action. Draco, on the other hand, tensed by your side at the silent dismissal, and you squeezed his arm in an attempt to both reassure him and stop him from saying something you knew he’d regret.

The chandelier hung in the foyer just as it always did, but something about the giant glass light hanging over the heads of the three of you felt more ominous this time around. You couldn’t help but stare into the light of it above you, absentmindedly wondering what would happen if it were to ever collapse. You didn’t have much time to wonder, however, as Narcissa’s voice cut through your thoughts and brought you back to where you were standing, next to her son as she spoke to the both of you.

“He’s waiting for you in the study,” came the voice of the lady of Malfoy Manor. You hadn’t expected a warm welcome, but you had been hoping there would’ve been something that could delay you from actually going into the room where you were quite certain, by this point, that you would die. But when she gave no further instruction, Draco nodded once and guided you into the room where the Dark Lord awaited the both of you. You felt her eyes on your back as you entered the room, but you didn’t dare glance back at her. After her reaction to Draco taking you back, you didn’t want to interact with her any more than you were absolutely required to.

He immediately perked up at the sight of the two of you entering the room. As much as he could, anyway. You could hardly read any of the emotions that flittered across the dark wizard’s mangled face, nor were you sure you wanted to be able to. 

“So glad to see you both again,” came his raspy voice, and you did your best to force a smile. “I’m glad it seems that you have also worked out your differences, as well.”

“My mother is not as thrilled that we have done so,” came Draco’s response, but Voldemort waved his wand dismissively. “She’s always been protective of her Drakey-boy,” he said in a slightly mocking tone. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Young love is not easily overcome.”

Draco sighed heavily in lieu of responding verbally, which the Dark Lord either didn’t notice or chose to ignore. Instead, he stood from his chair, towering over both you and Draco as you stood before him.

“Now, I believe you have brought my wand to me?” he asked, a greedy smile turning up the corners of his mouth. You shuddered to think of what the next few moments would hold, but you simply nodded, bringing the wand out of your bag and placing it in the dark wizard’s pale, withered hand.

He brought it up to examine it in the dim light of the fire, turning it over in his hands to fully appreciate the intricate woodwork of the wand itself. He then pointed it at the fire, whispering “ _Extinguo!_ ” and you and Draco both tensed as the fire stopped for just a moment—before immediately dying out, dousing the study in almost complete darkness. The only remaining light in the room came from a window that was just behind the large desk in the study—the one that you assumed belonged to Lucius Malfoy.

“Ah, beautiful,” came the dark wizard’s voice, bringing you out of your completely irrelevant thoughts about the mahogany desk. “It’s wonderful. You have succeeded in this most dangerous quest.” You breathed a heavy sigh of relief, hoping Voldemort didn’t notice how much your shoulders sagged. You didn’t want to imagine what it would be like to witness his wrath in someone he believed wasn’t fully loyal to him—or fully faithful in him.

You opened your mouth to thank him for placing his trust in the two of you, but the Dark Lord continued. “I’m afraid it doesn’t feel quite right, however—it doesn’t seem to be responding to me and my authority the way my own wand does.”

“Perhaps it recognizes that you still use your own wand,” Draco blurted, and you squeezed his arm tightly, not wanting him to speak so rashly. Voldemort looked back at you, his eyes flicking between you and the Slytherin boy you were holding so tightly to. You couldn’t decipher the evil wizard’s expression, but then again, it was hard to read anything in the eyes or facial expressions of Voldemort himself. You supposed that was an advantage of his marred appearance, but you didn’t want to dwell on that for any longer than you had to.

“I suppose that’s possible,” Voldemort said slowly, raising his wand back up. “But I believe you’re lying to me.”

Draco froze then, and Voldemort face displayed a sinister smile as you realized Draco had been caught. He screwed his eyes shut, and for just a second you were confused at his response. But looking back at the Dark Lord, you felt your heart leap into your throat, unable to do anything to stop what was happening as you watched Voldemort raise his wand even higher to point it at the boy you clung to. 

“ _Crucio._ ”

You barely heard yourself scream as Draco dropped to the floor, writhing in agony as the pain of the spell caused him to crumble to the rug beneath your feet. You heard Narcissa scream herself, the shrill noise coming from right outside the study. Hearing her visceral response only confirmed your suspicions that she always listened outside the study when the two of you were in here. 

But that was hardly even close to being on your mind as you threw yourself over Draco, trying your best to shield him from the curse Voldemort had just bestowed on the poor boy. You knew deep down that your body wasn’t going to stop or shield anything, but it was in your instinct to try. You couldn’t hear anything but Draco in that moment, you couldn’t even hear Voldemort’s sinister laugh as he continued to torture the white-haired Slytherin Prince.

Then, when Voldemort finally released Draco from the spell, he collapsed under you and you had to catch yourself from falling on top of him, your hands slamming painfully onto the tile floor beneath you to stop yourself from landing too hard on Draco. You felt your breath shove out of you, almost as roughly as if you had landed on the tile yourself. You choked on the air you tried to bring back into your lungs, the tears streaming down your face clogging your airpipe to a point where you could barely even recover from having the wind knocked out of you.

“How noble of you,” came Voldemort’s mocking voice. You could tell just how much he was actually enjoying what he was doing, and the thought made your blood run cold. “Trying to save your little boyfriend from his punishment, what a cute stunt,” he continued. He looked down at the two of you, sneering in a clear display of distaste for your attempt at protection. He came a step closer then, waving his wand at the two of you. “Stand up, both of you.”

You were on your feet nearly immediately, struggling to help Draco up as well, and you tried not to look at the Slytherin boy, knowing his appearance would only make you feel worse. He whined in pain, and you felt your heart crack at the faint sound. You had barely even heard it, but it seemed to echo inside your mind.

“Tell me what’s wrong with this wand, _now,_ ” the Dark Lord ordered menacingly. “And don’t you dare try to lie to me again. I won’t hesitate to make things _worse._ ”

You felt Draco shudder beside you, and you couldn’t tell whether the whine that came from his lips was from the pain he was undoubtedly in, or if he was simply trying to beg you not to say anything. You stood silently for a second, gauging the expressions of Voldemort as he stood before you, watching you hold Draco up all by yourself. You knew he wouldn’t be able to stand on his own if you let him go.

But you couldn’t sit by and watch the Dark Lord torment your white-haired boy next to you any longer. If it meant that Draco was protected, you couldn’t stay silent. So you propped Draco up further, taking a breath and opening your mouth.

“The allegiance of the wand lays with me,” you said lowly, and Voldemort’s head snapped over to you, his eyes narrowing again. “The legend states that Death disguised himself as a wizard possessed by bloodlust, and that once he killed the eldest brother that asked for the wand, the allegiance of the wand transferred to the wizard that killed him—or technically, Death. But if someone disarms the wizard holding the wand, or kills the wizard who owns the wand, the allegiance of the wand will transfer to whoever disarmed or killed the one holding it. And because I killed Dumbledore, who owned the wand last, I am the rightful owner of the Elder Wand right now. Whether I want that responsibility or not.”

Voldemort remained silent for a few moments too long. Your chest began to hurt from the breath you were inadvertently holding in, but you were too terrified to even try to let it out.

The dark wizard approached the two of you, Draco being held up mainly by you and your smaller frame, towering over the two of you and holding out the wand again. “Take it,” he ordered, his voice dangerously low. You knelt down, lowering Draco to the floor before standing back up. You felt awful just leaving him lying on the floor beneath you, but you didn’t exactly have a choice. You took the wand from the wizard standing before you with a shaky hand, something you knew did not go unnoticed by the Dark Lord. You only hoped he wouldn’t punish you for your lack of faith.

Draco whined again at your feet, writhing around to try to speak again. “Please don’t hurt her,” he begged, his voice weak. You let out a shaky breath at hearing your boyfriend begging the way he was, and you knew nothing you could say would stop anything. If anything, it would only mean that Voldemort’s wand would turn on you.

“ _Silencio,_ ” came the dark wizard’s response to Draco’s pathetic plea, causing the Slytherin boy to go completely mute. Still, you refused to look at him, knowing your resolve would crumble immediately if you dared to spare him a glance.

“Now, hold the wand more tightly, y/n,” Voldemort ordered, and you tightened your grip on the wooden wand in your trembling hand. He backed up a couple of steps, bringing up his own wand, his eyes darkening until they were nearly black.

You shut your eyes, awaiting the spell that you knew was coming. The seconds ticked by, and they felt like hours to you. Even as Draco wrapped a weak hand around your ankle from his spot on the floor, silently begging you to run, you stayed frozen in your spot, refusing to put Draco in any more danger.

“Do you think you can avoid what’s about to happen, y/n?” came his question, one that caused your tension to dissipate only slightly. You opened your eyes, looking over at the dark wizard, his arms crossed in anticipation of your answer.

“No,” you responded simply. “I’ve come to terms with my fate. I only wish I could have realized what would happen. I could’ve done things differently, so that I would not have had to die.”

Voldemort smiled then, and you couldn’t tell if it was genuine or just happiness at the opportunity to kill someone else who stood in his way. You weren’t sure if you wanted to know the difference. You’d seen enough of this man for a lifetime, if you were being honest with yourself.

“I’m glad Draco picked such a smart woman to stand by his side,” the dark wizard said then. “It’s a shame that I have to get rid of someone who’s been of such great use to me.”

And then Voldemort took a deep breath, and you braced yourself for the worst.

His mouth opened, and he spoke the last words you remembered.

“ _Avada Kedavra._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha plz don't kill me.
> 
> both for not updating for four hundred years and for this chapter in general. it's not over yet, don't freak out!
> 
> anyway, sorry again for such a short chapter. i set a goal but then it's like, i get everything that i want to have happen written out and bam i've only got 800 words. i'm a loser for that. but i'm working on it.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this one! 
> 
> see you soon <3


	42. scrambling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not to worry. you're only mostly dead.

(Draco’s POV)

I heard y/n hit the floor before I was able to move around to see her body. The Elder Wand clattered to the white tile floor beside her, and I still couldn’t say a thing. The Silencing Charm felt like cotton wrapping itself around my vocal cords, stopping them from cooperating. My heart had frozen in my chest the second I heard her body hit the floor, and by the time I sat up to look at her, I knew she was already dead.

I felt the Silencing Charm release me, finally, and that’s when the guttural scream I’d been trying to get out for what felt like hours released from my body. It sounded horrifying, like I was the one who was being murdered. But no, it was my y/n, lying lifeless on the floor. It still hurt me to move, the effects of the Cruciatus Curse still making me regret my every move. But gathering y/n into my arms made me temporarily forget how badly I hurt, and I felt my hot tears streaming down my face as I pulled her limp body closer to my own.

Voldemort stooped down quickly, not even deeming it necessary to speak as he scooped the Elder Wand up off the ground. He smiled menacingly as he held it up, turning it over in his hands the same way he had done when y/n had handed it to me just a little bit before.

He turned back to the fireplace, stating “ _Incendio!_ ” and I watched as the fire in the fireplace sprang to life once more, showering the room in a dim light all over again.

“That felt _much_ better,” he said quietly, and I couldn’t bring myself to say anything in retaliation. Even as he turned back to me, his mouth twisting in disgust at the position I was in. Sitting on the ground, barely able to hold my own head up from the pain I was in, and yet I was cradling my dead girlfriend to my chest with all the strength I still had in me.

“Pathetic,” he barked, even as he passed me by to exit the study. “Love is a weakness, Draco Malfoy. It would do you good to learn that sooner rather than later.”

I didn’t say another word to him. I knew that anything I said would be something the dark wizard would be very quick to make me regret, and I couldn’t handle another round of the Cruciatus Curse. I barely held it together the first time, and that was because I had to try my best to not worry y/n too much. I barely noticed it when she threw herself over me, but I was still grateful that Voldemort hadn’t turned his wand on her for a move that was fairly foolish. At least, he hadn’t done it right then.

I heard his voice outside the study, and I strained to hear the words I knew he was most likely speaking to my mother.

“Narcissa, I have things to attend to,” he said curtly. “I’ll be back in around a week’s time. Do not allow anyone but me or another Death Eater into your house.”

“Yes, My Lord,” came my mother’s reply. Then, a few seconds later, I heard a loud crack, and I knew Voldemort had Apparated somewhere else. He was gone—for now.

She entered the room then, seeing me holding y/n’s body. She sighed, glancing only briefly at my face, and I knew she could see the tear tracks on my cheeks. I couldn’t even formulate her name, but it didn’t matter. She was by my side in a matter of seconds, kneeling down to look over y/n.

I felt her start moving y/n out of my arms, and out of instinct my grip tightened. “No,” I pleaded, the first word I’d spoken since I’d screamed so gutturally a few moments before. My throat was rough, both from screaming and sobbing over y/n’s body, and the word hurt to even speak. “Don’t take her from me,” I begged.

“Quiet,” my mother hissed, and I was taken aback by her calculated coldness. But she didn’t reach for me again. She placed two fingers on y/n’s neck, and I sucked in a deep breath as I realized she was checking for a pulse.

“I suspected as such,” my mother mumbled. “He doesn’t have a very good track record for actually finishing people off with that spell.”

My tears halted at her words. “What do you mean? I-is she still alive?”

“Barely,” came my mother’s response. “Her heartbeat is very, very faint, but she is still mostly there. If you’re quick, we can get her upstairs into the room Voldemort put her in when she came here—involuntarily—and I can do my best with some of the healing spells Snape taught me.”

I moved to stand up with her still in my arms, but my legs buckled underneath me and I fell back down, dropping her to the floor beneath me with a sickening _thud._

My mother looked back at me, her eyes softening as she remembered that I’d been tortured by the Cruciatus Curse not even twenty minutes beforehand. She bent down to gather y/n into her own arms, nodding back at me. “Follow me if you can, but if you can’t, I’ll be back down for you in a moment.”

I was able to move after her, though, even though it was fairly slow and coupled with immense amounts of pain. I didn’t want to leave y/n’s side no matter what it meant.

Upstairs, my mother laid y/n down on the bed she’d spent a few days in during the school term just a few months before. She seemed so lifeless. I could barely even see her breathing, I couldn’t tell if her chest was rising and falling or not. I trusted my mother though. She had seen the Dark Lord fail at using the Killing Curse once before—and while it was on a baby Harry Potter the last time, it was still likely that a Voldemort at less-than-full power would be weaker at the deadlier curses.

Not that the Cruciatus Curse hadn’t done its damage, though. I knew I’d sleep for a while if I ever got to sleep that night.

I watched as my mother returned to the room with a black book in her hand, one I hadn’t remembered ever seeing before. I sat on the floor by y/n’s bed as my mother stood beside me, opening the book and raising her wand over y/n’s body.

She began chanting spells in a language I didn’t recognize—and I half-wondered why it had never been taught at Hogwarts. I realized with an air of annoyance that it was likely because Snape had never been allowed to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts, and he’d been stuck as a Potions teacher for as long as anyone could remember. Maybe we’d know some of these healing incantations if Snape had been given the position he’d wanted.

But I didn’t have too much time to pout about not learning the more advanced healing spells. I heard y/n cough, and I was on my feet in an instant. I didn’t even feel any pain when I jumped up, it was only when I saw her eyes were still closed that I felt the aches creeping back in.

My mother sighed, closing the book and bringing her wand back to her side. “I’ve done all I can do right now,” she admitted then. “We’re going to have to wait and see if she pulls through.”

My heart hammered painfully in my chest. “What do we do if she survives?” I asked.

My mother looked me dead in the eye, her mouth set in a grim line.

“You run.”

\------------------

It had been a couple of days since I’d seen y/n. I couldn’t bear to go in there and see her the way she was, not knowing if I’d ever get to see her beautiful eyes again. I counted it as a fate worse than death if she didn’t make it, having to go through life without her by my side.

I knew I’d caused her a lot of shit, and I meant a _lot_ of shit. She didn’t deserve any of it, and I knew she wouldn’t have gotten into any of these situations if I’d just left her alone—but she drew me in. She drew in anyone she spoke to. She was eloquent, and funny, and kind. It wasn’t really surprising that Potter had taken such an immediate liking to her. Even though she’d used him to make me jealous—and he’d fucking kissed her—I tried to put _that_ thought out of my head.

Most of my time was spent pacing back and forth in the foyer. My mother had helped heal up most of my pain from the Cruciatus Curse with the same spells she’d used on y/n—or, at least, they sounded the same. I didn’t recognize the language one way or another, she could’ve been saying them backwards for all I knew.

But I’d felt much better just a few hours later, and I’d taken to wearing a rut in the white tile floor of the foyer instead of lazing around.

I knew my mother was stressed, hell, it was pretty hard to relax at all during these times. We only had a few days left until Voldemort was supposed to return to the Manor, and y/n could not be here, _alive,_ when he did. Even if she pulled through, if Voldemort returned and found out that we were keeping her here, hell would break loose. 

I had to give my mother credit for the whole situation. I knew how she felt about y/n, but she still went out of her way to try to heal her. And while she looked like she was getting better every day, my mother was still chanting the same chants over her every day and continuing to do her best to help my y/n pull through. It made my heart a little warmer.

Finally, two days before Voldemort was supposed to return, y/n opened her eyes. The first thing she did was nearly cough up a lung, but it was just a blessing to see her conscious that I barely noticed how bad the coughing really sounded.

She tried to speak to me, but her voice came out in nearly a whisper. I put a finger to her lips to keep her quiet, then ran downstairs to tell my mother she was awake and to conjure up some tea for the poor girl.

“She’s awake?” my mother asked, and I nodded emphatically. “She can’t speak, but I’m going to make her tea so her throat feels better.”

I didn’t wait for my mother’s response. I turned back around and ran into the kitchen to yell at our house elf to start the tea. I waited incredibly impatiently for the elf to finish, then I barked at them to start cleaning up the mess they’d made as I took the cup up to y/n.

She was sitting up in bed when I returned to the room, my mother standing beside her and looking her over.

“She seems, physically, to be in adequate shape,” my mother said as she came around to take the tea from me and hand it to y/n. “This tea will help her voice, but I wouldn’t expect it to be fully healed for another week or so.”

I nodded, slightly upset that I wouldn’t get to speak to her for so long, but I knew she could still listen. Which meant that I had plenty of time to explain to her the whole plan that we would need to enact so that neither of us ended up actually killed by the Dark Lord.

I communicated silently to my mother that she could leave, and thankfully, she took the hint and bade goodbye to y/n before exiting my room.

I turned to y/n, who had begun quietly sipping her tea, and sat on the foot of her bed.

“I know this is going to be a lot, but I just need you to listen, okay?” I asked, and she looked up at me and nodded.

I took a deep breath. “Obviously, Lord Voldemort tried to kill you a few days ago. He fully believes that you’re dead. He has gone off on some official business of his own, and he will not be returning for a couple more days. The allegiance of the Elder Wand should lie with him now, but he cannot return to find you still alive, because that will mean the death of you, me, and my mother. My mother has told us that you should be okay to Apparate, but that we need to pack our things and Apparate into hiding tonight.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, but I had to continue.

“This means that until the war is over, even if I have to leave for a time and come back, you cannot communicate with anyone outside of me and my mother. You will go under a fake name to write to and from my mother. But everyone else—including Voldemort, including your family, including even my father—has to believe that you’re dead.”

Her eyes began to fill with tears, but I was quick to wipe them away. “I’m sorry that it has to be like this, but unless even your parents believe you’re dead, Voldemort could force that sort of information out of them with a simple Legilimency spell. Dumbledore’s dead, y/n, he’s now the most powerful wizard that the Wizarding World has ever seen. He’s a threat to every witch and wizard alive right now, and when it comes to you, I won’t take chances anymore.”

She sighed heavily then, nodding in acknowledgment. She downed the rest of her tea in one mouthful, then stood and began to look through the room for her things.

“I returned to your home last night to gather a lot of your things,” I confessed. “Your room is almost bare now. I have put them in your suitcase after shrinking them with the _Reducio_ spell. I plan to Apparate to your home and tell your parents that we believe Voldemort killed you, and that we don’t know where your body is because we think Voldemort simply kidnapped you and disposed of you somewhere. I know it will be gruesome, but you have to trust me if you want to stay alive.”

She nodded again, and I knew it was killing her to not give verbal responses. But she simply couldn’t. Her vocal chords were too strained.

“I will be back in an hour,” I told her then. “Stay in this room, and don’t come out of it until I come back.”

She gave me a dismissive thumbs-up, and I put my hand at her neck to pull her in for a deep kiss, one I hadn’t been able to give her in what felt like forever.

I pulled away, pressing one more soft kiss to her forehead. “Stay safe. I’ll be back soon.”

And I exited her room and Apparated away.

\---------

(Y/N’s POV)

You were incredibly annoyed at the fact that your voice was simply—gone. You had so much you had wanted to say in response to the absolute word vomit that Draco had given you before Apparating to tell your parents you were dead—and none of it had been able to come out.

You whirled around when your door opened again, half-expecting Draco to be back forty minutes earlier than expected—but instead it was Narcissa Malfoy that entered your room.

Her black dress was fit for a funeral; whose, you weren’t sure. But it made you suddenly aware of the unfamiliar green dress you were wearing, and you wanted to shrink away from the cold stare of the hardened woman before you.

“In case you were wondering, yes, that was my dress,” Narcissa said, obviously having noted your tugging of the skirt of the dress. “You didn’t exactly come with a lot, but then again, I imagine you didn’t plan on staying as long as you have.”

You shook your head, still unable to verbally communicate.

“I know that you have done some very unfavorable things to my son,” came Narcissa’s voice then, and you suppressed the urge to roll your eyes. 

“But I can also see how much he would give up for you,” she continued. “When he was home for those first few weeks after the school year ended, I could tell he was absolutely devastated. And even though I didn’t want to admit it, I knew it was because he was without you and I no longer approved of you, which meant, at the time, that he couldn’t go back to you no matter how much he wanted to.”

You sat back down on the bed, thoroughly invested in what Narcissa was saying even though she was telling you how much she hated you. The dark-haired woman came a step closer, clasping her hands together in front of her as she continued to speak to you.

“But you have taken the Dark Mark to stay with him. You threw yourself over him in an attempt to protect him from the Cruciatus Curse. And you didn’t try to stop the Dark Lord from using the Killing Curse on you even though you knew trying that would only condemn the both of you more.”

You stayed unmoving, not wanting to break eye contact with the woman standing before you. You could feel her walls sliding down, and all you saw was a mother who simply cared for her son.

“What I’m trying to say, y/n, is that I know my son loves you. And even though the Dark Lord—and my husband—believe that love is a weakness…” She trailed off, looking out the window of your room, and you could just barely see the tears glistening in her eyes at the mention of the white-haired man who had been in Azkaban for nearly half a year.

“Even though they both believe that love is a weakness,” she continued, clearing her throat and smoothing her already wrinkle-free dress out, “I will not stand in the way of you and Draco any longer.”

You knew that that was not an official stamp of approval, but you also knew that was the closest you were going to get. So you nodded, unable to verbally express your gratitude for the sentiment, and Narcissa nodded back.

“If the two of you survive this war,” she stated, her demeanor growing distant once more, “do not be surprised if he wants to hear wedding bells after that.”

She did not wait for you to react to that statement; instead, she turned around and exited your room as quickly as she had come in.

You sat there in utter silence for another half hour, before Draco reentered the room with two bags. You assumed one held the tent and cots, or at least you hoped they did. You didn’t want to sleep on the ground.

Draco smiled meekly at you as he reached out a hand to help you up off the bed.

“It’s done,” he said, and you knew he was talking about telling your parents you were dead. You nodded in defeat, hoping that your mother demanding you come home alone wouldn’t be the last time you ever spoke to her. 

You followed him out to the foyer, standing slightly awkwardly as he hugged his mother goodbye. She held his face in her hands for just a few moments, before begging him in a whisper, “Be safe.”

He nodded once before taking your hand and guiding you out to the front yard, one of the bags in his hand, the other one in your hand, and your one free hand wrapped around his bicep so he wouldn’t lose you in the Apparation.

“You ready?” he asked quietly, reminding you of your father’s one question every time you exited King’s Cross Station after finishing up a year at Hogwarts. 

You nodded, wondering if your voice would ever come back as he did so.

Then his wand flicked, and you heard a _crack,_ and the Malfoy Manor was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope at least some of you got that princess bride reference because if not i will have to avada kedavra myself (JOKES)
> 
> anyway, i'm sorry i've been lacking on the updates so much! i've gone back to work over christmas break and unlike my IT job on campus, i can't just sit and write for this fanfiction at work XD but i'm doing as much as i can! and this chapter is longer than the last couple have been, which i like. so i probably won't be updating every day anymore, but i will be updating at least a couple of times a week. it just depends on how much i can get done. i have had a COMPLETELY full week, with three work shifts and two chiropractor appointments and i had to take my brother to his driving exam and everything it's just been SO busy.
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> see you soon <3


	43. far, far away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you want desperately to return to hogwarts. so you and draco hatch a plan to get you back there.

A week had gone by, and you had finally regained your voice. There were points where it cracked out, but for the most part you were finally able to speak again. You couldn’t really expect much more, though, for after all, you’d almost been killed. 

You hadn’t recognized the house you had Apparated to, but you supposed it was for the best. If you didn’t even know where you were, how was Voldemort supposed to know?  
Draco kept up with the news as best as he could by using a radio he’d brought with him. He’d been nearly unable to sleep most nights, curling up next to you every night despite the fact that he laid awake the whole night through more often than he actually fell asleep. You were beginning to worry about the poor boy, and you didn’t know what would happen when the school year started back up. You couldn’t really go back, but you supposed Draco had to. But when you brought up the situation to Draco in a question about it all, he was adamant that you needed to return to Hogwarts as well.

“You have to go back,” Draco retaliated. “You can’t just give up on your studies.”

“Draco, I’m supposed to be _dead,_ ” you responded. “How am I supposed to stay undercover if I just waltz back into Hogwarts? Voldemort would find me probably the first day of classes.”

Draco paced back and forth, clearly in deep thought. “What if we altered your appearance somehow?” he asked. “We would basically have to enroll you as a transfer student of some sort. Maybe from Beaubaxtons? Or Ilvermorny?”

You wrinkled your nose at the thought of the American wizarding school. You hadn’t heard much about it, but Draco thought it was worse than Hogwarts, and even your parents hadn’t heard a lot of good things about it. You weren’t sure you wanted people thinking you’d come from there.

Draco noted your sour expression, chuckling a little bit. “Okay, okay. Not Ilvermorny. But you won’t be able to pass as a Beaubaxtons student, I’m afraid. Not because you’re not pretty enough, but they’ve got this super strict regimen and you have to walk with your head super high and you have to have perfect posture—it’s just not something someone can fake without practicing for a really long time beforehand.”

You nodded. You knew that all too well. Pansy Parkinson had seemed a whole new person the first time you saw her after she’d transferred to the Academy of Magic. 

“What about Erehnoll?” you asked then. “The wizarding school from Ireland? Cho Chang came from there.”

Draco looked up at you. “It’s better than Ilvermorny, I guess.”

You smiled at his resignation, but also at the fact that you would get to return to Hogwarts after all. Even if everyone would have to meet an entirely different person, and you would probably have to try to make friends with other people, it would be worth it.

Draco nodded. “Send a letter to my mum about it then, and I’ll get to studying the spells to change your appearance.”

“What about just Polyjuice potion?” you asked. Draco shook his head. “It would be a lot harder to sneak into Erehnoll to get hair or anything from a student there. Plus, we’d have to keep brewing Polyjuice, because you’d have to keep drinking it in order to maintain your appearance. If we just use reversible spells, it’s going to be easier on everyone involved, plus we don’t have to keep casting the spells to keep you looking like that other person.”

You nodded. That made sense.

You hurried into the bedroom you shared with Draco to pen the letter to his mother, your quill moving quickly on its own as you did so. You had nearly forgotten to sign your alias a number of times, so you were grateful that Draco always proofread your letters before giving them to the owl.

Your alias, Amethyst Dovetail, had felt almost too fake when Narcissa suggested it. Like it was obviously a fake name just waiting for someone to call it out. But Narcissa had insisted that it was the name of one of her old friends from a visit to Beaubaxtons, one that she regularly visited, which meant that receiving correspondence from her via letter would not be suspicious, since Voldemort had put the mistress of Malfoy Manor essentially under house arrest. However, Narcissa had assured you he had stopped reading the letters after he realized they were all boring and full of things he didn’t see through, so you had been a bit riskier in the topics of the last few letters. 

But you still wrote under the name Amethyst Dovetail. You referred to Draco as Oliver, because you knew it would be awfully odd for an old friend of Narcissa’s to be hanging out with the dark-haired woman’s only son. You secretly liked the name Amethyst, you thought it was beautiful. On sunnier days when you allowed yourself to daydream, you thought of naming a future daughter Amethyst. A child that perhaps Draco could father.

You knew that was a ridiculous notion, however. It was foolish to be considering children and marriage and a picture-perfect family when your boyfriend was busy hiding you from the most powerful dark wizard the wizarding world had ever seen. So when you snapped yourself out of your reveries, you always felt just a little bit stupid, but they were the only things that got you through most of your days stuck in the rather small house that Draco had moved the two of you into.

Before you knew it, the letter was finished, and you picked it up, allowing the breeze from the open window to dry the ink scrawled onto the parchment.

_Narcissa,_ it read, 

_Hopefully this finds you well still. Oliver and I spend most of our days in the countryside now, watching the sun simply rise and fall. It’s been peaceful, for the most part._

_Oliver and I have decided to return to Hogwarts this fall, and we wanted your input on the situation. I would not be returning under the name I currently have, nor would I be returning with my appearance. Since I’m supposed to be dead, it would not be helpful to our situation for me to return as I am._

_I’m not sure what name I would use, but Oliver would help alter my appearance with spells, and I would enroll as a transfer from Erehnoll. It wouldn’t be too unbelievable, would it?_

_If need be, we could let Severus in on the idea, as he would be more apt to help the both of us. He would help Oliver blend back in, and he would help me remain hidden under an alias and alternate appearance._

_Please write back with your advice at your earliest convenience._

_Much love,_

_Amethyst and Oliver Dovetail_

Draco seemed to only skim it when you handed it to him, before rolling it up and sending it out with the owl. You watched the animal fly away until it was just a speck in the distance, and when it was gone, you turned back to the white-haired boy sitting at the dining table. 

“I just can’t be seen with you at Hogwarts once we actually go back, if we get away with this,” Draco said quietly, and your heart dropped. It was going to be a complete repeat of fifth year. “I’ll be expected to be grieving your death, and if I’m suddenly seen hanging on and around some random Irish transfer, it’s going to look incredibly suspicious.”

You sighed, shoving down the aching of your heart. You knew he was right, but if you needed anyone this coming year it was going to be him. You only hoped you could make friends with Juniper and Silver and Marin again—even if it was going to be under a completely new identity.

Draco sighed again, bringing you out of your spiraling thoughts. “We’ll get it worked out, love,” he said, and your heart involuntarily jumped at the pet name. You rarely, if ever, heard those. 

“I know,” you responded as he came up and put his arms around you, hugging you close. “I just hate that we have to be even further apart all over again.”

Draco nodded. “I do too. I’m not going to stand here and tell you it will be easy. But it will keep you safe, and that’s what matters to me.”

You looked up at him, and he put his hand on your face, pulling you in for a deep, longing kiss. You felt his other arm snake around your torso, holding you as close as he could while he kissed you. It almost felt like a goodbye kiss, despite the fact that you weren’t going to be parting for almost two more months.

The rest of your evening was spent right by Draco’s side, not wanting him to leave for anything. You knew eventually you weren’t going to be able to be glued to his hip, but for now, you relished in your proximity.

\---------------------

Narcissa’s response to your letter arrived almost two weeks after you sent the letter itself. You had begun to worry that Voldemort had started intercepting the mail again. It had never taken her this long to respond.

So when you saw the faithful barn owl soaring through the air and onto the ledge outside the kitchen window, your heart lifted in relief. You plucked the envelope from Barrow’s talons as he sat outside your window, gave the feathered bird his favorite treat, and watched him dance in delight as he ate it and hopped into your house as you turned away from the window, eager to get out of the sun as he awaited his next mission.

You quickly unfolded the papers inside, all too ready to see what Narcissa had to say about your idea.

_Dearest Amethyst,_

_I had the same worries about you returning to school. You need to finish your education, and I know that it would be more difficult to start after the war ends. So even though I think it’s foolishly dangerous, and I’m inclined to say Lucius would agree, I think this is probably the best course of action for you to take._

_But I cannot stress enough how imperative it is that you stay careful. Keep your details and backstory straight. Do not tell anyone else about it. It not only increases the amount of danger you are in, but it puts them in danger as well. Do not change your appearance back unless you are completely alone, or you are alone with either Oliver or Severus Snape. No one else is to be trusted, whether or not they carry a Dark Mark. Anyone else will immediately turn you into the Dark Lord, and the punishments will be dire. Not only for you, but for Oliver as well._

_My final command is one that I know will be difficult for both you and Oliver, but keep your distance from each other. It is for your own safety Regardless of how much I no longer care for you, I am not doing this to be petty. Oliver is going to be meant to be mourning you, as will most of Hogwarts, I’m sure. If he is found to be showing no signs of grief and is hanging around an Irish transfer that nobody else has heard of before, it is not going to keep you undercover for very long._

_Please do not hesitate to write me if you have further questions or need further help. Oliver will be Apparating me to you in person here soon, before you are due to return to Hogwarts. At that time we will go over what you will need and magically transform your appearance. I have the utmost confidence in Oliver’s current magical skills, but I would rather I cast the spells to disguise you. They are not spells that one can easily teach themselves, and until you are taught them at Hogwarts, it will cause everyone less stress if a practiced witch or wizard (like myself) performs it for you. So I will be brought to you to perform them myself, so he doesn’t accidentally end up removing your nose or some such thing._

_Please remain hidden, stay safe. Continue to stay inside the house. I know it’s difficult for you. But you are safe there, and you will be safer yet in Hogwarts, and it will only be a short time yet before you are back in the castle._

_Let Oliver know there will be word on his father’s escape from Azkaban here shortly. It shouldn’t be more than another fortnight before said news arrives._

_Much love,_

_Narcissa Malfoy_

The letter was sealed shut with the signature Malfoy stamp, pressed into wax the color of Slytherin green. You weren’t surprised. All of Narcissa’s letters had been sealed that way. But you still knew it was a sign. If ever an owl arrived with a letter that did not have that stamp, it meant Voldemort had found out something you didn’t want him knowing, and that it was time for you and Draco to go on the run again.

Draco came into the kitchen as you finished reading the letter from his mother, and you showed it to him. “The last time I was there, she said she wants to come out here a week before classes are due to start at Hogwarts,” he informed you. “It will give you enough time to get used to your new appearance and fall into the mindset that you are who you are going to have to pretend to be.”

You nodded in acknowledgement, wondering what name you would pick and what appearance you would end up having. You knew the circumstances were less than ideal, but the thought of creating a whole new person to hide in plain sight at Hogwarts was rather exciting. 

You winced as your Dark Mark began to burn. Voldemort had no way of knowing your arm still burned at his summons, but you knew that this meant Draco had to leave you once again.

He grimaced in his own pain as you knew the Mark burned on his skin as well. He groaned as he turned to you, pulling you in for a feverish kiss. His touches had become more scarce throughout the weeks that you two had spent together, and you had a sinking feeling they were going to become nonexistent by the time the two of you boarded the Hogwarts Express.

“I don’t know when I will return,” he muttered as he pulled out his wand, readying himself to Apparate back to Malfoy Manor. “Don’t wait up for me.”

You promised you wouldn’t, the same way you did every time the Slytherin boy was called back to his childhood home. You knew it pained him, watching the home he had grown up in become such a place of darkness. But you didn’t say anything about it, and neither did he.

“I will see you when I see you, y/n,” he said quietly, and you nodded. “I love you,” you told him in response, and his eyes softened as he looked at you.

“Be safe,” he ordered, though his tone was gentle.

And his wand cracked once more, and he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've got the plots for the next chapters written out, they just haven't been fully written. hopefully, even with my job i'll be able to update at least a few times this week.
> 
> also, give suggestions for fake names i could give y/n for her new hogwarts persona XD every name that hasn't been y/n or a canon character is one i've gotten off of fantasynamegenerators.com so if y'all have ideas i'm 100% open
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy this chapter! i'm trying to get them longer, because i feel like otherwise you're just waiting forever for an 800-word chapter and that's not fair to anybody, lol. but this one's like 2,500 words, i think? somewhere in there. 
> 
> see you soon! <3


	44. blessing in disguise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> even when the night changes, it will never change you & draco.
> 
> and even though you look like a whole new person, he still knows it's you.

Before you knew it, the summer had already come and gone. You found it both a blessing and a curse; one, because you knew classes were starting soon and you were beginning to go stir-crazy in this house, but on the other hand, you knew that this meant you had to go into the world (and into Hogwarts) as someone you had never been before, and you would be lying if you said that didn’t stress you out.

But luckily, it was the day Narcissa was supposed to come help you transform into an entirely different person, and while you knew she didn’t like you (and you no longer particularly cared for her) you were grateful that she was still willing to come help you out and hide you in plain sight inside the walls of Hogwarts. If nothing else, you knew it was for Draco, and not necessarily for your personal benefit. 

You had hardly even been up an hour when Narcissa and Draco Apparated back into the house. You had only barely had the time to shower and towel-dry your hair when they arrived. You knew they had arrived only by the loud crack that accompanied their landing in the living room.

“I figured this is where the two of you had come,” Narcissa said, her dark eyes surveying the room. “Obviously I wasn’t going to ask, but this makes sense.”

You hesitantly walked out into the living room, immediately feeling underdressed once you saw the mistress of the Malfoy Manor dressed in an elegant black gown. Her expression didn’t change when her eyes landed on you, but she hadn’t looked happy to begin with, either. “Ah, y/n,” she said quietly as you entered the room more fully, “are you ready to return to Hogwarts?”

You sighed. “I don’t know,” you answered truthfully. “On one hand, I want to go back so badly, I’ve missed it a lot. But I know that it isn’t going to be the same at all, and I know there’s a possibility it won’t ever be the same again. I’m just nervous.”

“I’m sure you are uneasy,” Narcissa said, and you found yourself slightly surprised at her quiet, but gentle tone. “But that’s why I’m here, to try to help you so you don’t feel quite as uncomfortable.”

“I appreciate it,” you said earnestly, though your voice was just as quiet. “Thank you.”

Narcissa allowed a smile to turn just the corners of her otherwise straight mouth, before drawing her wand and turning to you. “Now tell me,” she said as she came closer, running her fingers through your hair and moving your face around to get a better look at it. “What do you want to look like?”

You started. You hadn’t thought of that, you thought Draco and his mother would just know what you needed. “I-I don’t know,” you stammered. “I hadn’t really given it much thought.”

Narcissa hummed, still taking in the finer details of your appearance. “Well, we need to start somewhere, so why not your hair? What color would you want?”

You twisted your mouth in thought, going over all the possibilities in your head. Pink or blue hair excited you, but you knew it would be a horrible idea to do anything that would cause you to stand out.

“Make me a redhead, but with darker red hair,” you said finally. “And maybe make it a little longer?” Narcissa nodded, raising her wand and casting a non-verbal spell, leaving you wondering what spell she had actually used. But that thought quickly vanished as you looked into a mirror on the opposite wall, leaning back in shock as you saw how instantly it had changed. Thick, dark red locks poured down your back, a few inches longer than your original hairstyle had been. 

“You really want to look like a Weasley?” Draco scoffed, and his mother shot him a look that made him clam up immediately. You rolled your eyes at the remark. “Their hair is much brighter than this, I’ll have you know,” you said indignantly, and Draco rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything more.

“She’s right, you know,” came Narcissa’s voice as she ran her fingers through your new hair once more. “The Weasleys’ hair stands out a lot more than this does. This is closer to brown hair than it is to the hair of Ron or Bill or Charlie.”

She rounded in front of you again, pointing her wand once more. “You need different eyes, as well,” she murmured, and you felt the effects of her spell without even hearing her say a word. It felt like someone was pouring ice water into your eye sockets, but the sensation only lasted a few moments. You looked back into the mirror, befuddled at the sight of eyes that were a completely different color than your normal ones. “I could’ve worn contacts,” you pointed out, but Narcissa shook her head. “You can only get good contacts in the Muggle world,” she said coldly, and you realized she was right. “Besides, those come with the risk of you losing one, or of them falling out, or irritating your eyes. It’s really much easier just to use magic. Muggle products tend to be rubbish.”

You shrugged. You had thought there were some Muggle products that were useful, but you weren’t going to disagree with her right in front of her. That wouldn’t help your standing with her, and it would probably cause a disagreement with Draco later that you didn’t want to have. 

Narcissa spent the better part of a half hour transforming the rest of your appearance, and when she was finished, you didn’t even recognize yourself when she was finished. Which, you supposed, was the point.

“What do you think, Draco?” she asked then, and you watched as the white-haired boy gave you a once-over that you felt he didn’t have his heart in.

“I think she’s beautiful still,” came his response, and you felt your heart flutter at his kind words; you didn't normally hear him say things like that. “I feel like I think that because I know she’s still y/n underneath. I just worry about how she’ll fight off the boys.”

You chuckled slightly, but you did feel a jolt of concern at his words. What if Cedric Diggory tried to come after you again? Or worse, Theodore Thorne?

You shook the thoughts out of your head as you turned back to Draco. “Don’t worry about that,” you said earnestly, trying to get the fears out of his head as well. “I don’t plan on spending this year getting close to people.”

Draco seemed satisfied with your answer, or at least, if he wasn’t, he was acting like he was rather well. Narcissa gave another slight smile to the both of you, before turning fully back to you. “Have you thought about a name?” she asked then, and you shook your head. “I’d love to just keep going by y/n because it’d be less confusing, but that’s going to throw a lot of people if I show up looking completely different but with the same name of the girl who was killed by Voldemort over the summer.”

Narcissa nodded, her expression blank. You wished she were easier to read, but you knew her walls had been cemented by years of practice. And, you supposed, years of being married to Lucius Malfoy as well.

“Pansy, perhaps?” Draco said with a snicker, and you nearly threw your wand at him. Narcissa rolled her eyes at the boy’s antics, knowing that the mention of Draco’s awful ex-girlfriend had gotten under your skin.

“I think I’d like to go by Ravena Sayre,” you said then, after the moment of rage at Draco’s horrible suggestion had passed. “I like the name Ravena and Sayre is Irish.”

Narcissa nodded. “Ravena Sayre it is then,” she said with a nod of approval. “I like it. Keep using Amethyst when you write, however. It will keep up appearances at the Manor.”

She turned back to Draco as she put her wand back in her waistband. “Your father is supposed to return to the Manor by the end of the week,” she informed him, and you watched as his entire expression changed. He didn’t appear to light up at the news that his father was getting out of Azkaban, but he certainly didn’t look disappointed, either.

“Expect a summons to the house around that time,” she continued then, and Draco nodded once in acknowledgement of his mother’s instructions. She turned to give you one more once-over. “Keep your Mark hidden at all times,” she commanded. “You’ll be able to use magic to do so from now on. He won’t be keeping track of anything that has to do with you.”

Then she set her mouth in a hard, grim line, looking between the two of you as Draco moved to stand closer to you.

“And remember, both of you,” she said then, her voice much sterner than it had been moments before. “If I send word that Voldemort has found out that you are still alive, y/n…” 

Your heart froze in your chest as you awaited her next words, knowing they weren’t going to be anything good.

“If Voldemort finds out that you’re still alive, I am hereby commanding you to Obliviate Draco.”

You felt your heart drop to your feet at her order. “Obliviate him of his memory of me completely?” you asked.

Narcissa shook her head, and you felt yourself relax. “But you are to erase any memory he has of you surviving Voldemort’s attack, as well as my coming to change your appearance and hide you in Hogwarts. You will have to leave him thinking you died in the Manor a couple of months ago. And that is to keep the both of you as safe as possible.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, willing yourself not to cry. You didn’t know if your new appearance would still be pretty if you cried. 

“I’m going to request that you make the Unbreakable Vow for that, y/n,” came Narcissa’s voice, and your eyes snapped up to meet with the dark irises of Draco’s mother.

“Mother—” Draco started, but she cut him off. “This is to keep you _both_ safe,” she nearly barked. “I refuse to put you in more danger. You’re children.”

You swallowed again, feeling the tears spring to your eyes despite your best efforts. “Okay,” you said then, feeling the eyes of both of the Malfoys in front of you boring into you, even though you were refusing to look up at either of them.

“Fine,” Draco spat. “Clasp hands, then.”

Narcissa reached out her right hand, and you reached out your own and clasped the dark-haired woman’s hand as Draco placed the tip of his wand on your joined hands.

“Y/N, do you swear to do everything in your power to keep you and Draco safe while you are hiding yourself away from Voldemort in Hogwarts?” Narcissa asked.

“I do,” you said, watching as a thin strand of light burst from Draco’s wand, wrapping itself around your hand and Narcissa’s.

“Do you swear to keep your safety and Draco’s safety at the forefront of your mind, in every decision you make during your studies this year?”

“I do,” you responded. A second strand of light burst from Draco’s wand, entwining itself with the first strand and wrapping around the hand you kept firmly in Narcissa’s grasp.

“And finally, should all else fail and Voldemort find out that you are alive, do you swear that you will Obliviate Draco of his memories of you surviving and transforming into a different individual, so as to keep the both of you as safe as possible?”

You swallowed thickly one last time, trying to keep the tears you felt stinging your eyes at bay for as long as possible. “I do,” you said finally, watching as the third and final strand of light burst from Draco’s wand, shining brighter than the other two as it wrapped around the other two strands and wound itself around your hand and Narcissa’s as well.

Narcissa’s eyes seemed darker in the light being cast from the magical strands bound around your clasped hands. “Then so be it.”

Draco removed his wand then, and you watched as the light disappeared and Narcissa removed her hand from your grasp. She clasped her hands in front of her again, her eyes appearing lighter once the light from the wand had gone.

“I’m trusting you, y/n,” she said then, her voice no less stern than it had been when she first told you to Obliviate your boyfriend. “But I’m sure you know, if you break an Unbreakable Vow, you will die.”

You nodded. You knew that. Your mother had made one with an old friend from her days at Hogwarts nearly five years before. You had learned of the friend’s demise less than two weeks after that, for breaking her end of the bargain. Your mother swore she hadn’t done it just to test the friend’s loyalty, but the thought had stayed in the back of your head ever since.

Narcissa didn’t stay too much longer. She gave a few more instructions on how to reintegrate into Hogwarts, but once that lecture was finished, she raised her wand and Apparated herself away, and you watched Draco’s shoulders finally relax once she had disappeared.

You sighed heavily, scrubbing at your eyes. You wanted nothing more than to take a nap, but you had a lot of packing to do to get ready to go back to Hogwarts. And you and Draco were going to have to take a trip to Diagon Alley, whether you liked it or not.

“My parents are going to pay for whatever you need to go back to school,” Draco reassured you. “I know you’re going to have to get a lot of new clothes and such, and you can leave the old ones here. We’ll be coming here over Christmas break and whatnot, so you can leave whatever you want here in this house.”

You nodded. You didn’t exactly have anything else to say. 

“What house do you want to be placed in once we do go?” Draco asked, and you gave him a quizzical look. “What do you mean?” you asked. “Slytherin, of course.”

“No, you can’t go back to Slytherin,” he said then, igniting a flame of annoyance in you immediately. 

“Excuse me?” you asked. “I’ve been in Slytherin since I first arrived at Hogwarts, I’m not going to change it now.”

“It’s going to be a total giveaway, y/n,” Draco argued. “You’ll be found out in no time.”

“Because of my _house?_ ” you asked incredulously, and he nodded vehemently. But you shook your head in response. “That isn’t going to give away anything about me, Draco. As long as I remember my name is Ravena Sayre, nobody’s going to give a shit. Nobody’s going to notice any other similarities.”

Draco rolled his eyes. “A random student showing up this year after you were killed and _happening_ to be placed into Slytherin? That’s going to be totally inconspicuous,” he retorted sarcastically, even though you could hear the sarcasm in his underlying tone.

“Yes, it is, that’s correct,” you responded. “Nobody’s going to make any correlation. I don’t look a thing like I normally do. It’s just going to be a coincidence. Nobody’s going to read anything else into it. You’re just being paranoid, Draco, and it’s really unnecessary.”

“No it isn’t!” he cried. “I just think you should be placed in a house that doesn’t get a lot of attention. Slytherin gets a _ton_ of attention. I know it’s mostly because of me, and that isn’t me trying to brag, it’s just sort of fact. My feud with Potter gets Slytherin more attention than it would otherwise, and you know that. You need to stick to someplace like Ravenclaw. They aren’t going to stand out as much.”

“But I don’t _belong_ in Ravenclaw!” you yelled angrily. “I belong in Slytherin, the Sorting Hat told me that on the first night I ever walked into Hogwarts. My appearance isn’t going to change which House my loyalty lies with, and it certainly isn’t going to change the house I belong in when we actually return there in a week’s time.”

“Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, y/n!” he yelled then. “You heard my mother, you _have_ to do what will keep you safest! You took the _Unbreakable Vow_ for that!”

“I’m not fucking dead yet, Draco,” you hollered back. “My choice to stay in Slytherin is clearly not going to put us in any more danger.”

“You’re fucking unbelievable, is what you are,” he snapped finally.

You didn’t want to respond to that. You were over the argument. “I’m staying in Slytherin, Draco, and you can’t make me change my mind.”

He didn’t respond to you at all, he just stalked off into the kitchen and away from you.

You turned and headed into the bedroom, angrily pulling out your wand to open chests to begin packing to return to school.

You packed so many things your chest would hardly close, and you wondered how on earth you seemed to manage to pack more things than the previous year every single year you returned to Hogwarts. 

You felt like you’d been at the task for hours, trying to figure out what you could take and what you had to leave behind for the time being, when Draco entered the room again. You eyed him warily, not wanting another screaming match to break out. So when he said nothing to you, electing instead to silently wrap his arms around you, you were a bit surprised. He buried his face into your neck, breathing heavily as he pulled you closer.

“I can’t lose you, y/n,” he said into your neck, and even though his voice was muffled you could hear how shaky it was. “I thought I _had_ lost you, that day back in the Manor when Voldemort tried to use the Killing Curse on you…that pain was unbearable for me. I’m not going to be able to deal with losing you again…or with you Obliviating me so I think I’ve lost you. I can’t live without you anymore, y/n. You and I are meant to be together.”

You sighed as you wrapped your arms back around his neck, pulling him in closer to you as you felt his shaky breaths against your neck. “I know, Draco,” you said quietly. “But you know as well as I do that I belong in Slytherin. It isn’t going to be any more dangerous for me to be in Slytherin than it would be in the other houses. But, to stay out of the spotlight, I won’t try out for Quidditch.”

Draco exhaled heavily into your neck. “I know how much you’ll miss it,” he said then, his face still buried into the crook of your neck. “But you’ll make friends, and we can play pickup games whenever you want.”

You chuckled as you held the Slytherin boy in your arms, swaying back and forth as he held onto you almost as if squeezing too hard would cause you to shatter.

“That sounds good, Draco. I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you already have darker red hair i'm SORRY, i just wanted to add the funny line i gave draco about you looking like a weasley 
> 
> this was a semi-cute chapter for me to write. but it's gonna pick back up in the next few chapters. working on how the story's gonna start wrapping up here soon. only 35 chapters left! 
> 
> now i'm not gonna start wrapping up in chapter 50 or anything, but it's still time to start looking for what's coming, that's all i mean. i just like having things planned out.
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoyed this chapter. i wrote it in one sitting and finished it at like one in the morning.
> 
> see you soon! <3
> 
> **edit: 500 KUDOS?? i just saw the number when i posted the chapter & checked the stats. you guys are incredible and i can't believe you love this story so much. thank you thank you thank you!!!!**


	45. back to school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you arrive back at hogwarts to begin your sixth year. things feel different, however...and for good reason.

The ride on the Hogwarts Express somehow felt much darker than it had any of the years prior. The sun was shining brightly outside, yet you couldn’t help but feel like something was lurking around the corner, just waiting for the perfect moment to pounce and confirm your suspicions.

You heard whispers throughout the train, not really understanding any of them. They were far too quiet, and you hadn’t quite mastered the nonverbal version of the Amplifying Charm.

Draco had had to stay away from you, a fact that only served to make you feel lonelier as you sat in a compartment entirely by yourself. You were supposed to be dead. Nobody knew you were sitting in the Hogwarts Express, just magically disguised as someone else.

You had taken to staring out the window when you heard the door to your compartment slide open. You turned around, and your heart leapt at the sight of Juniper entering the train car.

“Need some company?” she asked gently, and you nodded excitedly, trying not to come across like you’d recognized her.

“I’m your new roommate,” she confessed then. “I’m sure you got the owl about it. You were in the Sáirsint house at Erehnoll, right?”

You nodded again. “I was sent an owl by…Severus Snape?” you said then, trying to make it sound like you weren’t sure of his name. “He said that means I’ll transfer right into Slytherin at Hogwarts.”

Juniper nodded. “So you’re Ravena, then?”

You nodded, forcing a smile. “I’m sure you and I will get along just fine.”

Juniper sighed, kicking her feet up on the seat across from her, on the one you were sitting on. “It’s not getting along I’m worried about,” she admitted, and you assumed she could tell you were confused by the look on your face, so she shrugged. “It’s just going to be rough for me, that’s all. You’re replacing the roommate I’ve had for the last five years here at Hogwarts. She was killed by the Dark Lord over the summer.”

You faked a gasp. “So he’s real?”

Juniper looked at you like you’d grown a third eye. “Of course he’s real. Have you Erehnoll-ians been living under a rock?”

You cleared your throat. “No. We were just visited by a lot of people from the Ministry, and they had everyone—even our Headmistress—convinced it was all just rumors, that the Dementors had been released from Azkaban or some such thing.”

Juniper sighed, putting her feet back on the ground and leaning forward. “I mean, the Dementor part isn’t exactly false—those guys have been going after Harry Potter since like, our second year. I’m not sure why they left Azkaban, but that basically helped the huge Azkaban breakout. The Carrows, Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy—basically everyone who was associated with Voldemort before his fall that was placed in Azkaban is back out on the streets. Rumor has it some of them are at Hogwarts.”

You felt your blood run cold. If any of the Death Eaters were at Hogwarts, you were already unsafe. If any of them found out who you really were, you knew none of them were anything close to Draco. They’d turn you in in a heartbeat. And if they took you before you could get to Draco, you would die, because you wouldn’t be able to Obliviate him before being placed before the Dark Lord. 

“You alright?” Juniper asked, her expression concerning. “You look like you just saw a Dementor.”

You shook your head roughly, trying to get your terrifying thoughts out of your head. “I’m fine,” you insisted. “It’s just a tad overwhelming, finding all of this stuff is real after I spent months thinking it was all rumors.”

Juniper chuckled a little. “Yeah, I guess that would be a bit daunting. Didn’t mean to shove it all down your throat at once. I’ll try to make it better, I’ll go get my friends Silver and Marin, they’d probably love to meet you. Hang on.”

You tried to sit calmly as Juniper left the compartment again, but you couldn’t believe your luck—getting all your friends back in one go? You felt a pang of guilt as you remembered this was pretty much exactly what Draco had warned against you doing—but the least you could do was try to offer them comfort. After all, they thought you were dead.

You looked back up as Juniper re-entered the train compartment, followed closely by Silver and Marin. Marin had changed a bit over the summer, her hair was almost black, much darker than her normal mousy brown. Silver, however, looked almost exactly the same. The three of them shared the same gloomy, overcast expressions, however, and Silver’s eyes were nearly blank.

“Silver, Marin, this is Ravena,” came Juniper’s voice, and you smiled at the two of them. “She’s going to be my new roommate,” Juniper continued. “So play nice.”

“Don’t be too hard on Juniper,” Marin piped in just then, and three pairs of eyes turned to look at her. “The girl you’re replacing in Juniper’s dorm, y/n, was killed over the summer. Juniper will warm up to you, but it’s gonna take a minute before she bounces back completely.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever fully bounce back,” Juniper said sadly, and even though her eyes were downcast you heard the crack in her voice. Her eyes welled up with tears, but she quickly blinked them away. “Y/N was a fighter, you know? I know she didn’t just give up. So at the very least, I know her last breath wasn’t spent running away from her problems.”

You felt your heart warm at Juniper’s words. But Silver seemed eager to change the subject away from you, as he turned to look directly at you. “What do you want to do when you finish school, Ravena?” he asked.

You shook your head. It was going to take a minute to get adjusted to your new name. “I’m…not sure,” you said, your mind blanking. Y/N wanted to be a Potioneer, but that probably wasn’t going to be the smartest thing for Ravena to say. “I’m fascinated with animals, so I might end up as a caretaker in the Sanctuary for Magical Creatures…back home…in Ireland,” you said finally. Headmistress Maguire said it would be a great fit for me after seeing my O.W.Ls grades and my grades in my Care of Magical Creatures classes. I was supposed to be taking more classes in that path back at Erehnoll this year, but I transferred here instead.”

Marin chuckled slightly. “Not that being this way is a bad thing, but you seem a bit preppy for Slytherin,” she quipped. “I feel like you would fit better in Hufflepuff, but if your Erehnoll house was the Hogwarts equivalent of Slytherin, then that’s how it has to be.”

“Shut up, Marin, you just want someone else in this friend group to not be Slytherin,” Silver joked, and you laughed at the lighthearted rib. You were glad to see Silver being humorous like that. You had been worried upon your first glance at him that he was much deeper in his grief over your death.

Marin rolled her eyes, even though she was smiling herself. “And so what if that’s true?” she joked back. “I need some representation!” 

Everyone laughed at that.

The laughter died down as the Hogwarts Express pulled into its final stop, just outside of the school. You sighed slightly as you looked outside. The normally bright and welcoming school just seemed…foreboding this year. The clouds hiding the shining sun didn’t help the overall atmosphere one bit.

You tried your best to ignore it as you pulled your luggage from the racks and followed Juniper, Marin and Silver outside, but it was only amplified when you saw who was standing at the top of the steps, just outside the large doors that shut the world out from the main entrance of the castle.

It was Severus Snape.

“Attention, boys and girls,” came his grating voice. You were grateful for the protection he had provided you the year before, and for the fact that he was one of the only trustworthy people in the entire castle at this point, but that didn’t mean you liked the guy on a personal level. But that wasn’t the point.

“I am your new Headmaster,” he continued, and you stifled a groan even amidst the many gasps and groans you heard from the students surrounding you. “I will be putting new regimens into practice in the coming weeks, and rest assured that the punishments will not be taken lightly should they be…disregarded.”

You didn’t want to hear the rest of his lecture, but luckily it was only a couple more sentences longer. You quickly dispersed from the first-years that were funneled into the Great Hall for their Sorting Ceremony, following Juniper down to the dungeons as you entered the Slytherin Common Room for the first time in what felt like years.

You wanted to race back up to your dorm room, but you knew you weren’t supposed to know where it was. So you followed Juniper up the winding steps towards the girls’ dormitory instead, keeping your luggage close to your person as she opened the door into your room.

It was oddly bare, almost as if someone had come through and stripped it of anything remotely interesting. The walls were painted, too. Three of them were a deep emerald green, and the fourth, directly opposite the windows, was black. The desks were bare, and the bookcase was smaller. It only had four shelves, much unlike the six it had had in years prior, and upon glancing at the books, it was only full of textbooks that you’d already studied through in your first five years at Hogwarts.

“You’ve heard of Harry Potter, right?” came Juniper’s voice, startling you out of your reverie. You turned to her, nodding slightly. “I guess deep down we all knew the stories were true, what with everything happening,” you said, feeling only slightly guilty at how easily you were able to lie. “We just treated it like an urban legend, or something that had happened way before our times.”

Juniper let out a clearly forced chuckle, rubbing a hand across her forehead. “I wish we’d had that luxury,” she sighed. “The kid hasn’t even returned to school. Neither have his two Gryffindor friends, Ron and Hermione. We’re pretty sure they’ve ducked into some cave on the outskirts of the country or something. None of them are safe at this point. If Voldemort or any of his lackeys find any of those three, they aren’t going to keep them alive long enough to call for help.”

You felt a shudder go through your body at Juniper’s dark words. You knew they were true, but you still didn’t want to hear them. So instead of responding, you turned around, using your wand to start unpacking things and putting them away.

“You wouldn’t know this, but the room looks a lot different,” Juniper commented as you continued to magic things into their proper spaces. “I think Snape’s trying to strip us of any imagination. We can’t think too hard or we might figure out the shady shit he’s actually trying to pull.”

“Is Snape…one of them?” you asked, even though you fully knew the answer. “One of…Voldemort’s lackeys?”

“According to _him,_ he hasn’t served Voldemort in any capacity since he tried to kill Harry when Harry was a baby,” came Juniper’s answer. “But Dumbledore barely trusted the guy. There’s a reason he was never allowed to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I personally don’t trust him, either. I think he’s still working for Voldemort, he’s just putting on a front that he’s one of the bad-guys-turned-good now.”

You swallowed. You knew she was right, but there was no way you could tell her that. Not without revealing your identity. And you didn’t quite feel like failing in your mission less than a day after starting it.

The bells began to toll only a few minutes later, signaling the end of the Sorting Ceremony. You and Juniper now had ten minutes to dress in your house robes and make it upstairs for the Feast.

“I wonder how Malfoy’s doing,” Juniper said absentmindedly as the two of you walked to the Great Hall. You startled, but tried not to show it. “Lucius Malfoy?” you asked, playing dumb on purpose.

“No,” Juniper responded. “His son, Draco. He was dating y/n on and off. I have a feeling that he’s been roped into serving the Dark Lord too. Y/N and Draco fought a lot, but when they were good, they were a whole power couple. He broke a guy’s nose last year because the guy treated y/n like absolute shit. So now that she’s been, you know, murdered by Voldemort, he probably isn’t dealing with that very well.”

You searched the crowd for your Slytherin Prince as you sat with your table for the Feast, something you’d been looking forward to since summer started. Your eyes found him quite quickly, he was sitting with his normal crew. Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle all surrounded him, and the three of them were laughing at something. Draco, however, looked absolutely distraught, and you briefly entertained a wondering thought of how hard he was having to try to act. 

But when his eyes met yours, down the table, and you caught his lip wobbling, you knew it wasn’t an act. He was going to be absolutely lost without you.

Which was fair. You weren’t sure how you were going to handle the year without him by your side, either.

And when Snape gave the most dismal Hogwarts Feast speech you’d ever had to painfully endure, you knew that only made it worse.

Once it had finally ended, you let your eyes wander back to Draco’s spot, but it was empty. You had to stop yourself from getting up to go find him, instead forcing yourself to tune back into the conversation Juniper, Silver and Marin were all having.

This year wasn’t going to be fun. With Snape being Headmaster, Harry Potter and his two friends being missing entirely, and who knew how many Death Eaters being in charge around the school, you knew you’d be lucky to last the whole year here.

The year was going to be a rollercoaster ride, to put it mildly. And you were no longer sure you wanted to endure that year in Hogwarts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have had to work eight days in a row, and i still have three more days until i have a day off. i know i'm making money but this SUCKS
> 
> anyway, i'm sorry this chapter took a whole week. i'm trying to get stuff cranked out, i promise! i'm just exhausted 99% of the time. 
> 
> hope you enjoy this one anyway.
> 
> p.s. Sáirsint means "serpent" in _i think_ gaelic. i google translated it. i couldn't find anything for erehnoll houses on pottermore or through a google search so i made my own stuff up. and i'm not 100% on the language i actually ended up deciding on for the house name XD
> 
> see you soon <3


	46. new rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hogwarts with the new headmaster sucks, to put it lightly.

Hogwarts under Snape’s iron fist was hardly Hogwarts at all. There were no trips to Hogsmeade. There were no students lingering in halls after classes. There were no students speaking and laughing in the Great Hall at mealtimes. The only time you heard the voices of your fellow students was when you were in your room with Juniper or other friends, or when your new head of house, Alecto Carrow, was not present in the Common Room and your fellow Slytherins felt safe enough to speak out loud.

The dark cloud that seemed to hover over the once-bright and lively castle grew by the day. Students were beginning to lose interest in the spells and charms that had once enveloped their young minds. Multiple seventh-years dropped right out, unable to continue on under the circumstances surrounding Hogwarts. Unfortunately, this meant they were leaving you and the rest of the sixth-years more or less in charge.

You tried not to focus on the new boot camp-esque scene that Hogwarts had become. The chains on the wall at the front of the Great Hall helped keep your eyes glued on your plate at mealtimes. You couldn’t bear to see fellow students chained up during the day there, blatant evidence that they had disobeyed one of the many, many rules that Snape had instated the minute he’d taken Dumbledore’s place. 

You also couldn’t help the massive guilt you felt at seeing everything that was happening. You knew you had started this. You had killed Dumbledore, that’s what had set this all in motion. The culpability you felt at this heavy knowledge was like cinderblocks on your shoulders that you had to carry around all day every day. You couldn’t even turn to Draco for support. He was having to carry on his own act, continuing to serve under Voldemort and pretend that he was mourning your untimely demise all at the same time. You felt even worse every time you remembered that. You couldn’t even be there for him, because he had to stay as far away from you as possible. 

You tried your absolute hardest to stay under the radar, keeping your Dark Mark covered with magic and your nose in your books. You didn’t speak in class unless you were called on, and your free time was usually spent holed up in your dorm room, your quill to your paper and several books strewn about your desk or your bed. You were rarely seen outside of your Common Room if you weren’t in class or in the Great Hall, which you supposed helped you keep up your persona as Ravena. This time last year you would’ve wanted to be anywhere but your Common Room before bedtime, wanting to spend more time with Marin and Juniper and Silver outside in the courtyard, playing pickup games of Quidditch, or you’d be in actual Quidditch practice with Arlie and the rest of the Slytherin team, preparing to wipe the field with Ravenclaw the next time you played against each other.

However, despite all of your careful, calculated attempts to slide through your sixth year undetected, you were unable to completely protect yourself from the Carrows in your Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

You found yourself sat in their classroom one ugly afternoon. Ugly in the sense that it was gross and humid outside, yet still raining. The weather brought down the mood of the school even more than usual, and your newest Defense Against the Dark Arts professors did absolutely nothing to help.

You had been tuning in and out of the lecture that day, your mind wandering to Draco and how much you missed him. You twirled your quill around in your hand, snapped out of your reverie when you heard your name called by Amycus Carrow from the front of the class.

“Ravena,” came his grating voice. You had learned the hard way how annoying his voice really was to listen to. You weren’t sure if it was just annoying or the fact that he was also a Death Eater, but you knew deep down it was likely a combination of both.

“Yes, sir?” you replied.

“Would you mind telling me exactly what it is the Cruciatus Curse does?” he asked, and you swore a smirk turned the corners of his mouth up for just a second, but you refused to give any indication that you’d noticed it.

“It’s an Unforgivable Curse, sir. It’s also known as the Torture Curse, because it inflicts horribly unbearable pain on the victim. It’s nearly excruciating, which is partly where the name Cruciatus Curse comes from.”

“Very good,” Alecto piped up. “Twenty points to Slytherin.”

That was another thing the Carrows did, they blatantly favored the Slytherins. Had you been from any other House, you would’ve been lucky to get five points. In fact, had you been from any other House they probably would’ve taken points away for some mundane reason like taking too many breaths in the sentence.

You couldn’t really call them out on it, though, unless you wanted to be Cruciated.

“Come to the front of the class, please, Miss Sayre?” Amycus said then, and with an expression of confusion on your face, you obliged. 

“Draw your wand,” he instructed, and you did, still thoroughly confused. 

His eyes scanned the room, landing on a Hufflepuff boy you didn’t really recognize. You’d seen him in passing, sure, but you didn’t know his name by any means.

“You, Peter, come up here,” he instructed then, and the yellow-robed boy hurried up to join you before Amycus at the front of the class, his own wand drawn excitedly. You had a sinking feeling about the whole thing, which was only made worse when Amycus told Peter that he didn’t need his wand, only you did.

“Now, Ravena,” Amycus said then, his voice growing lower by the second, “provide us with a demonstration of the Cruciatus Curse.”

Your heart plummeted, and Peter’s face changed instantly, the shock and terror on his face evident for everyone. The blood drained from his face as quickly as you could feel the color leaving your own, and the hand that held your wand began to tremble violently.

“Wh-what?” you asked, and Amycus rolled his eyes. “Don’t be a coward. Cruciate him!” 

“I—I can’t do that, it’s an Unforgivable Curse!” you stammered out. “I just told you that!”

“I’m your professor and this is _school,_ Ravena,” Amycus snapped. “You will do as I say.”

“I can’t Cruciate him, he’s innocent!” you cried. “I won’t do it!” 

“Then it’s detention,” he snarled, shoving you in the direction of your seat. “After class, you will return to me.”

You stumbled back to your seat, painfully aware of how many eyes were on you. You felt your face burn in embarrassment, but you hoped detention wouldn’t be as bad as the rumors you had heard of it made it out to be.

You couldn’t have been more wrong.

You found yourself sat in a seat farther up in the classroom once the other students had cleared out. It was you, one other Ravenclaw boy, and Alecto and Amycus Carrow, all alone in the otherwise empty Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. 

“You’re quite bold, Ravena, flat-out refusing to do what a _professor_ ordered you to do,” Alecto sneered as Amycus pulled the Ravenclaw boy up to the front of the classroom by his arm. The poor blue-robed boy looked absolutely terrified, and you knew you didn’t look any better.

“Stand up, Sayre,” he ordered, and you hopped up out of your seat without even thinking about it. He grabbed your arm the same way he had grabbed the Ravenclaw boy’s arm, dragging you up to the front of the classroom to face him.

“Ravena, Gordon, Gordon, Ravena,” Amycus said dismissively. “I’d skip the pleasantries but I also think you should know your victim’s name.” He looked down at you, an ugly smirk turning the corners of his mouth upward. Leaning forward, he whispered lowly, “It makes things a little more… _personal._ ”

You felt goosebumps prickle up and down your arms as he stood back up, straightening his back. “Gordon, give your wand to Alecto. As long as things go to plan, it will be returned to you in the same condition it was taken in.”

Gordon’s hands were trembling as badly as yours had been in class as he took his wand from the inside pocket of his robe and handed it to the dark-haired Death Eater. Alecto wasn’t even trying to hide her Dark Mark, instead electing to roll her shirt sleeves up to leave it on full display as she ran the classes she and Amycus taught.

You shivered as you laid eyes on it as Alecto took Gordon’s wand, despite having the same Mark on your own forearm. You felt it prickle as your thoughts were trained on it, and you pushed the feeling out of your mind and refocused on the scene before you.

“Ravena, draw your wand,” Amycus ordered.

You wanted to stand still and defy him again, but you didn’t want to face the wrath of the Carrows, either, so you did as you were told and drew your wand.

“Point it at Gordon.”

Your stomach sank lower with every command Amycus barked at you, and you hoped Gordon could see your unspoken apology written in your eyes. 

“ _Imperio._ ”

You felt your entire body tense as the spell hit you, and all you saw was bright orange. You felt yourself lose control of everything in your body, and you began to shake as your body struggled to keep itself upright.

“Ravena Sayre, I order you to Cruciate Gordon Buckling!”

You felt your arm lift once again against your own will, and you screwed your eyes shut so you wouldn’t have to watch it. 

“Eyes _open,_ Sayre!” came the next command, and your eyes forced themselves open at hearing the order.

“ _Crucio!_ ” said your voice, though it didn’t belong to you. Red light shot from your wand, hitting Gordon square in the chest. The dark-haired Ravenclaw boy crumbled to the floor, screaming in agony as he writhed under your curse. You felt yourself begin to cry as you watched the poor boy suffer, the hot tears streaming down your face as Amycus forced you to keep going.

After what felt like hours, Amycus released you, and you fell to the floor sobbing. He stepped over you as he returned to Alecto, and you heard the clattering on the floor of Gordon’s wand as Alecto carelessly threw it back to him.

“Remember this for the next time one of you decides to try to humiliate us in front of our own class,” Amycus snarled as he and Alecto walked out of the classroom.

“Oh, and Gordon,” Alecto called behind her as they approached the exit, “that’s one hundred points from Ravenclaw for that little stunt.”

You heard Gordon groan in response, and Alecto only laughed as she followed Amycus out of the room. Her shrill, nasal cackle made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

You waited until you heard their footsteps fade away before scrambling over to Gordon. You rummaged through your bag for your vial of Medella potion. “Hold still, Gordon,” you begged as you popped the top off, and he quieted down immediately as you rolled him onto his back.

“This is healing potion, I promise it’s just going to help,” you said quietly, and he closed his eyes as he awaited the potion. You pulled out the dropper, positioning it over his forehead and administering exactly four drops. You watched his entire body begin to relax as it took over, erasing the after effects of the Cruciatus Curse that you had inflicted upon him.

After a few moments, he sat up, his eyes full of relief. “Thank you, Ravena,” he said earnestly. “That was the worst pain I’ve ever been in.”

“I know,” you said quietly. “I’ve never had it happen to me, but I—I’ve watched it happen to people I care about. I’m so sorry I had to do that to you.”

“I don’t blame you for it, Ravena,” he said then, and you could tell from his expression he meant it. “I know you had no control over what you were doing. I watched it happen. I know you were in just as much pain as I was having to do it to me.”

You smiled slightly as you helped him stand up. “I’d offer to make it up to you by buying you a Butterbeer, but we aren’t exactly allowed to go to Hogsmeade anymore.”

Gordon smiled, stretching to allow the last of the potion to erase his lingering soreness. “I know,” he said with a sigh. “But hey, we could still study together later, if you wanted to?”

You smiled back at him, nodding once. “I’d like that.”

Gordon picked his wand up from the floor, placing it back into his robe as he gathered the rest of his things to leave the wretched classroom. “It’s a date.”

\--------------------------------

You had eaten dinner in silence once again, the eerie quietness of the Great Hall still not something you were used to, even though you had been back in class for nearly a month. You hoisted your bag onto your shoulder as you made the journey back down to the dungeons, not knowing if you really wanted to go back to your dorm room all over again or not.

You pushed open the door to your room, noting that Juniper was still absent. For her sake, you hoped she was with Arlie, regaining at least some semblance of the Hogwarts life you had used to have.

You threw your things onto your desk chair as you noticed an envelope on your bed, and when you noticed Draco’s handwriting messily scrawling your fake name onto the parchment, you knew he’d sent an owl.

You ripped it open, eager for any sort of correspondence from the Slytherin boy you hadn’t spoken to in so long.

You were slightly disappointed to see there were only three sentences on it, but it didn’t do too much to quell your excitement.

_Y/N_

_I obviously had to be careful and put your fake name on the envelope, but it’s me. Meet me in the Divination Tower at midnight tonight, the Astronomy Tower is too risky at this point. We have a lot we need to talk about._

_-D_

You could’ve jumped for joy at the realization that you’d finally get to see him. You had seen him in passing since returning to school, and you shared one measly class with him, but you hadn’t even sat next to him in that class, and you certainly couldn’t speak to him outside of class. This was going to be a meeting you’d been hoping to get since you’d returned to Hogwarts.

You tried to spend the next few hours getting homework done, and while you managed to get a few things finished for your Charms class, as well as a three-foot parchment for your Ancient Runes class, you still found it hard to focus. It felt like every few seconds you were glancing at the clock, trying to get the time to go by faster. Of course, it felt like time slowed to a stop the more you looked at the clock, and you rolled your eyes and reluctantly returned to your studies every time the clock disappointed you by only being a few minutes farther forward. 

Juniper came in a while later, patting your shoulder as she spoke a brief hello as she passed by you. “Arlie and I are sneaking out to play some pickup Quidditch once he’s done with actual Quidditch practice, would you want to come with?” she asked. “I don’t know what you know about playing Quidditch but I’m sure you’d pick it up in no time.”

You wanted to more than anything, you’d missed playing Quidditch almost as much as you’d missed actually getting the time of day from your Slytherin Prince. But looking at the clock, you realized you only had an hour before you were supposed to meet Draco in the Divination Tower, and you slowly shook your head in response.

“Sorry, June,” you said apologetically. “I’ve gotten so much homework, I’m literally exhausted. Maybe tomorrow or some other time?”

Juniper stood there and stared at you, and you gave her a confused look in response. “Are you okay?” you asked then, concerned. You weren’t sure what you had said.

Juniper shook her head quickly, her red hair flying around her face as she did so. “Nothing, nothing,” she said hurriedly. “I just—y/n used to call me June that same way. I shouldn’t be so surprised that someone else gave me a nickname, I just—it threw me off.”

You wanted to kick yourself, but you tried not to let anything show through your facial expression. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to open up old wounds or anything like that.”

Juniper chuckled slightly. “I can’t blame you for any of that—it’s not like _you_ killed y/n. It just surprised me, that’s all. Don’t worry about it.”

You felt a pang of guilt go through your chest as Juniper changed her clothes quickly and left the dorm room again. You had fucked up so royally there—it was a miracle you hadn’t blown your cover that very moment.

You tried not to think about it as you hurried through changing your own clothes, sticking your wand into your boot and pulling a cloak over yourself, both to keep you warm in the castle as it grew ever colder by the day, and to keep you as hidden in the shadows as possible as you made your way to the Divination Tower.

Professor Trelawney had been thrown out almost immediately after Dumbledore had been killed—she still lived on the grounds, just as Hagrid did—but she hadn’t been permitted to teach or even enter the castle since the new year had begun. The classroom was evidence of that much—dust covered the entire room, and you shuddered as you saw spiders skittering across the ceiling as you sat down on a pillow that had once been your seat when you attended the actual class.

Draco arrived only a few minutes after you did, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you. He didn’t say a word when he made eye contact with you, but the hug he pulled you into was communication enough. He held you tightly, like you’d disappear if he let go. You felt tears streaming out of your eyes as you held him even tighter to yourself, and when you pulled away, he remained silent still, his hand reaching up to cup your face and wipe your tears away.

“Are you okay?” he asked then, breaking every resolve you’d managed to build up over the month you’d spent without the white-haired boy.

You broke down entirely, falling to the ground with Draco following, wrapping his arms around you as you told him everything that had happened, although you really only focused on the day you had just had, since you had managed to stay beneath the radar for the most part prior to being Imperiused by the Carrows. 

Draco was silent when you finished your tirade, only looking back up at you when you let out a shaky breath, watching as you brushed away more wayward tears. It was dark in the Divination classroom, but you could see the pure, unadulterated rage in his eyes, veiled only by the blank expression that masked the rest of his face.

He rubbed a hand over his face, and you knew without him even speaking that he was trying his best not to completely blow up.

“I can’t fucking believe this,” he growled then, turning away from you even more. “This whole fucking school has gone to absolute shit. My father never thought we got a decent education before, but now that everything is… _this_ way…we’d be better off back in that stupid country house.”

He breathed a heavy sigh as he laid back on his back, staring up at the cobweb-covered ceiling. “Fuck,” he breathed. “This shit sucks. This shit would give Umbridge an orgasm, that’s how draconian this hellhole is. It’s fucking mental.”

You didn’t want to talk about it anymore. You lifted up a hand to place it on his face, leaning over him and looking directly into his stony grey eyes with your own teary ones. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” you begged. “Please. This is you and me.”

He sighed again, sitting back up and hooking an arm around your torso to pull you closer. “I’m sorry, y/n,” he said quietly. “I’m just so mad. I can’t do anything to fucking protect you, you’re out here all alone.”

“Hey,” you said, leaning into him. “I did it on my own for four years, you know. When you and I hated each other and all that.”

He buried his face into the crook of your neck. “I never hated you,” he mumbled into your skin, and you felt yourself cringe away slightly as his voice tickled your skin. “You were just insufferable.”

You rolled your eyes at the jest you knew he didn’t mean, and wrapped your arms around him to pull him even closer to you.

You sat there for a few moments more before he pulled away from you, standing up and pulling out his wand. “What are you doing with that?” you asked, your confusion evident in the tone of your voice.

“I, uh—my mother taught me all of the spells I need,” he said, and you cocked an eyebrow at how vague he was being. “What?” you asked. “What spells?”

He reached out a hand for you to grab, and when you took it, he pulled you up. You didn’t have time to say anything to him before he pointed his wand at you and whispered, “ _Revelio._ ”

You gasped as you felt the spells holding your fake appearance in place melt away. Draco nodded in silent approval, pocketing his wand as he came closer to you, putting his hands on your waist once more. His eyes darkened even more as he stared back into your own, and you felt your heart rate quicken as his hands crept around you, his fingers teasing the hem of your shirt.

“I’ve just missed you,” he said quietly. “I want you, and I wanted you to look like you when I took you.”

You couldn’t help yourself; you chuckled at his statement. “How romantic,” you joked, but Draco didn’t laugh. He leaned forward instead, pulling you closer and planting kisses down your neck. 

You breathed out a sigh of pleasure, reveling in the feeling of his lips on your skin. Goosebumps broke out from his very touch, and when his hands made their way up under your shirt, you jumped at the feeling of his cold fingers, but you just as soon leaned back into him, wrapping your arms around him as he leaned back up to kiss you deeply.

He wasted no time in reaching down to tug your pants off, nudging his leg between yours as he laid you back down on the floor, continuing to kiss you. He pulled away only long enough to pull your shirt off and then his own, his hands barely leaving your skin the entire time.

“Gods, I’ve fucking missed you,” he mumbled as he helped you shimmy your bra off as well. His mouth wasted no time in finding your already mostly taut nipples, and you couldn’t help the quick breaths that fell from your lips as his mouth worked a little magic of its own on your hot skin.

He moved downwards, his lips leaving a trail of soft kisses all the way down your torso, stopping at the hem of your underwear. You whimpered when he pulled his lips off of you, but he simply smirked as he hooked a finger into your panties and pulled them down your already trembling legs. Whether they were trembling from your arousal or the cold draft slipping through the cracks in the windows—you couldn’t even tell. 

But none of that mattered once Draco attached his mouth to your core. His tongue moved in figure eights as he slipped two of his fingers into you, moving them in a wavy motion as he pumped them in and out of you. You threaded your fingers through his white-blonde hair, breathing his name as he continued his gentle assault. You felt the fire growing in the pit of your stomach as he picked up the pace slightly, and he hummed against you in such a way that you felt the fire explode across your body, releasing every feeling you’d been deprived of for over a month. You moaned loudly as you rode out your high, only quieting down when the Slytherin boy pulled away from you.

“You’ve got to be more quiet, princess,” he said with a chuckle as he unbuckled his belt. You watched as he did so; somehow, it was one of the hottest things you’d ever witnessed. He pulled his own pants down, revealing his hard member. He knelt back down over you, positioning himself between your legs as you waited expectantly, spreading your legs even more so he could fit in right between them.

He slammed into you unexpectedly, knocking the breath right out of you. Your pants mixed with Draco’s groans as he thrusted in and out of you, and your nails raked down his back as you felt yourself quickly approaching a second climax.

Draco kept up his pace even as he leaned back down to kiss you roughly, your fingers finding their way into his hair again. He leaned down into you, lying most of his weight on top of you as he continued to pump in and out of you, his pace quick and forceful. 

His hand snaked down your body again to find your clit, wiggling his finger in the perfect way to send you careening over the edge again, and he muffled your cries of pleasure with a heavy, deep kiss. He moved his mouth down your neck once more, sucking heavily so as to make sure a mark would remain. 

His climax followed yours shortly after, and he pulled out of you, leaving you shaking and breathing heavily. 

“I love you,” you breathed once you caught your breath again, and as you sat up, he leaned forward once more to kiss you one more time. 

“I need to send owls to you more often,” Draco commented as the two of you pulled your clothes back on. “I’ve missed you more than you fucking know.”

You nodded. “It’s been rough. I’ve become friends with Juniper and Silver again, but it’s been really lonely all by myself.”

Draco sighed. “I know. I wish it were different. I—I’m sorry I can’t do anything about it.”

You looked at him, kissing him gently. “It isn’t your fault,” you said reassuringly. “You’re just trying to keep me safe.”

Draco put his hand on your face one more time, looking into your eyes for what felt like hours before he lifted his wand again. “You need to become Ravena again,” he said, the sadness clear in his tone.

“Let’s hope you can get the job done,” you said, attempting a smile that Draco didn’t return.

You stood up, and Draco muttered spells you only recognized from Narcissa weeks before, and when you looked into the mirror in the corner of the classroom, you did, once again, see Ravena Sayre looking back at you. In fact, you’d say your hair looked better than when Narcissa had cast the spells over you. (Not that you’d say that to Narcissa’s face, of course.)

You sighed once you were ready to go again, and Draco pulled you in for a tight hug. “I’ll send an owl in a few days’ time,” he promised. “We can start writing each other and I can start sending updates from my mother once I start receiving them.”

You nodded. “That’d be great, it’d be nice to relieve some of the stress about the whole thing,” you admitted. Draco nodded, or at least tried to. His head still rested on top of yours, as his arms were still wrapped tightly around you.

When you finally pulled away, you stood up on your tiptoes to kiss him one last time. “Until next time,” you said quietly, before turning to leave the Divination Tower. 

“Y/N, wait,” he begged, and you would’ve turned around even if you hadn’t heard the sad desperation in his tone.

You stood there, awaiting to hear what he had asked you to wait for, but the words that came from his mouth weren’t the ones you’d expected.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry. it's been literally like three weeks. it's been awful. i started a new temp job, i've worked pretty much every day, on top of christmas shopping and general lack of time and motivation. it sucks.
> 
> i'm also sorry that i have nothing but excuses, lol. this chapter's almost 5,000 words, though. so i hope you like it and that it makes up for the absolute nothing i've given you for two weeks XD
> 
> i hope you all had a good holiday season and a happy new year! merry christmas if you celebrate it, happy holidays if you don't :)
> 
> see you soon!


	47. pickup games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you sneak out after curfew to play quidditch with some classmates. you just want some semblance of your old life back.

Three weeks went by, with no word from either Draco or his mother. You considered that no news was good news, but it didn’t stop you from wanting to hear from them. With both of your parents and your brother under the impression that you were dead, Narcissa and Draco were the closest thing you had to family. With no contact from them, you felt more isolated than you ever remembered being. Even in the last weeks of the term prior, when you and Draco had broken up, you had had people to reach out to.

Sure, you were technically friends with Marin and Juniper and Silver, but you couldn’t very well talk to them about any of the problems you were having. You didn’t know if confessing to any of them about who you really were would be considered breaking your Unbreakable Vow, so you kept that secret to yourself. It was more to keep yourself alive than anything, but that didn’t stop you from feeling sad that you didn’t really have anyone you could go to at any time. 

So when Friday night rolled around again and Juniper once more invited you to a secret Quidditch pickup game, you readily agreed. You were ready to get out of your dorm room, even if it was only for a few hours. You grabbed a beautifully knit blue sweater—a gift delivered to you by owl with no note attached—and followed her through a few hidden hallways and out onto the dark Quidditch pitch.

You spotted Arlie fairly quickly, and you felt a surge of relief at the fact that maybe, just maybe, you could get a semblance of your former life back for a few hours. He raised his hand, and for a split second, you thought it was in greeting to you, but you quickly realized it was a signal for the students hovering around the pitch on their own brooms to cast _Lumos Maximus_ —a spell that would quickly light up the entire field so the students on the pitch could play. You observed how smart that was, too—they served as lights for the field and lookouts for anyone who would rat you out or punish you for being out past curfew. 

“Come on, Ravena, keep up!” Juniper called as she hurried along over to the rest of the players waiting to play Quidditch. “We can’t stay out all night!”

You jogged to catch up with her as she reached Arlie. You quickly recognized some of the students you’d played with on the Slytherin team the year before—most notably, Silver and your white-haired Slytherin Prince, Draco Malfoy himself. 

His eyes shot wide open when he spotted you, but he quickly regained his composure. You hadn’t realized there was a chance Draco would be out here tonight, too—you figured he would’ve been brooding in his room the way he normally did. 

You shook the thought out of your head as Arlie handed you a broom. “Ravena Sayre, eh?” he asked, a friendly smile on his face. “You any good at Quidditch?”

You shrugged, trying not to let your excitement at getting your hands on a broom again show through. “I’ve played some here and there,” you said nonchalantly. “I only played on my school team second year, though. Studies got to be too much, so I quit.”

Arlie nodded. “Well, you can’t be all bad if you were good enough to play on your school’s house team,” he said confidently. “I’ll have you be a team captain for this game. You versus Malfoy.”

Draco started, but he didn’t hesitate to come to the front of the crowd anyway. 

“Ravena,” Arlie said, nodding in your direction. “You pick first.”

You looked across the students. You only knew the names of Silver and Draco—you weren’t at all sure how you were going to pick anyone after you called Silver by name.

“Um, I’ll take Silver,” you said, pointing at the dark-haired boy. His face lit up as he walked over to you, putting his fist out for you to fist-bump it. “Let’s do this,” he said, the excitement on his face as plain as day.

Draco picked another Slytherin girl to be on his team, and you couldn’t help but feel a prick of jealousy. You knew it meant nothing to him that he’d picked a female first, but since you hadn’t heard a word from him for three weeks, it hurt just a little.

You picked out the rest of your team by pointing—and you ended up with the only two Gryffindors on the pitch on your team—you were sure Draco had refused to pick them solely because of the red and gold scarves they wore around their necks. Your team met quickly, delegating who played what position—and you were stuck with Seeker at the end of it all. You hoped your usual mannerisms didn’t shine through too much—you couldn’t afford to rouse suspicion.

Once the team meetings had finished, everyone hurried to pile onto their brooms, swooping up to the night sky like a flock of birds. The whole field was lit up by the students hovering around the pitch, and you could see just about everything as clearly as you’d be able to during a regular game in the middle of the day. 

Arlie was quick to release the Quidditch balls—and you watched as your team zipped through the air to catch and throw and dodge everything they could. Before too long had passed, your team was up by thirty points—and you knew without even looking for him that Draco was more than annoyed. He’d ended up Seeker on his own team, too—which meant the two of you would be going head-to-head to win the pickup game for your own team.

You darted around the pitch, your eyes flitting every which way in search of the tiny golden Snitch. You couldn’t find it for the life of you, and judging by the erratic patterns Draco was flying around in, he couldn’t manage to spot it either.

Your team was up by fifty points, then sixty, then Draco’s team managed to score four goals in a row and nearly catch up to your team. Your eyes were moving faster than your head was at this rate, and you just barely managed to catch a glint of the golden Snitch across the field. With a quick glance at Draco to make sure he hadn’t seen it, you were across the field, one hand on your broom and one hand out to grasp the elusive golden ball. Granted, it would’ve been much easier to see had the field been lit up by the sun and not the moon and twenty students with lights on their wands. But you were doing your best nonetheless.

You heard commotion behind you, and you turned to see Draco hot on your heels, an unreadable expression on his face. You didn’t give him too much time to make eye contact with you, however, as you scooted forward on your broom to give your arm a couple extra inches to swipe at the Snitch.

Draco yelled then, diving out of your path. You looked up to see a Bludger headed straight for you—and only a few seconds for you to make a decision.

Your grip tightened on your broom, and you scooted forward once more, your eyes darting between the Snitch and the Bludger.

At the very last second, you took a breath—and swung yourself over, doing a complete barrel roll, dodging the Bludger and finally getting a grip on the Snitch, soaring right-side-up back to the goalposts.

You heard your entire team cheer as the game drew to a close, all of the players swooping down to the pitch to wrap up.

“Bloody _hell,_ Ravena,” came Arlie’s voice as he came up behind you. “That was some of the best broom work I’ve ever seen. And you were out here telling me you ‘played here and there’. You have no need to be humble, girl! You’re brilliant!”

You felt yourself smile then, and you looked over at Draco, but his face was set in stone, his mouth unmoving. You couldn’t tell if he was forcing his face to stay that way or if he was mad at you for something, but you weren’t sure you wanted to figure it out. You figured if he was mad at you though, you’d figure it out soon.

The students left the field in staggered groups, trying to keep everyone hidden for as long as possible. Silver left in the group right before yours, but you were stuck in the last group to leave, right along with Juniper, Arlie, and Draco. 

“You sure you don’t want to join the Slytherin Quidditch team?” Arlie asked as the four of you awaited the signal for the all-clear. “That was some of the best flying I’ve ever seen, you’d be a real asset to the team.”

You wanted more than anything to join, but you shook your head. “My parents don’t want me in extracurriculars if they aren’t related to my job after graduation,” you said, unsure of whether you should be proud of how easily you came up with that lie.

Arlie’s shoulders slumped. “Well, that’s bloody unfortunate,” he grumbled. “You’re gonna stay team captain for these pickup games, though,” he said. “If your parents change their minds, I’m going to make you my co-captain.”

You felt yourself flush. You’d never heard such praise from Arlie. Then again, though, you’d never pulled off a trick like that on a broom before.

Once you got the signal to travel up to the castle, Juniper and Arlie ushered you and Draco on before them. “We’re gonna stay back for a bit,” Arlie said as he hooked an arm around your red-haired roommate and pulled her in, and Juniper flushed red as she returned the gesture.

You rolled your eyes at the clear indication of what they were about to do, and turned around to walk off with Draco.

“Be careful of that Slytherin Prince you’re walking with, though,” Juniper called out after you. “He’s even more dark and brooding than normal, what since his girlfriend’s the one You-Know-Who killed.”

You and Draco made eye contact, and he didn’t say anything. He rolled his eyes as he turned back around, shoving his hands in his pockets and starting the trudge back up to the castle.

The minute you were out of sight and earshot of the pitch, though, his hand shot out to grab your wrist and pull you towards the forest. You knew at once where the two of you were headed, and your heart leapt at the thought that he’d remembered.

He still didn’t say anything as the two of you walked hurriedly down the winding path. When you reached your former hidey-hole, though, he raised his wand and whispered, “ _Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus._ ” The illusion spell disappeared, revealing the hollowed-out trunk that you had made your little hideaway for the past few years at school.

He pulled you down inside of it with him, and you sat on the ground inside. You weren’t sure exactly why he’d pulled you aside like this, but by the look on his face, you weren’t sure it was good, either.

“When did you add a Charm password?” you asked, desperate to break the silence. “And why did you make it the words on the school crest?”

“Because you needed something more secure than Alohomora,” he responded curtly. “That’s the most basic shit in the book. And I made it the words on the crest because one, it has my name in it, so it has to be good, because nobody will say that anymore. And two, nobody else would think to try that. Practically nobody even knows what the words on the crest are, anyway.”

“‘Never tickle a sleeping dragon,’” you recited then. “It’s literally in our History of Magic class, Draco.”

He shrugged. “I always skipped those classes.”

You rolled your eyes. No wonder his marks had been bad.

“That’s not the point,” Draco said then. “Why the fuck did you come out to play the pickup games? You know how dangerous those can be!”

“You’re going to lecture me about that?” you demanded, feeling anger spike through your body like you’d been prodded with a hot iron. “ _You_ were out there!”

“Yeah, but I’m not supposed to be dead!”

“I’ve never pulled a trick like the one I did tonight as y/n!” you argued, your voice getting louder by the second. “That was a first time for both Ravena _and_ me!”

“You can’t just be out here doing these sorts of things, y/n!” he yelled back. “You have to remember the vow!”

“I _do_ remember the vow!” you cried. “But staying in my dorm all day like a hermit isn’t going to help me blend in and look like a normal student! Sure, we’re under these tyrannical rules from Snape now, but even Juniper and Arlie are getting out to still do things! For fuck’s sake, Draco, you and I had sex in the Divinations Tower three weeks ago!”

Draco rolled his eyes for what felt like the millionth time since you’d seen him that night. “That was way after hours, y/n, with nobody else around! We waited until two hours after curfew specifically for that reason!”

“So let me get this straight,” you said then, surprised at your own anger and the command in your voice. “In order to stay hidden and look like a normal student, I’m supposed to stay in my room unless I’m in class, refuse any and all opportunities for extracurricular activities, and have no friends besides you when I already only get to see you once a month? And even then, it’s two hours after curfew, I get to see you for _maybe_ two hours, _and_ it’s just so we can have sex?”

Draco’s eyes flashed with anger that burned hotter than you’d seen in him before, but you weren’t finished. “I’m becoming nothing but a body to you, Draco, and that’s fucking disgusting.”

“ _No you aren’t!_ ” Draco thundered then, his voice completely filling the small space the two of you were hidden in. “Don’t you _ever_ fucking say that shit again. You knew that was bullshit before it even came out of your fucking mouth.”

“Don’t speak to me like that,” you bit back. “I’m not one of your lackeys that you can just swear at and expect to disappear. That’s not how shit operates around here.”

You opened your moth again to keep going, but this time Draco cut you off. “You’re _unbelievable,_ y/n,” he said, fuming. “ _You’re_ the one who took the Vow, and I feel like _I’m_ the only one trying to keep it!”

You couldn’t believe your ears. “How the _fuck_ are you doing that?” you demanded. Your face was hot; you didn’t think you’d been this heated since the day Draco had used a spell meant only for duels on Cedric Diggory.

“How are you doing that?” you demanded again. “You’re going to class, you’re still on the Quidditch team, you still sneak out past curfew with your friends, you’re the one who initiates _everything_ with me because I can’t ever talk to you first. So tell me, Draco, how are you doing anything to keep up the end of the bargain _I’m_ holding!?”

Draco remained silent. You thought for a moment that for the first time ever, you’d rendered him speechless, but just as the thought crossed your mind, he opened his mouth.

“I’m watching for you, you know,” he said quietly. “In the Great Hall, in the hallways, in the Quidditch stands. You might not see me, but I always see you. I see how longingly you look at your old friend group—and it scares me every day that I’ll wake up and you’ll actually be dead because you told Juniper or somebody else that you’re y/n—and _y/n,_ I can’t lose you _again._ I won’t be able to handle it.”

You looked into the eyes of the white-haired boy before you and you saw no anger remaining. He just looked sad, defeated. He reminded you most of how he’d been when you’d been in the infirmary just a year before. It made you feel even worse for screaming the way you had been.

“Draco, I’m doing my best,” you pleaded, your voice several decibels lower than it had been just a few minutes before. “But when it feels like all I’m allowed to do is go to class or sit in my room, it feels like I might as well not even be here at all.”

He scrubbed at his face as he sighed heavily. “Then we’ll start spending every weekend together,” he proposed quickly. “We’ll hide out in my room, I’ll bring us food and everything. All weekend, all you and me. You won’t be so lonely that way.”

“How am I going to explain my absence to Juniper?” you asked. “She isn’t stupid, you know..”

“There isn’t anyone you can lie and say you’re with? Or someone you can pretend you’re dating or something?”

You rolled your eyes. “You’ll agree to that in theory, Draco, but the second you actually saw me _with_ someone, you’d flip your shit.”

“If you weren’t supposed to be _dead,_ maybe,” Draco retorted. “But if I did that now, it’d blow your cover. So…to keep us a secret…and to keep you safe…you might have to start ‘dating’ someone else. It’ll help you from being so lonely during the week while we’re at this whole thing.”

You knew this idea was somewhat smart on paper, and that it would help you blend in more than you had been, but it still left a sour taste in your mouth. At this point, Draco was all you knew, and after everything the two of you had been through together, you didn’t even want to learn anyone else. And you certainly didn’t want anyone else learning _you._

But it was either that, or go back to living like a recluse in your dorm room, being the loneliest you could ever remember being. (You had often wondered if that’s how Harry Potter had felt in his tiny Muggle cupboard, though you knew your dorm room was much larger than Harry had ever been forced to live in.)

Draco pulled you close then, taking your face in his hands and pressing his lips to yours in a fervent, hungry kiss. Your arms snaked around his torso and held him tightly as you kissed him back, the kisses full of longing and unspoken “I love you”s. 

“I _love_ you, y/n,” he said quietly, and your heart leapt in your chest. It was only the second time you’d ever heard him say it.

“You don’t have to explain anything this weekend,” he said then, and you could hear the desperation in his voice. “Please, at least this weekend. Come stay in my room. You can go set up a date with someone else or something if you want beforehand, but please, this weekend, you’re all mine.”

You nodded quickly. “Okay,” you agreed, although it wasn’t a difficult choice to make. “Right now, though,” you said, grabbing at Draco’s robes, “please just kiss me again.”

And so he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this new idea seems like a repeat of what y/n did with harry, but keep in mind that 1. she doesn't want to do it this time, and 2. it's not going to be with someone she already knows really well. so it won't necessarily end with her and the other person still being friends like it did with harry.
> 
> also, sorry for such slow updates!!! i'm back in school though, so hopefully that routine will help me keep up with these. we only have 33 chapters to go, though! so hold onto your seats, ladies and gents and non-binary friends!
> 
> see you soon! <3


	48. fake dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you go on your dinner date with gordon, and it goes about as well as you'd hoped for it to.

The next day dawned far before you were ready. You’d stayed out way too late with Draco, and you weren’t ready to go find some poor bloke to become “friends” with. 

You felt awful about using someone, despite the fact that you’d done exactly the same thing to Harry Potter just a year before.

However, you supposed, you’d stayed friends with the Gryffindor. _And,_ you realized then, you also hadn’t done it to hide from Voldemort. 

The Carrows were still running Defense Against the Dark Arts. You had moved to the back of the classroom in the hopes that they’d be unable to see you and draw the conclusion that you had withdrawn.

As it turned out, so had Gordon. The Ravenclaw you’d been forced to Cruciate slid into the seat next to you, giving you a smile that was far brighter than the moods of most of the students at Hogwarts since the term had started.

The two of you worked closely together that class, exchanging whispers that somehow went unnoticed by Alecto and Amycus. 

You never thought that class ended quickly enough, and today was no exception. You heard the Carrows call back four students as you gathered your things as quickly as possible, and you cringed as you ran out of the room, hoping you wouldn’t see those classmates chained to the wall in the Great Hall at dinner.

“Hey, Ravena,” Gordon called after you as you headed down the hallway. “Wait up!”

You turned around as he caught up to you, waiting for what he had to say.

“I was wondering if you’d want to—get dinner together tonight?” he asked. “I really like you.”

He blushed a deep red after he blurted out the last sentence, and you had a feeling he hadn’t meant to let that out so quickly.

“Sure,” you said with a smile, realizing that perhaps finding someone to keep your cover was going to be easier than you’d originally thought. “I’ll meet you at six?”

He nodded eagerly, seeming surprised that you’d said yes. “I—it’s a date, is that okay?”

You chuckled a little. “Yes, that’s okay. I didn’t think it wasn’t a date, don’t worry.”

His smile grew even bigger, if that was even possible. “Great!” he said loudly, garnering the looks of a few students passing by. “I’ll see you at six!”

He turned and ran away, and you couldn’t help but smile at how eager the Ravenclaw boy was. You felt almost the same, you did like Gordon’s company. You just didn’t know how you were going to have to break the news to him about who you really were—when that time inevitably came. 

The rest of your classes were worlds easier than Defense Against the Dark Arts. Granted, they weren’t easier because of the coursework, but because you didn’t have to worry nearly as much about ending up chained to the wall in the Great Hall for hours on end, forced to stand against the wall for what felt like an endless amount of time as students filed in and out of the hall for dinner, trying not to look at you, but failing miserably. 

You hurried back to your dorm room after your last class. It was 4:40, you had nearly exactly an hour and a half before you had to meet Gordon for dinner. 

You sighed as you entered your room again, which caught Juniper’s attention. She was sat at her desk as you entered, and she perked up a bit as you came into the room.

“Trouble in paradise?” she asked with a small smile. You gave her a confused look, and she clarified. “You sighed as you came in, is something up?”

“No, I’m okay,” you replied hurriedly. “I just don’t know what I’m going to wear to my dinner date this evening.”

“Ooh, a dinner date!” said Juniper excitedly, hopping up from her desk immediately. “Who are you going with?”

“Gordon Buckling, he’s a sixth-year Ravenclaw,” you said, and Juniper nodded. Whether it was a nod of approval, you weren’t quite sure. 

“He’s a character, alright,” said Juniper, the corners of her mouth turning up in a smile. “He had the biggest crush on one of my friends, Marin, in second year, but she turned him down. The poor kid was devastated.”

You felt your face get hot as you remembered the event. You couldn’t believe you’d forgotten about it—and about Gordon.

“Ah, it was four years ago, though, I’d be surprised if Marin even still remembers it. She’s dating someone in her own House now,” Juniper said dismissively, running a hand through her bright red hair as she did so. “That isn’t the point. What are you going to wear??”

You shrugged then. “I don’t know, that was why I came back up to the room,” you responded. “I figured either I’d find something or you could help me pick something out.”

Juniper clapped excitedly. “Ooh, please let me help you!”

You smiled brightly at your roommate, feeling your heart sink as the knowledge that she had no idea who you really were popped back into your head. You felt like you were betraying your best friend; you only hoped she’d be able to forgive you once the truth inevitably came out in the end.

You pulled open your wardrobe, standing and staring at the vast array of colors. “This is a date, right?” Juniper asked as she pulled out a couple of more casual tops. “Like, the two of you clarified that before now?”

“Yeah,” you breathed as she pulled a couple of pairs of jeans out of your drawers. “He used very specific wording when he asked me to do this.”

Juniper chuckled, then turned back to you. “Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow. “You sound more like you’re headed to Defense Against the Dark Arts than to a date.”

You shook your head, trying to rid yourself of your self-deprecating thoughts of how you were lying to Juniper at the same time. “No, of course I do!” you said, trying to force yourself to sound more enthusiastic. “I’m just nervous, and today’s been tiring. I don’t want to screw this whole thing up.”

Juniper nodded. “I get that,” she said reassuringly. “It’s a shame you had to transfer in this year,” she admitted as she paired a couple of outfits together for you to choose from. “Our old headmaster got murdered, You-Know-Who is said to be back and gaining power, the school is pretty much being run by Death Eaters…I hope this whole thing isn’t ruining your experience of Hogwarts.”

You shrugged. “I’ve been alright so far,” you said. “I’m just glad I have a friend like you to get through it with.”

Juniper smiled, her eyes getting glossy. “I appreciate that,” she said earnestly. “You remind me a lot of y/n, actually. She would’ve had more attitude though, I think. Not that you not having attitude is an issue. Y/N was just…so unafraid to speak her mind, you know? When she was dating Draco, that was part of why they fought so much, because she was constantly calling him out on his shit.”

You chuckled. “She sounds like a feisty one.”

Juniper nodded, and you could see the tears gathering in her eyes. “Yeah,” she breathed, her voice shaky. “She was a fighter.”

You couldn’t handle Juniper’s sadness anymore, so you turned to your bed, where Juniper had laid two different outfits out for you. One was a pretty blue blouse paired with white jeans, and the other was a deep green sweater, paired with light blue jeans.

You looked over your options, wanting to pick the blue one, but things hadn’t gone well with Cedric when you’d worn blue to the Quidditch match. You picked up the green sweater and the jeans Juniper had put with them. “I like this one best,” you decided, putting the sweater over yourself to see what it would look like against your skin.

“I think the green does fit your skin tone a little better,” Juniper said, her voice a little steadier than it had been. “He’ll love it.”

You hurried to get dressed and do your hair, your conversation with Juniper having taken longer than you’d originally expected. 

You ended up having to let Juniper fix your hair, and she used her wand to magically turn it from a frumpy mess into a silky head of ringlets, shining just right in the light as you turned your head back and forth.

“You’re a lifesaver,” you said as you grabbed your things to head down to the Great Hall. “I owe you one!”

You hurried down the stairs, but luckily you arrived to the Great Hall at precisely six o’ clock. Gordon stood there waiting for you, and you met him just outside.

He wasted no time when you stopped in front of him, nearly breathless from running up the stairs. He took your hand, pressing a chaste kiss to the back of it, and led you inside the hall.

You sat at the Ravenclaw table, which you supposed was a good thing, considering you’d seen Blaise at the Slytherin table. And where Blaise was, Draco was almost always just a few feet away. 

“How was your day?” Gordon asked. The poor boy clearly didn’t know how to start a conversation.

You chuckled as your plate filled with food. “No offense, Gordon, but I hate small talk. Ask me something deeper than that, something a little _darker._ ”

To his credit, if Gordon was intimidated by your challenge, he didn’t let it show. He sat in thought for a couple moments, then took a breath and leaned forward. “ _What’s the worst choice you’ve ever made?_ ”

You were almost floored. You’d only been asked that once before, in second year during a late-night game of Truth or Dare.

You considered your answer this time. The first thought you had was taking the Dark Mark, but you couldn’t very well tell Gordon _that._

“Honestly, it was probably staying with a boy I dated my third year after he cheated on me,” you said after a few moments of thought. “I could’ve moved on a lot faster, and instead I stayed with him and he cheated again.”

Gordon nodded, his expression solemn. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Getting cheated on sucks.”

You nodded. You felt bad for making up your answer since Gordon had apparently _actually_ been cheated on, but Gordon decided to change the subject before you could think about it for too long. 

“Okay then, what’s the _best_ choice you’ve ever made?”

You pretended to think for a moment. You already had a basic-bitch answer, but you wanted to seem like you did other things with your life. 

“Coming to Hogwarts,” you said finally. “I know I didn’t _really_ have a choice in the matter, but I’m glad I kept an open mind. I really like the friends I’ve made so far—and—” you took a breath before continuing, “I really like you, too.”

Gordon lit up at your statement, and he reached out a hand to take yours. “I really like you too, Ravena,” he said, his smile big and bright. You tried to return it, hoping it didn’t look as forced as it felt. 

You and Gordon talked throughout the rest of dinner, the conversation getting a bit lighter after your discussion over the first two questions. 

As you exited the Great hall, Gordon turned back to you. “I’d walk you back to the dungeons, but I’m already late for a study group in Ravenclaw Tower,” he said hurriedly, his face turning pink as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry—I didn’t set the time for it, I—”

“Gordon, it’s okay,” you breathed. You were more relieved that he couldn’t walk you back, but you weren’t about to say that out loud. 

His eyes softened as he realized you weren’t angry, and his easygoing smile returned.

“Okay, cool,” he said quickly. “We should do this again, though, I really enjoyed spending time with you!”

You nodded then, trying to appear as if you were as excited as he was. “That sounds like a great idea,” you said. “We can make plans after class on Monday.”

He nodded in approval. “Sounds good. See you later, Ravena.”

He turned around to head away, and you breathed a sigh of relief that it was over as you headed back down to the dungeons, beelining for Draco’s room once you made it back to the Common Room.

Your self-proclaimed Slytherin Prince was waiting for you on his bed when you walked into the room, and his body visibly relaxed as you entered and shut the door behind you. He hopped up off of the bed immediately, coming over to you as you set your bag back down.

“She’ll assume I sneaked into Gordon’s room instead of coming back,” you said, referring to Juniper. He nodded, still not saying a word as he reached around you to lock his door before wrapping his arms tightly around you. 

“Gods,” he breathed finally as you wrapped your arms around him in return. “That fucking sucked, watching you in the Great Hall with fucking Gordon. You were right, I wanted nothing more than to kick his stupid, crooked teeth in.”

You exhaled heavily into his chest instead of verbally responding, instead choosing to soak in the attention Draco was giving you. You hadn’t been able to receive anything like this for what felt like forever, and you didn’t want to gloat over hearing him admit you were right for the first time since you’d gotten together.

But then he pulled away and took your hand to lead him to the bed, although you didn’t argue.

You didn’t want to think about Gordon for the rest of your life, but you knew that wasn’t going to be feasible. You were going to have to see him in class literally the next day, so all you could hope for was forgetting him while you were in Draco’s arms.

So when your white-haired Slytherin boy raised his wand to bring back your real appearance and his hands slipped up under your shirt, you put the Ravenclaw boy into a vault in the back of your mind and shut it tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor gordon. it's a shame that i have to use him the way i'm going to.
> 
> ALSo i'm a student worker in IT for my university and my coworker (who also lives on the same floor in my dorm building) found out that i write fanfiction and she KNEW MY FANFICITON so in other words i passed away immediately.
> 
> lastly, i will probably only be updating once or twice a week from here on out. i know my semester just started but my professors are frontloading literally everything and i want to die every single day i exist. so that's fun.
> 
> i hope you guys liked this chapter anyway!! it's a bit of filler but we'll be kicking things off again soon. 
> 
> see you soon! <3


	49. more dates, more arguments.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> draco overhears the wrong part of your conversation with gordon.

Three weeks went by faster than you could say your new “boyfriend’s” name. It wasn’t news across the school that Ravena and Gordon were dating the way it had been when y/n and Draco went public, but you were grateful for the change of pace. You’d had enough of any kind of “limelight” to last you the rest of your life.

You’d also somehow gotten away with staying every Friday night (and almost every Saturday night) in Draco’s room. If Juniper was suspicious of anything, she never voiced it. Whenever you came back late Saturday or Sunday mornings, she would simply give your tangled hair and wrinkled clothes a once-over before smiling mischievously and giving you a thumbs-up.

“I guess Gordon knows how to keep a woman coming back,” she commented as you returned the third Saturday morning in a row. Your hair was tied up in a messy bun and there was a darkening hickey you were only vaguely aware of on full display close to the base of your neck.

You smiled at her, the feelings Draco had provided you with the night before still very fresh in your mind. “Yeah,” you started, choosing your words carefully. “He says it’s in the Ravenclaw nature.”

Juniper laughed. “Arlie says the same thing about Slytherins,” she said as she flipped her hair over her shoulder.

You were glad Juniper believed that you were with Gordon every weekend. It made your life a little easier, not having to make up lies or come up with excuses every time you came back into the room.

In reality, though, you hadn’t even kissed Gordon Buckling. To be fair, though, he hadn’t _tried_ to kiss you yet, so you hadn’t exactly had to deal with it either. But you knew it was coming, and that’s what stressed you out.

You tried not to think about the whole situation as you met Gordon out in the courtyard that evening, settling on swings that you were surprised Snape hadn’t taken down yet. Gordon wrapped his arm around you, and you leaned into him out of habit; you were much more used to leaning into Draco’s body.

You fit better in Draco’s arms, you realized.

“You know, Ravena, I think this will be my new favorite hideout space with you,” Gordon said quietly as the two of you rocked back and forth. “Almost nobody can see us out here, at least in this specific swing.”

You hummed in response; you were really more focused on the setting sun. The sky was turning a beautiful shade of orange, and the clouds had turned pink to complement it. 

“Do you ever think about the future, Ravena?” Gordon asked then, and you looked up at him to see he was staring out at the horizon as well. 

“I mean, sure,” you said passively, not entirely sure what he was asking for. “I think about what I want to do after graduation, I think about who I might end up marrying, I’m always looking towards the future, more or less.”

Gordon’s arm around you tightened as he exhaled deeply. “I never really started thinking about that until I met you,” he admitted then, and you felt heat rush to your face at his admission. “I used to take things a day at a time, you know? Like, I knew what I wanted to do once I got out of school, but at the same time I never really put much thought into it. My dad’s already working for the Ministry, and I always wanted to go right into the same field. So I’ve got that opening waiting for me already. I never had to worry about anything. I never had to think about anything beyond the day I was currently living. And I know we’ve only been dating a few weeks, but I really think you’ve helped open my eyes to what the future could actually hold, not just for me, but for you and me together.”

You shifted in his embrace, trying to get a better look at him as he continued. “I hope I don’t sound stupid,” he said sheepishly, though he didn’t withdraw from your touch. “I just get sentimental when I’m really at peace.”

You smiled at him, the first real smile you could remember giving him since you’d healed him from the aftermath of the Cruciatus curse, and that felt like it was eons ago.

“I just really like you, Ravena,” Gordon said, and his sheepish smile returned. You’d come to recognize it, he only gave it to you when he was telling you his feelings for you.

And you couldn’t help but resent him for it, you were getting all of these admissions from Gordon for someone you weren’t and you could barely get Draco to admit to y/n how he felt about you.

You smiled back at Gordon as you shoved thoughts of Draco out of your head. You’d be seeing him later, you had to focus on the person in front of you. 

Gordon reached a hand out and placed it on your face, and you leaned into his open hand without thinking about it. You looked up at him as he leaned in, and you had jerked away before it fully registered that he’d been trying to kiss you.

Gordon looked stunned; you felt awful for the hurt that quickly covered his facial expression. “I’m sorry,” you hurried out. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

You swallowed thickly as Gordon removed his hands from you entirely, leaving you feeling oddly cold in the swing next to him. “I—my last relationship was incredibly toxic,” you rushed out. It was the first thing that popped into your head. “He didn’t respect me or what I wanted, and now that I have someone that does—I just worry about everything. I was hoping we could take it a little slower and not focus so much on the physical aspect of our relationship at first.”

Gordon’s eyes softened and his expression lightened as you finished speaking. “Of course, Ravena,” he said gently. “I’m sorry I tried to kiss you without your permission. I should’ve at least given a warning.”

You wanted to smack yourself. He was taking it better than you’d expected him to, but you still mentally kicked yourself for being so stupid. 

“I-I’m sorry,” you repeated, but he just slid his arm back around your shoulders. “You don’t have to apologize to me,” he said reassuringly. “I know you like me, you wouldn’t be with me if you didn’t want to be. We can take this at your pace, and I’ll try my best to be patient. You’re just so pretty and all I want to do is kiss you. But I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have moved so quickly.”

You gave him a small, quick smile. “Thank you for being so understanding,” you said quietly, fiddling with your fingers as you spoke. 

“It’s what you deserve,” Gordon responded, his voice equally soft.

The two of you sat in the swing for a while longer, until the stars came out and the sun had fully disappeared over the horizon. You slipped into the castle under the cover of the darkness, and Gordon lifted your hand to kiss it softly.

“I’ll see you later,” he said quietly. “Be safe.”

You smiled back at him. “You too.”

You waited until he was out of sight before making your way down to the dungeons, slipping through the Slytherin Common Room and up to the boys’ dormitories, using your wand to non-verbally unlock Draco’s door and sneak inside.

“Hi,” you breathed as you locked the door behind you again. Draco looked up at you, dismissively waving his wand as he spoke the words to remove Ravena and bring y/n to the surface. You could tell just from the tone of his voice that he was angry, and your heart dropped at the realization. You didn’t want angry Draco, you wanted soft Draco that told you he’d missed you throughout the week.

“What’s wrong?” you asked as you sat on his bed. You were hoping it was something that could be resolved quickly, you wanted him to kiss you and remove any trace of Gordon from your skin.

“I’m apparently toxic,” he said curtly, his voice devoid of much emotion.

You gave him a confused look, even though his back was turned to you as he sat on his desk. “What are you talking about?” you asked. “Who told you that you were toxic?”

He turned back to you, the look on his face incredulous. “You did,” he snapped.

You were even more confused at this point. “What are you _talking_ about?” you repeated. “I’ve barely seen you all week.”

“Sometimes I follow you and listen in to your dates for a bit, just to make sure you’re okay,” he said, as if it should’ve been obvious. “You didn’t kiss him because your ‘last relationship’ was super toxic—technically speaking, _I_ was your last, y/n. I know I’ve done some fucked up shit, but calling me toxic was bloody unnecessary.”

You stood there for a moment, still slightly confused by the words coming out of his mouth. It took a moment for it to hit you that you had said that—but it had been a completely false, made-up excuse to not kiss Gordon. You weren’t sure what to focus on, though—the fact that Draco stalked you or the fact that he assumed a whole ton of shit off of one sentence.

“Draco—” you cut yourself off, pinching the bridge of your nose in exhaustion. You thought the two of you had gotten past the stage of petty arguments, but you could tell Draco wasn’t joking, either. You sighed heavily and crossed your arms. “Why are you stalking me when I’m hanging out with other people? Isn’t the whole point of my disguise the fact that we aren’t supposed to be seen around each other? To keep suspicion at bay or something?”

Draco rolled his eyes. “Did you even see me while you were out there?” he retorted. “I’m a lot better at being sneaky than you realize.”

You hadn’t seen him, but to be fair, Gordon had thought nobody could see the two of you, either. “Just because you’re good at being sneaky doesn’t mean you can just follow me around all the time,” you pointed out. “We tried to be a secret for the first few months while we were dating, and look how well that panned out.”

“Nobody knew a thing!” Draco cried. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” you snapped. “Juniper was all up in my business about it. You literally had your hands up my shirt when she walked in on us that one time. And there’s no fucking way Silver didn’t know literally everything.”

Draco rolled his eyes again. You had half a mind to start counting how many times he did that. “That isn’t the point here, y/n,” he said then, his tone cold. “The point is that there’s no point in us being together if you think I’m so bloody toxic.”

You took a deep breath, sorting through your thoughts before you decided to speak. “I wasn’t talking about you,” you said through your teeth, your tone icier than you’d originally intended. “I wasn’t even talking about anyone in particular. I made that shit up on the spot because I flinched away when he tried to kiss me.”

“What’d you do that for?” Draco asked, folding his arms. “Why didn’t you just kiss the stupid git?”

“I don’t know, it was reflex!” you yelled, throwing your arms up. “I guess my subconscious just realized it wasn’t you or something, and decided for me that kissing him wasn’t what we were going to do.”

Draco unfolded his arms, letting them go slack at his sides. He looked over at you, where you were sat on his bed, waiting for any sort of response from him. His eyes went glassy, and he scrubbed at his face with his hands.

“I fucking hate this,” he muttered as he did so, and you slid off his bed to walk over to him, wrapping your arms around him.

“I do too,” you admitted. “This isn’t how I envisioned spending this year at Hogwarts.”

Draco exhaled heavily as he wrapped his arms around you, too. “I know,” he mumbled as he rested his chin on your head.

The two of you stood there for what felt like forever, watching out of his window as dark clouds rolled in, watching as a thunderstorm started and rain pelted the window.

The storm continued throughout most of the night, lightning illuminating the room as Draco fucked you into the mattress a little while later, and the rolling thunder lulling the both of you to sleep after you had thoroughly exhausted yourselves. 

Draco was the only thought in your mind as you drifted into unconsciousness, and you only wished things could stay like this forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i often forget that the characters i'm writing are supposed to be british. i'm american, which probably makes it harder, but i hardly ever have any of them use the term 'bloody' when in the HP movies, ron says it in like every scene he's in LMAO
> 
> anyway, this was a bit of a filler chapter, but things should kick off in the next few chapters. it might feel filler but some of the things that happened/didn't happen are still pushing the plot so don't worry!!
> 
> thanks for continuing to read and comment and give kudos. it means more than you guys know that you all enjoy this story :)
> 
> see you soon! <3


	50. protego

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gordon thinks you're cheating. you head up to the divination tower at midnight to see draco. hell unfolds.

You blinked and two more weeks went by. It was the beginning of November now, and you had somehow still managed to avoid kissing Gordon. Unfortunately for you, though, by this point he was getting impatient. He kept saying that all he wanted to do was kiss you, and you could tell he was losing the ability to mask his hurt when you kept flinching or turning away every time he went to kiss anything but your forehead. Today was no different, and by this point, Gordon was very clearly getting tired of waiting.

You were back in your swing, classes having finished for the day, and this time you had to force yourself not to look around for Draco as you sat with your Ravenclaw “boyfriend”. Gordon held your hand in his own, his thumb absentmindedly stroking back and forth across the back of your hand. He placed his other hand on your face, and you looked up at him, knowing full well what was coming.

“Ravena,” he said quietly, “can I kiss you?”

You sighed heavily as you turned away, and Gordon took that as his answer as he withdrew himself completely from you. “Are you ever going to let me kiss you?” he demanded, the exasperation in his voice as clear as day. “We’ve been dating for more than a month now, Ravena. What do I have to do?”

You felt tears prick your eyes as you looked back over at him. “You promised you’d be patient,” you said, both disgusted at how pathetic you sounded and impressed by your own acting skills.

“That was when I thought I’d have to wait a week, not a month and a half,” he responded, rubbing a hand over his face. “I know I sound like a dick, but I’m not asking you to have sex with me or anything. I’m literally just asking to kiss you.”

You exhaled heavily through your nose, trying to find the words to make up yet another excuse. However, before you could, Gordon’s eyes widened and his head snapped back over to you.

“Ravena, is there someone else?” he asked, his voice low and tone icy. “Is that why you won’t kiss me?

Your heart thundered in your chest as you turned back to the Ravenclaw boy next to you. 

“How _could_ you?” you demanded. “I’ve barely been here three months—and you think I’ve already found two people that are interested in me?”

Gordon rolled his eyes and folded his arms. “That’s the only other reasonable explanation I can come up with.”

“You fucking Ravenclaws think anything can just be explained away,” you snapped, sliding out of the swing.

“Wait, Ravena,” came Gordon’s voice, his tone changing immediately. “Where are you going?”

“I’ve told you why I wanted to take things slower,” you said through your teeth, hoping the anger rolling off of you was palpable. “If you choose not to believe me, then that’s your problem. I’m going back to my dorm.”

And you shouldered your bookbag and left, even amidst Gordon’s weak protests and weaker apologies.

You went straight to your dorm, only dropping your façade of anger once the dorm door shut behind you. You didn’t want Gordon to be legitimately upset with you, but you couldn’t really afford to have him suspicious of you cheating on him. That was a slippery slope that would lead directly to Draco.

You knew then that you had to break up with Gordon before things went any farther. He’d just given you plenty of ammunition to do so. He clearly didn’t trust you, if he thought you were cheating on him. Arguably, you were, but you were also living two different lives. Ravena was being loyal to Gordon, y/n was being loyal to Draco. It was a very thin line and a very flexible technicality, but you were going to run with it for as long as you could.

You sighed as you let your bookbag slide off of your shoulder onto the floor. You were about to slide into your desk chair when a white envelope on your pillow caught your attention. You moved around your bed to grab it, recognizing Draco’s signature scrawl of your ‘new’ name on the parchment in your hands.

_Y/N-_

_I know you know why I had to write Ravena on the envelope. Anyway, I know it’s Wednesday and I’ll be able to see you Friday, but there are developments at the Manor that my mother thinks I should warn you of sooner rather than later. Plus, if I can get away with fucking you into the floor of the Divination classroom, it’ll be a win-win._

_Meet me there at midnight. You know how it goes._

_-Draco_

Your mood immediately lifted. You were getting to see Draco in just a few hours. You could tell him you were breaking up with Gordon, you could spend a couple hours not being Ravena. This was going to be heaven for you.

You got your homework done a little quicker in the hours that followed, and you whispered a couple spells to get your laundry to clean itself as you looked up out of the window to see the sky changing from blue to pink, to orange, to black, the first pinpricks of starlight peeking out amongst the otherwise black canopy.

Once the clock hit ten ‘til midnight, you crept out of your dorm, slipping silently through the halls. You went more quickly as you got closer to the stairway that led you to the Divination Tower, and you nearly sprinted up the stairs. You were more eager than ever to finally see your Slytherin Prince.

Draco was already there waiting for you when you came in, and his eyes lightened when he turned around and met your own eyes.

“Draco,” you breathed as you ran into his open arms. They wrapped around you like it was second nature, and you melted into the familiar embrace.

He pulled away and drew his wand, and you gave your white-haired boy a grin as he uttered the words that made your false identity melt away.

“What news did your mother have for me?” you asked.

Draco looked like he was about to respond, but then a voice broke through the silence that made the blood in your veins turn to ice.

“Oh my gods, you’re _y/n._ ”

Draco already had his wand pointed at the figure hiding in the shadows as you whipped around, but you, unfortunately, had not simply heard things—Gordon was standing right there, still in his school robes, the same blue-trimmed cloak he’d been wearing when you’d left him in the swing just a few hours before.

“Gordon, I—” you tried to come up with _anything _to say to the dark-haired Ravenclaw boy standing before you, but your throat had dried up and you had absolutely no idea what to say.__

__The glare that Gordon shot you said more than words, though. “This explains why you wouldn’t kiss me, I guess,” he said, his tone full of venom. “You were busy leading a second life with your _actual_ boyfriend._ _

__“ _Obliviate!_ ” Draco shouted then, his voice reverberating around the empty classroom—but the spell never made it to Gordon. It bounced off of him like it had never been cast._ _

__“There’s a _reason_ I’m a Ravenclaw, Malfoy,” Gordon spit. “I cast the strongest protection spell I could before I staked out to watch for and follow Ravena—y/n. I guess. I’m not fucking stupid, I know how to think ahead.”_ _

__Draco’s eyes were wild—and they kept flitting back between you and Gordon. Your hands began to go numb from how cold they’d gotten—were you going to have to Obliviate Draco now, too?_ _

__“This explains why we got a random new Irish student, why you’re fucking great at the Quidditch pickup games but refuse to play on the team, why you won’t kiss me—you were never really with me, were you?” Gordon asked, his eyes growing colder with each word that came out of his mouth._ _

__You rolled your eyes, your annoyance taking over your pure panic. “Fucking hell, Gordon, I was literally going to break up with you tomorrow,” you said. “But for the record, no, not really. Ravena might’ve liked you if she were real—but on my end it was, in fact, purely to keep myself safe.”_ _

__Draco, who seemed to be frozen in place, could only stare at you now—his hands shaking. His wand had clattered to the floor after his first memory charm had failed miserably—and you weren’t sure how you were going to break through Gordon’s Protego spell._ _

__Perhaps, you realized then, it had been a mistake to use a Ravenclaw as your fake boyfriend._ _

__“And you’re a Death Eater too, aren’t you?” Gordon snarled, even as you drew your wand. “You took the Dark Mark right alongside your little boyfriend over here. And you were never really dead, were you? You just had to make it seem like you were.”_ _

__“It’s none of your concern what she does, or why she does it,” Draco spoke then, seeming to have finally regained use of his vocal cords._ _

__“It does too,” Gordon argued, throwing a dismissive gesture in your direction. “Up until ten minutes ago, she was my girlfriend Ravena!”_ _

__“And now she isn’t,” Draco said coolly, picking up his wand from the dusty wooden floor and folding his arms. “So you can leave.”_ _

__“I’ll be going straight to your Head of Slytherin House if you make me leave now,” Gordon threatened, folding his own arms in response. “In my opinion, the only good Death Eater is a dead one, so if I’m able to get rid of her, we’ll have one less problem to worry about.”_ _

__You only needed to look once at Draco’s face to know he was seeing red. You’d learned that he really wasn’t that quick to unadulterated rage; unless, of course, the situation at hand concerned you._ _

__“Gordon, this morning you held my hand and wanted to kiss me,” you argued, stepping in between him and Draco to stop Draco from furiously throwing any potentially dangerous spells at Gordon. “And now you want me dead?”_ _

__“No, this morning I held _Ravena’s_ hand and wanted to kiss _Ravena,_ ” Gordon spit. “You’re nothing but a phony who pulled the short straw and is now cowering in the shadows so you don’t get what you deserve.”_ _

__You felt yourself get pulled aside before you could react fully. Everything afterward happened in a blur. Draco was on top of Gordon, and there was far too much noise for anyone’s comfort. You didn’t want to see Filch, you couldn’t see Filch. It took you way too long to react, but once you finally got your bearings about you again, you dove to pull Draco off of Gordon._ _

__You tried to pull on his robes, and his hand came around and smacked you directly in the mouth, causing you to gasp in shock and pull away._ _

__Draco froze immediately, coming up off of Gordon almost instantly. Gordon stayed on the floor, and you didn’t want to ask if he was still conscious or not._ _

__You pulled your hand away from your face, not sure whether or not to be surprised by the blood that was on your hand when you did so. Draco paled, which was a high bar to clear considering how fair his skin usually was already, and his breathing was staggered._ _

__“Y/N, I—I’m sorry,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He reached for you, and you involuntarily flinched out of his reach. Draco looked horrified as he withdrew his hands. “I didn’t mean to, i—it was a reflex,” he begged. “Please, I’d never hurt you on purpose.”_ _

__You knew that, deep down you didn’t doubt him, but the blood on your hand and pooling in your mouth was telling you a different story right then._ _

__Draco pulled out his wand, whispering “ _Episkey,_ ” and you spit blood onto the floor as you felt the wound in your mouth immediately repair itself._ _

__“ _Evanesco,_ ” Draco said then, waving his wand at the blood on the floor. It disappeared instantly, and then the white-haired boy turned back to Gordon._ _

__Hovering over the Ravenclaw boy’s lifeless body, you watched wordlessly as Draco checked for a pulse. “He’s breathing normally and his pulse is fine,” he declared, and you felt a surge of relief that Draco hadn’t killed the boy._ _

__He drew his wand, and you held your breath, not sure what you were hoping for, but expecting the worst._ _

__“ _Confractus clypeus,_ ” you heard then, and you realized Draco was trying to break down Gordon’s Shield spell. The bluish-white light spilled from the tip of Draco’s wand, and you watched as it hit Gordon’s Shield—and the Shield cracked._ _

__“This stupid bloody Ravenclaw must’ve been a teacher’s pet in fucking Charms class,” Draco grumbled, but you didn’t respond._ _

__“ _Confractus clypeus!_ ” he said then, his voice several decibels louder than it had been the first time. The bluish-white light shot much faster from his wand this time, and you watched as the Shield surrounding Gordon shattered like glass. _ _

__You knew he was going to perform the memory charm next, so you felt like you didn’t need to stay._ _

__You only barely heard Draco calling your name as you flew back down the stairs from the Divination Tower. You didn’t stop, you didn’t change your speed, not until you made it back into your dorm. You took a deep breath as you closed the door behind you, sliding into bed as quietly as you could to avoid waking Juniper up._ _

__It was only as you were finally drifting off to sleep what felt like hours later, as your panic and adrenaline wore off, that you realized: Draco had never given you the news from his mother about what was happening back at Malfoy Manor._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember how i said the way i was going to have to use gordon was a shame? yeah, this is what i meant. LMAO
> 
> anyway, we're starting to enter the home stretch! only thirty chapters to go :) 
> 
> also, i made up the incantation for the shield-breaking charm. voldemort uses it against hogwarts' protection charm in the movie, but he doesn't say any specific words and the wiki page i use says the incantation is unknown. so i just used google translate and used the words they gave me that translate to 'break the shield'.
> 
> is there anything in this chapter that someone forgot to do, though? any guesses? (i don't have prizes but if you guess right you get bragging rights)


	51. revelio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> your secret's out.

Your sleep hadn’t been that peaceful to begin with, but the screaming that woke you up certainly didn’t help.

You peeled your eyes open to see Juniper close to your bed, her face paler than you’d ever seen it. Her eyes were wide and frantic, and as you woke up further, you could see how badly even her hands were shaking.

“What’s wrong??” you asked, hurriedly throwing the covers off of your body. You started to push yourself up off of your bed, but Juniper just backed away more.

“Wh—who the fuck are you?” she demanded. You’d never heard her voice so shaky and shrill before, and it only served to make you more confused. 

“What are you _talking_ about?” you asked. You felt like you’d been asking that exact question a lot lately.

“What are _you_ talking about?” Juniper shot back. “Quit fucking playing dumb and _tell me who you are!_ ”

“I—I’m Ravena, your roommate!” you hollered. You were thoroughly confused by this point, you had no idea what Juniper’s problem was.

“Then explain to me,” she shouted back, “why you _look_ like my old roommate y/n, who was killed by You-Know-Who four months ago!!”

That’s when it hit you. In all the chaos between you, Draco, and Gordon the night before, not only had you left before Draco could tell you what his mother wanted him to tell you, _you had left before he could change you back into Ravena._ In everything going on, you had forgotten completely.

“Juniper, I—I can explain,” you rushed out. Your heart had leapt into your throat. You knew you _could_ explain, and you would, but you had no idea where you’d even begin.

“Then you’d better fucking start,” Juniper snarled, plopping down on her bed.

You paced back and forth a couple of times, wracking your brain for a good place to start.

“I _did_ almost die over the summer,” you started. “Voldemort did try to kill me. He did it because I was in possession of the Elder Wand, and he thought he had to kill me in order to gain its allegiance.”

“But why did you have it to begin with?” Juniper asked. “Where did it come from?”

“I—I had to retrieve it,” you admitted, only barely remembering to leave out the fact that you’d desecrated Dumbledore’s tomb to do so.

“For _Voldemort?_ ” Juniper nearly shrieked. “You mean to tell me you’ve been working for the Dark Lord this entire time??”

“ _Shhhh!_ ” you pleaded. “I didn’t do it by choice! He found out that Draco and I were together, and he kidnapped me. When I went missing for three days last year, remember that? I had to either take the Dark Mark and pledge my allegiance to him, or he was going to kill me _and_ Draco.”

Juniper’s face had grown cold, her demeanor made of ice. “Show me the Mark,” she said, her voice low. You couldn’t quite make out her tone, but you knew it wasn’t one of happiness.

You sighed heavily, putting out your arm and rolling up your sleeve. The gasp she let out at the sight of the black skull-and-snake permanently, magically etched onto your arm was a sound you knew you’d never forget.

“So you let everyone believe you were dead this whole time,” she finally said. “You let everyone believe you’d been murdered by the Dark Lord, when you were prancing about under our noses this entire time.”

You knew by the tone of her voice that she was not happy. In fact, this kind of cool, calculated anger was something you’d only witnessed in Juniper twice before—and you’d known the woman almost six years.

“I had to,” you said, feeling tears constrict your throat. “I had to. It was to protect me, to protect Draco, and to protect all of you. If you knew I wasn’t really dead and Voldemort came after you, there’s a good chance he’d kill you to get to me. He isn’t the type to just let things slide, Juniper, you know that.”

“You let me think you were _dead!_ ” Juniper cried, tears beginning to stream down her face. “You were my best friend for _five years_ and you let me sit around crying because I thought you were dead! You _watched me_ break down over you! You listened to me talk about you on the train! This whole time, it’s been you!”

“I wanted to tell you,” you pleaded, your voice choked with tears. “I wanted to, please. You don’t know how hard it’s been giving up my entire former life to keep this secret, but it was either that or risk my own death! Juniper please, you have to try to understand, _please!_ ” 

Juniper shook her head, standing up from her spot on her bed. “I just can't wrap my head around this, y/n,” she said coldly, even though she was still sniffling as she brushed away stray tears. “Just because you think it’s the right thing to do doesn’t mean it is.”

“You’re going to make this about _you?_ ” you asked, incredulous. “I’m the one who was almost killed by the Dark Lord. I’m the one who was forced to go into hiding in a magical disguise. I’m the one who had to sit here listening to you guys talk about me. The only semblance of my former life that I was allowed to retain was my spot in Slytherin House. Draco wanted me to be put in fucking Hufflepuff, Juniper.”

“Ah, yes, because being in a different House means you suddenly mean nothing at all anymore,” Juniper spat sarcastically. “I don’t even want to look at you right now, y/n. Move, I have to get to class.”

You were so stunned at how blunt Juniper was being that you did move, you let her leave the room in a swish of green-trimmed robes. You had hoped the reveal of your secret would’ve gone better than that. Instead, you felt like you’d just lost your best friend.

You didn’t know how to do the spells to disguise yourself that Draco and his mother knew how to do, so you simply pulled your hood up and hurried down to the Common Room, where you ran right into Draco.

“Y/N!” he said quickly. “You left so quickly I couldn’t re-disguise you. What happened??”

You moved backwards, out of his reach as you kept your hood covering most of your face. “Juniper knows,” you said quietly, and even though you weren’t looking at his face, you could see the rest of him tense.

“Who else?” he said, his voice low.

“Nobody that I know of,” you admitted, finally pulling your hood down. “But Juniper wasn’t happy. I’m not sure I can trust her to not tell people right now.”

Draco pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing an exasperated sigh out through his nostrils. “This is not going to be helpful, especially with what my mother told me this week,” he said quietly. Your heart rate spiked once more, and you weren’t sure you wanted the answer, but you asked anyway. “What did your mother want you to tell me?”

He sighed heavily again, his eyes flitting back and forth across the Common Room. You weren’t sure why he was doing that. You’d hear anyone coming from the dormitories, and you’d certainly hear the door to the dungeons opening if someone were to come inside. 

“I guess the Dark Lord’s on the move,” he said quietly, refusing to meet your eyes. “He’s hunting down Potter, but my mother says he’s starting to get suspicious about your death. My mother’s obviously made up a ton of excuses to get out of showing him a body, and he might be a little slow sometimes, but he really isn’t stupid. My mother has told me to expect to get questioned any day now…”

You froze. This meant you would have to Obliviate Draco.

“B-but, that means—”

“I know what it means, y/n!” Draco snapped. “I was there when you made the Vow. You will either have to Obliviate me, or I will have to avoid you so you _can’t,_ and you’ll have to escape the castle and go back to that house we were in before term started.”

“Won’t I _die_ if I don’t Obliviate you?” you asked, fighting the urge to fold your arms in annoyance. Leave it to Draco to try and find a way out of having to do something.

Draco shook his head. “Not if I’m the one who’s made it impossible for you to do so,” he responded, shoving his hands in his pockets. “If you did your best, but I’m the one who evaded you and made your mission fail, it will still count at the most basic of levels. You’ll be fine.”

You wanted to smile, but with everything else going on, it was hard to even force it. “You actually paid attention in Defense Against the Dark Arts,” you teased, and Draco rolled his eyes.

“Just be on the lookout,” he said, clearly not in the mood for anything lighthearted. “And by the way, I wasn’t able to get the memory charm to work on Gordon, either. I know I shattered his main Shield and all, but he did something else to protect himself that I couldn’t figure out. I heard someone coming up the stairs so I hid and escaped while they were busy with Gordon.”

“He’s probably in the infirmary though, so he shouldn’t be a problem right now,” you offered, trying to be helpful to Draco’s mood. But your white-haired boyfriend shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. Juniper knows now, too. It might be best if you stayed in the dorms today.”

You sighed heavily, but nodded. If Juniper saw you out and about as Ravena again, it certainly wouldn’t help. And knowing Juniper, she’d go straight to Silver and Marin, so they probably wouldn’t be very willing to speak to you either.

Draco reached out before you could turn around, however, and pulled you tightly into his chest. “Please be careful,” he begged, his voice barely above a whisper so that only you could hear him. “I won’t be able to go on if I lose you again.”

You buried your face in his chest, trying your best to ward off the tears you felt stinging the back of your eyes. You didn’t know if you’d see him again after today, and that thought shattered you.

“I love you,” you mumbled before he pulled away.

He looked into your eyes, and you could see how glossy his own, steely-grey eyes had become. “I love you,” he said quietly, and your tears came full-force. He’d only said that to you three times, and now you didn’t know if you’d ever hear it again.

“ _Go,_ ” he urged, pushing you gently in the direction of the dormitories. “I’ll send word if you end up needing to escape. Keep a lookout for my owl.”

“But I _have_ to Obliviate you, Draco, what if he kills you??” you begged, your voice breaking. 

“To live without you would be a fate worse than whatever I could suffer in Voldemort’s clutches,” Draco said, his face devoid of emotion. “You can tell my mother it’s my fault. I refuse to let you take yourself away from me.”

He turned and nearly sprinted out of the Common Room before you could respond. You scrubbed hurriedly at your eyes and face, trying to get rid of the tear tracks that had streaked your face. Those were the most meaningful words he’d ever said to you, and now you knew they could be the last. 

You hated to think of anything about it. What if you lost him? You didn’t know how you’d go on either. As much as you hated to admit it, you didn’t want to live in a world without Draco Malfoy. 

It surprised you, really. How much you’d hated him at the beginning of your Hogwarts tenure, and how much you’d be willing to give up to keep him alive and with you now.

You didn’t let yourself dwell on anything any longer. You couldn’t. You were on the edge of breaking as it was, you couldn’t keep thinking about it.

And so you turned and ran back to the dormitories, completely unaware of the hell that was about to break loose.

\------------

The minutes spent in your dorm turned to hours, and they seemed to crawl by. The hands on the clock moved so slowly you felt like they might as well be going backwards. 

You’d taken to pacing around the room, unable to sit still due to your own nerves, and you looked out the window nearly every five minutes. Any sign of movement sent you either racing to the window or diving under your bed. You were terrified of what could happen. 

Juniper returned to the room unexpectedly early, though, just around 4:30, when is when the last classes of the day would be getting out. You jumped when she entered the room. She shut the door harder than she normally would, and went straight to her desk without a word.

“Juniper?” you asked quietly. Your red-headed roommate didn’t verbally respond, but she put her quill down and turned towards you.

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” you said, your voice small. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. But I had to hide. I couldn’t lose Draco—and I never would’ve forgiven myself if Voldemort killed Draco’s mother and it was my fault.”

“What about _me?_ ” Juniper asked, her voice breaking. “I’m your best friend, why don’t _I_ fit into this equation?”

“Juniper, you’re my best friend, and that’s why you _couldn’t,_ ” you said, your tone pleading her to understand. “I did what I did so Voldemort wouldn’t be able to get into your memories and find out I wasn’t dead. You know as well as I do that he would kill you in a heartbeat if he thought you were standing in his way.”

Juniper sighed, and you could see the tears in her eyes.

“June,” you started, watching her eyes snap to yours at the sound of your old nickname for her, “I don’t want to break this news to you on top of everything else that’s happened today, but I have to. I don’t know if I’ll see you after today. Once everyone realizes that I’m y/n and that I’m not dead, I’m going to have to go on the run if I want to avoid _actually_ getting killed this time. But I can’t leave if you’re mad at me. I need to know that we’re going to be okay.”

Juniper’s tears began streaming down her face as she launched herself from her chair and into your arms. An ugly sob released from her throat, and you held her tightly as she cried in your arms.

“I just got you back,” she choked out. “I can’t lose you again.”

You held her tighter. “You aren’t losing me,” you assured her, though you weren’t certain that was true. “I just have to go hide for a while.”

Juniper pulled herself from your grip, her red-rimmed eyes staring directly into yours. “Then I’m coming with you,” she said decidedly. 

“What? No,” you said almost instantly. “I can’t put you in danger like that.”

“I didn’t ask, y/n,” she responded curtly. “Safety in numbers, you know? Besides, You-Know-Who doesn’t know _me_ from a house elf.”

She opened her wardrobe, raising her wand.

“Let’s pack.”

\----------------------

The owl came just a few moments after you and Juniper had shrunk your belongings, stuffed them into backpacks, sealed the backpacks, and shoved them under your beds. You had to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice.

You felt a strange sense of déjà vu at the whole situation. You thought back to the summertime and the entirety of your journey with Draco to get the Elder Wand. This was sort of like that, only the stakes were much higher this time around.

When you saw the owl outside your window, you scrambled to open it, and the tawny bird dropped the envelope through the opening and took back off, barely even landing on the windowsill.

You grabbed the envelope out of the air before it hit the ground. The handwriting on the envelope was still unmistakably Draco’s, but you could tell by how messy it was that he’d written it in an awful hurry.

Your real name was scrawled on the envelope, which felt weird—you’d been Ravena for so long, you barely knew “y/n” anymore.

You shook yourself out of your thoughts as you tore the envelope open. You didn’t have the time to dwell on much of anything at that moment.

_Y/N,_ the small note read,

_The Carrows know. Gordon must’ve been overheard talking about you and me. They used the Cruciatus Curse to get the rest of the information out of him. I should’ve tried harder to Obliviate that sack of shit._

_But I can’t focus on that right now. If they haven’t already told him, there’s no doubt that Voldemort will know you’re alive and where you are by the end of the day._

_I’ll apologize to my mother, but I won’t let you Obliviate me. I refuse to have my only memories of the love of my life taken away from me._

_I’ll see you when I see you, y/n._

_RUN._

_-D_

You didn’t even have time to feel warm and fuzzy about Draco calling you the love of his life. Your hands shook as you looked over at Juniper. Worry was evident on her face as she wrung her own hands.

“Well?” she asked, her voice wobbly.

You held up the paper in your still-trembling hands, and she set her mouth in a grim line.

“We have to go, don’t we?” she asked, her shoulders slumping when you nodded.

“Let’s get our brooms, then,” she said, pulling on her backpack and straightening her shoulders as she looked out the window.

“We’ve got to get you out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's picking back up! i'm glad to not have to write fillers for a little bit. they're good once in a while but if it's all i'm writing i get stuck in a slump.
> 
> also, you guys were quick to figure out what i was referencing in the last chapter! y/n didn't quite think that one through, did she?
> 
> anyway, thanks for still enjoying this work! i might not make it to eighty chapters, i don't want to drag it on for too long. so we'll evaluate at chapter sixty where we are.
> 
> thanks so much for enjoying the story! keep leaving comments and kudos, they always make my day.
> 
> see you soon! <3


	52. on the run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you and juniper escape hogwarts, and have to crack out a plan.

You and Juniper sprinted to the Quidditch field. Juniper didn’t play Quidditch, but she still had a broom. Arlie had bought it for her the first year that your grade could have brooms on school grounds, and he’d done it so they could take broom rides together, much like you and Draco had done on more than one occasion.

You could tell that’s what Juniper was thinking about as the two of you boarded your brooms, backpacks on your backs and wands in your boots.

“Don’t think about it, June,” you said gently as the two of you kicked off the ground. “We’ll be back before you know it.”

The red-headed Slytherin girl wiped her eyes with her sleeve, nodded at you once, and you took to the skies.

It was bitterly cold—you were glad you had bundled up. November was not an ideal month to be running away from a murderous Dark Lord.

You didn’t know where you were headed, but Juniper seemed to have an idea. You struggled to stay on her tail as she zipped through the clouds—over forests, around lakes, through the air as she sun began its descent—even though you’d only been in the sky for a couple of hours at most. 

Finally, Juniper took a dive towards the ground, and you followed closely behind. You could already feel the windburn on your face, and you were looking forward to putting healing potion on it.

Your fiery-haired roommate landed firmly on the porch of a nice house, one you could tell just by looking in the windows that it was empty. You could see furniture, but no people.

“Where are we?” you asked as Juniper tapped her wand twice on the doorknob before turning it and walking right in.

“It’s my grandparents’ old home,” Juniper explained, flicking her wand to lower the blinds and relock windows and doors. “My dad was an only child, and then I was my dad’s only kid, so they left me the house when they passed. It’s not much, but at least we won’t have to camp outside in the middle of November.”

You set your bag down on the hardwood floor of the foyer. Walking farther into the house, you fought back tears as you watched Juniper running around, casting different spells to clean up the place a bit more.

In another lifetime, you supposed, you and your friend group could’ve spent time out here over summer breaks. Maybe with Draco, even.

But instead, you were at war. And you, specifically, were in hiding to keep yourself alive (as well as two-thirds of the Malfoy family).

Juniper charmed your bag just then, shaking you out of your thoughts. You watched it float down the hall and into a room. Following the levitating backpack, you found yourself in a small but cozy-looking room. The walls were a soft yellow, and the double bed had a nicely-paired blue quilt spread across it.

“Do all the rooms have a double bed?” you asked Juniper upon your return to the living room.

“No,” she said plainly. “Just yours.”

“Why’d I get the only double bed?” you asked then, although you were fairly sure you already knew the answer.

“Malfoy will find you sooner or later,” Juniper replied, confirming your suspicions behind her reasoning for giving you the biggest bed. “He’ll need a place to sleep, too.”

You sighed heavily. The thought of Draco hurt at this point, but you couldn’t talk about it. You didn’t know when or if you’d ever see him again, and that was enough to bring you to your knees.

“Fuck, y/n, I still can’t believe you’re _actually alive,_ ” Juniper said then, bringing you back to reality.

“Do Marin and Silver know about it?” you asked.

Juniper shook her head. “I didn’t tell them,” she said, looking down at her hands. “I was _really_ mad at you, but I still didn’t want to risk getting you killed for real.”

Then she paused. “Well, they probably know _now,_ ” she admitted. “Since the news made its way through the whole school.”

She gave you a quizzical look just then, and opened her mouth to speak again. “There’s no _fucking_ way Malfoy would’ve let that secret out,” she said thoughtfully. “Who else knew? Or found out, I guess.”

“Gordon Buckling,” you admitted. You cringed just at the mention of his name. You hadn’t wanted to let your massive, Ravenclaw-shaped mistake out of the vault in your mind you’d locked him in.

“Oh right!” Juniper burst out. “You _dated_ him! Well, as Ravena, anyway.”

“Yeah,” you breathed, running a hand over your hair. “That…was for coverup purposes. Draco wanted me to ‘blend in’. But Gordon got suspicious because I wanted to take things a lot slower than he did, and he started getting mad and picking fights and accusing me of cheating. He ended up catching Draco and me together— _after_ Draco had already removed my Ravena disguise.”

Juniper let out a low whistle. “ _Shit._ How did Malfoy handle that whole thing?” she asked. “I mean, with you dating someone else. Even if it was fake.”

“Not well,” you responded, with a halfhearted chuckle. “He sort of avoided us at all costs. I barely saw him even on the weekends during that whole debacle.”

Juniper laughed. “Sounds like Malfoy,” she agreed.

You’d forgotten that people tended to refer to your Slytherin Prince by his last name. You’d gotten so used to calling him Draco—you couldn’t even remember the last time you’d spoken his last name out loud. It was a weird feeling.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Juniper asked after a few beats of silence. “Like, we got out of Hogwarts, you’re safe and all, but what’s the next step? Do we just hunker down and hope shit blows over?”

You weren’t entirely sure, but you had an inkling of an idea. “I think we should find Harry and Ron and Hermione,” you said slowly, watching as Juniper’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head.

“ _How??_ ” she asked incredulously. “Nobody knows where they are, y/n. They’ve been out on their own for _months._ They weren’t even on the Hogwarts Express back in September. They never made it back to school. For all we know, they’re dead by now.”

You shook your head. “We would know if Harry Potter was dead,” you insisted, and Juniper nodded in agreement. “That’s true,” she admitted. “You-Know-Who would not have been able to keep that one quiet.”

“Besides, I’m hoping there’s some sort of clairvoyancy potion I can brew from my Apothecary book,” you continued, running back to your new bedroom. You dug around in your bag for what felt like hours before finding it—you sort of regretted shoving so much magically-shrunken stuff in here, you could barely find anything.

You flipped through the pages of the thick, leather-bound book, looking for anything that would be useful. You did find a couple of locator brews, but you had to have a possession that belonged to the person you wanted to find. The only thing you’d ever had that had ever belonged to Harry, Ron, or Hermione was the Invisibility Cloak, and you had returned that to your Gryffindor friend almost a year prior.

You sat on the bed for almost an hour, just looking for anything even remotely promising from the book, but you were beginning to lose hope.

Finally, just as you were beginning to give up, you found it: _Draughtus Praevisionis:_ the Draught of Clairvoyance.

A thought struck you as you excitedly took it to Juniper, who had taken to nestling herself in the window seat in the kitchen.

“Why hasn’t Voldemort brewed this to find Harry?” you asked as Juniper looked over the list of ingredients written in your book.

“Two reasons,” Juniper stated, as if she’d known them her entire life. “One, he’s way too determined to kill Harry himself. There’s no way he’d get over his pride long enough to let someone else brew this potion and find the Boy who Lived.”

You gave her a rather confused look; that hadn’t answered your question at all.

“That’s why we’re lucky, though,” Juniper followed up, setting your book back down on the kitchen counter. 

“Because Tom Riddle was positively _rubbish_ when it came to Potions.”

\---------------

A few hours later, you and Juniper had figured out a plan to get the Draught of Clairvoyance brewed up and ready to go. It was going to take an entire week to get brewed and be ready for consumption, and Juniper was about to leave to buy ingredients.

She shook the palmful of Galleons that you’d given her in her hand, listening to the gold coins jingle softly in her grasp. “You know, in a normal world, I’d be headed out to spend way too much money at Zonko’s,” she breathed, and even without making eye contact with her, you could tell her eyes were getting glassy.

But she cleared her throat and shoved the galleons in her pocket, refusing to make eye contact with you. “Okay,” she said quickly, clearing her throat once more. “Remember: don’t answer the door for anyone but me. Not even Malfoy. We can’t trust that it’s really him until we send an owl with the password. And what’s the password?”

“Sumus ad bellum,” you recited. “We’re at war.”

“Very good,” Juniper said with a bright smile, one you could tell was blatantly fake. “I’m gonna come back with groceries too, so we can cook dinner once I’m back. I’m sure you’re hungry, I’m famished.”

You nodded as your stomach growled loudly—it had been a while since your last meal.

“I’m going to send the owl while you’re away,” you told her, and she nodded. “Just like you said, though,” you hurried out, watching her facial expression relax a bit. “The password, and my initial.”

Juniper nodded as she opened the door. “And I’m bewitching the door. It won’t unlock to Alohamora or anything but our password,” she said firmly as she stepped outside. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

She pulled up her cloak, ran a hand over her face, and you watched, shocked as her face transformed into the face a woman thrice her age. She shot you a smile flanked by wrinkled cheeks, and turned to walk away.

You turned back to the dining room table, and a mischievous smile found its way onto your face as you raised your own wand. 

“Let’s practice a bit,” you said aloud, flicking your wand and watching your backpack fly towards you.

“I’m probably rusty anyway.”

\----------------

By the time Juniper returned, you were just about to put finishing touches on a practice batch of Felix Felicis. You’d garnered a good collection of potion ingredients during your time at Hogwarts. It wasn’t nearly as substantial as Severus Snape’s, to be sure, but it was enough to brew a few quick batches of inconsequential potions, so long as they weren’t poisonous or against school rules (though that hadn’t stopped you before, what with the Veritaserum you’d used on Harry Potter just the year before).

You cracked the door open, seeing the same old woman’s face that you’d watched appear a few hours prior. Her hand waved over it again, and the roommate you recognized reappeared.

“What’s the password?” you asked.

“Sumus ad bellum,” she responded. 

“And what color was your hair in third year?” 

“Lime green,” she said with a grin, and you opened the door more fully to let her in.

She looked in your cauldron as she entered the dining room. “Ooh, Felix Felicis,” she said with a grin.

“Yeah, I was thinking if I can get a perfect batch, I can use both that and the clairvoyance one to help us find Harry,” you explained.

“This is why you’re the brains of the operation, y/n,” Juniper stated, setting her bags down on the table. “I managed to get everything,” she continued. “We should have around a week’s worth of groceries here. I know the potion will take a week, and I didn’t want to overstock in the event that stuff went to waste once we left. So if we’re still here in a week, I’ll go out again.”

You nodded. “Good idea.”

You paid no attention to the rest of the world as Juniper cooked dinner and you tested out your practice batch of liquid luck. But your mind kept wandering, as it always did these days, and you couldn’t help but feel anxious about the inevitability of the upcoming days.

The war was approaching. And you had a very limited amount of time to rally your own tiny troop to fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy FUCK i'm sorry i disappeared for so long. this semester has been hell in a handbasket and i've never wanted to drop out so violently before.
> 
> i know that this too shall pass but DAMN bros i'm impatient.
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy this chapter. thanks for putting up with long waits and the fact that i really dropped off. this used to be an update-every-day type deal, and i miss the days where i had motivation.
> 
> we're beginning to wrap up though! and i hope you enjoy this chapter. it was a bit of a doozy to write cuz i had no idea where i was going with it for a while. but now i do. so we're back up and running :)
> 
> (also, i can't remember if canon tom riddle is good at potions or not. it's been a while since i read the books. so if he's good at potions in canon he is _not_ good at them in this story. thank u!)
> 
> see you soon! <3


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